Sunday, 4 August 2019

Tallulah's Dream Palace | Boyfriend Dreams (Vol. 1)

I am going to discuss and analyse every single dream I have ever had which directly features my boyfriend, AJR. I will not be covering dreams which may contain day residue relating to the real life AJR which influences the content of my dreams - this would probably be every single dream I have had since starting our relationship. AJR has to be a dream character, or at least mentioned in the dream narrative/content. I will be recording my discussion/analysis of my AJR dreams in a sub-series in the Tallulah's Dream Palace Series.

To give a summary of the timescale we are talking about - I first met AJR in a professional context in 2006/7 when he was 19 years old and an IPP prisoner serving in my local prison. There was no special relationship at that time, despite the fact he fancied me (I was unaware). To understand the context of our relationship further, please see the Love on Lockdown Series. AJR got in touch with me (from prison) on Facebook in around March 2018, but I was not really interested in a relationship with him, and I would often be very cold towards him, leading him to delete me off Facebook in frustration. AJR then contacted me again, via Facebook, in June/July 2018 and we began talking more often (I was more receptive to him). We officially started dating on 10 August 2018. I went to visit him for the first time a short time after that, although I cannot recall the exact date (if anyone is interested I can ask AJR as he has a list of every single prison visit he has, but I don't think this is particular important!)

I uncovered a phenomenon when I was delving into my past dream records to see if I had ever dreamed of AJR randomly at any point prior to him first getting in touch with me in March 2018. I did recall representing him in prison law back in 2006/2007 (mainly due to the fact I first met him when he was wearing an E-list (anti-escape) suit, which was a lasting image, imprinted on my memory. I had absolutely no contact, nor reason to think about him at any point between 2007/2008 (when I stopped working in the criminal law firm I had been employed in when I became AJR's prison lawyer) and 2018 when he got in contact completely out of the blue!

I found I had in fact randomly dreamed about him in 2012! Here are the relevant Blog posts:
Here is the relevant Youtube video for this incident:

As I have had so many dreams about AJR since our relationship began, I will have to break the videos down into segments or chunks, so that it is a more manageable task to discuss and analyse the dreams. I will make an update post every time I manage to make a new video in this sub-series of Tallulah's Dream Palace | Boyfriend Dreams. 

'Baby Daddy'
Date: September 2018

Scene 1: A Hospital - Time Unknown
I was in a hospital, which also resembled a post office, with a counter and glass screen, behind which a female worker was standing. There was a sofa which stretched along the opposite wall and the room appeared to be very narrow. 

I was with my Mum and other members of my family and we had just arrived. I was aware that I was pregnant and about to give birth, although I did not feel like I was in labour. I was wearing a white baggy T-shirt. I was wondering where the father of my baby was - and at this stage in the dream, I did not have any idea who it might be. I looked down at the sofa (which I now saw was pale blue fabric). LD1 was there, laying on his side sleeping. He woke up as I looked at him. I saw a 'thought bubble' appear over his head (like in The Sims, when it shows you the sim's motive). I could tell from what was in his 'thought bubble' that he assumed he was the father of my unborn baby and that was why he was in the hospital waiting room. I was not happy with this, so I hoped he was not the father. I then became aware that he was not the father and I was pleased. I realised that AJR was the father. This made me happy. I sat down with my Mum on the end of the sofa furthest away from LD1. 

The next thing I knew, I had already given birth, although neither the baby nor AJR were present. I was standing in front of an unknown male dream character, who was in his 20s and white. I cannot recall any other detail about him and I do not know what his role was. We were in a darkish room. He pointed at my body and I lifted my top (now a pale blue one) and discovered I was really skinny, which made me feel good as I had lost all the weight from being pregnant. I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

* Note that I have a feeling I know what LD1 appeared in this dream as the 'potential father'. I know I have written about his elsewhere on this Blog, although I cannot find any of those dreams to link here in order to offer some explanation as to who he is. Basically a few years ago, LD1 (perhaps anonymised as LD in a previous dream) contacted me (or maybe I contacted him first, I cannot recall) on social media. I had not spoken to him properly since high school. He had married and separated from a girl we had gone to school with, who is also subject of many of my dreams. We began talking, but never got round to meeting up. He seemed overly keen and attached very quickly. We eventually 'ended' our chatting/flirting when he slut-shamed me over the fact I have sent thousands of nude photos of myself to previous boyfriends/lovers and he was overly jealous, despite us not being in a relationship or even physical company and him having been happy to receive some photos himself. During our earlier flirting conversations, he made some references to the fact that he thought we would end up in a relationship. This was a huge leap. He said he'd like another child (he has a son from a previous relationship). I said I did not want children and he said he wanted to change my mind about that. This actually made me feel really negatively towards him, in addition to other things. We have not spoken to one another nor interacted in any way since then. I have never wanted children. However, now I am with AJR, we have discussed our future plans and my mind has changed as I now realise I have never been in love properly before now. 

'Family Feud'
Date: October 2018

Scene 1: A Domestic Interior - Time Unknown
I was in a domestic interior, which was my family home in the dream. A large number of my family were present, as was AJR. Someone - an unrecalled male relative - began to make fun of me, or say things which made me annoyed, although I cannot recall what. AJR began defending me aggressively and I was pleased. I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Date: October 2018

Scene 1: Outside the Prison Visits Centre - Day
I was standing outside the visits centre of the prison AJR is in. I was aware that he had been released from prison, but I am not sure why I was there. An unknown female dream character (white, youngish, with brown hair) approached me in a panic, and told me that AJR had been recalled to prison and was about to be arrested. I frantically went to find AJR before he was arrested and taken back into custody. I am not sure why he was being recalled.

Scene 2: An Unknown Interior - Time Unknown
This scene seemed to repeat itself twice, without the narrative of the dream developing or the scene changing. I found AJR and told him I knew he was about to be recalled to prison. In the dream (as in real life) we had never been in a situation where we were unsupervised and able to have sex. We took off our clothes and I was encouraging AJR to quickly have sex with me before he was found and arrested. I laid down - it appeared we were in an interior location where there was a bed. AJR got on top of me and was about to have sex with me when the door of the room opened and I was aware he was about to be arrested before we could have sex. This then repeated, making the dream doubly frustrating. I woke up feeling sexually aroused.

'The PA'
Date: October 2018

Scene 1: My Nan's House, Sheringham - Time Unknown
I was aware that AJR had hired a female Personal Assistant. She was small and white, in her 20s and had a black bob hairstyle. There was some action in the dream which I cannot recall. Something led me to go upstairs in my Nan's house and enter my bedroom. AJR was sitting on the bed, sideways, leaning against the wall. His PA was in bed with him. They had the duvet over their legs. I assumed AJR was cheating on me. I walked over and grabbed the PA by her arm and dragged her out of the bed. I then began to aggressively attack her with my fists, beating her into submission on the floor in front of the bed. AJR was very angry at me and was shouting, questioning why I was attacking his PA for no reason. I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Scene 2: An Unknown Interior - Time Unknown
I was in an unknown interior, sitting on or beside a bed. My mobile phone was smashed beyond repair, which made me unhappy. I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Date: October 2018 

Scene 1: An Unknown Exterior - Day 
I cannot recall anything about this dream other than AJR and I were outside, walking together in the sunshine which made me feel extremely happy.

'Cauliflowers & Custard Creams'
Date: December 2018

Scene 1: An Unknown Interior - Day
I was with AJR. There was something to do with babydolls, but I cannot recall. AJR was holding some packets of custard creams. I had two cauliflowers and wanted to hand them to AJR, but I thought he already had his hands full with the biscuits. 

* AJR has told me he eats custard creams (he calls them 'custody creams'), but I am not sure if I knew he ate them before this dream. Cauliflower is one of my favourite foods. 

'Bottled Water'
Date: January 2019

Scene 1: A Supermarket Aisle - Time Unknown
I was in a typical supermarket aisle with AJR. AJR was holding a number of 2 litre bottles of still water. I approached him with two 2 litre bottles of sparkling water, which I wanted him to carry, but his arms were already full. I asked him how we were supposed to buy the sparkling water. The idea I could carry the water did not occur to me in the dream.

* This dream is quite similar to Dream 950, above. This dream led to a discussion between AJR and I, during which we discovered we both hate the idea of buying bottled water. However, I love sparkling water, so I am forced to buy it. I do not drink still water often, but if I do, it's from a tap.

'No Contact Possible'
Date: February 2019

Scene 1: An Unknown Interior - Time Unknown
I wanted to contact AJR on a mobile phone, but it was impossible. I could not contact him. At one point I think I saw a chain of text communications (yellow background) on my mobile phone and assumed it was a conversation between me and him, but realised it was a conversation between him and someone else. I felt upset and frustrated and knew there was no way I could get in touch with him.

* This dream happened during a time AJR decided to break up with me. During the break up there had been some reference to text messages between him and another person. During our break up, I was unable to contact him as prison phones can only call out (i.e. I cannot call the prison, AJR has to call me and he was choosing not to). At this point he did not have access to a mobile phone either, so I was unable to text him and decided not to write/email him. 

'Bitch Texts'
Date: February 2019

Scene 1: My Nan's House, Sheringham - Time Unknown
AJR and I were in my bedroom in my Nan's house in Sheringham. I do not recall much about this dream, other than there was something to do with contact on a mobile phone, and AJR showed me the screen which indicated text messages either to or from LPB (a woman known to AJR who believes she will be in a relationship with him one day, and is currently unaware of our relationship). I felt annoyed she was still in contact with AJR, but did not blame him for this situation in the dream.

'Demon Attack'
Date: February 2019

Scene 1: An Unknown Exterior - Day
I do not recall much about this dream. I was in an exterior and I could see it was day. I was standing behind a wall, which was about the height of my hips. Walking along the other side of this wall was a demonic looking goat/deer creature. It was pure white and had no other colouring. It gave the impression of being 'blank' or 'ghostly', although it was solid. It was about the size of a horse and had massive horns which curled backwards. I was scared of this creature, but it did not appear to pay any attention to me.

Scene 2: My Bedroom, Norwich - Time Unknown
I was then in my bedroom, which looked pretty similar to how it appears in real-life, but there was a small desk and two office chairs set up in the space between my actual desk/drawers and wardrobe. I was sat here with a young white male dream character, who I perceived to be between the ages of 18 - 20 years of age and reminded me of EW, a boy I have recently met in real-life as he is 'dating' AK, a friend of mine from university. My Mum and another (unrecalled) dream character were sitting on the end of my bed, watching me talk to the male, who I will refer to as EW. I was questioning EW and the meeting felt like I was interviewing him as a client (from the perspective of a lawyer). My Mum was trying to tell me that the questioning was pointless, and I indicated that the meeting with EW was confidential and she should not be listening in the first place. I cannot recall what I was asking EW, but remember there was some discussion about his welfare and how I could help him. In the end I decided the conversation was indeed pointless and I ended it. 

There was then some change, but I think I remained in my bedroom, as I was laying down on a bed. I think AJR was present, or at least I spoke to him at some point. I cannot quite recall. As I was laying down on the bed (perhaps with AJR), the creature from before appeared, but this time it was humanoid. It was the same colour, but had the body of a 7 foot male being, naked (no genitals seen). The humanoid now had a single horn (very similar to the horns seen when it was animalistic), which curved back from the top of it's head. It bore down on me, appearing to bend in the middle. I was terrified. I woke up. With hindsight, this creature is most reminiscent of Baphomet, although I did not make this connection within the dream.

'I Nearly Had Sex with AJR'
Date: 3 March 2019

Scene 1: An Unknown Interior - Time Unknown
AJR was out of prison and we were together for the first time (note: he has been in prison for nearly 15 years, so we have only dated while he is in prison). We were in an interior which I do not recall from real-life, but the bedroom was for our use, so it may have been a house or a hotel, I am not sure. I was aware we were going to have sex for the first time and I was very excited. I cannot recall much about what happened in the dream, other than I was about to have sex with AJR. I told him I wanted to go to the bathroom to freshen up. The bathroom resembled that of my Nan's house in Sheringham. I was disgusted to see that the entire bathroom, and in particular the toilet and bath, were covered in a green and brown gelatinous substance, which looked like a slimy form of playdoh or soft, wet clay. I was worried that AJR would see this and think it was dirty, so I began to quickly clean the bathroom, using a flannel I found. 

After I finished cleaning up the weird substance in the bathroom, I returned to the bedroom and AJR and I began to undress. At this moment, in real-life (06:25 hours), my landline rang, waking me up. It was a work call (I was on duty that night). I was extremely frustrated as I cannot wait to have a sex dream involving AJR, and furthermore, the phone ringing confused me, as AJR is really the only person who calls me on that phone (from the prison) and therefore I would never expect it to ring at this time (and I have a separate work mobile phone which could have been used instead). 

Here is the accompanying Youtube video for this post:

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