Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Dream Interpretation 25


18 January 2012

This dream was really frustrating. During the dream, I was presented with a great ‘lucid dream trigger’ – I realised the one of my dream characters, introduced as a person known to me in real-life had a completely different appearance. I questioned this while in the dream, but didn’t adequately perform a ‘reality check’ or exercise any methods of dream control which would have potentially triggered lucidity.

Lucid dreaming experiments/techniques
  • Mental/training – MILD technique (20 minutes during alpha binaural beats); WBTB (Wake-Back-to-Bed) technique (woke after 5 hours of delta sleep; remained awake for 30 minutes, then returned to MILD technique/sleep)
  • Binaural beats through headphones – 20 minutes of alpha (for self-suggestion & meditation/MILD technique) and 90 minutes of delta (for deep, restive sleep); following WBTB technique – 20 minutes of alpha and 90 minutes of theta & theta/gamma mix
  • LDS –high strength cod liver oil enriched with omega 3, 6 & 9 (3,600 mg); multivitamins A – Z with evening meal; sea kelp (90 mg); CoEnzyme Q-10 (150 mg); and Gingko Biloba (120 mg). No 5-HTP (experimenting without to test improvement in dream recall) 

Potential triggers/’day residue’ 
  • Shortly before bed, I was reading case law for my legal research – hence the themes of crime; sentencing and prison terms; and notably, defendant & complainant/victim anonymity in sexual crimes
  • I had a discussion a couple of days prior to this dream with some male friends, who asked me to explain the concept of 'drunken consent is still consent' (a relatively recent change in UK law which took place as a result of landmark House of Lords judgments in cases where female rape complainant, apparently consenting to intercourse with the respective defendants at the relevant time, later claimed they had been unable to give fully informed consent due to intoxication). The conversation then moved on to false rape complaints and the law of consent in sexual cases, which provoked some hostile reactions from some of the boys, who felt there was an inequality in the law
  • I had discussed the concept of voluntary suicide with a friend the day before this dream
  • I had been feeling particularly stressed following an argument with my mum two days prior to this dream, which had  not yet been resolved
  • I watched a pornographic scene on TV just prior to falling asleep, whilst I was laying in bed – shortly after this scene, a character in the programme said “get him out of here” (see Scene 3 – below)
  • Just prior to bed, I read a Facebook post from a close relative stating that she had been sexually assaulted earlier that day. I felt sorry for her and intended to get in contact to ask what happened, but it was the early hours of the morning - this may have been on my mind

Main dream environment(s)
  • (Scene 1)  Unknown time of day, but I think it was the evening – an interior (seemed to be a lounge) which appeared to be a mix of my former childhood home in Pine Grove, Sheringham and my current home in London. There were two armchairs positioned to face a long sofa which was in front of the window
  • (Scene 2) A short period after Scene 1 – the same house, in a bedroom which appeared again to be a mix of my Pine Grove bedroom (in particular the area of the room opposite the door, where there are two built-in wardrobes either side of a vanity unit) and my current London bedroom (double-bed, positioned adjacent to the window to the right-side of the door)
  • (Scene 3) ‘Real-time’ passage of time from Scene 2 – the bedroom again
  • (Scene 4) Timing unclear – the downstairs lounge interior once again – this time standing at a white marble island counter, separating the lounge from the kitchen – which is present in neither the real-life Sheringham or London properties of which this dream ‘home’ appeared to be a composite

(Present in all scenes):
  • Myself (first person perspective – I did not see myself
(Scene 1):
  • PS (appearing as he does in real-life)
  • CJS (PS’ mother – appearing as she does in real-life, except her hair was luminous orange, as opposed to ginger red)
  • SS (PS’ father – he was my potential ‘lucid dream trigger’ – instead of appearing as an Indian Sikh with a strong Indian accent, he was a white male with grey hair/beard; pale milky blue eyes – which were cross-eyed; walked with a limp and spoke with an English accent. Although I questioned these facts in the dream, I did  not adequately perform a ‘reality check’ or attempt to exercise dream control methods which may have triggered lucidity)
(Scene 2):
  • SS
(Scene 3):
  • The presence of other persons (unseen) entering the bedroom
  • A white female adult with brown hair, wearing blue and white patterned pyjamas (unknown to me in real-life)
  • PS
(Scene 4):
  • PS
  • PC (my grandmother)
  • Various other persons, standing or sitting in the room, who I was too anxious to recognise or acknowledge
  • A lawyer over the telephone 

Dream narrative
  • (Scene 1):
No lucidity. I was with PS and CJS in the lounge area. I was aware PS’ dad was going to visit shortly (he lived in mainland Europe and makes several yearly visits in real-life). There was some unrecalledCJS sat on the armchair to my right and we were facing PS and SS, who were sat side-by-side on the sofa. PS said to SS “I like you, but I hate all women”. I felt angry. CJS said nothing. I got up and left the room.

  • (Scene 2):
No lucidity. I was in the composite bedroom, standing by the right-hand side wardrobe (by the window – a location which featured in an earlier dream). In this composite room, this meant I was at the foot of my bed. SS entered the room and we had a short conversation which I could not recall. I was able to see his face close-up and again, thought he was totally different – it may be my subconscious mind was again, trying to present me with a lucid dream trigger (my MILD technique involved the use of a mnemonic – “next time I am dreaming I will be aware that I am dreaming” – SS was the biggest ‘clue’ that I was dreaming!) SS left the room.

  • (Scene 3):
No lucidity. I still felt agitated. I got into the bed and pulled the cover over my head. I felt the presence of people entering and leaving the room. Then I felt someone get into the bed next to me and start touching my body in a sexual way. I felt alarmed, and pulled back the covers. I saw the brunette female wearing the  blue/white pyjamas lying next to me in the bed, pretending to be asleep. PS entered the room. He was standing at the door. I said “get her out of here!”

  • (Scene 4):
No lucidity. I was in the lounge/kitchen area, leaning on the island counter. There was a pile of Crown Prosecution Service papers on the counter beside me. I felt anxious. The talk in the room was of my impending imprisonment, but I wasn’t sure what crime I had allegedly committed. PS said to me “you’re going to prison for ages”. I was arguing, saying I wouldn’t surrender to custody, but everyone else seemed to have accepted my fate and seemed unconcerned.  I said: “I’m going to run away”. PS said: “there will be men waiting for you at the borders”. My panic increased. I said: “I’ll just kill myself”, but PC said: “the ambulance will bring you back, they’ll still get you”. I paced around the room, stressed. I said “I’ll go to prison if it’s a male prison or if the sentence is only a week”. I was informed this was not possible, but I felt confident I could manipulate the situation so I’d only stay in prison for a week. I got out a mobile phone and called a lawyer – because I was agitated, my fingers misdialled the numbers several times. When I got through to a person on the other end of the phone, I asked: “in prison, is a week 5 days or 7 days?” The female lawyer said: “7 days”. I was still anxious as the phone call ended. I woke up, but felt content and happy upon waking. I started to recall the dream, which had been very vivid, but fell back asleep before fully consolidating the memories in my mind, or recording them in writing.

The references to crime seem pretty self-explanatory – I was immersed in legal papers just prior to sleeping, so this was a likely form of ‘day residue’. Similarly, the inclusion of the female in the bed and the sexual touching may have related to the sexual/pornographic imagery I saw immediately prior to sleep – the dream character of the female may have been clothed in pyjamas due to my subconscious mind ‘censoring’ the experience to make it appear less threatening. After spending more time thinking about the content of this dream, I am convinced that the fact I was reading about defendant and complainant/victim anonymity in rape cases combined with the almost contemporary viewing of pornographic scenes led to the dream symbolism. In particular - PS's statement misogynistic statement that he "hated all women" may be a symbolic representation of my view of men who objectify women (and my own mixed view of pornography - fascination regarding the aesthetic and cultural impact, plus revulsion at the sexual jealousy and inadequacy it provokes). The fact that I was 'sexually assaulted' by a female and thereafter perceived myself as 'guilty' of a crime which I could not comprehend, may point to two intertwined notions - the view that women who dress provocatively or act in a sexually provocative way are 'up for it' and therefore 'guilty' of their own rape/assault if sending 'mixed messages' (i.e. relating to the literature I had been reading which suggested that complainant/victim anonymity enables women to make false rape complaints, whilst the male defendant may have his identity disclosed upon arrest); and that women who participate in the pornographic industry are perpetuating the objectification of women. The concept of 'female blame' - for the partial failure of the feminist movement? was represented in the dream through the brown haired female dream character, who committed the assault on me - a female - who was later to be judged and sentenced for a crime committed upon me as opposed to any active conduct of my own. Furthermore, perhaps the female lawyer on the telephone - my call for help - represented an aspect of myself; the education and career  I have embarked upon to better myself (prior to law school, I used to work in a dance club, therefore actively participating in the objectification of myself and women, generally. I also plan to have some glamour photographs taken when I have finished my gym training) - an 'intellectual' path. Yet, the female lawyer self was pretty unhelpful and simply confirmed my worst suspicions about my fate - i.e. that my prison term would be longer/more onerous than I had hoped it would be.
SS as he appeared in the dream
An approximation of the brown haired female in blue & white patterned pyjamas who sexually assaulted me in the bedroom
The sexual touching within the dream
Pile of legal papers
Legal textbooks & judge's gavel
Prison convict suit

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