Sunday, 17 March 2019

Weird Dream Coincidence or Dream Premonition?

This is a strange event that happened recently, so I thought I'd record it. The title refers to notions of mere coincidence or dream premonition. I am a sceptic and do not believe in the paranormal or supernatural, even if I do sometimes question events/occurrences which I can find no scientific or logical explanation for. 

Anyway, sometime in February 2019 I had a dream which involved an old friend of mine, SVF - Dream 958 - 'Stolen Cannabis' (on post entitled Dreams 950 - 960). I have not seen SVF in years (more than a decade, I imagine). I have not had any contact with her as she is not on social media, and I have tried to locate her on a number of occasions. I have never found her. We were best friends at high school and many of our formative experiences are shared ones. 

A few days ago, out of the blue, a third-party (LA), a girl from my hometown (Sheringham), who was SVF's friend from the year above us in high school (and therefore a friend of a friend, and someone I liked), contacted me on Facebook. She was not a Facebook friend, and I have not had any interaction with her for even longer than a decade - perhaps not since high school/sixth form college. She said SVF wanted to get in contact with me and asked her to pass on SVF's phone number. I told LA I'd just dreamed of SVF randomly a number of days before - she was surprised by this coincidence too.

I contacted SVF and we plan to meet. I will tell her about her dream appearance when we catch up. 

If you like this story, maybe check out this post - for an even more strange dream phenomenon - 'Storytime: I Dreamed of the Future Love of My Life, Many Years Ago (Evidence Provided!)'.

Dream 964

'Bin Bags in Bedford'
Date: 14 March 2019
Time: Time Unknown
Type of dream: Normal dream
Dream recall: Normal recall 

Scene 1: An Unknown Exterior Scene (Steps?) - Day
I was in an outside environment - it seemed like a small set of steps between 2 buildings, leading down to a concrete area. The location was fairly normal as I recall. I was sitting on the steps. I think there were some other (random) dream characters present. I was using a mobile phone to speak to my Mum. I was telling her something about AJR and bin bags. My Mum then said something to my Stepdad who was with her - he informed him that AJR was in Bedford. I knew AJR was not in Bedford, but I ignored this error and continued the conversation. I cannot recall anything else about this dream. 

Extra Information: None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • My Mum and AJR as dream characters

Dreamsigns: 

  • None of note - other than the error/lie about AJR being in Bedford

Day Residue:
  • A few days before this dream AJR mentioned black bin bags in passing - maybe he was telling me he had to get some while he was working? I cannot quite recall
  • I know that shortly before this dream Bedford was either mentioned in a conversation (I cannot recall the context at all) or it was in my conscious mind for some unrecalled reason

Waking Reactions: 
I have no specific reactions to this fairly boring dream.

Dream 963

'Kylo Ren, Face Slicer'
Date: 12 March 2019
Time: Time Unknown
Type of dream: Normal dream
Dream recall: Normal recall 

Scene 1: A Classroom - Day
I was in a classroom of some kind - there was one big long table, and I was seated there with a number of other students; dream characters who I cannot specifically recall, but I assume I may know from real-life. We were all doing individual work and the atmosphere seemed normal/calm - with everyone concentrating. 

Suddenly, the table was approached by a tall man with dark hair, wearing black. I instantly recognised him as Kylo Ren from Star Wars, although he wasn't dressed as Kylo Ren. He remained standing up behind me and the other seated students.

Suddenly, Kylo Ren pulled out a large, sharp knife. He grabbed a male dream character (unrecalled, other than it was a young, white male adult). Kylo Ren then placed the knife at the male's hairline and sliced downwards, as if it was removing the top layers of the male's face, like a mask. I could see the blade of the knife pass behind in front of the eyeballs (but under the eyelids) and then be seen through the nostrils and lips of the male, passing in front of the teeth. I cannot recall seeing any blood or gore. It did not look 'disgusting' so much as being very violent without any apparent reason. I am not sure if this killed the male dream character. No-one seemed upset, distressed or scared. I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Extra Information: None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 


Dreamsigns: 

  • Kylo Ren was a dream character
  • The action of slicing off part of the male dream character's face

Day Residue:
  • On the day of this dream I had been thinking about/discussing Kylo Ren
  • On the day of this dream I had been preparing for teaching my class - our last class had been about non-fatal assaults against the person
  • On the day of this dream I had read a news article about knife crime

Waking Reactions: 
I wish my Kylo Ren dream had been more interesting - i.e. I wish I could have interacted with Kylo Ren, as there was no interaction at all within this dream - I was a passive viewer of the action and did not seem to participate actively in any way.

Monday, 11 March 2019

STORYTIME: I DREAMED OF THE FUTURE LOVE OF MY LIFE, MANY YEARS AGO (EVIDENCE PROVIDED!)

Introduction
So, one of the significant reasons as to why my dreamwork suffered over the past few months is my relationships. I would not normally make a post dedicated to relationships (other than those with my dream characters, or where strictly relevant to a dream). Regular readers of my Blog will note the relatively recent references to a person named 'AJR' in my dreams. This is my boyfriend, but more importantly, the love of my life. The primary motivation for sharing private details of our relationship is because I am aware some of the contextual information for my dreams has the potential to cause confusion or intrigue. Secondly, due to the nature of how our relationship developed, I decided to go back through the dream archives to see if there was any indication of AJR appearing in my dreams prior to the start of our relationship, and I found something really interesting (to me: 'mind-blowing'). I therefore need to talk about my relationship with AJR in order to demonstrate the significance of this dream from a number of years ago. 

If this Storytime is too long and rambling (it is very convoluted, despite my best efforts here), and you simply want to read the relevant dream, you can scroll down towards the bottom of the post where I have copy-pasted the text of the dream, or you can visit the actual original post itself, by clicking here - Dream 70. However, I do recommend you read the rest of this post, because some of the content is pretty weird and also - it's a tale of 'True Romance' and 'Fate' and 'the Universe Speaking' and 'Star-Crossed Lovers' etc as well as having a lot of emphasis on Star Wars, quite randomly.

My Relationship with AJR: A Summary
AJR and I first met in 2007, although precise details of timing are unclear. AJR is likely to have better recollection than I do, but I haven't specifically asked him. We generally refer to us as having met '11 years ago' because at the time, we know AJR was 19 years old and I was 25 years old. 

At the time of our meeting, I was working as a prison lawyer and criminal law paralegal while I did my professional legal qualifications. AJR was serving an IPP (imprisonment for public protection) sentence. I do not plan to explain what an IPP is in detail (an indeterminate sentence, which is basically a form of 'life imprisonment') or AJR's personal information. Just be aware that IPP sentences are very controversial and no longer available, having been abolished. Many IPP prisoners are languishing in the prison system, unable to obtain parole. A tariff is set (the part which must be served before parole can be considered) and many prisoners received tariffs of a number of months for relatively minor acts of violence, but remained in prison for over 10 years. AJR had been in prison for some time already, and at 19 years of age was 'starred up' meaning he was in the adult side of the prison, not Young Offenders (where he normally would have been, being under 21 years of age at the time).

AJR and I 'met' in the following way. I admit my memory here is very vague, as I met so many different prisoners at that point in my life, and honestly, as much as he will hate this, AJR was of no personal significance to me 11 years ago, despite me liking him a lot and enjoying seeing him each time we had a legal visit because he was cute and had a good sense of humour. 

One day, my law firm asked if I would do a prison law case for a Young Offender (IS) who was in the local YOI. My firm had been/was dealing with a criminal case for IS (my recollection is that he had already been convicted). He had an independent adjudication (District Judge comes into the prison to hear the case) regarding an assault charge against another prisoner. He was running a defence of self defence and wanted me to defend him (we won). I believe this may have been my first ever 'not guilty'/contested adjudication case where I'd be cross-examining witnesses. Anyway, in preparation for the IA, I needed to take instructions from IS, so I arranged a legal visit in the YOI. 

I recall more about this meeting with IS than I do with AJR, possibly because I'd already been working on IS' case file for his Crown Court matter. IS and I had our legal visit in the YOI in an office, which I remember had filing cabinets in it, because a prison officer came in halfway through and asked if we'd been stealing the staff biscuits, which were in the filing cabinet and we'd joked and said IS was known for drug offences, not dishonesty. I recall that after I took IS' instructions for the IA we were discussing music, as IS wrote down the name of his friend's mixtape on the legal papers, after discovering I was a hip hop fan and knew a number of UK-based hip hop artists through my friends/current boyfriend (PS). 

After the legal meeting with IS, I left. Unknown to me at the time (and remaining unknown to me until recent times, when AJR informed me of his version of events), AJR was in the Segregation Unit ('the block') which I was walking through/past. AJR heard noise outside his cell and peeped through the gap between the door/door-frame. He saw me leaving, specifically he says he saw my ass in a tight skirt. He wanted to meet me, and therefore shouted out to IS, thereafter 'forcing' IS to provide him with the details of my law firm so he could make contact. At first, he did not believe IS had given him my real name, as my last name is very long and unique. He contacted my firm, asking for representation from me, and unaware of how he came to be my new client, I arranged for a legal meeting.

If I was asked to describe AJR (prior to us reconnecting and me actually having my memory revived), I would struggle. I would possibly (and this is an assumption, given I can't discredit what I now recall having a template of his face as it is now, relatively the same, just older) have said 'tallish, slim build, white skin, blondish hair'. I did not remember he was from Essex. AJR was in a weird suit when I first met him. The suit was blue and yellow checked. He was made to wear this because he was an escape risk and the suit was designed to make him visible as an escape risk. It was truly awful and this was the first time I'd seen a prisoner in such clothing. AJR told me the legal visit was so I could request he be given his normal clothing back. In fact, he did not care about wearing this suit, as it made him feel 'special' (AJR is, like me, an extrovert, so I understand this). He had invented' his problem solely to get me to visit him. I said I would write to the Governor. After a very short legal discussion, AJR began chatting to me socially. I do not recall the nature of this - or subsequent - conversations, but apparently I told AJR about my relationship with a guy from London (PS) and what PS did; and we also discussed music (AJR was an Eminem fan, and he says we discussed Eminem at length). 

After our first meeting, AJR would constantly contact me asking for representation on a number of matters. I just assumed he was - like most prison clients of mine - wanting some interaction and to stir issues within the prison, using his lawyer as a means of challenging small problems. I would arrange legal meetings, receive letters from him or phone calls to my office. I never ever once felt he fancied me, although he says it should have been obvious given all his 'legal issues' were so minor and invented purely to see me (stuff like his Playstation had been removed or he'd lost a T-shirt and wanted to complain). IPPs/life prisoners do not have IAs (as they can't have extra days added to their sentence on a guilty plea/finding) so it was always matters requiring written representation. AJR can recall outfits and hairstyles I wore 11 years ago. He recalls watching me write legal notes, and then looking away at the wall when I looked up. He'd remain seated at the end of the visit, so he could watch me leave (and check out my ass). On one occasion, he recalls I mentioned I was very tired (maybe he'd commented that I seemed tired) and I'd told him my boyfriend, PS, was staying with me. This led AJR to get jealous, knowing I'd been with my boyfriend the night before and that was why I was so tired. I cannot believe I shared so much personal information with a client (looking back, having been told by AJR), but I guess he was charismatic and I trusted him. He can't believe I didn't know his real intentions, given our legal visits involved less than 5 minutes of legal instructions and advice, and then 55 minutes of hanging out together, talking. He'd go back to his cell and...(as candid as I'm trying to be here, you can use your imagination). Apparently there was a lot of talk about how he fancied me within the prison. His mum has since told me that she and his brother remember my name being mentioned by AJR over the years. 

My last meeting with AJR was in a different, local prison, where he'd been transferred at some point. A new client (I'll call him ABC as I have no recollection of him whatsoever, and he was simply used as a pawn in AJR's grand scheme of getting contact with me) asked me to represent him on an IA involving production/possession of 'hooch' (prisoner-made alcohol from fermented fruit juice). ABC was pleading not guilty and AJR was his star defence witness. AJR was in fact not a legitimate witness - ABC was bang to rights on the charge and was advised by myself that he should plead guilty as he had no legitimate defence from AJR, who was clearly inventing his evidence. ABC and AJR knew this, AJR had simply wanted the opportunity to see me in a private room, to give a witness statement, knowing I'd advise that it wouldn't be useable in the case and I wouldn't need to call him to testify (ABC in fact told me he was always wanting to plead to the charge anyway, so for him it made no difference). I still did not know AJR fancied me or had concocted this scheme to see me. I only found this out in recent times, and yes, I do think it is both creepy and highly romantic at the same time. 

AJR said that he was always waiting for me to give him the 'green light' to make a move on me in a legal visit. Ethically, I would not have done so, but honestly - I wasn't even tempted to do so as I had a boyfriend. He said he wanted to try and play footsie under the table and see if it led anywhere, but I never gave him a sign and he didn't try anything. Looking back, we both wish things were different, but in a way, if I'd known he fancied me back then and acted on it, perhaps life would have turned out differently (I might have regretted it or something might have gone 'wrong' meaning I'd avoid future contact?)

Anyway, sometime thereafter AJR and I lost contact. I stopped working for the law firm and moved to London to live with PS. AJR did a 'grand tour' of the prison system in England. There was no way of contact, even if either of had been minded to try. I forgot all about AJR (so I assumed), and to him, I was just another woman he'd met who he fancied, but never forgot. 

So between 2008/9 and 2018, there was absolutely no contact between AJR and I - it was as if neither of us existed for each other anymore - life moves on. He was one of a large number of former clients and I was just another one of his numerous lawyers over the years. 

In spring 2018 I was dating KU. The relationship was toxic and I was suffering from mental and emotional health issues due to family matters and the effect the relationship with KU (another university student, same age as myself) was having on me. 

Out of the blue I received a Facebook friend request and message from AJR. I didn't know who this was at first, but soon realised. His face appeared familiar to me and then upon re-learning his name, I had more memories (although clearly, not as strong as AJR's). He said that he had seen me as a mutual friend of TW (a friend of his offline). TW had been someone who randomly added me and had no interaction with me, so the fact this was AJR's actual friend and the way he first found me online randomly, is a matter of pure chance. I discovered that AJR was still in prison, this being his 14th year serving the IPP sentence. He was now 30 years old. He was also back in my local prison (i.e. in my city, the place where we'd originally met, 11 years ago). I was shocked he was still in prison, and upset to hear about that. He had an illegal smartphone, hence how he had Facebook and other social media. I recall him 'liking' (maybe even commenting) on some of my profile pictures/photo uploads, but I do not think I ever went and looked at his actual profile as I do not remember a single thing about his online presence outside of our inbox conversations. 

AJR appeared to be instantly interested in me and - in my opinion - came on very strong, talking about wanting to kidnap me for a shotgun wedding. I resisted his advances, but did not tell him I had a boyfriend, saying I was single and not interested in dating (the toxic/abusive relationship was not something I was prepared to discuss with AJR at the time). I would read AJR's messages on Facebook and leave him on read, ignoring him. He'd ask for my phone number and I wouldn't say 'No' outright, but make some excuse as to the fact I thought he'd harass me, given he was already harassing me in message form. I was basically avoiding given solid answers and stringing him along without being entirely honest with him. This would make AJR angry and frustrated and he would challenge me about it, leading to me becoming hostile and defensive. Obviously, I didn't know that he'd fancied me for so long and how it felt to make contact after so long, only to be actively ignored. I remember telling friends that I was wary of talking with him too much because he seemed very persistent and I wasn't sure about him. I completely overlooked the fact that while me ignoring AJR for hours or even days was 'normal' for online interactions, for him sitting in a cell, minutes felt like hours. He'd forget people have busy lives in the outside world. Seeing a notification that I'd read his messages and was online, but not responding drove him crazy and he'd tell me he'd seen me online ignoring him, which led to me being even more cold and aggressive with him, telling him I didn't want him watching my actions etc. At one point, AJR decided to send an unsolicited photograph to me, which enraged me. I immediately responded in an angry manner, informing him of how disgusting I found his actions. AJR was really apologetic, and in his defence, he wasn't as clued up on these types of interactions as I was - he assumed it was a good way to get my attention. My reaction made him feel really guilty. 

Eventually, after I continued to behave in a cold and unapproachable manner, AJR told me that he was going to delete me from Facebook and re-connect with me when he achieved parole, which was scheduled for October 2018. I didn't even respond to his final message to me, and just saw it as one of those unfortunate online interactions. I was upset he felt he had to delete me and that my rejection had led to this, but I had my own problems to deal with, so just moved on. 

Sometime in June/July 2018 I'd finished my relationship with KU. I was on Facebook and decided to look in my 'second' or 'hidden' inbox (the one where messages from non-contacts often end up). I hadn't got any notifications to look in there, it's just something I sometimes do. In the hidden inbox was a message from a person with a name which was the same first name as TW, and AJR's actual last name, spelled slightly differently, so 'TR'. There was a photograph as the profile picture, but I didn't look too closely at it. The message said words to the effect of 'Hi Babe' or something, triggering me to say; 'You obviously don't know me if you think I like being called Babe'. I then looked more closely at the profile picture and saw it was AJR, so softened my tone. AJR said he his former Facebook account had been deactivated (Facebook became aware he was in prison - so perhaps someone reported his account, although he wasn't exactly subtle in what he posted). He said he'd wanted to leave me alone until he was released, but couldn't resist making contact with his new Facebook. 

AJR and I started messaging each other again. Now I was single, I was more receptive to responding. At this point, my best friend LD2 was in the process of finalising and submitting his PhD. I recall there was a lot of LD2, IN and I getting together, usually with drinks. One day I had issues with my wifi/mobile data and AJR arranged a top up for my phone. I was so grateful, I offered to send him some photographs as a thank you. This angered AJR as he had done it out of friendship, not to get 'favours'. I realised this man was genuine and exceptionally kind and caring. Our conversations grew more intense and we moved on to phone calls. It was on 10 August 2018 (the night LD2 finally finished his PhD and we celebrated the fact) that I decided I wanted to be with AJR. I was drunk that night and when I told him, he asked me to reconsider when sober, but I knew what I wanted (even though that night I was so drunk, following drinking an entire bottle of vodka while with LD2 and IN) that usually I'd completely doubt my judgment. I even forgot large chunks of the night. I cannot recall the sequence of events, but basically at this point, AJR and I would chat on the phone for hours on end and we began Facetiming (yes, in a sexy way!). I agreed I would visit him given he was less than 5 miles away from me! 

The visit was the first time I'd ever had a social (i.e. non-legal visit) with anyone. I was really scared, as 11 years had passed since I'd last seen AJR in person (despite our Facetiming and sharing photographs online). I was so anxious, I spent hours trying to find an appropriate outfit etc. I won't bother to go into detail about visits with AJR, save to say I was so nervous on the first one, I could barely even look at him and kept laughing. When things got 'romantic', prison officers were quick to step in, making it even more awkward. Our relationship progressed to the point that I'd visit AJR 3 - 4 times a week in addition to speaking every night, and eventually we told our families etc. There were ups and downs - as expected in any relationship - but I am sure you can understand the unique pressures of dating a life prisoner - the challenges for him (having spent his entire adult life and majority of teenage life in custody) and myself (lack of intimacy with someone I am in love with; the stigma other people try and impose upon finding out the nature of the relationship and dealing with judgment and curiosity; seeing his treatment within the prison system etc). 

AJR did not get parole in October. He got D Cat (open prison) and thereafter was unfortunately transferred back to closed prison before he ever got a home visit or time out of custody. These matters are private and still ongoing. The point is, AJR and I are in a committed relationship and don't allow the obstacles to cloud our future, even if we have to negotiate tough or impossible situations etc. 

I guess, there is one other thing I should mention - as a weird aspect of our relationship - before I reveal the 'mind-blowing dream'. Just after Christmas 2018 (AJR had recently been moved from open conditions back to a local closed prison) he told me we needed to break up because it was too difficult to cope with a relationship in our circumstances. Previously, we have had similar issues periodically. We never really argue at all - AJR just tries to distance himself from me, and given he is in control of most contact, the ball is always in his court (i.e. he can call me on the prison pin phone - if no mobile access is possible - but I cannot call him; I can write/email, but he can choose to ignore it; I don't book visits to compel him to see me if he indicates he does not want to). AJR never intends to hurt me; it's a form of protecting me and himself from potential emotional pain. 

Anyway, back in December/early January, the break up he instigates is hurting us both and our communication is virtually non-existent, although I am sometimes trying to tempt him to text me by sending messages. I am so depressed, every day is a struggle. AJR's mum tries to reassure me that he is in fight or flight mode and will come back when he is ready, as it's just a defence mechanism. I believe our relationship is 'meant to be' and concentrate on willing him to contact me and tell me he wants to be with me (I know he loves me, that is never in doubt). 

One day I was alone, walking across the field outside my house. Earlier that day, when smoking with DL, I'd said I thought Star Wars would be the thing that would bring us back together. AJR had never ever seen any Star Wars movie and thought it was really funny how much I love it. He was totally against it, thinking it was a weird, geeky sci fi thing. However, over Christmas, every one of the Star Wars movies was being shown in chronological order on TV, so AJR had agreed to watch them (usually with phone calls to me in between to explain stuff). He actually enjoyed many parts of this new experience and we could now discuss it at length. AJR is my Anakin, he shares many traits, such as impulsiveness; a fierce protection over people he loves, namely the women in his life; fearlessness etc. He also shares some physical characteristics, including a facial scar and skin/hair colour/height/build; and his legal name could be shortened to 'Ani' which he hates me pointing out. He doesn't use his legal name, he is literally 'AJR' to everyone. The age gap between us is the same as Anakin and Padme, and we reunited after many years apart, and I was initially resistant - you get the picture! AJR loves Padme, so it's kind of perfect that he enjoyed the prequels the most out of Episodes I - VI. Anyway, given AJR had been watching Star Wars, I knew any reference would remind him of me during our separation. While walking alone on this particular evening, having been smoking on the field, I began to focus on the idea that I could 'use the Force' to bring AJR back to me. I know it sounds stupid. I don't believe in fate or ESP or any kind of paranormal activity/powers. I was just desperate and using Star Wars as a way of positive thinking in the face of distress and trauma. It gave me something to set my mind on. I wondered if I should learn Buddhist chanting, as I'd read/heard that Courtney Love used this to focus on her goals and believed it worked for her. I got home. 

That evening, I got a random text from AJR - it wasn't in response to any of my previous, pleading texts, it simply told me to turn watch a particular TV channel. AJR finds it odd I don't own a TV, but when he wants me to watch something, he knows I can live stream it online (obviously, his understanding of modern technology has some limitations). I did so. The show in question was The Keith and Paddy Picture Show - the Star Wars: Return of the Jedi parody. I put it on and began to watch, amazed that my 'plan' seemed to have worked. However, I didn't know exactly how weird this experience was going to be. For context - AJR and I are very jokey and insulting towards one another. Sexual frustration means we tease each other a lot. I call him 'Mayonnaise Sandwich' and 'AJonnaise' and suchlike because he is so 'white'. I also call him a 'toxic male' and he calls me a 'female thing'. He bullies me about how my Middle Eastern heritage makes me hairy, calling me a 'Silverback Gorilla'. If I had to list 5 personality qualities for AJR, 'annoying' would be in there, but I love his annoyingness. One of it's manifestations is the constant teasing over eggs. I hate eggs, they repulse me. I can cook them for other people and I can eat them as an ingredient in other foods (i.e. cake or quiche even) but I'd never eat an actual egg. I also hate the idea that I produce something called an 'egg' and to be extra annoying, AJR calls me 'Yokeybear' as a term of endearment and a way of making me feel gross about eggs, either in their edible form, or the reproductive form have in my ovaries (ewww). Bear this strange feature of our relationship in mind, when I tell you the next bit of this story. So I was watching the Keith and Paddy parody of Star Wars, and AJR wasn't really texting me as such. I was excited to know he'd reached out and specifically, due to a factor I'd predicted and wished for. 

Then, there was the fight scene between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker (and the Emperor) on the Death Star. Both AJR and I have the same reservations about this scene - AJR because he thinks both Darth Vader and the Emperor die too easily for powerful Sith Lords. He hates the fact that canon or EU explains parts of the overarching story and ideology not contained within the movies, such as why Force Lightening was so dangerous to Darth Vader and how the Emperor may not have actually died when he was thrown down the reactor shaft (I think that's what it was? I can't be bothered to fact check the technology on top of this loooonnnngggg Storytime post). He thinks Darth Vader is depicted as far less powerful than his mythos and reputation would suggest (again, he dislikes that there is so much other material which actually depicts Darth Vader more 'badass' than the original trilogy does, as he has no access to this material - and Rogue One (containing the best Darth Vader scene from any of the movies) had not been shown on TV, so he hadn't seen a contemporary depiction of Darth Vader more inline with how he should be (better lightsaber skills; more force power on display etc). He also dislikes Luke Skywalker and doesn't understand how he was able to become such a powerful Jedi in such a short space of time (I mean - who doesn't think that?)

On screen, AJR and I - miles apart, watching the same show separately saw the scene where Luke removes Darth Vader's helmet. And in the parody version - Darth Vader's head was a boiled egg with a soldier!!! I have recently found a screenshot of this for AJR which I will print and mail to him, as we both love that this was the lynchpin which brought us back together. Seeing an image of my favourite Star Wars character - introduced to AJR only weeks before - have an egg for a head randomly, within the context of our jokes about eggs was 'a sign'. AJR was compelled to phone me and we got back together. I have posted the relevant screenshot below so you can understand. 


The Dream
So, the dream!

The other day, I wondered if I'd ever had a dream which involved AJR at any point within the 11 years we had been apart (or at least the portion of the 11 years during which I was recording my dreams on this Blog). When this Blog began it had already been a number of years since I'd last seen AJR. The reason I questioned whether I might have had a dream which referenced him was because I had always had a lasting memory of the escape list suit he'd worn when we first met - he's the only prisoner I've ever represented or seen in person wearing one. I know that over the years whenever anyone has mentioned prisoners wearing unusual regulation clothing I'd thought of/mentioned having a former client who was a young, very rebellious boy who'd been made to wear a really ugly outfit due to being an escape risk for making a hole in his cell wall. I was just curious. 

Having 962 dreams recorded on this Blog makes searching through the archives really difficult and time-consuming. I can do it using labels (not helpful, since these are broad and don't refer to specific dream content) or keywords featured in posts (more accurate, but potential to bring up large numbers of posts). I used the latter method. My first search term was 'prison' - this brought up a high number of posts. I then used 'prisoner', which only narrowed the search results down marginally. I then used 'escape'. This brought up much fewer potential results and I began to read through each relevant post. There is - the best of my knowledge and research here - only one relevant dream, which relates to AJR during the 'lost years'. It is Dream 70 (I didn't title my dreams at that point), dated 2 August 2012. I have posted the dream below. I hope you find the fact that my future true love (the man whose face I'd looked into and felt nothing - no flicker of potential or chemistry so many times, so many years ago) remained somewhere in my mind, popping up in my subconscious thoughts (i.e. my dream) years later as amazing as I do. Probably not, since I'm a random stranger on the internet and this is my life and therefore of peripheral or non-existent interest to anyone reading this. But, it fascinates me how I could have this dream and just accept it - a dream about a random man who I never ever thought I's see/hear from again, without fully questioning why. I didn't even remember his name properly, or remember his face clearly, just blurry, general details. I didn't wonder about the significance of the dream - why would I? But now, looking back with hindsight, it's impossible for me to not see this as something symbolic, imbued with meaning. It's probably nothing mystical, just one of those phenomenon which we pay attention to because we're actively searching for meaning or answers etc. But I'd like to think my subconscious dreamself was sending me a message about my future, as ridiculous (and apposite to my worldview and beliefs) as that sounds. Please enjoy my special dream, and comment below if you want to share any views on this post.

Dream 70

Original date: 2 August 2012
Original post location - click here
I was sitting at a computer, browsing the internet. I saw a picture of a red and yellow checked tablecloth, laid out on a table, and clicked on it to enlarge the image and get a better view. The image was captioned, but I am not sure if I read the caption, or just 'heard' the words being said to me (in my own head?) It was my auntie, VF. The caption said: "I didn't want to look at this picture, because I have synesthesia and it gave me the answer to a question I didn't want to know about" (I do not know if VF has synesthesia, although I myself do). I wondered what the question/answer was and in my mind, thought that it must be something to do with a vehicle (although neither myself nor VF actually drives). I also thought that it was strange that VF's synesthesia gave her 'questions and answers' whereas mine involves mere associations between random items.

I was then with my mum in the Two Lifeboats Hotel, Sheringham, our former workplace. The lighting was very dim - as if all the curtains in the room were drawn - as it was definitely daylight. We were joined by my mum's friend AB, who was dressed in the outfit she used to wear when she too worked there - a white top and a black skirt. AB entered the room from behind me and came to stand next to my mum. She was in a bad mood. She sat a short distance away from my mum and I, who had taken seats close by where we had been standing (which I think was next to the bar/doorway to the restaurant area). She was now talking to a young male, who I did not recognise in the dream, although I feel that his dream character represented someone I know in real-life. He was tall, with dark brown hair and was wearing a white baggy T-short and light brown baggy trousers with trainers. AB was going through some legal case papers with him - witness statements - in preparation for a criminal trial in which he was the defendant. My mum and I were undertaking another (in my 'dream opinion' - less important, quite boring) task in relation to the trial (this was odd, even to me in the dream, as I am the qualified lawyer and neither my mum nor AB have any real legal expertise, yet they were taking over and not letting me look at the paperwork properly or talk to the male). I asked if I could go through the case papers, but AB refused to let me and carried on 'advising' the male - who in the dream was not named, or I do not recall any name given to him. The male was then taken in a prison van - possibly to be conveyed to court. I dd not see him get in the prison van - I had a mental image of it driving away, with him in the back, just visible behind grey metal bars (it did not look like the G4 prison vans I am used to seeing in real-life, more like one seen in movies, less secure and more 'military'). My mum and AB told me that now it was my turn to take over the case and work out a way to defend the male and win his liberty. I was fairly pleased, but also disappointed that I could not discuss the case face-to-face with the male. I was also annoyed that my mum and AB were leaving me behind and I assumed that they were going to court to watch the trial without me, having 'dumped' the work on me to complete). I went back onto the computer - which was now clearly a laptop. I was sitting on the floor of a bedroom, next to a bed with a colourful duvet. The lights were very bright - like a bare 100watt bulb was illuminating the room. It was not a room I recognise from real-life. I logged onto my Facebook page, to write a message of support for the incarcerated male and try to get others to join the campaign to free him - but I decided that in my status update, I should remove all vowel letters from the sentence I was typing. I typed 'RFFLSS' and posted this on my 'wall'. I have no idea what it means.

Contemporaneous notes/analysis which appeared at the bottom of the original post of the dream, explaining/interpreting specific details:
* At the time, I did not pick up on this, but the red and yellow checked design on the tablecloth seen in the first scene of the dream is the same as a 'prison escapee' suit (known amongst prisoners by various names) which prisoners who have made attempts to escape are forced to wear (i.e. think of the stereotype of the prisoner - in black and white stripes/arrows design or in bright orange - to make them stand out as prisoners amongst other civilians). When I worked in a law firm, I used to regularly visit/represent a prisoner (can't remember his full name, so I'll call him 'A') who was notorious for trying to break out of prison - he was often dressed in the blue and yellow 'clown suit' which would make us laugh at how silly he looked. Although the colours here were different, I understood the red/yellow checked design was 'the same' as the blue/yellow - I had a strong realisation of this upon waking. 

The following images are Google search results for 'prison E-List' suits. The 2 I have posted are exactly the same colours /style as the one I saw AJR wearing when we first met. I think the pattern is a combination of both shown (i.e. his was checked, so there were 4 panels), but I'd have o ask him to clarify this for definite. From my memory, his was most similar to the bottom image, but you can get a very accurate impression from both images.


Of further note is the fact that since meeting AJR again, my views on marriage and children have changed. I want to marry him and start a family. In the above dream (Dream 70), the male dream character does not necessarily match AJR's description, particularly the hair colour. 

You will recall (if you bothered to read the above Storytime) that AJR and I used to discuss Eminem a lot in prison visits. AJR was a massive Eminem fan and has told me (recently - not sure if he told me in the past) that he used to bleach his hair to look more like Eminem (AJR is more facially handsome than Eminem but there are similarities between them). 

My dreams always appeared to reflect my resistance to marriage and family life. It is something I have referred to numerous times on this Blog. However, the only 'dream character' I ever felt a strong connection towards (in the sense of wanting marriage and family life with him) was Eminem. I always thought this was odd, as I had never been particularly attracted to Eminem (nor a huge fan of his). 

The main dream in this respect dates back to 23 May 2015 and is Dream 443 - 'Will the Real Mrs Slim Shady Please Stand Up?!' I was so fascinated by my desire for Eminem within this dream, that it inspired a dream incubation experiment - Dream Incubation Experiment - Eminem/Marshall Mathers III Dream. Back when this dream incubation experiment took place I did not consider using an index system so that all relevant dreams taking place during the course of the particular experiment were recorded in one place. The Dream Incubation Experiment post linked above does have an index of Eminem dreams which took place prior to the experiment (so, including Dream 443), but in order to move forwards and read the dreams taking place within the duration of the experiment itself, simply go to the bottom of the Dream Incubation Experiment post page and click on left hand side link - 'Newer Posts'. There are also Youtube videos I have made relating to updates on this experiment if you are interested. They are linked on posts relating to the Eminem Dream Incubation Experiment. 

Given there is an association between AJR and Eminem - could my dreams of one true love with Eminem have been precognitive in any way? I guess I'm asking this ironically, but I am being honest when I say deep-diving into my subconscious like this makes me question the subconscious and dreaming in ways I may not usually do.

Sunday, 10 March 2019

Dream 962

'Thieving Pigeons & Mark Hamill's Lack of Help'
Date: 9 March 2019
Time: 22:30 - 14:00 hours
Type of dream: Normal dream
Dream recall: Normal recall 

Scene 1: My 'Bedroom' (Norwich?) - Day
I was in my bedroom, which appeared in the dream to feel like my own bedroom in my flat in Norwich and had certain similarities, but was different (especially the outside of the house). In my real-life bedroom, I have a built in double wardrobe, with shelving at the top. This is next to the door to the room, opposite my bed. In the dream, my bed was where it normally would be, but the wardrobe was where the door should be, and the shelving at the top had a window at the back of the wardrobe - or some kind of gap leading to outside the house (whereas in real-life, if you went through the back of my wardrobe you'd be in the storage cupboard in the hallway. 

I was with my Mum in my room and we were watching 2 massive birds (the size of eagles) which I first thought were pigeons (I think I referred to them as pigeons when pointing them out to my Mum), but I also thought they might be seagulls. They did look far more like seagulls than pigeons, and although I would say for sure, they were seagulls (with recollection of the dream), in the dream I referred to them as 'pigeons', so I will continue to refer to them that way in this record of the dream. However, I have included images of seagulls below, as these more closely resembled how the birds appeared to me visually in the dream. I perceived them to have very sharp beaks, teeth and to be aggressive and scary. They were white/greyish colour. My Mum and I watched the pigeons, which were in the top part of my wardrobe, on the shelving, where in real-life I keep shoes I don't often wear (high heels) and other items of clothing and cosmetics/accessories. At first we thought the pigeons might be fighting, but then we realised they were mating. One had mounted the other. There was a lot of movement and fluttering, with the feathers rustling loudly. My Mum said: 'Mark Hamill is the only one who can decontaminate the wardrobe' or words to this effect. I wondered how we would get Mark Hamill into the room/house to sort out the pigeons before something bad happened. The pigeons then appeared to leave the top of the wardrobe through the window/opening at the back. 

I was then told/made aware (by my Mum?) that the pigeons had stolen all my clothes from the wardrobe and dropped them into the garden outside. I wondered how this could have happened, as there were so many clothes in the wardrobe. My Mum then said that my stolen items were being taken by people who were outside in the garden (I think my cousin HM may have been involved in this).

I was really upset and angry at my lost items and ran outside into the garden area (I cannot recall what other parts of the house I saw at this point).

Scene 2: A Garden - Day
I was then outside in the garden area, which did not look like a garden I know from real-life, but looked ordinary. It was a smallish garden with grass and a hedge with rose bushes around the exterior. If I turned to look at my 'house', I could see it was a normal red brick family terraced house, which is not what my house looks like in real-life. There was a young, white female dream character (unknown to me) who followed me out into the garden to watch me try and collect my clothing. She was also telling me that people had come and stolen my clothes before I'd come outside to retrieve them. I could see items I actually own in real-life (mainly high heeled shoes). These were laying on the grass or in the rose bushes, as if they'd been haphazardly dropped. I recall seeing one of a pair of blue faux snakeskin high heels in the rose bush and picking it out, wondering where the matching one was (I cannot be bothered to go through the top shelf of my wardrobe to find the real-life version of these shoes,  which I do in fact own - in a couple of different colours as far as I recall - the ones I have posted an image of below are fairly similar in terms of pattern/colour - but the heel on mine is faux snakeskin too, not cork. I cannot recall if mine are slingback or regular, as I have not looked at/worn them for years). I saw the second matching shoe a short distance away, near a small wooden gate, which was the entrance to the garden. I felt like this was an insurmountable task to find and pick up all my lost items and I felt helpless and angry about what happened. I seemed to spend a lot of time in the garden trying to find my shoes in particular. Many of the shoes I saw in the garden are ones I actually own in real-life.

I went back into my house. My Mum said that Mark Hamill was on his way to deal with the pigeons (which had actually  gone and I do not recall seeing again in the dream). My Mum was holding a phone, as if she'd called Mark Hamill or was on the phone to him at this point. I felt like it was too late for him to help so wondered why she was bothering.

Scene 3: Bedroom - Time Unknown
I wanted to go back to my bedroom. It felt like (or I saw) there were a number of people in my house now, although I cannot recall speaking to anyone in particular. Someone (unrecalled) did tell me that all of my lost items of clothing had been found and collected by IZ (a good friend of one of my good friends, and someone I like - he attends my university). Apparently IZ had washed and ironed all of my clothing for me. I went through to my bedroom, which looked darker than it had before. IZ was standing beside my bed, folding up mountains of clothing, which belonged to me. I saw a pile of leggings - one pair was beige (I do not own beige leggings in real-life). I thanked IZ for collecting my clothes and told him he didn't need to wash and iron them for me, as this was more than I'd ever expect. I was so grateful. However, I also wondered if my clothing had been so dirty as to disgus IZ and hoped not. IZ said it was no problem/bother and he was happy to help.

At some point in the dream I realised I had bought some long blue (kingsize) Rizlas, having at first thought I needed to borrow one from someone. I am not sure how this fits in with the dream narrative generally, but I recall seeing a new packet of kingsize blue Rizlas and being confused about when I bought them and why I'd forgotten I had.

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Extra Information: None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • My Mum as a dream character

Dreamsigns: 

  • My house was different
  • The birds and all action surrounding this element of the dream
  • My Mum knew/could contact Mark Hamill who was allegedly able to help with the pigeon theft situation
  • IZ in my home, having washed and ironed all of my lost clothing without motive for doing so

Day Residue:
  • I'd seen an article about Mark Hamill the day before this dream (talking about how Disney are releasing the new Star Wars movies too quickly. I'd mentioned this article in conversation with DL earlier on the day of this dream
  • I'd been watching Star Wars theory videos the day before this dream
  • On the day of this dream I'd been in Great Yarmouth, a place I associate with large seagulls
  • On the day of this dream, I'd had an informal job interview and prior to this, I'd been looking through my wardrobe for items of clothing suitable to wear. I'd found a pair of heeled boots at the top of my wardrobe. I also recall seeing a pair of beige faux snakeskin heels in my flat (these were in the shoe area in our lounge) and wondered if these would be too uncomfortable to wear that day (I decided they were)
  • On the day of this dream I'd been discussing theft in my job interview (which was for a job in criminal law, thus theft was a relevant topic)
  • This dream happened the day after my cousin HM's birthday. Once when we were much younger, HM 'stole' some items of my clothing, which I managed to get back
  • I'd asked to borrow a kingsize Rizla on the day of this dream

Waking Reactions: 
The dream felt pretty stressful as it was experienced, but I woke up thinking it was quite an interesting and funny dream. 

Wednesday, 6 March 2019

Dream 961

'Blind Eye'
Date: 6 March 2019
Time: 01:30 - 06:00 hours
Type of dream: Normal dream
Dream recall: Normal recall 

Scene 1: An Unknown Domestic Interior - Time Unknown
I cannot recall much about the start of this dream, but all of the action appeared to take place in a domestic interior (i.e. a house), which was familiar to me in the dream, but unknown to me in real-life. The first part of this dream that I recall took place in a bedroom, in which there was a double bed with white sheets on it. I was in this bed with a white, blonde male dream character (unknown to me in real-life, in his 20s). There was nothing overtly sexual in this dream scene - I was not having sex with this male character, but it was clear to me that we were in some kind of intimate relationship. I cannot recall much about our interaction, but some time later, another male dream character (also white and blonde and in his 20s and therefore not particularly distinguishable from the first male) entered the room, and appeared very surprised to see me in the bed with Male 1. Male 2 had a backpack on. I became aware at this stage that I was also in a relationship with Male 2, and Male 1 was aware of this, but Male 2 was not. It felt more like a polygamous relationship rather than infidelity, as both male characters ended up in the bed with me, but again, nothing sexual appeared to happen. I was then aware that a party was happening downstairs in the house - perhaps Male 2 told me. I did not go downstairs to check. I started feeling really guilty, because I only wanted to be in a relationship with Male 2, not Male 1. I wanted to get rid of Male 1. Male 2 seemed annoyed at me and I wanted to make things right between us, knowing I'd made a mistake by being with Male 1. This scene was very vague and confusing. Male 2 moved to the side of the bed which was against a wall with a window. He did something at the windowsill, which I did not see or recall. His back was to me at this time. I cannot recall anything else about this part of the dream other than a strong feeling that Male 2 did not love me enough and I was upset and felt like I'd betrayed him.

I was then in a different part of the house, which looked like a bedsit, because there was a kitchen area to one side, and opposite, a sofa and coffee table. Behind the sofa/coffee table there was a partial wall, cutting the room into 2 separate spaces. The lighting in this part of the house was very dim. 

My Mum entered this space. She had been to the party in the house, or had been out elsewhere, partying. My Mum looked fairly similar to how she does in real-life, but perhaps slightly younger and also dressed in a very youthful way, as I remember thinking that she was wearing odd clothing, although I cannot recall what she was specifically wearing. My Mum's behaviour was odd - offhand and aloof. I thought that she might be annoyed with me, but had no idea why. I also wondered why my Mum was going out partying without me knowing. 

My Mum was then standing beside a counter in the kitchen part of the room, doing something. I looked over and saw she was lighting a cigarette (my Mum gave up smoking over 15 years ago and has not smoked once since then). I was about to tell her to stop, and remind her of the fact she'd given up smoking, when I realised that it was not a cigarette she was smoking, but a large cannabis joint. I was confused that my Mum was smoking cannabis, but I was less annoyed by this than the idea she was smoking cigarettes again. 

My Mum sat down on the sofa, still smoking, and I stood in front of her. There was some conversation which I cannot recall. I then saw my Mum's right eye was milky white - blind. There was no iris or pupil. This scared me and I wondered what had happened to my Mum's eye and whether it was due to her new lifestyle (partying/smoking cannabis). However, it seemed as if my Mum's eye had rolled back, as the iris/pupil rolled down back into it's normal position and looked fine again. However, thereafter her eye would switch between the milky blind version and the normal version throughout the dream. Once I realised my Mum could still see through the eye and she still had an iris/pupil, I was less scared. 

My Mum was then telling me something about my cousin CAJ. In the dream, I was aware CAJ was her teenage self (not an adult, in her late 20s). My Mum was describing CAJ's relationship with a boyfriend. I was listening and responding to the conversation from behind the partial wall, where I was kneeling on the floor, looking through a bag. I assume the bag belonged to CAJ. Inside the bag was a red leather purse (i.e. a money purse, rather than an 'American purse' which is a handbag). This purse was one which I own and use in real-life - but much, much bigger (about triple the size). I looked through the purse to see if there was any money in it. There was not. My Mum then informed me from behind the wall that I had given my old purse to CAJ after I had gotten a new one myself. I wondered why I'd have given CAJ my old purse and regretted it, wanting it back myself.

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Extra Information: None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • Windowsill 
  • My Mum as a dream character
  • Cannabis
  • A purse (belonging to someone else)
  • Younger versions of people known to me

Dreamsigns: 

  • The house we lived in was unfamiliar
  • I was in bed/a relationship with 2 male dream characters
  • My Mum was smoking cannabis
  • My Mum's eye
  • My cousin was a younger version of herself 

Day Residue: 
  • On the day of this dream I had a telephone conversation with AJR's mum (i.e. my boyfriend's mum) who said my current sleep/appetite problems might be resolved by smoking some cannabis. I do not know if AJR told his mum I smoke cannabis; my own family have known I smoke cannabis since I was a young teenager
  • On the day of this dream I saw a very disturbing image of a diseased or injured eye on a Facebook group dedicated to 'cursed images'

Waking Reactions: 
I was very disappointed that neither of the male dream characters in this dream was AJR, my actual boyfriend. I was also very angry/upset that my Mum was smoking cannabis in this dream for some reason. I really disliked this dream; it had a very negative feeling from the start and continuing throughout.

Monday, 4 March 2019

Dreams 950 - 960

Dream 950
'Cauliflowers & Custard Creams'
Date: December 2018
Scene 1: An Unknown Interior - Day
I was with AJR. There was something to do with babydolls, but I cannot recall. AJR was holding some packets of custard creams. I had two cauliflowers and wanted to hand them to AJR, but I thought he already had his hands full with the biscuits. 

* AJR has told me he eats custard creams (he calls them 'custody creams'), but I am not sure if I knew he ate them before this dream. Cauliflower is one of my favourite foods. 


Dream 951
'Bottled Water'
Date: January 2019
Scene 1: A Supermarket Aisle - Time Unknown
I was in a typical supermarket aisle with AJR. AJR was holding a number of 2 litre bottles of still water. I approached him with two 2 litre bottles of sparkling water, which I wanted him to carry, but his arms were already full. I asked him how we were supposed to buy the sparkling water. The idea I could carry the water did not occur to me in the dream.

* This dream is quite similar to Dream 950, above. This dream led to a discussion between AJR and I, during which we discovered we both hate the idea of buying bottled water. However, I love sparkling water, so I am forced to buy it. I do not drink still water often, but if I do, it's from a tap.


Dream 952
'Grand Hotels & Lowestoft Docks'
Date: January 2019
Scene 1: A Hotel Lobby - Day
I was in a hotel lobby, which I knew was in a location I refer to as my 'Dream Town' (click on link for explanation), a dream location which has appeared over a number of dreams throughout the years. The lobby or entrance area was mainly decorated in a royal blue colour and was very ornate and decorative, with gilt/gold fixtures and a lot of velvet and leather. There was a desk in the centre of the lobby and this was being operated by a blonde woman who was wearing a blue outfit which reminded me of a flight attendant. There was a male dream character present also; I think he was another employee. I cannot recall any other persons present. I cannot recall any conversation with either of the dream characters. 

Scene 2: A Domestic Interior - Day
I was then in a domestic interior, although I am not sure where this was. My Mum was present. She was telling me to pack a suitcase for some journey we were going on. I was completely unprepared and wasn't even aware we were supposed to be travelling anywhere. I do not recall even packing the suitcase. There was some dispute as to which taxi I would be getting in - alone or with other members of my family.

Scene 3: A Dock - Day
We were then suddenly at the destination, which was a dock of some sort, walking up a ramp onto a boat of some sort. I remember it was sunny. To get to the dock we had to walk through some kind of building, which appeared to have arcade machines in it, but also looked like the inside of a shopping mall. It's difficult to explain, but I woke up remembering another dream where I saw a similar location (I have looked through this Blog using keywords to find the dream I am remembering, but I am so far unsuccessful!) Beside the dock was a coffeeshop. I then realised we were in Lowestoft, Suffolk (although the dream scene did not resemble Lowestoft - which does in fact have a dock).

I cannot recall anything else about this dream, and these dream scenes were pretty vague on details. 


Dream 953
'Everything Breaks'
Date: January 2019
Scene 1: Toilets of an Unknown Interior - Time Unknown
I was in an unknown interior, which felt like it might be the toilets of a nightclub or bar. My Mum was present with me. I looked in a mirror which was above the sinks. I looked different in the mirror - I was still female with the same skin tone and dark hair, but my face just looked different, although not enough to say exactly how. I noticed I had a large bald patch on the side of my head. I then saw myself in third-person perspective, bending down to show my Mum. She did not seem concerned.

Scene 2: An Unknown Exterior - Day
I was standing beside a very low brick wall, which later appeared to be a picnic bench. My mobile phone was on the wall/bench. I thought: 'If my phone falls off that [wall/bench] it's too low to break'. My phone then fell off the wall/bench and the screen cracked. I was annoyed and wondered how I could get it fixed as it was unusable.

Scene 3: An Unknown Interior - Time Unknown
I was then looking at my laptop, which was completely broken. It was if it was contained within a plastic structure, which was bending, twisting and snapping, making the screen fall off. I cannot explain what this looked like. I was annoyed by this too, wondering how I could get this fixed. 


Dream 954
'No Contact Possible'
Date: February 2019
Scene 1: An Unknown Interior - Time Unknown
I wanted to contact AJR on a mobile phone, but it was impossible. I could not contact him. At one point I think I saw a chain of text communications (yellow background) on my mobile phone and assumed it was a conversation between me and him, but realised it was a conversation between him and someone else. I felt upset and frustrated and knew there was no way I could get in touch with him.

* This dream happened during a time AJR decided to break up with me. During the break up there had been some reference to text messages between him and another person. During our break up, I was unable to contact him as prison phones can only call out (i.e. I cannot call the prison, AJR has to call me and he was choosing not to). At this point he did not have access to a mobile phone either, so I was unable to text him and decided not to write/email him. 

Dream 955
'Strawberries & Dead Butterflies'
Date: February 2019
Scene 1: An Unknown Interior - Time Unknown
I had a big wooden crate of strawberries. They were massive - about the size of peaches and were really delicious and juicy. I could taste them in the dream, and they were the best strawberries I have ever eaten. I was enjoying eating them, until I saw there was a big dead butterfly in the crate. It looked like a Red Admiral butterfly, but much more ornate, and reminded me a bit of a peacock due to the patterns on its wings. This put me off the strawberries and I could not eat them anymore. 


Dream 956
'Bitch Texts'
Date: February 2019
Scene 1: My Nan's House, Sheringham - Time Unknown
AJR and I were in my bedroom in my Nan's house in Sheringham. I do not recall much about this dream, other than there was something to do with contact on a mobile phone, and AJR showed me the screen which indicated text messages either to or from LPB (a woman known to AJR who believes she will be in a relationship with him one day, and is currently unaware of our relationship). I felt annoyed she was still in contact with AJR, but did not blame him for this situation in the dream.

Dream 957
'Demon Attack'
Date: February 2019
Scene 1: An Unknown Exterior - Day
I do not recall much about this dream. I was in an exterior and I could see it was day. I was standing behind a wall, which was about the height of my hips. Walking along the other side of this wall was a demonic looking goat/deer creature. It was pure white and had no other colouring. It gave the impression of being 'blank' or 'ghostly', although it was solid. It was about the size of a horse and had massive horns which curled backwards. I was scared of this creature, but it did not appear to pay any attention to me.

Scene 2: My Bedroom, Norwich - Time Unknown
I was then in my bedroom, which looked pretty similar to how it appears in real-life, but there was a small desk and two office chairs set up in the space between my actual desk/drawers and wardrobe. I was sat here with a young white male dream character, who I perceived to be between the ages of 18 - 20 years of age and reminded me of EW, a boy I have recently met in real-life as he is 'dating' AK, a friend of mine from university. My Mum and another (unrecalled) dream character were sitting on the end of my bed, watching me talk to the male, who I will  refer to as EW. I was questioning EW and the meeting felt like I was interviewing him as a client (from the perspective of a lawyer). My Mum was trying to tell me that the questioning was pointless, and I indicated that the meeting with EW was confidential and she should not be listening in the first place. I cannot recall what I was asking EW, but remember there was some discussion about his welfare and how I could help him. In the end I decided the conversation was indeed pointless and I ended it. 

There was then some change, but I think I remained in my bedroom, as I was laying down on a bed. I think AJR was present, or at least I spoke to him at some point. I cannot quite recall. As I was laying down on the bed (perhaps with AJR), the creature from before appeared, but this time it was humanoid. It was the same colour, but had the body of a 7 foot male being, naked (no genitals seen). The humanoid now had a single horn (very similar to the horns seen when it was animalistic), which curved back from the top of it's head. It bore down on me, appearing to bend in the middle. I was terrified. I woke up. With hindsight, this creature is most reminiscent of Baphomet, although I did not make this connection within the dream.


Dream 958
'Stolen Cannabis'
Date: February 2019
Scene 1: An Unknown Interior - Day
I was with TC, a male who I know from Sheringham, who is about 3 years younger than me. In the dream I was my normal age, but TC was his teenage self. 

I thought TC was trying to steal cannabis from me, and I was annoyed and wanted to prevent this. Some action happened, which I cannot quite recall, but it transpired that although TC had possession of my purse, where my cannabis was stored, he gave it back/I retrieved it and my cannabis was safe inside.

I then realised that we were in a house which belonged to an older white female dream character. I do not know who she was, but she was in her 50s and appeared to be quite prim and proper. Her hair was in a bun and she was wearing an apron. In the dream I knew this woman, and was aware that she had an adopted daughter, who was not present. I think the adopted daughter was a teenager or an adult, but I am not sure. On the windowsill was a pile of cannabis, which belonged to the adopted daughter. While I was talking to the mother, TC went to the windowsill and began to scoop up the cannabis, intending to steal it. I thought that this was morally wrong, especially as we were guests in the house and the adoptive daughter was not present. I said to the woman: 'You need to stop him stealing your daughter's weed'. The woman did not appear concerned, so I kept on urging her to stop TC. She did not. I went to the window and made TC return the cannabis.

Scene 2: A Residential Street - Night
I was the with SVF, my best friend from high school, who I have not seen for many years. We were on a residential street, which reminded me very slightly of the street I used to live on when I was an undergraduate student at the University of York. There was a house party going on, and I became aware as we walked through the crowded house that I lived there. The house was a typical red brick terrace, but it had 5 floors. SVF and I pushed our way through the crowds, climbing various flights of stairs. My room was near the top of the house, although I cannot recall which floor exactly. I wondered if any of the party guests had accessed my bedroom and trashed it or stolen anything, but I was relieved to see that my bedroom door was safely locked. SVF and I walked through the party some more, and then decided to go and buy some food.

Right next to my house where the party was being held there was a house which had a serving hatch at the front. This was a takeaway, serving kebabs and other food you would find in a kebab shop. I told SVF to order vegetarian food only, because the meat was not safe to eat. However, she ordered a donner kebab. I ordered chips, cheese and chilli sauce (which would be my standard order in real-life). As we were waiting for the food to be served, I could see there were a number of party guests loitering on the street, some of them smoking. They were a short distance away from where we were beside the serving hatch. I could see they were dressed up for a party or nightclub and the majority of these dream characters were young females. 

Next to me was a flower planter and laying there was a woman's purse, made of blue leather. I picked up the purse and looked inside. There was a little bit of money - bank notes, but not much. I left these. There was also a small cellophane wrap, which I found contained cannabis. I decided I would take the cannabis. However, as I unwrapped it, I noticed it was a small quantity and very poor quality - mainly dust and stems. I tipped it out on the pavement in disgust. I was then made aware that the purse belonged to one of the female party guests who was standing out on the pavement. I felt guilty for throwing away her cannabis, but as I handed her the purse I made sure to tell her I had not stolen any of her money. She seemed content with this.

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.


Dream 959
'English Seaside Town Expansion Pack'
Date: February 2019
Scene 1: An Unknown English Seaside Town - Day
I was in a seaside town which looked very old and rundown. - derelict and impoverished. Everything was very grey and the weather matched - it was overcast and drizzly. All the buildings looked weatherbeaten and delipidated, but I felt happy to be there. 

I walked into a building, which I discovered to be a large secondhand bookshop. There were 2 dream characters inside - both owners of the shop - one male and the other female, white and quite old. I started talking to the female dream character, asking her where I was (because I liked the place). She told me that the town was a new Sims 3 expansion pack - I am not sure if this meant we were actually living inside the expansion pack (everything looked realistic as in real-life, not computer graphics; and all humans I saw were real people) or that this was a town upon which a new expansion pack had been based. I asked her which expansion pack I needed to buy in order to get this town for my game and she told me (I cannot recall the name of the expansion pack). The new 'map' or 'world' was called 'English Seaside Town'. I walked over to the window of the shop and knelt on a red velvet window-seat which was under the window itself. I could see the sea, which looked very grey. I asked the woman if this expansion pack came with any other new 'maps' or 'worlds' and she said that there was one, but it was very small and not worth playing. I decided I would go and buy the expansion pack. I left the secondhand bookshop.

It was now night and I was wandering around the town. I came to a road which appeared to be a residential street. On the corner was another shop, which had neon lights inside and appeared to be open. I was surprised, as it was late. My first thought was that this shop was a posh art gallery (I am not sure why I had this thought), but as I approached the glass door, I saw it was actually another secondhand shop, with various items (including vinyl records and clothing) hung up in the windows. There was a young male dream character inside. I cannot recall anything else about this dream.


Dream 960
'I Nearly Had Sex with AJR'
Date: 3 March 2019
Scene 1: An Unknown Interior - Time Unknown
AJR was out of prison and we were together for the first time (note: he has been in prison for nearly 15 years, so we have only dated while he is in prison). We were in an interior which I do not recall from real-life, but the bedroom was for our use, so it may have been a house or a hotel, I am not sure. I was aware we were going to have sex for the first time and I was very excited. I cannot recall much about what happened in the dream, other than I was about to have sex with AJR. I told him I wanted to go to the bathroom to freshen up. The bathroom resembled that of my Nan's house in Sheringham. I was disgusted to see that the entire bathroom, and in particular the toilet and bath, were covered in a green and brown gelatinous substance, which looked like a slimy form of playdoh or soft, wet clay. I was worried that AJR would see this and think it was dirty, so I began to quickly clean the bathroom, using a flannel I found. 

After I finished cleaning up the weird substance in the bathroom, I returned to the bedroom and AJR and I began to undress. At this moment, in real-life (06:25 hours), my landline rang, waking me up. It was a work call (I was on duty that night). I was extremely frustrated as I cannot wait to have a sex dream involving AJR, and furthermore, the phone ringing confused me, as AJR is really the only person who calls me on that phone (from the prison) and therefore I would never expect it to ring at this time (and I have a separate work mobile phone which could have been used instead).