Thursday, 24 March 2016

Dream 593

'You Don't Inject Cannabis'
Dream date: 23 March 2016

This is Day 24 of my Dream Incubation Experiment. You can read the details and methodology of my latest Dream Incubation Experiment by clicking HERE

Scene 1: An Interior Scene (Location Unknown) - Time Unknown
I'm not really sure where this dream took place, other than it was an interior. The dream was experienced from within this interior, and involved action in the room I was in, and also on a screen I was watching, but it wasn't always clear which dream characters were in the room with me, or which ones were on the screen. 

I was watching a TV show which seemed to be based around the concept of Big Brother - other than the contestants pictured on the screen, the only colour I could see was white - so I think the contestants were laying on a white sheet. They were all naked, or partially covered with white sheets, and were laying in a big, entwined pile, none of them really moving. I was with some dream characters watching this 'show' (there was no action). I pointed at one white male with black hair and said to the dream characters watching with me: 'That's my friend' (he wasn't someone I know in real-life). I then became aware that this 'friend' would be joining us later. 

I noticed that the room I was in had computers and seemed like an IT room at a school or university,  but it wan't. My Nan was present. Some events/conversations took place, but I cannot recall what. My memory is very unclear. 

I then discovered that I had several bags of cannabis, and that the male friend I had watched on the screen had been and brought them for me. I was pleased, as there was a large quantity (well, a large quantity for a recreational smoker to get for free - maybe an ounce or so). The bags were all wrapped in different coloured scraps of polythene shopping bag, which had been ripped down to size, so the various cannabis amounts could be contained within them, with the tops of the plastic tied. This is a common way to wrap individual 'draws' if the dealer doesn't have baggies. The plastic bags were orange, grey and white. I noticed at this point, that I had been taking the wraps of cannabis from a khaki canvas bag on the floor, by my chair, and I looked inside the bag and found more and more cannabis there. Someone (I cannot recall who) said to me: 'He left all of that for you...' and I was pleased. The 'he' was still the 'friend' I had watched on the screen, although I cannot recall him coming into the room and delivering the bag of cannabis wraps at any point (maybe I forgot this part of the dream, or maybe it was just the way the dream logic worked). 

There was a female dream character in the room. I don't think I had been specifically aware of her before, although there had been a number of people in there, using computers or just talking and chilling out together, so she may have been there the whole time. She was white, with long blonde-brown, straight hair, with a very long, blunt fringe. She was tall and very skinny. She reminded me of a friend from school, AP, but it was not her. My Nan was nearby. The female dream character said to my Nan: 'You have to inject cannabis'. This really upset my Nan, who then accused me of injecting drugs. I said to my Nan: 'No! You smoke it! You've seen me do it!' I had a real-life memory of this, which my dreaming mind was able to access - see Dream Information, below.

My Nan was panicking and would not listen to me. She kept saying: 'Injecting drugs makes you a junkie!' I was saying: 'You smoke it, not inject it!' 

I then went up to the female dream character who was still sitting, using a computer. I took hold of her shoulders (standing behind her) and shook her very violently, screaming: 'Tell my Nan the truth!' The female seemed nervous and shy, but was refusing to tell the truth. I said: 'I'll show you then!' and reached over her to use the computer. I uploaded onto the screen a picture of cannabis leaves - or a number of cannabis plants (the image filled the screen and it was just a very close up image of green plants). I was still screaming, very angry, pointing at the computer screen, saying: 'You fucking smoke this, not inject it!' I got the impression that the female - who was not saying anything - wasn't of a normal intelligence level and didn't understand what trouble she had caused. I said: 'Are you going to tell the truth?' and kept asking her this, but she wasn't responding. I was poking the screen with my finger, angrily, while trying to make her tell the truth to my Nan. This scene seemed to be repetitive and long, and it was frustrating, because the female was just not seeming to engage with what I was saying. I grabbed her shoulders again, and started shaking her violently. She began to cry - loud sobbing. I could not see her face, as I was still behind her. I screamed: 'If you don't do what I want you to do, I'll shake you to death!'

I cannot recall what else happened in this dream. I woke up.

TIME: 21:00 - 06:30 hours (I woke up from this dream)

Dream Information:

  • In the dream, I knew that in real-life memory, my Nan has seen me smoke cannabis, either at family parties, in the garden, or in my former house where I was able to get away with smoking inside. I have never ever hidden my cannabis smoking - or any other negative or wrongful behaviours from my family. Some of my friends have said that it is 'disrespectful' to expose your family elders (well, parents, grandparents etc) to your vices or bad behaviour, because you should protect from from the knowledge that you do things they disapprove of. Now, my family is divided on the issue of cannabis - many of us, including my uncles, aunts and cousins, smoke. I always smoke a joint with them when I am at a family gathering. My Mum and Nan will know exactly what I will be doing, because I say: 'I want to get some weed tonight and go for a smoke with [X]' and if someone else is smoking, my Mum is likely to say: 'Tallulah will want to get some of that...' My Mum doesn't approve of cannabis, but she is realistic and would much prefer me to be completely honest and open about what I get up to, because I am an adult. Even as a teenager, I never ever hid the fact I smoked weed from her -what was the point? I wouldn't have quit because my (lenient) family disapproved or tried to stop me - what would that achieve for them, given I had a lot of independence and I earned my own money? I would have just hidden it from them and lied. So I appreciate that my family have never tried to control me, and have accepted me for who I am, even if they don't approve of a choice I make. Everyone who meets my family always say they are shocked and jealous by how candid we all are with each other. I am usually shocked about how many of my adult friends still lie to their parents and other relatives about the 'real' them. It must be stressful and limiting to have to be secretive with people who are supposed to love you unconditionally. But I do of course appreciate all families are different. My respect towards my family is demonstrated by the fact I trust them to know the whole, unedited picture, not just the pleasant or positive aspects of my identity and lifestyle I think presents the best version of myself

  • The whole dream was a dreamsign, really

Recurrent Dream Themes:

  • None of note

Potential Day/Dream Residue:

  • The day of this dream I read about Jade Goody, the controversial 'star' of Big Brother Season 3 (2002), who died from cancer on 22 March 2009 - the media was paying tribute to her on the anniversary of her untimely death
  • The day of this dream I had told DL about my teenage experience of getting cannabis - it used to get given to me in the old camera film cases, and I often used to get some free from someone who my Mum knew. I also told him the story of how my Mum found a homemade bong or bucket in my wardrobe when I was about 15 or 16 years old, and how she took it to her workplace (the pub) to show her colleagues, so that they could have a laugh at it (it was made from a plastic bottle - but then my Mum's colleague/friend, CC recognised that the bottle had come from her kitchen, so she knew her son had been involved). I had told my Mum how stupid it was to take the bong out of the house and down to the pub, because that meant she had been walking around with drugs paraphernalia - smelling strongly of cannabis - in her bag and might have been stopped by the police, then she'd have to explain how she came to have a bong in her possession. DL had said: 'You were even like a defence lawyer back then...' and we laughed about it 
  • The day of this dream, one of my Facebook friends, FD had posted a status saying that when in his high school drugs awareness education, he had been given the impression that drug dealers would approach people and offer them drugs - meaning that weed would always be available. I commented saying that the 'Just Say No' campaign should be interpreted as 'what the 'greenman' says when you ask him to drop you a draw on a Sunday evening' (i.e. it's the drug dealers who are the ones just saying 'no' because they can't be bothered to supply you at inconvenient times), which got a few 'likes' because other people could relate to the fact that schools and drug prevention programmes make it seem a lot easier to find and buy drugs than it actually is! This probably made me think of 'moral panics' about drug use
  • The day of this dream, one of my friends and neighbours, JP had asked if I had ever tried vaping instead of smoking a joint, to which I said, yes - but had never considered switching to this method
  • The day before this dream I had watched a documentary on the iconic supermodel, Gia Carangi (1960 - 1986) - AN AMERICAN GIRL: The Self-Destruction of Gia (2003), which details the meteoric rise of Gia as a top fashion model in the late 1970s and her tragic fall into heroin addiction. Gia is rumoured to be the first famous, high-profile female to die of AIDS, which she may have contracted from sharing communal needles in shooting galleries, or from when she was raped. In the documentary, makeup artist Sandy Linter (a woman with whom Carangi became infatuated, eventually being persuaded to have a relationship with her, despite being heterosexual) said she knew Gia smoked heroin, but was shocked when she found out that she was injecting it intravenously
  • A couple of days before this dream I had explained to DL what 'shaken baby syndrome' is - prompted by a reference on the TV. DL did not know what it was, but as a criminal lawyer, I had read cases on this

Waking Thoughts & Emotions:
This dream was partially related to my Dream Incubation Experiment -  since the beginning of this experiment, I haven't really experienced a dream in which I was actually physically violent towards a dream character. In this dream I was both physically violent and made threats to kill. It seems that this dream, when taken with my dream from the day before - Dream 592 - 'Don't F*ck with the Chuck!' presented me with scenarios whereby dream character 'friends' or acquaintances in the dream act towards me in such a way to give me reason to get angry and vengeful in some way. 

I had noticed that in earlier dreams I was avoiding violence, or had negative reactions to the violent behaviours of others, and I was wondering if my subconscious was blocking me from being violent in a dream for some reason. It is true to say that in my waking life, although I am a confrontational and aggressively outspoken person, who would physically defend myself if necessary, I am not in any way violent and I don't really 'hate' anyone. There are people I dislike intensely, but rather than project negativity towards them, I tend to cut them out of my life and refuse contact with them, as it is less hassle. This is even the case with some former friends who have wronged me in significant ways. I used to be quite an 'angry' person, but nowadays I am pretty laidback and calm and avoid engaging with negative emotions triggered by other people. 

It seems that my dreams may be creating opportunities for me to get so enraged by dream characters that I am able to express my anger and frustration at them in a way which seems justified in the dream. My subconscious is perhaps reflecting the fact that I have no 'reason' to be violent towards anyone in my real-life, so I need extraordinary events to take place in a dream to lead to these actions. 

Although this dream wasn't particularly interesting - or clear in terms of what else happened (I know there was more action than what I have recalled here), it is an exciting development in my Dream Incubation Experiment.

* I have forgotten some aspects of this dream. If I recall them later, I will record them below.

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