Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Dream 793 (LUCID DREAM)

'Chris Morris & Ex-Boyfriends'
Date: 13 March 2017
Time: 23:00 - 04:45 (I woke up from this dream naturally)
Type of dream: Lucid Dream (Spontaneous DILD - Dream-Initiated Lucid Dream)
Dream recall: Strong recall

Scene 1: A Dark Room/My Bedroom - Night
I was in a dark room, which had a blueish tint to the atmosphere. I could see very little in the room at all, and was not sure of the location. Sitting on a chair (a dining chair) in the middle of the floor (which I think was wooden floorboards) was Chris Morris. I am a huge Chris Morris fan, but in the dream there was something very creepy about him and I was not enjoying being in his company. I cannot describe what precisely was so creepy, but I just wanted to get away from him. He trying to engage in some kind of interview with me, but I didn't want to answer his questions. 

I then found myself standing in the doorway of my own bedroom, looking into the room, which was dark. There was no noticeable 'transition' between these locations. I was aware that the dining chair - with Chris Morris sat on it - was where my bed should be. I saw that his handcuffs were behind his back and he was tied/handcuffed to the chair. I was annoyed that I could not get away from him.

Scene 2: My Nan's Back Garden, Sheringham - Day
I was then in my Nan's back garden, at the top where there used to be a lilac bush. I was standing on the grass. It was a sunny day. There was an unrecalled male dream character with me - it was someone I knew from real life. I was scared because I was aware that there were 'beings' present in the garden and I was trying to warn the dream character that we might be in danger. A strange, yellow, spiky-looking alien creature - naked and about 3 feet in height - started walking silently past us down the garden path in the centre of the garden. I was terrified, but the creature did not pay us any attention. 

Scene 3: A House - Time Unknown
I was then inside a house - not a familiar one from real life, but in the dream it was inhabited by my ex-boyfriend PS and his family. I was sitting down on a sofa, while PS, his mum (CJS) and his younger sister, JGH, were present. CJS was showing us a knitted outfit she had bought for someone's baby. Suddenly N the Dog jumped up and ripped the baby's outfit with his teeth. I found this funny.

Scene 4: A Bedroom which was also a 'Business Location' - Day
I was then standing beside a desk and a window with PS in a room which appeared to be both a bedroom and also a business/commercial space, with a number of dream characters at work in the near distance. Outside the window, I could see a city environment. PS was telling me about a business venture that he was involved in with a female business partner who 'used to run a greetings card company'. PS said that his business was now successful and he and his partner had connections in America and Brazil. I wondered if he and his partner were romantically involved and I was asking if she would be jealous that we were talking. It seemed that we were catching up after a long time (we have not spoken for around a year). PS said his business partner would not be jealous. I felt that he was being slightly awkward and resistant around me and I felt uncomfortable as I wish we could be close again.

Scene 5: Garden of my Former Childhood Home, Pine Grove, Sheringham - Day
I was then in the garden of my former home in Pine Grove, Sheringham with PS and N the Dog. The garden looked a little different from how it would in real life - perhaps it was a composite with PS' garden in Edgware, where I used to live with him and his family. It was a sunny day. PS - who in real life has grown his hair long (it used to be shaved when we were dating), now had dreadlocks, held back by a pink headband. He was hanging out laundry on a circular washing line. I was appealing to PS to 'listen to my side of the story' - meaning my reasons for ending our relationship years ago (in 2012) - this being my mental health and the stress of trying to maintain a long-distance relationship when there was so much history of bad feeling and resentment between us. I wanted to make PS aware of how much I had loved him and how sorry I was for hurting him. We had continued to talk and see each other even when we were separated and PS had moved on to see other people and I was trying to remind him that he had said he never wanted to lose contact with me. 

I then became fully lucid - spontaneously, with no need to reality check. I decided to use the opportunity to speak to PS further while lucid. I was standing beside a wooden fence at the end of the garden. To maintain the stability of my lucid dream I began to rub and shake my hands - stabilisation techniques which often work well for me. I started to talk to PS about my feelings - how sorry I was and how much I had loved him. I said to him: 'We're in my lucid dream, so I know this isn't real, but I want to talk to you from my subconscious'. PS seemed to automatically accept that this was a lucid dream, and I was aware that the conversation was an excuse for me to work through unresolved issues within the dream, but I thought this was a good opportunity.

He seemed cold towards me, yet civil. I started crying, telling him how much I missed him and N the Dog. I bent down to hug N the Dog, who was stretching in a way which always used to make me laugh - with his butt in the air and his back arched. He put his paws on my shoulders to 'hug' me and I was now really crying hard. I felt desperate and so upset.

I woke up crying from this dream.

Extra Information: 
None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • PS as a dream character

  • I met Chris Morris
  • The alien creature in my Nan's garden
  • I was with PS

Day Residue: 
  • On the day of this dream I had fallen asleep listening to Chris Morris radio shows on Youtube - particularly Blue Jam (BBC Radio One: 1997 - 1999) and Why Bother? (BBC Radio 3: 1994)
  • On the day of this dream, in a conversation with ML, I had described a teenage incident whereby my friend and I handcuffed an adult man (who we used visit so we could drink/smoke weed in his flat) to a chair for a joke, and I accidentally started a fire by melting lard on a shovel on a gas stove (while drunk and high)
  • On the day of this dream I had mentioned my previous relationship with PS and also talked of N the Dog. I had recalled how PS had done the majority of the household tasks when I lived with him - including the laundry
  • On the day of this dream I had been watching Jenna Marbles Youtube videos about her dogs - including one about introducing her dog to a baby
  • A short while before this dream I had been thinking about a short story I have been planning - I had previously described this story as being set in a utopian future, where society is incredibly bureaucratic - I had referred (in a conversation with DL and maybe SC) to the dystopian movie Brazil (1985)

Waking Reactions: 
This lucid dream was really horrible for me. The first part of the dream was not really a nightmare, but it was not pleasant for me to experience. The worst part was undoubtedly the lucid part though, as I was experiencing actual real life waking emotions and trying to address them with a dream character of someone in my life who I really wish I could talk to sometimes. I also really wish I could see N the Dog, I miss him so much. I woke up from this dream crying and feeling really depressed. I have been feeling in a low, unstable emotional state recently - which I have attributed to going back onto the contraceptive pill recently after a number of years of not using it. I think the change to my hormonal balance is really having a huge impact on me. I also associate N the Dog with being my main source of comfort when I was going through mental health issues during my relationship with PS. To not have him in my life is bad enough, but I think the dream really made me aware of how he had helped me through the toughest time in my life. The one positive thing about this dream is that it enabled me to discuss these issues and the way I was feeling with DL the next day, upon waking. He understood how much I missed N the Dog and reassured me that it was not weird for someone like me (who finds it hard to make emotional connections with other humans, but connects with dogs) to cope with losing a beloved pet. The dream did not resolve any of the issues with PS, but it did make me pay attention to what has been making me feel unhappy and to try and rationalise those feelings and move past them. I am aware that I am very lonely at times, having been single for over a year now.

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