Sunday, 22 May 2016

Dream 636

'Next to Me, or In-Between?'
Date: 22 May 2016
Time: 11:00 - 16:50 (I woke up from this dream - naturally)
Type of dream: Dream scene fragment - normal/non-lucid
Dream recall: Moderate recall

Scene 1: A Domestic Interior (Location Unknown) - Time Unknown
I cannot recall much about this dream. There was some action at the start, which I have forgotten, but I ended up sitting on a desk, with MR (a boy from my hometown/school, who I have not seen since I was a teenager - although I believe he is on my Facebook, but doesn't really post much). MR was going to have sex with me. The idea didn't repulse me in the dream, although I would not be sexually attracted to him in waking reality. However, before the sex could take place, something interrupted us (I cannot recall what it was). 

I ended up walking into a bedroom, which resembled my bedroom in my former childhood home in Pine Grove, Sheringham. There was a double-bed underneath the window, and my cousin, HM was sitting in the bed, either writing or reading something. MR also entered the room and suggested that we all sit in the bed together. I felt resentful towards HM for being there, and asked MR: 'Do you want to sit next to me, or in-between us both?' MR said that he would prefer to sit next to me, which made me feel happier. 

There was another part of the dream involving my aunt, VF - HM's mum. I cannot recall what happened. I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Extra Information: None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • My former childhood home at Pine Grove, Sheringham as a dreamscene location

Dreamsigns: None of note

Day Residue: 
  • The day of this dream I had been discussing HM (my other aunt, CJ and cousin CAJ were visiting her) with my Mum on the phone

Waking Reactions: None of note.

Dream 635

'Peach Outfit & Coke Cans'
Date: 21 May 2016
Time: 15:45 - 20:50 (I woke up from this dream - naturally)
Type of dream: Dream scene fragment - normal/non-lucid
Dream recall: Moderate recall

Scene 1: A Car Journey (Location Unknown) - Day
There was some parts of this dream which occurred before the scene in the car, but these are not recalled. Something led to me needing to be picked up by my Mum - and her friend/former colleague, AB. I thought I was outside my house in Norwich, but it transpired that we were in fact in a different location. It was a residential area, with some low concrete walls, and some trees. It was daylight, but the sky was grey. I was waiting outside a building (the one I had wrongly thought to be my house), and my Mum and AB pulled up in a light coloured car, AB driving. On a wall a short distance away was a Coke can. I got in the car, saying that I needed to pick up the Coke can from the wall as we drove by. My Mum had the front passenger side window open and said that I would need to reach out and grab the can as we drove past. I wondered why I could not get out of the car to get it, but it seemed that we were in a rush. As we drove past the wall with the can on it, AB sped up so that we were driving too fast for me to reach out and get the can. My Mum asked me why I had not tried to do it when I had the chance. 

Scene 2: A Clothes Shop (Location Unknown) - Day
I was with my Mum in a shop - at first I thought it was a book shop, but then realised it was actually a clothing shop, which sold some secondhand clothing at thrift shop prices. The shop seemed familiar. I was looking at an outfit which was a matching blouse and skirt in a peach fabric, which was similar to chiffon - light and transparent. I thought this outfit would be quite cheap, but was shocked when my Mum said that it was too expensive. I was looking for other clothes within a reasonable price range, but I really wanted the peach outfit. 

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Extra Information: None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 
None of note

Dreamsigns: None of note

Day Residue: 
  • The day of this dream I had been discussing money with my Mum on the phone

Waking Reactions: None of note.

Friday, 20 May 2016

Dream 634

'Ceraphim'
Date: 19 May 2016
Time: 21:00 - 02:30 (I woke up from this dream - naturally)
Type of dream: Dream scene fragment - normal/non-lucid
Dream recall: Minimal recall - very weak

Scene 1: Unknown
All I could see was fizzy or bubbly amber liquid - like beer. It filled my entire field of vision. There was a 'new rule' that all writing or speech had to 'have the sex removed from it'. This meant that we could no longer use male or female names. I had written an article about Michael Cera, but someone (the person in charge/with power) had changed his name to 'seraphim' (or 'ceraphim') so my article no longer made sense, which frustrated me.

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Extra Information: None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 
None of note

Dreamsigns: 
  • The entire dream fragment was a dreamsign

Day Residue: 
  • A couple of days before this dream DL and I had been discussing the idea (proposed by various left wing groups) that we should only ever use the singular 'they' as a pronoun so as to avoid making gender distinctions (implied by 'he' and 'she')
  • The day before this dream I had been watching a video lecture on Sylvia Plath. The professor discussed Ariel (1965) and the fact that Plath had been influenced by Shakespeare's character of Ariel in The Tempest, who has been interpreted as genderless. I think Ariel is possibly the most inspirational collection of poetry ever published
  • In the lecture on Plath, the professor discussed the controversial editing of Ariel by Plath's estranged husband, Ted Hughes (after her suicide) - he changed the order of her original manuscript and omitted some of the poems she had collected
  • In The Tempest, there is a character called Ceres - the day before this dream I had been looking for an online documentary about the dwarf-planet, Ceres

Waking Reactions: None of note - until I remembered some potential day residue, which allowed me to think more deeply about a possible interpretation for this dream which gave it a more multi-layered complex meaning.

Dream 633

'Razor Cut'
Date: 19 May 2016
Time: 06:30 - 14:30 (I woke up from this dream - naturally)
Type of dream: Normal/non-lucid
Dream recall: Moderate recall of a vivid dream

Scene 1: A Leisure Centre (Location Unknown) - Day
I was in a leisure centre with a number of dream characters, some of whom were known to me (from high school in Sheringham) and some of whom were dream character friends. I saw a huge swimming pool which was part of the leisure centre. In the pool was a child of around 1 - 2 years old, wearing armbands, but looking like he might drown, This child was black, with Afro hair. His armbands were red. Someone told me - or I knew - that the child's mother was a young woman called 'Yeti', who I perceived to be a small, SE Asian woman who has been my friend on Facebook, then deleted me (in the dream, not based on real life people/events). In my mind'e eye, 'Yeti' looked like  Russian doll - and was a bad mother. I decided to get into the water and 'save' the child from drowning. I got into the water and held onto both of the child's arms to steady him. He said to me: 'Don't let me go!'

I went to the foyer of the leisure centre, which looked very familiar to somewhere I have been in real life - like the waiting area of a takeaway - perhaps the former Chinese Takeaway 'Peking' when my ex-boyfriend, HL used to work behind the counter). The lights were very bright here, and through the large windows, I could see it was nigh outside. My ex-boyfriend, SL ran in. He was very obviously drunk as he was unsteady on his feet and laughing. SL was shaving off his eyebrows. I grabbed hold of the hand which had the razor in it, and tried to take it away. As we struggled from the razor, we ended up outside the leisure centre, in the dark street. SL twisted his hand and managed to cause me to cut my palm - just where my palm meets my fingers. I looked at the cut, which seemed to be immediately partially healed. I said to SL: 'You cut me on the razor' but SL was too drunk to care.

I cannot remember what else happened in this dream.

Extra Information: None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: None of note

Dreamsigns: None of note

Day Residue:
  • The day before this dream I had a passing thought of HL and the fact he is now a business owner of a local takeaway called 'East'

Waking Reactions: 
I did not have any particular reactions to this dream.

Wednesday, 18 May 2016

Dream 632

'Contest'
Date: 18 May 2016
Time: 03:30 - 11:10 (I woke up from this dream - noise from downstairs)
Type of dream: Normal/non-lucid
Dream recall: Weak 

Scene 1: Location Unknown - Time Unknown
I was with a dream character, who had set some kind of contest. I think the contest was to take place in a seaside location. Dream imagery consisted of cloud-like objects and everything being a hazy, pastel-pink colour at one point in the dream. I felt like I was inferior, or not good enough for this contest.

I heard someone (unseen - it seemed they were some distance away) say: 'She was smoking a spliff made of money'. I saw an image of a cannabis joint rolled from banknotes, which resembled black and white newspaper - the image was almost like a cartoon, and the joint was huge, and cone-shaped. There was reference - or a visit - to a hotel and also something to do with food or food production.


I was at some point looking at a screen and I received a (Facebook) personal message notification from RBA. I went to click on the notification icon, but was taken to a website which was about childbirth and parenting - there were a number of thumbnails of women's faces - all taken in dark rooms, or at night - the backgrounds were always blue or black and the women had either very white or very pink skin. I couldn't work out how to close this website, or move back to my Facebook page. A (male) dream character behind me said: 'No, that's what's shared with you' - I didn't understand what he meant. I wondered if he meant that other people have uploaded the thumbnail images onto my phone/computer (I am not sure what type of screen I was looking at) without me knowing. 

I saw one of my Facebook friends, RD, who I have not met in real life. He was working as some kind of nightclub boss or pimp - I was in the office he used in his workplace, which was decorated like a mid-2000s, cheap and tacky nightclub, with blue leather. He was sitting at a desk, and some women - wearing nightclub-style clothing - were in the room too. I thought RD looked strange and awkward and got the sense that he was pretending to be more of a businessman than he actually was. There was something very 'cheesy' or 'false' about this whole scene. RD said something to me like: 'You can stay here too' or 'You can join me too' - the implication being that I could work in the nightclub which he was managing. I looked down and noticed he was wearing some really ugly shoes - they were black leather and very long, like clown shoes. This really put me off him, and after seeing these shoes I wanted to leave immediately. 

Extra Information: None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 
  • Food/cooking

Dreamsigns
  • Much of this dream was nonsensical 

Day Residue:
  • The day before this dream I had been writing poetry for online poetry contests
  • The day before this dream I had been watching Sugar Rush - there is a scene where the 2 main characters are sitting on the pier in Brighton, smoking a ridiculously large joint
  • The day before this dream I had read Seth Rogen's tips for rolling the best joint - I had been laughing at how small his joint was, and commented to a friend (online) that I roll my own twice as big, due to my long-standing habit, which had resulted in a high tolerance level
  • The day before this dream, I had told DL about a photograph of T.I which I had seen online - T.I. had been wearing some very ugly shoes. DL and I also discussed a status written by a mutual online friend (also a mutual friend of RD), who had criticised the current hip hop fashion trends, even though we (DL and I) had seen nothing wrong with the clothing in the photograph

Waking Reactions: 
This was actually a very long dream when I experienced it from within the dream, but my recall is very poor due to being awoken suddenly by noise downstairs in my house, which distracted me from having good dream recall when I woke up. I do recall that there was something - and element of the dream, a theme, or a entire dream scene which really unsettled me when I first woke up. There was something really disturbing about it, but I cannot recall what it was, and none of the recalled material seems especially troubling. 

Dream 631

'Vegan Dinner Party'
Date: 18 May 2016
Time: 04:30 - 10:15 (I woke up from this dream - naturally)
Type of dream: Normal/non-lucid
Dream recall: Strong recall of vivid dream

Scene 1: Farmer's Market, Norwich - Day
I was with a group of dream characters, who I vaguely knew in the dream (they were acquaintances, but not known well to me). These dream characters were all vegan and wanted to host a dinner party in my house in Norwich. I was worried that there were too many of them - there were maybe 30 people in the group. They were all hipster or hippy types. We were at an indoor farmer's market to buy produce for the dinner party. The farmer's market was filled with baskets and shelves of fresh fruit and vegetables - the range was huge and everything looked really delicious. We were all putting produce in our shopping baskets, and browsing. I could not decide what I should make for my dish. I went to some shelves where there were smoked garlics and rings of chorizo sausage. I chose these items. One male dream character approached me and said: 'No, it's got to be vegan'. I decided not to listen to him. 

I then saw myself in third-person perspective in the kitchen in my former childhood home in Pine Grove, Sheringham, preparing a dish which involved salmon and vegetables. 

I then found that one of my friends - I think it was DL - was was present. I was telling him that I didn't want the vegan dinner party to take place at my (Norwich) home, I wanted privacy and for us to have the place to ourselves. I wondered how I could cancel the vegan dinner party and make everyone leave.

Scene 2: A Bedroom (Location Unknown) - Time Unknown
I am in a very narrow bedroom, which had 2 beds facing each other, with a small gap in the middle of them. Everything about the room seemed blue - the bed linen and the quality of the light. My stepbrother (estranged from our family) was sitting on one bed, and me on the other. He was telling me that 'Nobody wants us to be in a relationship' and the indication was that we were starting to be in some kind of romantic/sexual relationship which no-one approved of, because of the familial connection. I thought that I wanted to end the relationship before it even started - I felt uncomfortable about the situation and was not attracted to my stepbrother, but it felt like he had made the decision for me and I could not change my mind. These thoughts were not spoken, but were in my mind. I moved down the end of the bed I was sitting on, which brought me closer to my stepbrother, who was sitting at the end of his bed. I found that there was a poetry book at the end of my bed, and I opened it, onto the contents page. I noticed that one of the poems was called 'I Put You' and this was supposed to mean 'I Love You'. I noticed that all the words in the sentence were spelled correctly, but was confused as to why the word 'put' was being used instead of the word 'love' as this made the poem title meaningless. I spent some time thinking about this.

Extra Information: None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 
  • My former childhood home in Pine Grove, Sheringham
  • 'Incest' with a family member

Dreamsigns
  • I saw myself in third-person perspective
  • My step-brother and I were supposed to be in a relationship

Day Residue:
  • The day before this dream I had watched a parody video (posted on Facebook) which was called 'If Meat Eaters Acted Like Vegans'
  • The day before this dream I had an online conversation with someone about how I eat vegan/vegetarian foods for over half of the week. I also listed the very few pork-based meat products I actually eat - chorizo was one of them
  • A few days before this dream I noticed a Facebook advert for people in my local area to apply for Come Dine with Me - I would like to enter this TV dinner party contest, but it would not be possible in my current house
  • The day before this dream, my neighbours/colleagues and I had been discussing the forthcoming inconvenience of having to move into temporary accommodation while renovation works take place in our current homes
  • The day before this dream, a member of the Sims 3 page on Facebook asked which mod she would need to enable her Sims to have incestuous relationships. I advised her which mod would allow this, but expressed surprise at her decision to play the game in this way - this may have influenced the second dream scene where I was supposedly in an 'incestuous' relationship with my stepbrother - although, technically, this is not incest, as we are not related by blood
  • The day before this dream I had been discussing my family with a friend on Facebook
  • The day before this dream I had been writing poetry for online poetry contests

Waking Reactions: 
I didn't enjoy the themes of this dream, but I did like the fact that this dream was very vivid and that I could actually read clearly in the dream, which is often impossible. I noticed that although words were used out of context, meaning that the text I read was meaningless, the spelling was normal, and I was able to notice this.

Tuesday, 17 May 2016

Dream 630

'My Mum's Electricity Problems'
Date: 16 May 2016
Time: 18:30 - 20:40 (I woke up from this dream - naturally)
Type of dream: Normal/non-lucid
Dream recall: Strong recall of vivid dream

Scene 1: Outside the Music Block, Next to my House (Norwich) - Day
I was outside the Music Block, which is next to my house in Norwich. I was sitting on the grass and it was a sunny day. I was using a laptop to surf the internet and comment on various forms of social media. In particular, I decided to comment on a video or status update by one of my favourite Youtubers, 'Grav3yardgirl' (Bunny Meyer). The comment was about dom/sub relationships, and soon a couple of other online viewers of Bunny's video/readers of her status (I am not sure which) had started challenging my views. Bunny then commented in response to me saying: 'You've stereotyped dom/sub relationships in a mainstream way'. 

I then walked into my kitchen and looked in my cupboard, where I discovered (I felt like I was 'remembering') that I had a pack of 3 bell peppers - red, yellow and green (I did not have these in real life, but when I woke up, I was confused and believed that in reality, I might actually have a pack of bell peppers!)

I then walked outside my house where all my colleagues were gathered. I noticed that one of my former friends and colleagues, AK (who stopped talking to me and deleted me from Facebook because his jealous girlfriend was insecure about our platonic friendship) was standing on the raised pavement (our houses are in set down a short distance from road level, with a narrow path between the houses and the steps up to the pavement) just in front of one of my neighbour's houses. He was wearing a red scarf around his neck. I ignored him, but wondered why he was here, as he no longer worked with us, and had moved away.

It turned out that my friend, SC was leaving - having quit his job (he will leave the job in a few months). We were all gathered to wish him farewell. I approached SC - and he went to hug me to say 'goodbye', but pulled back, knowing I dislike hugs (being a non-tactile person who lives to maintain personal space, as all of my friends are aware). I said: 'No, it's OK' and gave him a long hug. 

Scene 2: My Bedroom at my Nan's House, Sheringham - Evening
I was laying on my bed in my bedroom in my Nan's house, with my Mum. My Mum seemed much younger than she is (so in her 30s or so). She was acting differently, but I could not put my finger on what was odd about her. She just didn't seem like my Mum, but rather a stranger to me, even though in the dream I knew she was my Mum. I turned to the side and saw a holographic projection of a warrior princess - like CGI graphics or computer-game imagery just floating in the air beside the bed. The female character was wearing some form of leather clothing, with buckles, and her hands were clasped together in the prayer position at waist level. She had kitana swords in a sword holder on her back. Her skin was white, and her hair was long and black. The image was flickery. I knew it was simply a holographic projection, not really there and perceived the image to be related to a computer game while I was in the dream. There was further conversation with my Mum, and we were laying face-to-face hugging each other. I thought: 'I hope this isn't considered incest...' despite their being no sexual implications. 

We went downstairs, which happened to be the downstairs of my former childhood home in Pine Grove, Sheringham. There were other dream characters present, but I am not sure who they were. They told my Mum that she had 'forgotten to top up the electricity card' and advised her to go to the shop to buy some credit for the meter (we used to have an electricity meter/top-up card when we lived in this house, but my Mum usually sent me to the shop to put credit on it). My Mum was really angry and was acting even more strangely - I felt disconnected from her and thought she had negative feelings towards me. She was still the younger version of herself (probably the age she would have been when we lived in this house). She seemed hesitant to go to the shop to buy credit, and the other dream characters were trying to coerce her into going immediately, before the electricity ran out. There was some indication of a party going on in the other downstairs room (dining-room/kitchen) and I think my Mum wanted to stay for this party rather than go to the shop. There was some conversation/action which I cannot recall, but eventually my Mum left to buy the electricity. I was standing in the living-room, looking into the hallway through the open door. My Mum was standing at the front door, which was open. There was something which looked like a tin can in her hand.

Extra Information: None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: None of note

Dreamsigns
  • The conversation with Grav3yardgirl online
  • The video-game projection I saw in my bedroom at my Nan's house
  • The fact my Mum was much younger and acting oddly
  • The downstairs of my Nan's house was actually the downstairs of my former childhood home in Pine Grove, which is a short walk away

Day Residue:
  • The day of this dream (in the morning) I had been sitting outside the Music Block, where it is often most sunny/warm
  • The day of this dream I had been watching Grav3yardgirl videos on Youtube. Via the 'suggested videos' I then watched a video by another Youtuber - a goth guy who made 'response videos' to famous Youtubers. In his response to Grav3yardgirl, I was disappointed to note that a Youtuber who was in full goth makeup and a Native American headdress questioned how 'alternative' Bunny was based on her 'normal appearance'. I felt that this was unfair - just because she doesn't look like the stereotype of someone involved in a subculture is no reason to criticise her, given this goth was living up to every single goth stereotype, and therefore was no more 'alternative' in appearance than she is. I left him a comment remarking that someone so alternative and anti-mainstream as himself should not categorise people by outward appearance or superficial stereotypes of what an 'alternative person' should look like, given he probably received judgment and discrimination based on his own appearance, and in any event, was dressed in a very stereotypical way himself
  • The day of this dream, I commented on a video posted by a Facebook friend which depicted dom/sub (BDSM) relationships between men and women - the video showed women being led around an outside area on dog leads. The feminist page which shared the image had stated that this was 'degrading to women', which my friend and I disagreed with, as the women were clearly consenting to, and enjoying, the experience
  • The day before this dream - and in a separate online debate elsewhere on the internet 2 days before this dream - I had discussed 50 Shades of Grey (novel: 2011 & movie: 2015), a truly horrific and low quality novel series/movie which depicts a dom/sub (sado-masochistic) relationship 
  • The day of this dream, I had been standing outside mine/my neighbours' houses with my neighbours/colleagues, discussing how long we would be remaining in our homes (when we quit our welfare-based jobs with the university, our tenancies end)
  • The day of this dream I had been talking to my friend SS about his mum
  • The day of this dream my Mum messaged me to ask if I needed some money due to the fact I had not received my wages as the result of an admin error at my university
  • The day of this dream, a member of the Sims 3 page on Facebook asked which mod she would need to enable her Sims to have incestuous relationships. I advised her which mod would allow this, but expressed surprise at her decision to play the game in this way

Waking Reactions: 
This was a really interesting dream to have. There was a strong sense of dĂ©jĂ  vu in the part of the dream where my Mum had to go to the shop to buy electricity, but was angry about it. The aspect of this dream which I did not like was the altered relationship between my Mum and I - it felt like we were emotionally distant and that she did not really love me, which I know is not true. Her behaviour was subtly unsettling, although I cannot identify why.

Dream 629

'Hair Problems'
Date: 15 May 2016
Time: 06:00 - 12:30 (I woke up from this dream - naturally)
Type of dream: Dream scene fragment - normal/non-lucid
Dream recall: Minimal recall - very weak

Scene 1: Interior (Unrecalled/Unknown Location) - Time Unknown
Something related to men with different heights - one tall and another short. Both had dark hair.

I was then running my hands through my hair, and realised it was much thinner/finer than usual, indicating hair loss.

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Extra Information: None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 
  • Problems with my hair

Dreamsigns: None of note

Day Residue:

Waking Reactions: None of note.

Monday, 16 May 2016

Dream 628

'Turtles'
Date: 15 May 2016
Time: 15:00 - 21:20 (I woke up from this dream - naturally)
Type of dream: Normal/non-lucid
Dream recall: Strong recall of vivid dream

Scene 1: An Interior Scene (Location Unknown) - Time Unknown
I was in an interior scene with some other dream characters (unrecalled). I cannot recall anything about the location, as I was kneeling on the floor, which was white tiles. I had some turtles in a clear plastic tub. The turtles were really small - about the size of a hamster, and really vivid green and fat. The turtles kept trying to escape from the container, and I had to pick them up and put them back in, although I didn't want to touch them - they were slimy and felt horrible to touch. This scene was quite long - me trying to get the escaping turtles back into the container so that I could carry it somewhere else and then transfer them to a tank of water. The scene felt significant while I was dreaming it, but I cannot really describe anything else about it.

I then saw IM (my friend and colleagues) and another dream character. We were all sitting/kneeling down low. I decided to punch IM repeatedly in the face and top of the head for no reason - he was crying out in pain, but no-one tried to stop me. When I finished violently assaulting him, I wondered why I had done it and felt guilty.

Scene 2: An Outdoor Sports Stadium (Location Unknown) - Day
I was then sitting in the front row of an outside sports stadium - it was day. I am not sure what kind of sports we were watching. It was a very sunny day and the 'bleachers' (seating) was completely full of spectators. I had a book in my hands - I am not sure what kind of book it was. In the next seat was a female dream character (unknown - white with black hair) and as soon as I noticed her, the page of the book I was reading became a screen (which filled my field of vision) - it was grey and fuzzy, like static. The image of the female dream character kept sliding from right to left across the centre of the screen, with large black bar codes (horizontal) obscuring her. 

Scene 3: A Bathroom (Location Unknown) - Time Unknown
I was then in a bathroom with my Mum. My Mum was telling me that there was something wrong with the hair at the back/left of my head and she wanted to look at it. I did not want her to look. I then became anxious, because I could hear a buzzing noise in my ear, and was aware that a fly or insect had become trapped in my earhole. I was begging my Mum to take me to the doctor to get the fly removed, but my Mum wanted to do it herself, using a cotton-bud (Q-tip) or end of a biro. She kept prodding each object into my ear, but could not remove the insect, which was buzzing and moving, causing an itchy/tickly sensation which was really unpleasant. I started walking around the bathroom, feeling frustrated and annoyed.

Extra Information: None of  note

Recurrent Dream Themes:
  • A problem with my hair - and my Mum being present

Dreamsigns: 
  • I was violent towards my friend IM, for no reason
  • The scene in the sports stadium

Day Residue:
  • The day before this dream, I watched a CinemaSins Youtube video for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
  • The day of this dream I had been laughing about some 'fox' emojis I found on my Facebook messenger - Megan Fox is in the Teenager Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, playing April O'Neil
  • The day of this dream, I wrote a poem for an online poetry contest (theme: 'wild animals'), called 'The Cephalopod' - and described the gelatinous texture of octopus flesh and how I wanted to squeeze it between my hands
  • It was IM's birthday the day before this dream - I saw the notification on Facebook
  • The day of this dream I saw some photographs of Drake at a basketball stadium
  • The day of this dream I had a conversation about how difficult my hair is to care for and how my Mum used to spend a lot of time doing treatments on it (she used the the same treatments which you use on Afro hair, like oiling and combing with a wide-toothed 'Afro-comb')
  • I often watch pimple/cyst-popping and ear extraction videos on Youtube as I am fascinated by these (and wish I could do it on a willing 'victim'!) When I was younger, my Mum always used to play 'dermatologist' with any skin disorder I had happened to suffer from - she was quite good at it and used to pay me for the privilege!

Waking Reactions: 
This dream was really long - or at least it felt that way while I was experiencing it. I really enjoyed this dream, even though none of the scene were particularly fun or pleasant!

Saturday, 14 May 2016

Dream 627

'Face Swap'
Date: 12 May 2016
Time: 05:50 - 13:15 (I woke up from this dream - Facebook Message notification from RBA)
Type of dream: Dream scene fragment - normal/non-lucid
Dream recall: Minimal recall - very weak

Scene 1: Interior (Unrecalled/Unknown Location) - Time Unknown
I was with someone - a female dream character with black hair and there was some indication that we were face-swapping. This was not in the sense of using a photographic app on a phone, but literally - we were swapping our physical faces. The next thing I remember is talking to my Mum and running my fingers through my hair, causing thick locks of it to fall out, wound around my hands. Neither my Mum nor I were concerned about this.

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Extra Information: None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 
None of note

Dreamsigns:
  • I was face-swapping my physical face with a dream character

Day Residue:
  • The day before this dream, I had seen an online article which contained a collection of 'face-swaps gone wrong' - typically where a person's face was swapped with the 'features' of an animal or inanimate object.

Waking Reactions: None of note

Dream 626

'Sexting Eminem'
Date: 13 May 2016
Time: 07:30 - 11:50 (I woke up from this dream - naturally)
Type of dream: Normal/non-lucid
Dream recall: Strong recall of vivid dream

Scene 1: Public Transport (Location Unknown) - Day
I was in a location which was used as a station or stopping point for public transport. I was standing in a crowd of commuters/passengers, all waiting for the transport to arrive - there was a glass shelter and it seemed that we were in an urban environment. I cannot recall talking to any of the other dream characters who were in this location.

Suddenly, a train or tram (not sure which) came smashing through the glass panels of the shelter. The glass in the windscreen of the train/tram also smashed into shards. I noticed that someone - a male dream character - was spread-eagled across the front of the train/tram, so he was between the windscreen and shelter when the collision occurred, facing outwards towards the crowd of passengers. No-one seemed to be hurt, even the man on the front of the train/tram who took the full impact. Everyone was panicked and screaming, although the main damage was lots of broken glass. The man on the front of the train/tram then started to try and hold back the vehicle, to stop it moving forward anymore. This would have been impossible, due to the force/speed of the vehicle and the fact the man was facing the wrong direction to be able to push it back. He seemed to be exerting the same level of force, as the train/tram was stopped. 

Scene 2: A Domestic Interior (appeared to be on university campus, Norwich) - Night
I was in an interior location. I believe it may have been in Norwich, on my university campus, because later, when a second location (Norfolk Terrace) is mentioned, one of the dream character pointed it out as being a very short distance away, which is true of my real-life home. The room we were in was quite dark and there was an (unrecalled) yellow object in front of me at the table I was sitting at. The room was quite messy, with the usual kind of furniture you would find in a lounge area of a domestic building. 

I cannot recall the dream characters who were present, but they seemed to be people I knew as friends and colleagues in my welfare job (they may have been dream characters who did the same job as me, or actual friends from real life). We were just hanging out in the house (which I believe was my home, although it did not look like my real life house) when someone told me that Eminem (Marshall Mathers III) was on campus. I asked where and I was able to see outside (without moving - my view just transitioned to that which I would see if I was standing in the doorway of the entrance of my house, looking outwards). It was very dark and I could see stars in the sky. The dream character who was with me while I saw this view pointed towards what would be the next block of accommodation - Suffolk Terrace (Norfolk Terrace is not visible from my house as it is 'behind' Suffolk Terrace) and said: 'He's staying in Norfolk Terrace with 'Goiger' [or 'Goiga'/'Goigal'/'Goigel'/'Goigle']. I could see that every light was on in the Terraces, and instantly knew that 'Goiger' was 'ZH'. I wondered why Eminem would choose to stay with 'Goiger' and so I told the dream character (now I was aware of being back in the same room as before) that I would send a sexual text to Eminem and encourage him to meet me for sex. I was very excited at this prospect, but the dream character friends were doubtful as to whether this was a good idea.

I sent a text to Eminem, but I am not sure what it said. I wanted to send him a nude photograph of me, but accidentally sent him a video. I was able to see the video I sent play before me, filling my field of vision, as if I was watching myself in the third-person perspective. The video showed me in a long dark room, laying sideways on a pink sofa, naked. I am holding a vibrator/dildo. As the 'camera' pans out, I see a crowd of people standing a short distance away, watching me - the presumption being I am about to masturbate and perform a sex show. I find myself back in the presence of the dream scene, feeling uneasy that I sent this video to Eminem via text message. I didn't want him to see the people watching me - only a video of me masturbating. I try to convince myself that the spectators do not matter. I then receive a reply from Eminem, telling me that he wants to meet me and I should go to 'Goiger's' house.

Scene 3: My Nan's House, Sheringham - Night
I am sitting on the floor in the lounge of my Nan's house, in front of the TV. My Mum is sitting on the armchair (next to the kitchen door), behind me. I am watching a TV show - it depicts people in an interior, one of whom does something with a baby's milk bottle, which squirts milk from the teet, causing a sprinkler system to rain down milk on all the characters on the screen. 

I turn to my Mum. There is the idea that I am having to attend primary school. I was arguing that I had already finished my primary and secondary education, and was now a PhD student, so was far beyond the need to go to primary school. I was telling her it was pointless and begging to be allowed to skip school. My Mum agreed that I could skip primary school. I felt excited, because this meant I could go to see Eminem.

Extra Information: None of  note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 
Eminem as my lover

Dreamsigns: 

  • The incident with the train/tram collision
  • Eminem was living in university accommodation
  • I was supposed to attend primary (elementary/infant) school

Day Residue:
  • The day of this dream I watched some scenes from Spider-Man 2 (2004) - including the one in which Peter Parker fights with Octavius/Dr Octopus on the fast train and struggles to stop the train to save the passengers - having Googled still images from this scene, I notice that Spider-Man/Parker is in the exact same position as the male dream character who was on the front of the train/tram in my dream (see below)
  • I have many dreams where Eminem is my lover or love interest
  • The day before this dream my work colleagues and I (who are neighbours) were discussing the fact we have to temporarily move out of our homes into accommodation in Norfolk Terrace (a short distance away) while renovations are carried out in our homes during July/August. None of us are happy about this prospect
  • The day before this dream I mentioned to one of my friends that ZH was much taller than I initially thought she was - I also mentioned that she was one person I might find it difficult to share a flat with and my friend agreed
  • The day before this dream I saw some previously unseen photographs of my icon, Amy Winehouse, one of which showed her laying on a sofa in the same position as I was laying in the video I sent Eminem. I am often told I look a lot like Amy Winehouse, mainly because of my hair, which I sometimes style into a beehive to imitate her. This gets me comments from people in the street who point out the resemblance. I have posted photographs of Amy Winehouse (taken from a distance) on my Facebook and had friends tell me they thought it was me at first, before looking closer
  • The day before this dream I was doing some webcam work
  • The day before this dream I had a conversation with someone about a radiator bursting. The same man (someone who wanted a webcam session with me) asked if I could dress up in a school uniform, but I refused
  • The day before this dream I posted a status on Facebook about how (amazingly) I managed to 'school' someone in astro-physics, to which, a Facebook friend responded: 'are you sure they weren't a preschooler?'
  • The day before this dream my friend and I were discussing the recent controversy over the SATS (Standard Assessment Tests, taken by UK school children in Years 2, 6 & 9). The controversy is that the SATS tests are so difficult, many adults struggle to perform well in similar tests - my friend and I (both postgraduate students) did an online version of the English SATS test, both failing to get full marks

Waking Reactions: 
Another Eminem dream! My subconscious seems to be fixed on the notion that I am in love with/sexually attracted to Eminem! I did enjoy this dream because I could detect the different ways in which day residue was woven into the content and this was a long, complex and vividly remembered dream.

Friday, 13 May 2016

The 'Reality' of Dreaming: Why isn't Every Dream Lucid?

Dreams are the ultimate form of fantasy - we are so immersed in the landscape and narrative of our dreams that we accept them as our reality while we are in the dream world. Unless we are lucid dreaming, we only identify the dream as distinct from our ordinary perception of conscious reality when we awaken and start to compare the dream to what we know to be true of waking life.


In my time spent on online lucid dreaming forums, I stumble across many anecdotal claims from oneironauts who claim they can experience several lucid dreams per night, every night; or alternatively, complain that they lucid dream 'too much'. I find it very hard to believe that these people experience lucidity so frequently, especially given that many of them claim that they learned to lucid dream through lucid dreaming induction methods (so, were not natural lucid dreamers) and their lucidity continues even when they are not actively trying to induce a lucid dream. 

I am not suggesting that it is wholly impossible for someone to experience a lucid dream every night - Perma-Lucid Dreamers account for a very small fraction of those who can lucid dream. It's just not the norm for someone to suddenly start lucid dreaming on a nightly basis just because they averted their mind to the desire to learn how to become lucid. Often Perma-Lucid Dreamers are not aware their dreams are lucid, or different from those experienced by the general population - because they do not have a comparison by which to recognise this.

This led me to research why we don't lucid dream every time we fall asleep. For new readers, a lucid dream is one in which you are consciously aware that you are dreaming while in the dream state - it may be possible to change or control what happens in the dream, but this is not necessarily true of all lucid dreams. I have many lucid dreams where I cannot control anything, and all my attempts are frustrated or impossible.

In order to address why we don't lucid dream every night, I decided to read up on Depth Theory - the study of the unconscious, interpersonal aspects of human experience, which focuses on the phenomenon of dreaming as well as complexes and archetypes. Many Depth Theorists follow Jungian psychology, which addresses the concepts of the psyche, human development, personality formation, and individuation. Individuation is a process of bringing our unconscious potential into a concrete living reality - it is a process which helps to secure a bridge between an individual and the unconscious, as well as the individual and his/her wider social community. By incorporating both an inner and outer exploration, a person can discover a more potent sense of meaning and purpose in life. Carl Jung (1875 - 1961) believed that psychological distress is a result of an imbalance within the individual that often is experienced as an alienation from the deeper personality - known as the 'Self'. Jungian psychotherapy seeks to restore the individual’s connection to the Self. This effort can be achieved through the therapeutic relationship, dream interpretation, active imagination, and work with expressive therapies.

This theory suggests that in order for our dreams to provide us with a form of unconscious therapy while we sleep, we must be passive within the dream state. The dream can only help us to achieve catharsis, healing or personality integration if we accept the reality of the dream as genuine. The brain is almost hardwired to avoid lucidity in the dream state - parts of the brain that we use during our waking lives, such as the logical, fact-checking part of the brain - are deactivated during sleep, to allow us to dream freely and unconsciously. One theory is that we need to accept the dream as reality so as not to arouse ourselves into wakefulness. 

The brain is responsible for interpreting sensory perceptions - sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. However, it is also able to process other information - such as imagination, dreams, hallucinations etc. When asleep and dreaming, the brain does not tend to discriminate between the types of input it receives and therefore, the brain does not alert the dreamer to the fact they are dreaming, rather than experiencing waking reality because the conscious part of the brain is switched off. The brain operates in such a manner that it actually creates false memories to explain the dream content and fool us further into accepting it as reality. One way of becoming lucid is to train yourself (using cognitive methods) to identify dreamsigns - the bizarre or impossible events of a dream which could only occur if you were dreaming - and confirm you are in a dream state by performing a reality check. But even for seasoned lucid dreamers, this isn't always as straightforward as it sounds - essentially, when we teach ourselves to induce a Dream-Initiated Lucid Dream (DILD), we are hacking our brains and overriding what our brains are biologically programmed to do.

There is another explanation for why not all our dreams are lucid - from the perspective of Developmental Psychology. This holds that when we were foetuses in the womb, we experienced dreams - before we were even aware of the laws of physical reality and logic. These foundational, inuetro dreams may leave impressions on our subconscious, which is a reason why we do not necessarily challenge the reality of the dream and become lucid in all the dreams we experience in later life, even after we attain knowledge as to how our waking life affects our subconscious dream world. 

Developmental psychologist Jean Piaget (1896 - 1980) studied children’s dreams and described how children’s acceptance of dreams gradually change from a firm belief of dreams as reality to an awareness that dreams are just a 'story' inside their minds while asleep. This explains why we may begin our sleeping life believing that dreams are real because we are born dreaming. Newborn babies are in the REM sleep state for an average 8 hours per day. REM is the sleep period considered most favorable and fertile for ordinary (non-lucid) dreaming. The dream world is, in many ways, our first and natural world, and the waking world with all of its rules comes later.


Why Do We Accept the Bizarre Reality of Dreams?

This leads me to an interlinked subject - why do we accept our dreams as real while we are dreaming them?

When addressing the altered reality of our dreams, we might look to the research of Sigmund Freud (1856 - 1939) who also believed that dreams were a form of therapy or emotional healing process. In order for us to resolve an inner conflict or obtain wish fulfilment, we must believe in the reality of the dream, and therefore, in the dream state critical thinking and doubt are repressed so that we can fully believe in the dream. 

Psychologist Allan Hobson adopts a neurological approach to dreaming, which challenges the idea that dreams have any intrinsic meaning to us. He claims that dreams are simply makeshift and inconsequential narratives, stemming from random brain activity while we sleep. The dreamer makes the best of a bad script, and the result can be nonsensical or bizarre. Due to the fact that areas of the brain that sustain working memory are weakened while we sleep, logic is compromised during dreams. Hence, the dreamer accepts these bizarre situations and transitions in time and space as real.


Theories of Dreaming

Here are some key theories as to why we dream and why we might accept the reality of the dreamstate: 

1. We Dream to Practice Responses to Threatening Situations
This is the 'Threat Simulation Theory' propounded by Antti Revonsuo, a Finnish cognitive scientist, who produced evidence to show that our amygdala (the area of the brain responsible for the 'fight-or-flight' response) fires more than normal during REM sleep  In REM sleep, the brain functions in a similar way to when it's specifically threatened for survival during waking life. In addition, the part of the brain which practices motor activity (running, fighting) fires increasingly during REM sleep, even though the limbs are still due to muscle atonia/sleep paralysis. Therefore, Revonsuo and other evolutionary theorists argue that in dreams, we are actually rehearsing fight-and-flight responses, even though our limbs are not actually physically moving during sleep. Revonsuo believes that dreams are an evolutionary adaptation - we dream in order to rehearse behaviours of self-defense in the safety of night-time isolation which prepares us for actual waking situations where me may need to utilise these skills for survival. This explains why mammals (specifically cats) - who also experience REM sleep and dreams - have been shown to 'act out' hunting dreams when the part of the brain responsible for REM muscle atonia/sleep paralysis has been deactivated or removed. Hunting is a means of survival for a cat in the wild - and seeing the acting out of physical movements associated with hunting and catching prey allows us to identify the possible content of the cat's dream. As modern humans, our dreams tend to reflect waking life concerns and emotions - we might see these are modern versions of 'threats' to our survival given that the majority of people living in the developed world no longer need to rely on hunting and gathering as a means of survival, nor need to physically protect ourselves from predators.

2. Dreams Create Wisdom
If we remembered every image of our waking lives, it would clog our memories. So, dreams sort through memories, to determine which ones to retain and which to lose. Matt Wilson of the MIT Center for Learning and Memory argues this perspective. In one study, Wilson put rats in mazes during the day, and recorded the patterns of neural activity as the rats negotiated the maze. When he watched the rats enter REM sleep, he saw that the same neuron patterns fired as those which had fired at choice turning points in the maze. In other words, he saw that the rats were dreaming of important junctures in their day. Wilson argues that sleep is the process through which we separate the memories worth encoding in long-term memory from those worth losing. Sleep turns a flood of daily information into what we call 'wisdom' - and we can use this acquired intelligence in real waking decision-making.

3. Dreaming is Like Defragmenting your Brain's Hard Drive
Francis Crick (who co-discovered the structure of DNA) and Graeme Mitchison put forth a famously controversial theory about dreams in 1983 when they wrote that 'we dream in order to forget'. This means that the brain is like a machine which connects its data in certain ways (obsessing, defending or retaining), and that those thinking pathways might not be the most beneficial for us. When we sleep, the brain fires much more randomly and this random scouring for new connections allows us to loosen certain pathways and create new, more advantageous ones. Dreaming is a shuffling of old connections that allows us to keep the important connections and erase the inefficient links - analogous to the defragmentation of a computer's hard drive. Dreams are a reordering of connections to streamline the system.

4. Dreams are a Form of Psychotherapy
For many theorists (including Freud) dream are principally a means by which to confront difficult and surprising emotions and deal with those emotions in a new way. Ernest Hartmann, a doctor at Tufts, focuses on the emotional learning which happens in dreams, developing the theory that dreaming puts our difficult emotions into a visual language. In dreams, we deal with emotional content in a safe place, making connections that we would not make if left to our more critical or defensive waking brains. In this sense, dreaming is like a form of psychotherapy - we think through emotional stuff in a less rational and defensive frame of mind and are able to come up with solutions which may not be available to the conscious mind. Through that process, we also come to accept truths we might otherwise repress. 

5. The Absence of Theory
Others - such as Hobson, above - argue that dreams have no meaning at all - they are merely the random firings of an unconscious brain. The mind is still 'functioning' insofar as it's producing images, but there's no conscious sense behind the narrative. Perhaps it's only consciousness itself that wants to see some deep meaning in our brains at all times and therefore our waking brain projects meaning onto the meaningless dream content in order to explain our experience of dreaming.

Normal Non-Lucid Dreams v Lucid Dreams 
- A Neuroscientific Comparison

In order to understand the difference between normal dreams and lucid dreams, we can identify neurological differences between these distinct brain states. This sheds some light on why we might accept normal, non-lucid dreams as reality and do not question events in the same way we would if awake or in a lucid dream. A very interesting journal article tackled this precise theme - see Dresler et al, 'Neural Correlates of Dream Lucidity Obtained from Contrasting Lucid versus Non-Lucid REM Sleep: A Combined EEG/fMRI Case Study' (2012) Sleep 35(7), 1017 - 1020. I have summarised the findings of the study, below for the purposes of discussion:

In REM sleep we experience the most vivid and intense forms of dreaming - however, these dreams (when non-lucid) are deficient in reflective thought and metacognition. Instead the internally generated perceptions and emotions experienced during dreaming typically show many cognitive peculiarities, with a bizarre dream narrative full of gaps, delusional thought, and a complete lack of insight into the fact that we are dreaming. These cognitive constraints (i.e. lack of awareness or rationality) are thought to be related to the neural activation patterns associated with REM sleep, particularly deactivation of the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex.

In contrast to normal dreaming, lucid dreaming denotes a rare state of sleep comprising cognitive features of both waking and dreaming. During lucid dreams, subjects become aware of their dreaming state, have full access to memory, and are sometimes able to volitionally control dreamed actions. Although standard polysomnographic criteria of REM sleep are maintained (and REM sleep muscle atonia - commonly referred to as sleep paralysis - prevents overt motor behaviour), lucid dreamers are able to communicate their state by predefined volitional eye movements, clearly discernable in the electrooculogram. 

Lucid dreaming can be trained and has been successfully utilized for the treatment of nightmares or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). However, neural changes which accompany dream lucidity, and their role in the amelioration of dream disorders, are not yet well understood. When compared to non-lucid REM sleep, lucid dreaming is associated with increased 40-Hz activity (known as 'gamma brainwaves'), and increased coherence in frontal regions, as has recently been shown by quantitative EEG. Neuroimaging data, delineating the neural correlates of lucid dreaming, have not yet been obtained and analysed. While in a later study Dresler and his colleagues analysed how the skill of lucid dreaming served as a tool for tracing specific motor activity in dreams, the current study aimed to reveal the neural correlates of lucidity per se by contrasting lucid vs non-lucid REM sleep using a combined EEG/fMRI approach.

Neuroimaging studies have shown that human REM sleep is related to characteristic patterns of regional brain activity - during REM sleep, neural activity in the brain stem, thalamus, amygdala, and extrastriate temporo-occipital cortices increases, while the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and the precuneus show deactivation. 

This specific pattern of neural activity has been proposed to reflect the visual hallucinations, emotional intensifications, and cognitive abnormalities typically experienced in dreams. In contrast, lucid dreaming is characterized by a regaining of higher cognitive capabilities, eventually leading to the awareness of the dreaming state. 

Recent quantitative EEG data have shown that this 'waking' intellectual clarity is paralleled by neural activations in frontal and frontolateral regions. Likewise, PET data show cognitive control in dreams to be associated with activation of frontal cortex components.

In the current study, Dresler and his colleagues present neuroimaging data showing lucid dreaming to be associated with neural activations in a specific network of cortical regions. In line with the study of Voss et al (see 'Lucid dreaming: a state of consciousness with features of both waking and non-lucid dreaming' (2008) Sleep, 32, 1191 - 200), during lucid dreaming the researchers observed increased activity in the right dorsolateral prefrontal cortex. The dorsolateral prefrontal cortex is thought to underlie a wide range of higher cognitive capacities, as evidenced also by the dysexecutive syndrome seen in patients with lesions in this region. In particular, the right dorsolateral prefrontal cortex was associated with self-focused metacognitive evaluation. 

While in normal dreams, working memory is strongly impaired, activation in the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (in combination with parietal lobules, which were also found to be activated during lucid dreaming) may reflect working memory demands related to task performance in the study. Further, there was observed increased activation in bilateral frontopolar areas, which have been related to the processing of internal states - i.e. the evaluation of one's own thoughts and feelings.

The strongest increase in activation during lucid compared to non-lucid REM sleep was observed in the precuneus - a brain region which has been implicated in self-referential processing, such as first-person perspective and experience of agency/autonomy. While in normal dreams, attention is often hyper-associatively driven by the (pseudo-)external dream scenery, lucid dreaming is - by definition - characterized by a reflection on one's own state of mind.

Interestingly, Dresler et al found activation in the bilateral cuneus and occipitotemporal cortices. These areas are part of the ventral stream of visual processing, which is involved in several aspects of conscious awareness in visual perception. While these activations seem initially puzzling, since non-lucid dreams are also characterized by vivid dream imagery - they are in line with anecdotal reports of lucid dreamers who state that lucidity is associated with an exceptional brightness and visual clarity of the dream scenery.

While lucid dreaming is an intriguing phenomenon in its own regard, it can also serve as a tool for the study of dream disorders - for example, nightmares and PTSD. Neurocognitive models of disturbed dreaming emphasize a hyper-responsivity of the amygdala in nightmare generation, coupled with a failure of medial prefrontal regions to dampen this activation. Lateral prefrontal regions have been shown capable to influence amygdala function through connections to the medial prefrontal cortex. Increased lateral prefrontal activation during lucid dreaming therefore fits well with the therapeutic effects of lucidity training on recurrent nightmares. 

If lucid dreaming can also be utilized in the treatment of other dream disorders - for example, terrifying hypnagogic hallucinations, or pathological dream vivification, is an open question that warrants further investigation and research studies. In summary, the study by Dressler et al found that, in line with recent EEG data, lucid dreaming is associated with a reactivation of several areas normally deactivated during REM sleep. This pattern of activity can explain the recovery of reflective cognitive capabilities that are the hallmark of waking life and also lucid dreaming.