Sunday, 11 December 2016

Dream 740

'Bad Mother'
Date: 9 December 2016
Time: 22:30 - 11:30 (I woke up from this dream naturally)
Type of dream: Normal dream
Dream recall: Normal recall

This dream is part of my Dream Incubation Experiment - where I ask my subconscious mind: WHAT DOES MY HEART DESIRE? You can read the introductory post (and watch the accompanying Youtube video by clicking HERE - opens in new window)

Scene 1: My Nan's House, Sheringham
Again, this dream did not start at my Nan's house, Sheringham, but this is the only location I recall from the start of this dream.

I had a new baby - but the baby looked older than newborn - at least one year old. It was a girl, with black hair in small bunches, with a fringe/bangs. She wore a blue frilly dress. I am not sure what her name was in the dream. She strongly resembled the child, 'Boo' from Monsters Inc. (2001).

I was not happy to be a mother and felt like everyone had abandoned me, leaving me to cope with a new baby. I had no clue what I had to do and did not like my daughter at all. I felt trapped and frustrated. I did not even know how to feed the baby. I was feeding her raw carrots, but aware that she should be drinking milk, not eating solid food. Although she looked older, she was definitely a newborn baby. I wondered if I should ask someone for advice, so I tried to contact my various female relatives to ask them how I should feed the baby. None of them seemed to care, and when I told them I had been feeding her solid food, they told me I was doing everything wrong and putting her at risk of harm, but would not tell me the correct way to do anything.

I assumed that I should sterilise the equipment I was using to feed her - but did not have a  sterilisation machine. I boiled a big pan of water on the stove and dumped all the baby bottles and spoons I had found into it. I then sat down on the sofa. My daughter climbed onto me for a hug and I moved her off me, onto the sofa because I didn't want to have physical contact with her. 

This scene with my daughter and me rejecting her seemed to dominate most of the dream.

Scene 2: A Record Store, My 'Dream Town' - Day
I was then in a record store, which I realised was in my 'Dream Town' (see Dream 738 - 'Makeup Brushes & Oily Skin' which links the relevant posts which explain what my 'Dream Town' is). I felt like I had visited this record store before (I may have done, although I cannot find a relevant entry in my Dream Journal at the time of writing this dream up). It was a normal record store, with nothing out of the ordinary. I was involved in some kind of 'swap' (I cannot recall the details).

I have forgotten the rest of this dream, as I was distracted upon waking by my phone. I recalled more of this dream when I first work up than I do now, when recording it.

Extra Information: 
None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • My Nan's house, Sheringham as a dream scene location
  • Rejecting motherhood
  • Feeling alone and abandoned
  • Swaps

  • My newborn daughter looked like a toddler
  • I was  feeding a newborn baby raw carrots
  • I was in my Dream Town

Day Residue: 
  • Recently, there has been some fraught and frustrating discussion at work about rota swaps

Waking Reactions: 
It was interesting that during the course of my Dream Incubation Experiment, I have had yet another dream about rejecting motherhood. This - and marriage - have been the predominant recurring dream themes, which fascinates me. This dream was frustrating as I really did not want to be a mother and knew I was doing a really bad job!

I have forgotten a lot of detail about this dream, which seemed much more vivid when I first woke up from it, although being distracted soon thereafter meant my dream memories faded. If I recall anything else about this dream, I will record it below.

Here is my Youtube video where I describe my current Dream Incubation Experiment:

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