Sunday, 20 December 2015

Dream 532

'You Fucked Me Over!'
Dream date:  15 December 2015 (Day 15 of Lucid December)

This is Day 15 of Lucid December, where I attempt to induce as many lucid dreams as possible using various induction techniques, described below.

Scene 1: Nan's House in Sheringham - Day

I was in my nan's house in Sheringham - in the living-room. I was sitting in the normal chair I sit in, which is the armchair beside the kitchen door, adjacent to the sofa (it is a very small room as my nan's house - where I live when not at university - is a council house i.e. social housing for those living outside the UK). I saw that JD was sitting in the seat where my nan usually sits (far end of the sofa, which is closest to the TV). I asked him to sell me £40 of cannabis (so 4g). He was surrounded by a number of his belongings which were all scattered over the sofa seats next to him. He gave me some cannabis, in clingfilm (plastic wrap) and I gave him £40. JD then moved to the armchair by the window and slumped in it. I realised at this point that JD owed me £40 (see Dream Information section below) - or at least he owed DL this money, which JD had dishonestly obtained by taking it from my house on the promise of returning within the hour with 4g of cannabis for DL, which he never did. So, basically, at this point, all the information in the dream reflected the real-life situation and I had access to my waking memories of JD and events involving him (although I was not lucid - this all felt like a natural real-life situation).

I said to JD: 'You owe me £40, so these are free. Give me back the money'. JD refused to give me the £40. I screamed at him: 'YOU FUCKED ME OVER!' JD looked worried, but still did not hand over the £40. He moved back to the sofa where his possessions were and sat back down in this seat. I wondered if I was going to punch him in the face. JD was trying to talk his way out of the situation and deny he was responsible for stealing £40, but I was not listening to him. I was screaming "FUCK YOU! YOU FUCKED ME OVER!' and other phrases to this effect. I was so enraged, I felt out of control. I then noticed that JD's laptop (in a black canvas laptop case) was on the sofa next to him. I grabbed it and said: 'OK well, I'll take your laptop as collateral then!' I felt victorious, as the laptop was a much higher value than £40. JD tried to grab the other end of the laptop, but I snatched it away and held it to my body. I said; 'You'll have to rape me to get this from me' (I don't even know what this means - I think I meant 'use violence', but 'rape' possibly relates to the fact a man would be using physical force against a woman and I was holding the laptop against my boobs, so in my subconscious I linked 'violence against a female', 'breasts' and 'rape' as well as the reference to 'fucking me [over]') JD relinquished the laptop. He then said I could take the 4g of cannabis and have my £40 back. I realised that this would resolve the matter and place DL, JD and I back in the situation we were in before the theft occurred. I accepted the £40 back from JD, but then refused to return the laptop, as I felt it was justified that JD experience loss and upset as a result of his earlier betrayal.

TIME: 02:00 - 10:00 hours (I am not sure when this dream took place - no WB2B)
  • Cognitive induction techniques, adapted from the MILD Technique & Tholey's Combined Technique to induce a DILD (Dream-Initiate/Induced Lucid Dream) - critical reflection (in conjunction with reality checking - see below); intention; auto-suggestion; affirmations before sleep and during WB2B - 10 minutes prior to sleep; 10 minutes during WB2B 
  • Reality checks (target: 15 - 20 a day); actual: 5 (poor)
  • Wake Back to Bed Method (WB2B) - sleep for approximately 5 - 6 hours (to attain all necessary deep sleep; or where sleep deprived, wake naturally without an alarm), wake for 10 - 15 minutes; perform cognitive techniques; sleep for a further 45 - 90 minutes, during which I will hopefully be in the 'best' REM stage of the sleep cycle for lucid dreaming - no WB2B performed
  • Potential REM Rebound Effect from cannabis smoked recently
  • 100 mg of 'lucid dream supplement' Vitamin B6 (2 x 50 mg pills, taken at midday and just before sleep)

Dream Information:

  • JD is a long-term close friend of mine. One day, during the summer, he was around my house when he decided to rip off a third-party to the sum of £40. JD knew I had an interest in the third-party (DL) not being at a loss and that I would be on his side. JD was only connected to DL via me (the person who knew both independently) and he had lied to me about the situation and implicated me in DL's loss (because it took place at my house), when I had basically been a trustworthy person who would never snitch on him or get him into trouble for his various criminal activities (he was on probation at the time and always confiding in me because we were such close friends - since he was a teenager in college, when he used to come to my flat with other hip hop friends/stoners). JD is obviously not to be trusted; and also he had needlessly and selfishly involved me wrongdoing which impacted on someone else who I had an obvious interest in shielding from such. So, I broke my friendship with him - easy to do since after giving him a couple of weeks to remedy the situation and be forgiven, he made himself purposefully uncontactable. Once I decide a friendship is ruined, it is a situation which will never be repaired; if I cut you off, it's forever! Some of our mutual friends have told me that JD did the same to a number of people around that time as he was trying to fund a holiday to Spain and therefore had made a lot of enemies in the city. I have also been told he will have avoided me out of guilt and shame - so I hope the £40 he stole from DL was worth the loss of our decade-long friendship!

  • JD was at my nan's house in Sheringham - although many of my male friends have been round to my nan's house (and some of them are cannabis smokers, which means it would not be unusual for there to be someone with cannabis at my nan's house - I am very honest with her and she knows I smoke it), JD has never been over

Recurrent Dream Themes
  • My nan's house in Sheringham as a dream scene location

Potential Day/Dream Residue:
  • None of note

Waking Thoughts & Emotions:
I woke up from this dream in a very bad mood - because it reminded me of JD and the loss of our friendship. I don't care that I have lost his friendship particularly, as anyone who can betray my trust doesn't deserve it and I can be very ruthless in cutting off people who make my life difficult or don't add value to it. However, being reminded of the situation, made me feel angry about it - despite it being several months ago. This dream renewed my extremely negative feelings about JD, which wasn't helpful. I also feel that the actions I took in the dream are quite likely to be how I would act in real-life if this situation took place - although of course I wouldn't just 'remember' about the £40 during socialising with him! 

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