Tuesday, 24 January 2017

Dream 766

'Arranged Marriage'
Date: 23 January 2017
Time: 23:30 - 07:45 (I woke up from this dream naturally)
Type of dream: Vivid dream
Dream recall: Normal recall

This dream is part of my Dream Incubation Experiment - where I ask my subconscious mind: WHAT DOES MY HEART DESIRE? You can read the introductory post (and watch the accompanying Youtube video by clicking HERE - opens in new window)

Scene 1: A Domestic Interior, Location Unknown - Time Unknown
I was in a situation where both CEC (a long-standing female friend of mine) and I were both living in the same home. CEC (in real-life) is married to a Pakistani man, and in the dream, someone connected to her husband had arranged a marriage for me - but it was a forced marriage and I did not want to be married to the man in question. He was Asian (not sure of his heritage) and not friendly. He was in his 20s or 30s and had short black hair and a complexion very similar to my ex-boyfriend, SL (who is of Asian heritage). My 'husband' also had an alcohol problem - and would sleep with empty alcohol bottles in his bed, meaning there was no room for me to sleep there. At one point in the dream I was standing beside the bed, looking down at him and the bottles. 

I was telling CEC how depressed I was in my forced marriage, but she was telling me that I had to put up with it and try and see things more positively. I was scared that I would be forced to have a sexual relationship with my new 'husband'. There was a scene which involved him being behind a door and me trying to avoid opening the door and confronting him.

There was some action which involved me formulating a plan to evade my new husband or defeat him in some way. I cannot recall the details of this part of the dream, but I was speaking to CEC about what I wanted to do and she was trying to persuade me to stay and make my marriage work. I did not feel safe. I was also aware that my new husband was going to try and force me to convert to Islam and this offended my atheist views. I felt trapped and extremely unhappy. There was a suffocating, claustrophobic feeling to this dream. 

I entered what appeared to be a conference room in the house. It was brightly lit with a yellow light and filled with men. On one wall, adjacent to the door, was a huge projector screen, showing a still image of women lined up. The men in the room were 'sexists' or 'misogynists'. I started speaking to the room, telling the men that they should not question women over motherhood and child-bearing. I said words to the effect of: 'It's offensive to see women as walking wombs. When you question a woman about motherhood, you don't know if she has fertility issues; recently suffered a miscarriage; gone through an abortion or had children taken into care. Motherhood is not a positive concept or 'goal' for all women'. I felt like I was speaking to deaf ears - none of the men agreed with me, but I felt like I was waging a war.

I cannot recall anything else about this dream. 

Extra Information: None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 
  • Rejection of marriage and motherhood

  • I was being forced into an arranged marriage

Day Residue
  • On the day of this dream I had seen a post written by an Asian male on a 'shitposting'/meme page I follow on Facebook. He had made a status saying he thought sex was disgusting and never wanted to experience it (I am not sure if he was being serious or not). I had commented on this thread (I wrote 'Is this a meme? Delet this' - as a joke, because his post was out of context with the rest of the content shared on the page, which tends to be topical memes). This led to the OP and another male of Asian heritage (Mohammed) having a conversation with me. OP told Mohammed that I was married. I had asked why he assumed that and corrected him. OP and Mohammed then started joking with me that they would force me into an arranged marriage, so to continue the joke thread, I started pretending I was male
  • On the day of this dream I had a conversation about religion and music on a Hip Hop Debates page I am a member of on Facebook (the question asked by the OP was whether it was immoral to make reggae music if you are not a Rastafarian). I had contributed to this debate because I felt the OP had conflated atheism and secularism and I wanted to clarify the distinction between  the concepts (rather than participate in the substantive debate which I had no special interest in or views upon)
  • The day before this dream a Facebook friend had been attempting to flirt with me and I had stated that I hated sharing a bed with anyone as I like my own physical space when sleeping (and am not a fan of 'snuggling' although there have been a couple of men who I have enjoyed sleeping next to)
  • The day before this dream I had seen an online article which criticised attitudes towards women whereby they are constantly being asked whether they have children - or if they do not, why they haven't had children or why they do not want to have them. I find it incredibly sexist and aggravating. I had also had an online conversation with a male about this topic (separately) after he repeatedly asked me why I did not have children or want them in the future. I had raised the same objections to this line of questioning as in Scene 2 of this dream
  • CEC has children from a previous relationship, but they do not live with her
  • Feminism has been a huge topic in the media over the past few days following the Women's March in America which focused on current topics such as Planned Parenthood funding, abortion rights and sexual assaults (as a result of newly inaugurated President Donald Trump's heinous quote of 'grab them by the pussy'). It is said that the March was the largest protest in American history
  • The day of this dream I dyed my hair blue-black (see Recalled Dream Scene - below)

Waking Reactions: 
I am not sure if this dream was related to my Dream Incubation Experiment. In fact, it seems to reflect my conscious, waking thoughts on marriage and motherhood - and a significant amount of Day Residue as indicated above. I disliked this dream intensely, because of how it made me feel while I was dreaming it (also stated above). However, I did not wake up with negative emotions, despite the dream content feeling negative within the dream itself.

I was extremely pleased to wake up to the news that Ewan McGregor had refused to be interviewed by the awful Piers Morgan on Good Morning Britain as a result of the negative, distasteful comments Morgan had made about the Women's March. I am proud that my icon supports feminism and LGBT rights amongst other worthy humanitarian causes and charities!

I may have forgotten some aspects of this dream as it seemed much longer and more complex than my recall when recording it (now, several hours after waking). If I remember anything else related to this dream I will record it below.

Here is my Youtube video where I describe my current Dream Incubation Experiment:

* Recalled Dream Scene (24 January 2017, 19:30 hours)
I realised that I had cut my hair to shoulder-length, but could not recall this happening, so it was a surprise to me in the dream. My hair looked and felt nice, but I regretted cutting it (it is waist length) and hoped it would grow back soon. I think I must have looked at myself in a mirror, or seen myself in third-person perspective, because I was also aware that my hair was no longer black, but a dark brown colour instead.
Memory Trigger: This memory was spontaneously triggered while I was laying in my bed.

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