Sunday, 30 September 2012

New Page - Poetry

I have created a new page which contains all of my recent poetry. Please click on the page tab above or on this link. Feel free to leave feedback, via the comments section at the bottom of the page, by email or Twitter. 

Please note that I use an automatic stream of consciousness method of writing my poetry, whilst stimulating my imagination with the use of binaural beats (theta and gamma, sometimes alpha) as a form of brain entrainment.

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

My Major Retrospective

Please check out my page dedicated to artwork I have created. You can access it by clicking on the page tabs above, or following this link: 

Please check out my poetry

Please visit my profile on Poetry.com to read my poetry (and reviews by readers; you do not have to be a member of the website to read the poems, but you do need a Facebook, Twitter, Google or Yahoo account to leave a review). 

All of my poems are written in an automatic stream of consciousness method, whilst I listen to binaural beats through headphones. The majority of my poems are written in 10 minutes or less. I do not edit them, other than to insert grammar where absolutely necessary, or to correct the spelling of a word. I use a combination of alpha, theta and gamma beats to stimulate my imagination when writing poetry. I find that my poems reflect, in written form, my mental and memory processes in the minutes I was writing the poem, and therefore are very honest accounts of my state of mind. 

Some of the poems that I write are a little personal or recount memories of other people, so I am unsure whether to publish them at this time. However, I am planning to publish those already uploaded, and others, on this Blog in the near future. In the meantime, I will continue to post links to my Poetry.com profile for you to follow. Please click on the link below:

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Dream 85

This was partly a lucid dream, and a very strange one at that. I have previously noted that sometimes when I drink a small amount of alcohol late at night, I am more likely to have a lucid dream, or at least some degree of lucidity within a normal dream, like last night. I drank two glasses of cider and before I went to bed told myself that if I was able to say mentally "I will remember my dreams tonight" 20 times in a row, then I would definitely recall them when I woke. I fell asleep whilst watching the American NBC comedy series My Name is Earl on the internet. The significance of this will be apparent later. Also at this early stage, I would like to note that PS also had a strange dream on the same night - involving, like mine, a threatening dog set to attack him. Earlier today, N was acting strangely and barking/crying - because there was a dog visiting our neighbours on the estate. When the door was opened, N ran out and had a fight with the neighbour's son's dog, which also happened to be outside on the communal driveway.We had to break the fight up, and luckily, neither dog was hurt in any way (the neighbour's dog was a full Rhodesian Ridgeback and twice the size/weight of N, who still managed to pin him down to the ground!)

Anyway, this dream started with me standing in some kind of lounge/living-room (not very memorable, but I do not recall actually looking around the room - the first and only thing I remember, is standing at the window). I was looking out of the window, onto a green garden. Although the room did not seem familiar from what I could see of it from my position at the window, the garden looked like that of my nan PC's, in Sheringham, except the garden was much longer (in real-life, her garden is pretty long for a council house, but it is separated into two halves by a rockery and some fir trees. The grass seemed beautiful, incredibly green. At this point I was not lucid (i.e. aware that I was dreaming). There was a male to my left side, but I am not sure who it was. I did not turn to look at him at all. Suddenly, I saw a grey wolf-like dog running on the grass towards the window. I wondered if it was a dog or a wolf, as I could not tell. It's teeth were barred in a fierce way and it looked ready to attack. The running of the wolf seemed to take ages, as if I was watching in slow motion. I was gripped with panic and fear for what would happen when the wolf (which was huge, and could easily smash a window) reached me at the window. However, the wolf was taking an unfeasibly long time to get down the garden. I realised it was PC's garden - I found myself looking at a section of it (that which is closest to the 'front-room' (strange name for the room, given it looks out at the BACK garden, Nanny!) window which is randomly linked in my memory when I read Hansard reports (online daily reports of the sessions of Parliament, which I read for my legal studies). Whenever I read those, particularly ones relating to rape/child abuse (relevant to my thesis and other topics I write academic articles on) I get an image of this part of PC's garden - which is odd as I have not been to PC's home once since I started this particular strand of my legal education. I was watching the shed wall and the dustbins. I had time to voice my concerns about the wolf to my male companion; he was concerned and fearful too. It seemed like minutes were passing. I looked directly ahead of me, taking my concentration off the brick shed wall and saw the wolf at the window, mouth wide open, showing razor sharp teeth and a massive red tongue. It had very shaggy fur and big hamster cheeks. I screamed. The wold smashed through the window. I saw a cartoon dust cloud and stars and felt a huge blow, which knocked me backwards. I woke up. However, this was a false awakening.
I was then, lying in bed, thinking I had woken from a scary dream. I could see PS lying next to me in his side of the bed. As I thought about the wolf, I looked up to my left and saw the disembodied head of Darnell Turner (played by actor Eddie Steeples) floating above the bed. His head was double the size of a normal human head and was rotating in a clockwise direction. Darnell is a nice character, and I wasn't particularly scared, but I did become aware I was dreaming. I watched Darnell's head for a while. Then I decided to crawl to the bottom of the bed. I got down there and decided to make a phone call. I used my hands (the thumb and pinky sign for a 'telephone' or 'call me' gesture, as demonstrated by the image of Beyonce, below). I wondered if I could make my hand-phone work. The 'phone' rang, and then was answered by a male. I asked if it was EB, but the voice was unclear. I then realised that it was him. We spoke on the 'telephone' for a few moments. I told him that I was calling him using my hand only, but he did not seem to believe me. The conversation was frustrating (note that in the week prior to this dream, EB had messaged me with the phrase 'Stop crying wolf...' in relation to me complaining of feeling sick). I looked up at the corner of the room, by the ceiling. The room was dark, but I saw there were lots of small boxes mounted on the wall. I thought to myself that they looked like the Damien Hurst artwork (below). Suddenly, the boxes started falling down from the wall. I panicked and fell to the floor. I was screaming, lying on the floor next to PS's side of the bed. PS woke up. He leaned over the side of the bed and started shouting at me for screaming and waking him. He was really angry. I thought we might wake up other people in the house because of all the noise we were making. He hauled me up onto the bed by my arm. I was then laying in my side of the bed. I thought I woke up again, but this was a second false awakening. On this false awakening, I found myself laying in bed next to PS, with my left arm above my head, as I sometimes fall asleep in this position. I realised that the false nail of my left pinky finger had fallen off. I assumed this had happened during the 'lucid dream' phase when I found myself on the floor shouting. I thought I would look for the nail in the morning and glue on a new one (when I woke, I had not in fact lost any of my false nails). 
Eddie Steeples aka Darnell Turner (and Harry Munroe) in My Name is Earl
Damien Hurst, Boxes (1998)
The next thing I recall, I was in a room, with a bright light and normal, nondescript furniture. In the corner was a shelving unit, with paper work on the shelves. In front of that was an orange-brown wooden desk and a chair either side. A man entered the room. He was elderly, short and fat, with white hair and a beard. He was wearing a suit and smoking a cigar. He had a red neckerchief or cravat. While I was standing next to the shelves, he came over and removed a bundle of papers, which he placed on the desk. We both took a seat, me on the chair by the wall. He was telling me that if I paid him £50 and signed the papers, he would make sure I got a place at a good university. I signed the papers and paid him.

I was then sitting in a bath of water, positioned in the middle of the same room. There were people standing around the bath. I'm not sure if I was naked or not. PS was leaning on a counter. He told me I was going to get done for fraud because of the deal I had made with the bearded man. I thought to myself that I could rescind on the deal and escape getting punished for committing this fraud, although I wasn't sure what I had done wrong. I received a text message on a mobile phone. It was from EB. It said: "I'm at the Walker's Marathon, come along. Don't bring K-Dog". I thought he meant that he was at a marathon sponsored by Walker's Crisps, but then thought maybe it was a marathon for people who only walked the route instead of running/jogging. I said to JH, who was at the left side of the bath: "Can I have the key back?" (I had lent her my spare key as she had misplaced her own in real-life). She said: "No". I wondered how I could leave the house to go to the marathon if I didn't have a key to lock the door behind me and get back in afterwards. I woke up.

Thursday, 20 September 2012

Dream 84

I was aware that I was in my Dream Town - a recurrent, strangely familiar town I have in my dreams which does not seem to correlate with any waking memory of a real-life place I may have visited. I was looking over the town and saw many of the locations I have previously dreamt of. In one scene I was positioned some meters above the ground, looking down at a street which was lined with commercial buildings, townhouses and trees. There was a very cottagey-looking, organic supermarket on the corner, surrounded by flowers and short, stumpy fern-like trees. It seemed like an urban environment - the buildings were all tall and looked as though they should belong in a city, except for the organic supermarket. The weather was dry, but cloudy and grey - it was daytime. On my left side, down the road, I could see a multi-storey car-park and a factory. I knew it was a 'crab factory'. There was a rainbow graffitied on the side of the wall, which was red brick. The roads were very narrow and claustrophobic. The next scene was sunny - I was standing outside the warehouse that had the freezers full of frozen food, on top of green grassy hills, which rolled down towards the city. I was looking down at the city, which appeared to be in a wide valley between the hills on one side and cliffs/sea on the other side. I was then in a dark room, with some kind of wooden surface against a wall - like a very wide shelf, at waist height, or a table mounted into the wall. There were several other (unrecognisable) people in this room with me. I was holding a bucket of soapy water, which I threw onto the floor - soaking a pile of white and pale blue teddy bears which were piled there. The floor was black and dusty. I was then standing on the street in my Dream Town again. This time the tall buildings were positioned along a very narrow inner-city street which felt like it might have been in the past - not the far past, more like the 1970s - now. Everything was brown or sepia toned. The sun was very hot and bright. There was a thick dust in the air; many pedestrians were on the pavements, and the traffic was busy. Many of the cars were black cabs and taxis. I was standing outside an antiques store, but could see the shops across the road were high-class fashion stores, boutiques, fancy cafes and department stores stocking luxury items. I became aware that the name of this town was “Sudsbury” (the next day, upon waking I Googled 'Sudsbury' and found that this is a town in Suffolk and a place known as 'Sudsbury and Harrow Road' north-west of Wembley in Greater London - I have not been to either of these real-life places and the photographs available online did not resemble the locations in my dream in any way). I found myself in a brightly lit room with a mirror on a white, textured wall and a red velvet sofa. A very orange-skinned, grey-haired middle-aged man in a black tuxedo loomed into my face, right up close, making me jump and feel nervy. I walked over to the mirror, which was an oval shape, with a posh gold frame. I looked at my reflection - I appeared as I do in real-life, but I had two very deep creases (like frown lines) between my eyebrows. I felt concerned and rubbed at them, trying to erase them. The next thing I remember, I was sitting in a dimly lit lecture theatre, in a row near the middle, at a long desk, with people seated either side of me. These people were not familiar, but I knew them in the dream. I then saw a very short girl. We were both dressed the same - in a red, sequined, backless halter-neck mini-dress, with a white feather on a headband, and red sequined high-heel shoes. I told the other people in the lecture theatre that I had dressed this short girl (who was pale-skinned with light brown shoulder length hair and a slim figure) in an identical outfit to mine "so she could be like me". The short girl danced an Irish gig in between the rows of tables in the lecture theatre. Her head was barely at the level of the desk, she must have been up to my waist in height. I got off my chair and danced around with her. I then found myself seated again, and the short girl had gone. EB came over to me and handed me a bag. He said: "This is from K-Dog" (our mutual friend). EB then walked off and sat at a spare seat on a different row. The people sat either side of me (I cannot remember any specific details) were looking over my shoulder, very interested in what was in the bag. I looked in it. There was a large quantity of cannabis at the bottom and some paper wraps on top. I picked up the paper wraps and unwrapped them. Inside was white powder (cocaine?) with unbroken lumps of the same white substance mixed in. I started fiddling with it, but was trying not to let the others see what it was. Someone came to the front of the room - a middle-aged white woman in a white lab jacket and grey skirt. She was introducing the lecturer. This was an elderly man, with balding white hair, also wearing a white lab jacket over his clothes. He told us he was a "Chief Prosecutor". I felt only slightly concerned that I was holding a bag of drugs. Suddenly I dropped the wraps on my lap and the white powder spilt everywhere, making a very big mess. I tried to pick it back up, but it was impossible. It was also on the desk and my books. I swallowed some of it, but it did not seem to have any effect on me. I quietly showed the two persons either side of me what had happened. They were more concerned about my situation than I was, warning me I could get caught. The scene changed and I was in a room which appeared to be a party. Again, the lights were very dim, and people were sitting on sofas, with small coffee tables in front of them. A male (approximately 18 - 24 years old) came up to me - he was approximately my height and had curly blonde hair and was wearing a white or pale-coloured T-shirt. He punched me straight in the face, hard. I stumbled backwards in surprise, but I did not feel that scared or upset. I went to the back of the room and saw that I was behind a bar, with two female barmaids. I started pouring drinks for the guests in the party. Three young males lined up at the bar. One was white with dark hair; one was dark-skinned (black or Asian, it wasn't clear); and one was white with ginger hair. They were all the same, medium height and slim, dressed casually. The dark-skinned male was smiling widely. They all seemed really nice and friendly. I poured them some clear drinks in half-pint glasses, with navy-blue straws. One of the female barmaids approached from the side and said: "These lot are much better for you than that other guy, he's no good..." I took that to mean the blonde-haired boy who had hit me in the face earlier. I was laughing, feeling really happy at this moment. I said to the three males: "You can all join my circle..." and they agreed with me. I then became aware that the male who had hit me in the face was standing to the side of the three males, leaning on the bar. He was scowling. I thought maybe he had overheard the conversation. The three males sat at a table close to the bar. I thought I should be brave and went over to the blonde male who had hit me. I looked him in the eye, but he didn't say or do anything. I woke up.

Saturday, 8 September 2012

Dream 83

Dream date: 4 September 2012
I was getting ready to visit a place called the 'Flesh Emporium" - I am not sure if it was a gym or something else - it wasn't clear in the dream. I was seated, but could see very little of my surroundings, only the bottom of the walls, which were white; the carpet, which was black or dark brown; and my own lap. I was sitting cross-legged on the carpet. I was dressed in underwear only - I could see white knickers. I seemed fatter than usual. I was touching my lower belly and thought I was pregnant, but wasn't sure. I was then in a different room - again the details of this room were quite unclear, although I recall an island counter, like those you see in kitchens, which had some white pots lined up on it. I was standing on one side of the counter, talking to Linda Henry, the actress who plays Shirley Carter on Eastenders (she has been having some dramatic storylines in the soap recently). There was another middle-aged woman, with dark brown hair, who I do not recognise in real life. Linda was her 'Shirley' character in the dream - or I perceived her to be Shirley, with the same speaking voice, mannerisms, style and further, I used this name to speak to her. She was trying to convince the other woman to agree with her that I should stay in with them, rather than go out to meet a friend. 

We walked over to a wall, which was painted shiny (gloss paint) black, with a narrow shelf (also in the same glossy black paint) at waist height. There were some empty pint glasses on the shelf. Shirley said: "You shouldn't worry about him, he won't be good for you..." She was talking about EB, who I was going to meet. I was arguing (although not in a hostile way), telling her that she was wrong and I would be back soon. I told her I was waiting for a text from EB to tell me when to leave. I then found myself back near the island counter. I was sitting in an old-fashioned tin bath, positioned on the floor, by the counter. As I looked up I saw Shirley and the brunette standing behind the counter and realised this was a kitchen. There were white/glass cabinets with kitchenware from the floor to the ceiling, behind the women, and a door to the left - when I looked at this door, it looked like a college classroom door - that was the feeling I got. Shirley was still trying to convince me not to leave to meet EB, telling me he is a bad person, but I was adamant that I wanted to go. I was washing in the bath. EB text me to tell me where and when to meet him. My mobile phone fell into the bath water and was damaged. As I picked it out of the water, it was a pink and orange stick of fairground rock. I bit into it and thought: 'I wonder if I bite through to the middle, whether all of my phone numbers  in the mobile phone directory will be saved there...' I knew the stick of rock represented my mobile phone. I was then standing in my bedroom in PC's house in Sheringham, by the dressing-table/window. There was another woman standing next to me, but I didn't look directly at her and I do not know who it was. I said: "Somehow, I'm not pregnant anymore..." I woke up. 
Linda Henry aka 'Shirley Carter' in Eastenders
* Two days after this dream, after receiving a text from EB, my phone lost the ability to send texts, although I could still receive them. The day after that (one day ago), my phone completely 'broke' during an argument with PS, when he was trying to stop me leaving to see my friend EC (he thought I should stay and discuss a problem; I wanted some space and to see EC who had suffered a personal crisis), and I had to cancel my plans and get a new sim card from the phone shop, as it turned out that the old sim had worn out from length of use (I've had the same one since 2004).