Friday 28 November 2014

7 Day Dream Incubation Experiment - Marilyn Monroe Dream (3)

If you haven't already read my first two posts on my Dream Incubation Experiment, please click here (for post setting out my aims and basic methodology) and here (for post detailing my preliminary results). You can also access the Youtube videos I made in relation to my experiment linked on these Blog posts.

Dream 3 - Friday 21 November 2014

'Pink Sex Machine'
I saw myself (in the third-person) board a double-decker bus. As I got onto the bus, the destination screen on the front said: 'Mother'.

I then found myself in a bedroom, which looked like the shared rooms in the Norfolk Terrace residences at my university. By the door, against the wall, was a large bubblegum pink unit, made up of different sections/box-like shelves or pigeon-holes. Inside these spaces were TV screens. I was trying to get to sleep, but suddenly, the TVs turned on - very loudly - and started playing porn, but it was also like 'body horror' - deformed body parts copulating with gruesome, screeching sex noises. I became anxious that the sound would wake my stepdad who was in the bedroom next door and had to wake up early for work, but there was no way for me to turn the porn off, other than using a remote control, which I knew was in a bag in the lounge. I went through to the lounge - which did not resemble any real life lounge that I know of, but looked normal. The quality of light told me that it was the early hours of the morning. I was relieved to see my stepdad was awake, and sat drinking beer on the sofa, meaning the noise of the porn hadn't disturbed him. I found the bag (a normal-looking black backpack) behind an armchair on the floor and got the remote control, which looked like a cross between a pink computer keyboard and an electric guitar - the size of the former. I took this through to my bedroom and turned off the horror porn.

I then found myself in Sheringham, in Otterndorf Green, which is between the steam railway and the regular train station (the town is twinned with the German town of Otterndorf). There was some kind of 'anti-Russian parade' going on. People were marching and shouting racial slurs against Russian people, and asking bystanders to tell of any Russians they knew, so these people could be driven out of the area. I thought to myself: 'The only Russian I know of is EB's ex-girlfriend' (this isn't true, I recently met two Russian students at a games night I organised at university). The sun was shining brightly and I was just standing, watching the anti-Russian parade, wondering why it was happening, when I was approached by LR - a male who lived in my hometown when I was growing up and was a couple of years older than me. He was flanked by two women, with his arms around their shoulders, and the three of them were swaying around as if drunk. LR said to me: 'You should inform on Dan the Snitch' (I am not sure who 'Dan the Snitch is, but in the dream I knew of him). 

I was then in my house in Norwich, standing at the front door, which was open. I was annoyed to find that there was someone (an unknown male adult) standing in the doorway, addressing a young blonde child, who was standing on the raised pavement just opposite my house. The child was trying to learn French. I began teaching him French. I told him that 'le petite regard' meant 'small circle'. He accepted this as true and I think that in the dream I also believed that I was correct. It in fact means 'the little light', although I was not actually aware of this! The boy then said that 'beaucoup' meant 'very good' and I agreed with him, even though in the dream I was aware that it actually meant 'so much' or 'very much'. He said: 'I speak Francais beaucoup - that means I'm very good'. I thought that I would let him assume he was right even if he sounded like an idiot speaking French wrongly.

I then was in a room, using a computer to surf the internet and realised that I had invented Kickstarter, the global crowd-funding organisation. I was the site administrator and was in charge. 
  • Timing: After WBTB, during the last stage of a 6 hour sleep
  • Lucidity: NO
Again, this dream starts with the theme of parenthood. I have already interpreted the symbol of the mother in my earlier post on this experiment, but I wonder if boarding the bus was a metaphor for the womb? It seems a little bit of a stretch, but that was one of my initial thoughts when analysing this dream. Getting on a bus is typically interpreted as being a sign that you are going along with an idea - following the crowd. If you board the wrong bus, this might be a sign that you are subconsciously aware of poor choices in following others. There was no sense that this was the 'wrong bus', but perhaps an indication that I have reservations about motherhood and am anxious about social expectations that a woman of child-bearing age should be considering her options and her future plans of motherhood. Waiting at a bus stop is representative of a decision which needs to be made in the dreamer's waking life and a warning to consider and plan for the future. 

A shelf literally relates to something (ideas/plans) which needs to be 'shelved' or put on hold. Television symbolises your mind and the flow of ideas. It is representative of receiving, integrating and expression of thoughts and ideas and can be seen as an objective, external projection of what is on the dreamer's mind. Viewing pornography is a sign of the dreamer's issues with intimacy, sexuality, control, power and effectiveness. The dreamer may be afraid of exposing a vulnerability of aspect of the self - this anxiety seems to tie in with my fear that the pornography would awaken others and should be turned off. I did not have the means to switch off the TV porn at first, which may reflect a desire to quell anxiety surrounding issues of sexuality, but not knowing how to go about it. There might also be a conflict between being a mother and maintaining my identity as a sexual person, if the first and second dream scenes are juxtaposed. 

Dreaming of Russia and Russians largely depends on personal perspectives of the country and culture. I have no specific views on Russia, but note that Marilyn Monroe was embroiled in her husband's (Arthur Miller) political and legal troubles following investigation by the House Committee on Un-American Activities for suspected communist affiliation. The activities of the HUAC  can be compared to those of Senator Joseph McCarthy (the proponent and face of 'McCarthyism', a Republican reaction to the threat of communism, the 'Red Scare' and the Western Bloc's Cold War with the Soviet Union). This seems to be the part of my dream most linked to the biography of Marilyn Monroe, as anti-Russian sentiment in the West was very much a part of that historical era (post-WWII) and the political climate in which she lived and expressed her left-wing views. Otterndorf Green is named for the German town with which my home town Sheringham is twinned, leading to my speculation that this dream scene sets out a particular historical period - that inhabited by Monroe. LR is of German heritage. The reference to 'snitching' may also be relevant - Miller was indicted by the Senate for not 'naming names' - patriotic American citizens were expected to 'snitch' on communist sympathisers and Miller's refusal to snitch was seen as unlawful. 

Watching a parade may indicate that the dreamer is becoming distracted from achieving their goals, or sidetracked in some way. I certainly feel this is the case sometimes with my education and academic progress, because I often procrastinate and then work intensely in short bursts when I have deadlines. The dreamer may be intentionally preventing themselves from achieving goals because of a fear of failure. This is another trait I recognise in myself. Parades also relate to celebrations, special occasions, rites of passage and passing time. Being part of the parade may be symbolic of being caught up in the plans of others and going along with the flow rather than asserting your individuality and setting your own goals. 

Hearing or speaking a foreign language in a dream is a sign that your subconscious is giving you a message that you do not yet understand. In the dream, I was firstly unaware of my own language mistake and the poor lesson I was giving the child, and then, realised the child's own error of translating a sentence, but did not correct him. Perhaps I am afraid that I am not making myself clear to others or expressing myself in the best way possible? French is associated with love and romance - but also a failure to invest time into a waking relationship. A doorway in a dream usually symbolises opportunities and the entering from one level of consciousness to another. Whilst looking inwards is associated with inner exploration and self-discovery, opening a door to the outside is related to a need to make yourself more accessible to others and 'let them in'. This would tie in with the fact that I was annoyed to find the adult male stranger on my doorstep, given that he was uninvited and 'trespassing' on my territory.

Computer symbolise modernity, information and technology generally, as well as opportunities, but on the negative side, also a lack of individuality and emotions/feelings. I recently told my housemate that I felt I had neglected to express myself through my style and clothing, something I used to spend more time and money on doing, but lost interest in after suffering badly with anxiety, depression and insomnia for several years. I felt that I had lost some aspect of my identity - if only a visual part. The reference to 'Kickstarter' and my role as 'Administrator' (someone who is in charge and control) may be a sign that I can change this situation, but just need to kickstart myself to make the necessary changes. There may also be an element of daily residue at play here.

I think this dream is a sign of an underlying identity crisis. I am not sure if the references to Russia are particularly linked to Monroe, but it is the only area of this dream with which I am able to make any possible connection to my incubation topic, other than the recurrent theme of 'motherhood' as previously discussed in my earlier post.

Dream 4 - Saturday 22 November 2014

'Dirty Mathematician'
I was in the pub my mum used to run, with one of her former barmen - WW. I confused WW with another of the barmen who used to work there - BF. WW/BF told me that his brother, SMF (SF is actually BF's sister, his brother is called MAF!) had recently become the youngest 'dirty mathematician' at the age of 37. I associated 'dirty maths' as being the opposite of pure maths.

I was then in my nan's house in the evening. The lights were very bright in the room. I was sitting in the armchair in the corner. My nan was there, as was my uncle, GC, who was seated at the table. GC said he had to get an extension cable/plug, and left the room, but when he returned, he had the wrong extension cable, and the attached electrical plug was plugged into it's own socket, and could not be removed. He left the room again, and returned with another extension cable/plug - this time a black one, which was in working order. 

I was eating ice cream and watching something on either a TV or a laptop. I thought I was watching a video of a lion walking down a driveway outside a house, but my uncle looked over my shoulder and said: 'That dog has become a hyena!' When I looked at the screen again, I saw that it was a hyena on a driveway. 
  • Timing: After WBTB, during the last stage of a 5 hour sleep
  • Lucidity: NO
Dreaming of being in a pub is a sign that you desire an escape from the stresses and strains of life and want some pleasure and frivolity. This pub represents a very happy time in my life (from childhood through until my late teenage years), and also a workplace in which I learned many skills and displayed a good work ethic from a young age. During this time, I was largely carefree and very popular, with many friends and a great social life. The fact that 'Lifeboats' appears in the name of the pub is also a sign of safety and security. When I had this dream, I was heavily intoxicated on alcohol and therefore this may have also influenced the content of my dream - as pubs are primarily associated with the consumption of alcohol and drunkeness. I contrasted 'dirty' with 'pure' because perhaps I saw myself as having lost the 'purity' which came from my previous near-teetotalism by drinking heavily in real life. I had also been sick in real life, which may account for the reference to 'dirty' in my dream. The age 37 is relevant (as DL had recently celebrated his 37th birthday) and I had discussed mathematics and my inability to understand physics because of my poor numeracy and lack of mathematical ability earlier that day, which may be a form of daily residue in my dream content. WW appeared because in real life I had seen someone with the same last name (someone I actually thought was dead!) post on Facebook a day or so before this dream, which had attracted my attention (because I wondered whether the person I knew to have died had the same name as the Facebook post-maker - who is also from my local area - or whether I had made a mistake about one/both their actual names). This might also explain why in the dream I made a mistake as to the names of the brothers/sisters and who was actually related to who.

Dreaming about maths is an indication that you are evaluating something in your waking life and you need to be more rational in your thought process, and try not to act on your emotions. 

I am pretty sure that seeing my uncle in the dream was daily residue, as I had just attended his surprise birthday party. Dreaming of an uncle is a symbol of family heritage and shared traits as well as new ideas and emerging awareness. Electrical plugs represent power and energy and also potential and untapped sources of these. An extension cable is a sign that you need to associate yourself with more energetic people and acknowledge an aspect of yourself which has been left dormant. Cables typically represent durability and stamina and ways of channelling energy. These interpretations are pertinent, as I saw my aunt, VF, who I have not seen in many many years and immensely enjoyed her fun-loving, carefree personality and energy. As a family we discussed how great it was that we all came together and reconnected over my uncle's birthday, where we also received the good news that he was reconciling with his wife following a brief separation. This might also explain why the plug which was inserted into it's own socket was replaced by another one - which worked better - a metaphor for the marriage over and above single life. My uncle had recently been staying at my nan's in real life, during the separation, and I think his dissatisfaction with the first extension cable/plug refers to his desire to end the separation (being 'plugged into himself as a single person') and make the marriage work again. I see this as very positive symbolism.

The reference to the dog/hyena on the screen is daily residue, as the day before this dream I had seen someone post a picture of their dog on one of the dog pages I follow on Facebook. The dog's face was pressed up against a patio door, and the owner had referred to him as looking like a 'hyena' because of the expression on his face. Hyenas typically represent greed, scavenging and uncleanliness - which is interesting considering the earlier reference to 'dirty mathematician' and the fact that I had been sick, which I considered to have been 'dirty' (because the vomit went on my own leg). However, a hyena can also be a sign of over-reliance (on the dreamer by another, or by the dreamer themselves); a sense of humour or laughter. As stated in my earlier dream interpretation, a dog is typically symbolic of loyalty, protection and trust and is a popular dream theme for me because I follow so many dog pages on Facebook and am an avid dog lover. 

This dream does not seem to have any connection with Marilyn Monroe, but I just noticed that when I initially recorded this dream several days ago, I absent-mindedly referred to one of the persons appearing in this dream as 'MAF' (his initials are MF, but I included the 'A' to differentiate between him and my former boss, MF, who appears in other dream reports). Maf was the name chosen by Monroe for her pet dog, given to her by Frank Sinatra. Mafia referred to Sinatra's Mafia connections. 

Dream 5 - Sunday 23 November 2014

'Escape from the Heroin Addicts'
I was in a sort of burnt out building - like a shooting gallery or crackhouse. It was falling down and decaying, with rubbish and dirt everywhere. I lived here with some heroin addicts, but I was not using drugs myself, and neither was the man I was dating (a dream character, unknown to me in real life, slim with black hair). All the people who lived in this drug den were unknown to me in real life. The two that I remember the most clearly, were a small, chubby blonde woman (who looked like RBR, a girl I know from school), who had a big blue tattoo on her upper left arm, and a tall thin male with long black hair and many tattoos. Everyone in the house was planning to shoot some heroin together, and I felt fed up of living around their unhealthy lifestyle. My boyfriend was also planning to try some heroin, but I could not persuade him otherwise. It was daylight, which I knew, because the window in the room we were gathered in had been smashed in, and a torn white sheet had been hung at the window, and it was blowing in the breeze. One of the addicts came into the room, having scored the heroin for everyone. He said: 'I've also brought some dirty needles (syringes) for us to bang up with'. The plan was that everyone would share the same 'dirty' needles i.e. they had already been used by other addicts to shoot heroin. My boyfriend was keen to do this as well, but I was desperately telling him that he should stay clear of the dangerous behaviour and leave the shooting gallery with me. He refused to listen to me, so I decided the only thing I could do was to break up with him. He was crying and asking me why, and the other addicts were getting involved in our dispute. I said: 'Because you will get HIV from the dirty needles and then pass it onto me, especially if we decide to start a family in the future!' He joined the other addicts to shoot some heroin and I left. I didn't feel all that sad about the break up because I was looking after my own interested and he had declined my help and support in favour of intravenous drugs and potential disease. 

I was then at some kind of parade. I was sitting on a carnival float, with the female blonde heroin addict and the tall, long-haired male heroin addict, riding through Sheringham High Street. Both addicts were berating me for breaking up with my ex-boyfriend, telling me he was devastated by me leaving him. They told me I was uncaring and cruel. I reiterated to them that I was fearful that he would contract HIV/AIDS from sharing dirty needles and then pass it onto me. The blonde woman said: 'Why is that a problem?' I said: 'I don't want HIV, but I want to be able to have sex with my boyfriend without taking risks'. She looked at me with an annoyed expression on her face. She told me that she was pregnant. I asked her if she had HIV and she said: 'Yes, we call contracted it on the day you left!' This confirmed to me that I had made the right decision to leave. 

I was then with another woman - also unknown to me in real life, but a friend in the dream. She was slightly older than me, and had purple dye in her dark, fluffy shoulder-length hair. I knew that her and I had made a plan to rescue some of the children who lived in the shooting gallery with the addicts, by arranging to visit the house while the adult addicts were out scoring heroin. They always left the children alone in the house. We had met two kind men who had a car and would meet us by the house and help us to escape before the addicts returned. The house was in woodlands - I could see the road from the forest, and the two men were standing by a pale blue car, waving at us. They joined us, as we walked up a hilly path in the woods towards the shooting gallery. We then noticed that just to the side of the woods (and the path we were walking along) a car was pulling up. It was the 'neighbours' - a middle-aged woman named 'Janet' and her husband (joined by some friends). They were interfering, and we were worried that Janet might inform the addicts that we had taken the children. Janet and her husband called out to us and started approaching from the right. The two men helping us were ahead of me, with my female friend behind me. I started to hurry, walking faster to catch up with the men, while my female friend hung back to distract Janet and her husband from seeing the mission. I heard my friend tell Janet that we were going to collect some glass from the shooting gallery which had belonged to us and we needed for a project. Janet was happy with this explanation and left us to it. Our group of four, then walked through a brick shed/outhouse, which had no roof and two of the walls collapsed into rubble. In the middle of the room was a workbench, with big sheets of glass, with graphic lines dissecting them, as if part of an architectural project which had been abandoned. We were about to reach the house/shooting gallery when I woke up.
  • Timing: After WBTB, during the last stage of an 8 hour sleep
  • Lucidity: NO
A large part of my dream content may be explained by daily residue, as I had been reading Irvine Welsh, Skagboys (2012), which is a prequel to one of my favourite novels, Trainspotting (1993), which is largely about heroin addiction and the HIV epidemic in Scotland during the 1980s. The location of the shooting gallery/crackhouse and drug addiction which takes place there may be symbolic of a toxic state of mind or situation from which I need to escape, by breaking away from it. Dreaming of someone injecting drugs represents feelings that others are not seeing things from a realistic perspective (trying to escape reality) or from the dreamer's point of view. They may be self destructive and sharing their environment is a sign that you might be on a downward spiral, trapped or out of control in a situation. The needle/syringe is linked in Freudian interpretation with the penis and act of sexual intercourse. In this dream, the notion of a 'dirty needle' and the risk of HIV infection from unprotected sex also points towards this interpretation, but it is a positive sign that I was anxious to escape this early on in the dream, despite the protestations of the addicts with whom I wanted to break ties. Disease and contamination often relates to a fear of tension the dreamer is experiencing in their waking life, particularly if the dreamer is feeling vulnerable or exploited in a relationship. HIV/AIDS may be a symbol for a lack, or breakdown, of internal defence mechanisms.

Again this dream involved the recurrent theme of motherhood and also involved a parade - which I have already interpreted above and elsewhere.

In the dream, I - with the help of others - plan an escape, signalling a desire to break away from a restricted situation or attitude. However, it may also symbolise a failure to confront an issue directly, with a preference for running away. I see the escape and saving of the children in the dream as a positive dream element - there was a plan of action, a journey through a wooded area, an overcoming of a potential interference by others and also the presence of the strange glass which was reminiscent of plans/blueprints. My intentions in this dream scene were 'good' in that I wanted the best for the children who were being neglected. Dreaming about rescuing others is often a symbol that aspects of your self are being ignored or neglected - it may be a subconscious cry for help. Instead of myself feeling neglected and needing saving, I projected these anxieties onto vulnerable children and then formulated a successful plan of how to help them. The forest may be representative of a transitional phase and also a need to escape, which ties in which other symbols within this particular dream scene. Glass tends to represent passivity and protection and acts as an invisible barrier. Depending on the quality of the glass, it may reflect whether or not you are seeing things clearly. 

Again, this dream seems to have little to do with Marilyn Monroe, save for the rather tenuous fact that she was a vulnerable and neglected child herself and later, a drug addict who entered into toxic relationships with others. 

Dream 6 - Monday 24 November 2014

'Consciousness Scissors, Memory Loss & Coercion'
Someone (an older female dream character, I cannot recall who) was demonstrating a movement with her arms, which looked like she was holding them out at right-angles at her sides and then swinging them forwards and back, alternatively (so right arm to front, left arm behind, then swapped). This was called 'consciousness scissors'. I felt a bit confused, but then, as I ran a bath (in my Norwich home) I realised that the 'consciousness scissors' was a movement designed by Jennifer Aniston. I was then in my old bedroom, in Pine Grove, Sheringham, looking through my wardrobe. I was trying to find drawings/paintings I had made when I was younger, to show someone (I think it was DL). BBM was seated at a desk in the corner of my room, but it looked more like he was floating on a cloud, godlike, but smaller than a normal adult male. I noticed that in between my paintings was a note written by BMM, which was about two sentences long and in very poor handwriting. It said: 'Thank for for coming to see me...' and then something else I cannot recall. He had signed it underneath. The paintings I had found were all on A4 lined paper and very brightly coloured - usually involving a female face in rainbow colours with a swirly abstract background. They weren't very good, but were quite eye-catching. I was thinking about the 'consciousness scissors' and Jennifer Aniston at this time.

I then found myself in Castle Mall, Norwich. I was with someone - I think it was my nan - standing on the upper floor, by the escalators. There was a glass partition in the middle of the floor. I then saw about 10 massive dogs - all looking exactly like lions (I knew they were dogs, but they would appear to be lions to anyone else) walking in a line. One of the lion-dogs broke away from the pack and started to approach the glass partition, as if it were about to attack. It was growling and barring it's teeth. I ran quickly into a shop, which was actually empty, with no furniture/fittings or stock displayed. I could see the lion-dogs passing by the window. I then was in my bed in Norwich, with three Dalmation dogs (my pets in the dream) snuggled up with me. I thought to myself: 'I wish I just had Staffordshire Bull Terriers' (my favourite breed of dog, and suddenly, the three Dalmations became two Stafffies, which made me happy.

I was then in another room somewhere - it might have been a cafe. ED1 was there, holding a baby. I realised that he had been in a very short relationship with a girl at university and this was his child with her. I had a short conversation with him (I cannot recall what it was about at the start) and he ended up telling me that he regretted becoming a father so young and while he was still in education. He was the main carer for the baby, which made his studies difficult. I then became aware that myself and a number of other people (girls from my high school, including RBR, although I cannot recall exactly who, only that I knew them all) had all undergone a form of memory loss. It had been intentionally inflicted on us by someone. We went out into a dark forest and started to wash a white car together, all aware that we had lost our memories. Two boys from our high school, MR and LM came by and we stopped washing the car to talk to them, standing in a little clearing in the woods. We tried to tell the boys we had lost our memory, but we had forgotten how to speak properly. We were then in a shop, looking at stationary. I could see some lever arch files on a shelf, but when I tried to talk about them to the boys, I could not remember the word 'file'. 

Next, I was in an outside setting - on a big flat piece of concrete which was raised above another level (of grass) which was several feet above ground level. It was daylight and temperate, but not sunny. On the piece of concrete with me was PS, wearing a white T-shirt with pink writing on it. We were both laying on our sides. PS said to me: 'I wasn't shy'. We looked over at the next level down and could see a woman laying on the grass, surrounded by other people. I said: 'Look it's Megan Fox!' but as the woman turned over (she had been facing away from us) I saw it was actually Eastenders actress Samantha Womack, who plays 'Ronnie Mitchell'. PS, Samantha Womack and I were then walking through a crowded corridor in my old high school. Samantha Womack looked like Leticia Dean, who plays 'Sharon Watts/Mitchell' in Eastenders. I had a card with me. On it was some typed writing, but I found it very difficult to understand what it said. It was some form of instructions for a game, but written in such a convoluted and complex way that it barely made sense. The most sense I could make from it was that we were involved in a game where we could use coercion and force against Samantha/Leticia. I said to Samantha/Leticia 'We are going to coerce you!' and then PS and I started to push and shove her into the walls of the corridor, although this upset her.
  • Timing: After WBTB, during the last stage of an 8 hour sleep
  • Lucidity: NO
This dream was frustrating as it involved a lot of female celebrities, but none of whom were Marilyn Monroe! However, Megan Fox used to have a Marilyn Monroe tattoo on her arm, which she since had removed by laser, and Leticia Dean once dressed up as Monroe in an old episode of Eastenders - and according to my nan, publicly compared herself to Monroe. 

Wardrobes/closets represent something which has been kept hidden. In my dream, there were childhood paintings hidden in my wardrobe, which I wanted to show to DL. I believe the drawings represent my 'hidden' or 'untapped' creativity and artistic side which I have suppressed and neglected, but wish to uncover and express. Wardrobes often symbolise our external image and the way we want to portray ourselves to the outside world, so this fits in with this interpretation. The BBM character may represent a person who has recently praised me for my creativity and writing on this Blog, but whom I feel misunderstands me and also annoys me through his selfish reasons for giving the praise (to ingratiate himself with me, knowing that I am not interested in his friendship). Discussing my Blog is the only way he can communicate with me, but my maintaining a veneer of civility is equally as selfish on my part, as I know he is a fan of what I do and confirms my abilities and skills in a way other people may not. My feelings that he is not as intellectual as he suggests may be reflected in his bad handwriting on the note I read in the dream. 'Consciousness' may be a reference to the art of dream interpretation itself, although I am not sure how this relates to 'consciousness scissors'. Scissors typically represent decisiveness and control, especially when cutting something or someone out of your life. Jennifer Aniston is likely to have appeared in this dream (reference only) due to the fact that the day before this dream I had read an article about her in which she claimed she had 'broken the internet' by posing nude, prior to Kim Kardashian's recent publicity stunt. 

Daily residue is also an explanation for the lion-dogs - the same day as this dream, I had watched an old movie (I cannot recall what it was called) about an American circus, in which a lion was released and attacked one of the characters. Dreaming of a mall symbolises decisions, option and choices you have in your waking life, all of which shape who you are as a person. It may also be a sign of materialism. The presence of the glass partition, offered protection from the lions, but also may have symbolised my ability to see a situation clearly. 

In the dream, I had nice dogs, but wanted to swap them for my favourite breed. This suggests that I will not accept second-best and am willing to give up what I have in order to pursue a more preferable situation. Linking to the theme of motherhood, I know of someone who is unable to bear children, so focuses her maternal, nurturing side on her three Dalmation dogs. Perhaps I am putting myself in her position - reassuring myself that even if I do not ever have a baby I can still have Staffies (two would be ideal for me!) and therefore, in the dream, I projected my understanding of her situation onto myself, but consciously changed her choice of Dalmations, to my choice of Staffies, should I ever be in the same circumstances (i.e. childless). I think this part of the dream was reassuring me that I have options and choices and that despite my anxieties, I do have a nurturing side, if towards dogs rather than children. Marilyn Monroe, also unable to have children, lavished attention on her dog as a substitute for a baby, so I may have been subconsciously articulating this notion in my dream.

Again, parenthood features in this dream - this time in the form of one of my friends having an unwanted child. I wonder if the name 'Womack' somehow relates to 'womb' in this dream? Dreaming about memory is a sign that the dreamer is ready to let go of old ideas and undergo a transformation. To dream of memory loss is a sign that you need to let go of the past in order to move forward in your life, and it is no surprise that this dream features people from my past - former school mates, my ex-boyfriend etc. Memory loss/amnesia may also be a sign that the dreamer is trying to block out a rejected or negative aspect of the self and is afraid of necessary change, which could be correct because I hate change and often hold onto old emotions instead of confronting situations. Perhaps the 'consciousness scissors' is a reference to the need to cut out the past in order to move forward in the future? 

Washing a car infers a need to clean up self-image and a sign that you are ready for a fresh start in life. Therefore, this works alongside the interpretation of the other dream themes which suggest a need to forget the past and cut out negative aspects of my life. However, seeing old classmates in a dream may also relate to a need to draw on former associations and learn from them in order to gain insight into current situations. Later in this dream, I also return to school, as my adult self. This usually means that the dreamer needs to wake up to the real world and take on-board lessons they have learnt. The dreamer may have anxieties which stem back to their younger school-age self (inadequacies or insecurities), or feel they are not meeting up to expectations other hold of them. Alternatively, returning to school in a dream may signal that the dreamer is undergoing some form of spiritual lesson or awakening and needs to expand their knowledge. I did not feel out of place in the school, and certainly, I am using my dreams as a way of learning about myself and expanding my mental capacity and psychological growth. This loosely relates to some new quotes I recently read, from Japanese Zen Buddhist Dogen (1200 - 1253): 'Forgetting oneself is opening oneself' and 'To study the self is to forget the self'. Finding yourself in a corridor in a dream is a sign that you are undergoing some transitional form of self-enlightenment and emotional growth. Pushing something is a sign of power, effort, energy and motivation. However, in this dream, the shoving was linked to violence and coercion against another person - putting them under pressure in some way.

Dream 7 - Tuesday 25 November 2014

'Cheating Husbands & Abused Sons'
I was in my bedroom at my nan's house in Sheringham. with CCK, but instead of her being a guest in my house, I was her guest. Things were fine and we were getting on as normal. She was telling me that her husband, K (a religious man) had been cheating on her with another woman and she was desperate to find out who this woman was so she could take out her revenge. I was trying to persuade her to not act too rashly and to speak with her husband, but she was intent on harming the other woman. When it was bedtime, we both went to sleep in my bed next to each other. I was eating a chocolate biscuit while I lay in the bed, and the crumbs were falling out my mouth onto the pillow. CCK took some of the fallen crumbs and tasted them, She then became enraged and said: 'You're the woman having an affair with my husband!' This wasn't true, and I tried to persuade her otherwise, but she rose from the bed and started attacking me. She was far stronger than me and I could not fight back. She punched me in the face many times and then picked up two biro pens, both of which she pushed into my eyes, at the inner corners (a pain I felt in my sleep). I was begging with her to stop. I then saw my hair straighteners (210 degrees in heat when on) plugged in and became aware that if she noticed this, she would use them as a weapon against me. I managed to get up, with her still beating me, and ran into another room, which was no longer a room in my nan's house, but rather a laundry room in CCK's home (in the dream - I have never been to her current home or met her husband in real life). There, I found my bag, which was a black shopping-style bag, filled with clothes. My makeup was on the side, and I was trying to put my makeup into the bag so that I could leave. CCK ran in and started pulling on my arms to prevent me from putting the makeup in my bag, and hitting me at the same time. I saw a load of silvery, glittery eyeshadow pans fall loose from a palette into the top of the bag. Satisfied that my possessions were in the bag, I ran outside. It was daylight and I was on a balcony/walkway of a high rise towerblock. CCK came out after me, and I realised that she was going to throw both my bag and then me over the walkway barrier - which would lead to my death. She was swinging me around by my arm which was holding the bag. I managed to break free and run back into the building, this time, into a communal hallway, where there were three young, mixed-race people (two males, one female) leaning against the wall, smoking. The girl, knowing I was being chased and attacked, pointed me towards the lift and told me to use that to escape the building. I got into the lift, wondering if CCK could make it down to the ground floor using the stairs by the time I used the lift to descend 10 floors. However, by the time I reached the ground floor and left the building, I was by myself, with no sign of CCK. I left safely.

I then found myself in the pub in Sheringham, which my mum used to run. Someone (I am not sure who) told me that my 8 year old son 'Aaron Normalmorman' had been in a sexual relationship with CCK. This was 'consensual' in that she had not used force against him, but there was no real consent due to his extremely young age, so I recognised it (as everyone would) as statutory rape. I became furious and decided to go back to CCK and confront her. I found myself back in my bedroom at my nan's house with CCK. I told her that I had not had an affair with her husband, but in any event, it didn't matter, because she had done the evil act of abusing my young son. CCK started pleading with me and telling me she was sorry, but I just left.

I was then drafting a letter to the police - although I am not sure why I was writing to them rather than reporting the matter in person. On the envelope, which was addressed in the normal way, I also wrote 'Aaron Normalmormon' and then heard a voice say: 'You better write on the sides of the envelope so the paparazzi don't intercept it!' I wrote lengthways down either side of the address, although I am not sure what I wrote, but it was in black biro.

I was then standing outside (daylight), beside the entrance to a house. I was with my son, 'Aaron Normalmorman'. He was small, with thick blonde hair and freckles. I was bending down, hugging him and telling him that everything would be OK, when we were approached by a middle-aged woman. Before I could ask her what she wanted, she said to my son: 'Are you Aaron Normalmormon?' He said yes, and she pulled out a camera and started snapping pictures of him. She was a member of the paparazzi.
  • Timing: After WBTB, during the last stage of a 6 hour sleep
  • Lucidity: NO
In this dream, I was under attack - for a misconception of myself, and error of another in judging me for something I had not done. I think the physical attack was metaphorical for an attack on my identity in some way. Indeed, when I learned that my 'son' had been abused, I felt vindicated and was able to confront my attacker with evidence of why she was a bad person and I was actually the victim of the scenario. Adultery can relate specifically to sexual expression, but it is also interpreted as a sign that you are betraying your subconscious in some way. You may be entangled in a dangerous or negative situation and experiencing feelings of guilt. However, I can confirm that just prior to this dream, I had been involved in a discussion with CCK in which she told me she would kill her husband if he cheated on her, so this dream may be partially due to daily residue. Eating biscuits in a dream may be a sign that you are allowing trivial matters to trouble you excessively, while chocolate biscuits/cookies in particular, relate to guilty indulgences, which may be why the biscuit led to me being (wrongly) attributed with the guilt for CCK's marital problems. The fact that I am sharing a bed with her - in my childhood home (she is a childhood friend) may also indicate that in the dream I was sharing her 'marital bed' (although I actually wasn't! I was innocent!)

The attack in the dream seems to point to the notion that my character is under attack in some way and that I need to defend myself and confront the issues in my waking life. In this dream I was almost blinded by the pens which were pushed into my eyes - pens represent communication and expression. A hot iron (the hair straighteners) is a sign of aggression, ruthlessness and conflict, which is understandable,  given the content of this dream, which was largely about violence and abuse. Dreaming of makeup is a symbol for superficiality, self-image and too much emphasis being placed on physical appearances, but it is also a metaphor for needing to 'make up' with someone. The dreamer may also be trying to cover up or conceal some aspect of themselves. Being on a balcony reflects a need/desire to be seen or noticed. In the dream, I only wanted to be noticed in order to get help so I could escape the violent and unjustified attack. A lift is typically associated with a rise/fall in circumstances, status or wealth, but also may relate to emotions and thoughts emerging from the subconscious, which is most likely in this dream interpretation, as there has been no change in my status or wealth, but I have been intentionally pursuing the goal of accessing my subconscious thoughts. 

Again, there is the recurrent theme of motherhood, which I think has permeated every single one of the dreams I have experienced throughout this week of dream incubation experiment! Dreaming that a child has been abused is a symbol for the fact that the dreamer's inner child has been denied a voice and part of their childhood has been lost. They may be feeling victimised, or fearful that past actions will come back to haunt them in some way because of emotional scars which have been inflicted. If a child - particularly offspring of the dreamer - has suffered rape, it may be representative of the fact that the dreamer does not want to let go of childhood - either their actual child's dependency on them, or if (like me) they do not have a real life child - their own child, projected onto the dream character. This also relates to the fact that I have been previously told by people that I have a 'victim complex' and like to feel victimised so that it excuses my own actions or vindicates my feelings of inadequacy and failure, by blaming other people - a form of learned helplessness or a self-defeating personality trait, in a way. These were also traits attributed to Marilyn Monroe, who was variously described as suffering from bipolar disorder (which I am also diagnosed with), schizophrenia (which her mother was diagnosed with), narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder. Monroe was sexually abused as a child - and I myself have been victim to sexual assault as a young person, for which I never sought justice and has had some impact on my later emotional state.

In the dream, I did not seek help from the police in a normal manner, but instead, wrote a letter (so took a long route to getting legal resolution for my son) and then confronted my attacker with accusations of their own wrongdoing in order to appease my sense of personal justice. Envelopes symbolise opportunities and testing limits and boundaries. The paparazzi in this dream (a possible link to Monroe, who was a paparazzi favourite?) represent a perceived invasion of privacy and a loss of identity. It may also be a sign that the dreamer needs to capture and idea/concept and focus on a specific situation. 

The name 'Aaron Normalmormon' is interesting as it appears to have religious connotations, but it may also be a play on words - the repetition of the 'orm' sound. I cannot think of a particular waking life experience which may have influenced me to dream of this particular name.

So, that concludes my 7 Day Dream Incubation Experiment. I think I am going to extend the period of the experiment for another 7 days, commencing Thursday 27 November 2014 (officially yesterday, but I haven't gone to bed yet, so it will be the sleep which followed my being awake on Thursday, if you see what I mean). While this dream incubation experiment has not been particularly successful, in that I did not actually dream of Marilyn Monroe, it has not been a complete failure, as not only have I had amazingly vivid and well-recalled dreams on every night (even on the night I was out-of-my-senses drunk on vodka and passed out!) but also, I feel I did learn something about myself subconsciously, by paying attention to both my manifest and latent dream content, and undertaking an interpretative analysis of each of my dreams, noting recurrent themes and the influence of daily residue on dream content. I will conduct the next 7 days of dream incubation in the same way as before - see the aims/methodology which is contained in the first two posts linked above and also here and here. Please stay tuned for more updates on my Dream Incubation Experience!

Thursday 27 November 2014

Dream 319

'Stripping & Scary Dolls'
I was in a really surreal place, that looked like a nightclub which was made entirely of sparkly stairs. The stairs did not lead anywhere, they just went up and down at random angles. Instead of being a room with 4 walls and a ceiling, there was an open edge, which dropped down into a blue infinity, which went up and down forever. The place was both dark and glittery at the same time. I was with a large number of other girls and we were all dressed in a similar way - wearing nude-looking glittering outfits/costumes, which were like catsuits, and had an open slit running downwards on the breast-area. This made the breasts look like round vaginas, with the exposed nipples appearing to be clitorises. We were either strippers or burlesque dancers and had to stand on the steps and dance provocatively to entertain guests, although I did not see anyone who was not part of the female dancing group.

I then found myself in a large shop - I think it was a clothing store (maybe a large branch of Top Shop?). It was very dark, and against a central pillar was a basket, containing a number of dolls. These dolls were all based on Disney's Ariel the Little Mermaid, but each doll had a different makeup look. Some had a 'dark winter' look, others had a 'peaches and cream' look and some had a 'no makeup face' look. These dolls were supposedly the inspiration used by the dancers for particular makeup looks. I thought the peaches and cream look was the best and decided that this was to be my inspiration for my own style when I next had to dance.

I was the watching a film with my stepdad. I could not work out what the film was about, until I saw a scene where a male character was putting together a doll and telling it to 'find a soul to destroy'. My stepdad then said: 'It's the Childsplay film' (Childsplay (1988) - the first movie in the franchise). I thought the film appeared to start differently to how I remembered it from real life, demonstrating that I had some of my waking memory operative while dreaming. The Good Guy doll, which had been crafted by one evil man, looked slightly different, and instead of being mass-produced at and then sold in a toy store, was a prototype, intended to be a figure of horror. There was no voodoo ritual which led to the soul of the serial killer being transferred to the Chucky doll, bringing him to life - Chucky was created as a serial killer. The next scene involved Andy and his mother walking down a street and seeing Chucky in a top shop window. I stopped watching the film as I have always been scared by the plot, after watching it as a 10 year old.

I was then at my nan's house in Sheringham and we were celebrating the fact that my uncle, GC, has passed some A-level exams. He had got 3 A grades, but these were written/referred to as A,A,C,T,T,T. I thought to myself that AACTTT were better grades than my own. 

I was then in a small dark room, with a number of other people. Around the edges of the room were a number of photocopier machines, and we were photocopying a number of handwritten poems. I am not sure who the author of the poems was. I was looking at some of the poetry, when a large, dark haired young woman came and grabbed the poetry I was reading, saying that she needed to take it home. I argued with her, saying: 'No I have to take it to Louis Walsh because he lives at my house!' We started wrestling with the pieces of paper on which the poetry was written, but eventually I let go, and turned to my left where there was a photocopier - deciding to just copy some more poetry out. The large brunette woman then came over to me and apologised for her behaviour, saying she was in the wrong and I could take the poetry that we had been arguing over. There was an older person (I cannot remember the gender of this person) on a seat against the back wall of the room. This person said: 'Take it to Louis Walsh'. 

There was a dream scene, which I cannot recall, but involved someone playing a violin. 

Dream 318

'Cheating Husbands & Abused Sons'
Dream date: 25 November 2014
I was in my bedroom at my nan's house in Sheringham. with CCK, but instead of her being a guest in my house, I was her guest. Things were fine and we were getting on as normal. She was telling me that her husband, K (a religious man) had been cheating on her with another woman and she was desperate to find out who this woman was so she could take out her revenge. I was trying to persuade her to not act too rashly and to speak with her husband, but she was intent on harming the other woman. When it was bedtime, we both went to sleep in my bed next to each other. I was eating a chocolate biscuit while I lay in the bed, and the crumbs were falling out my mouth onto the pillow. CCK took some of the fallen crumbs and tasted them, She then became enraged and said: 'You're the woman having an affair with my husband!' This wasn't true, and I tried to persuade her otherwise, but she rose from the bed and started attacking me. She was far stronger than me and I could not fight back. She punched me in the face many times and then picked up two biro pens, both of which she pushed into my eyes, at the inner corners (a pain I felt in my sleep). I was begging with her to stop. I then saw my hair straighteners (210 degrees in heat when on) plugged in and became aware that if she noticed this, she would use them as a weapon against me. I managed to get up, with her still beating me, and ran into another room, which was no longer a room in my nan's house, but rather a laundry room in CCK's home (in the dream - I have never been to her current home or met her husband in real life). There, I found my bag, which was a black shopping-style bag, filled with clothes. My makeup was on the side, and I was trying to put my makeup into the bag so that I could leave. CCK ran in and started pulling on my arms to prevent me from putting the makeup in my bag, and hitting me at the same time. I saw a load of silvery, glittery eyeshadow pans fall loose from a palette into the top of the bag. Satisfied that my possessions were in the bag, I ran outside. It was daylight and I was on a balcony/walkway of a high rise towerblock. CCK came out after me, and I realised that she was going to throw both my bag and then me over the walkway barrier - which would lead to my death. She was swinging me around by my arm which was holding the bag. I managed to break free and run back into the building, this time, into a communal hallway, where there were three young, mixed-race people (two males, one female) leaning against the wall, smoking. The girl, knowing I was being chased and attacked, pointed me towards the lift and told me to use that to escape the building. I got into the lift, wondering if CCK could make it down to the ground floor using the stairs by the time I used the lift to descend 10 floors. However, by the time I reached the ground floor and left the building, I was by myself, with no sign of CCK. I left safely.

I then found myself in the pub in Sheringham, which my mum used to run. Someone (I am not sure who) told me that my 8 year old son 'Aaron Normalmorman' had been in a sexual relationship with CCK. This was 'consensual' in that she had not used force against him, but there was no real consent due to his extremely young age, so I recognised it (as everyone would) as statutory rape. I became furious and decided to go back to CCK and confront her. I found myself back in my bedroom at my nan's house with CCK. I told her that I had not had an affair with her husband, but in any event, it didn't matter, because she had done the evil act of abusing my young son. CCK started pleading with me and telling me she was sorry, but I just left.

I was then drafting a letter to the police - although I am not sure why I was writing to them rather than reporting the matter in person. On the envelope, which was addressed in the normal way, I also wrote 'Aaron Normalmormon' and then heard a voice say: 'You better write on the sides of the envelope so the paparazzi don't intercept it!' I wrote lengthways down either side of the address, although I am not sure what I wrote, but it was in black biro.

I was then standing outside (daylight), beside the entrance to a house. I was with my son, 'Aaron Normalmorman'. He was small, with thick blonde hair and freckles. I was bending down, hugging him and telling him that everything would be OK, when we were approached by a middle-aged woman. Before I could ask her what she wanted, she said to my son: 'Are you Aaron Normalmormon?' He said yes, and she pulled out a camera and started snapping pictures of him. She was a member of the paparazzi.

Tuesday 25 November 2014

Dream 317

'Consciousness Scissors, Memory Loss & Coercion'
Someone (an older female dream character, I cannot recall who) was demonstrating a movement with her arms, which looked like she was holding them out at right-angles at her sides and then swinging them forwards and back, alternatively (so right arm to front, left arm behind, then swapped). This was called 'consciousness scissors'. I felt a bit confused, but then, as I ran a bath (in my Norwich home) I realised that the 'consciousness scissors' was a movement designed by Jennifer Aniston. I was then in my old bedroom, in Pine Grove, Sheringham, looking through my wardrobe. I was trying to find drawings/paintings I had made when I was younger, to show someone (I think it was DL). BBM was seated at a desk in the corner of my room, but it looked more like he was floating on a cloud, godlike, but smaller than a normal adult male. I noticed that in between my paintings was a note written by BMM, which was about two sentences long and in very poor handwriting. It said: 'Thank for for coming to see me...' and then something else I cannot recall. He had signed it underneath. The paintings I had found were all on A4 lined paper and very brightly coloured - usually involving a female face in rainbow colours with a swirly abstract background. They weren't very good, but were quite eye-catching. I was thinking about the 'consciousness scissors' and Jennifer Aniston at this time.

I then found myself in Castle Mall, Norwich. I was with someone - I think it was my nan - standing on the upper floor, by the escalators. There was a glass partition in the middle of the floor. I then saw about 10 massive dogs - all looking exactly like lions (I knew they were dogs, but they would appear to be lions to anyone else) walking in a line. One of the lion-dogs broke away from the pack and started to approach the glass partition, as if it were about to attack. It was growling and barring it's teeth. I ran quickly into a shop, which was actually empty, with no furniture/fittings or stock displayed. I could see the lion-dogs passing by the window. I then was in my bed in Norwich, with three Dalmation dogs (my pets in the dream) snuggled up with me. I thought to myself: 'I wish I just had Staffordshire Bull Terriers' (my favourite breed of dog, and suddenly, the three Dalmations became two Stafffies, which made me happy.

I was then in another room somewhere - it might have been a cafe. ED1 was there, holding a baby. I realised that he had been in a very short relationship with a girl at university and this was his child with her. I had a short conversation with him (I cannot recall what it was about at the start) and he ended up telling me that he regretted becoming a father so young and while he was still in education. He was the main carer for the baby, which made his studies difficult. I then became aware that myself and a number of other people (girls from my high school, including RBR, although I cannot recall exactly who, only that I knew them all) had all undergone a form of memory loss. It had been intentionally inflicted on us by someone. We went out into a dark forest and started to wash a white car together, all aware that we had lost our memories. Two boys from our high school, MR and LM came by and we stopped washing the car to talk to them, standing in a little clearing in the woods. We tried to tell the boys we had lost our memory, but we had forgotten how to speak properly. We were then in a shop, looking at stationary. I could see some lever arch files on a shelf, but when I tried to talk about them to the boys, I could not remember the word 'file'. 

Next, I was in an outside setting - on a big flat piece of concrete which was raised above another level (of grass) which was several feet above ground level. It was daylight and temperate, but not sunny. On the piece of concrete with me was PS, wearing a white T-shirt with pink writing on it. We were both laying on our sides. PS said to me: 'I wasn't shy'. We looked over at the next level down and could see a woman laying on the grass, surrounded by other people. I said: 'Look it's Megan Fox!' but as the woman turned over (she had been facing away from us) I saw it was actually Eastenders actress Samantha Womack, who plays 'Ronnie Mitchell'. PS, Samantha Womack and I were then walking through a crowded corridor in my old high school. Samantha Womack looked like Leticia Dean, who plays 'Sharon Watts/Mitchell' in Eastenders. I had a card with me. On it was some typed writing, but I found it very difficult to understand what it said. It was some form of instructions for a game, but written in such a convoluted and complex way that it barely made sense. The most sense I could make from it was that we were involved in a game where we could use coercion and force against Samantha/Leticia. I said to Samantha/Leticia 'We are going to coerce you!' and then PS and I started to push and shove her into the walls of the corridor, although this upset her. I felt myself waking up, and could not maintain the dream. I was wide awake when I woke up (which is unusual for me) and could not get back to sleep. 

Dream 316

'Escape from the Heroin Addicts'
Dream date: 23 November 2014
I was in a sort of burnt out building - like a shooting gallery or crackhouse. It was falling down and decaying, with rubbish and dirt everywhere. I lived here with some heroin addicts, but I was not using drugs myself, and neither was the man I was dating (a dream character, unknown to me in real life, slim with black hair). All the people who lived in this drug den were unknown to me in real life. The two that I remember the most clearly, were a small, chubby blonde woman (who looked like RBR, a girl I know from school), who had a big blue tattoo on her upper left arm, and a tall thin male with long black hair and many tattoos. Everyone in the house was planning to shoot some heroin together, and I felt fed up of living around their unhealthy lifestyle. My boyfriend was also planning to try some heroin, but I could not persuade him otherwise. It was daylight, which I knew, because the window in the room we were gathered in had been smashed in, and a torn white sheet had been hung at the window, and it was blowing in the breeze. One of the addicts came into the room, having scored the heroin for everyone. He said: 'I've also brought some dirty needles (syringes) for us to bang up with'. The plan was that everyone would share the same 'dirty' needles i.e. they had already been used by other addicts to shoot heroin. My boyfriend was keen to do this as well, but I was desperately telling him that he should stay clear of the dangerous behaviour and leave the shooting gallery with me. He refused to listen to me, so I decided the only thing I could do was to break up with him. He was crying and asking me why, and the other addicts were getting involved in our dispute. I said: 'Because you will get HIV from the dirty needles and then pass it onto me, especially if we decide to start a family in the future!' He joined the other addicts to shoot some heroin and I left. I didn't feel all that sad about the break up because I was looking after my own interested and he had declined my help and support in favour of intravenous drugs and potential disease. 

I was then at some kind of parade. I was sitting on a carnival float, with the female blonde heroin addict and the tall, long-haired male heroin addict, riding through Sheringham High Street. Both addicts were berating me for breaking up with my ex-boyfriend, telling me he was devastated by me leaving him. They told me I was uncaring and cruel. I reiterated to them that I was fearful that he would contract HIV/AIDS from sharing dirty needles and then pass it onto me. The blonde woman said: 'Why is that a problem?' I said: 'I don't want HIV, but I want to be able to have sex with my boyfriend without taking risks'. She looked at me with an annoyed expression on her face. She told me that she was pregnant. I asked her if she had HIV and she said: 'Yes, we call contracted it on the day you left!' This confirmed to me that I had made the right decision to leave. 

I was then with another woman - also unknown to me in real life, but a friend in the dream. She was slightly older than me, and had purple dye in her dark, fluffy shoulder-length hair. I knew that her and I had made a plan to rescue some of the children who lived in the shooting gallery with the addicts, by arranging to visit the house while the adult addicts were out scoring heroin. They always left the children alone in the house. We had met two kind men who had a car and would meet us by the house and help us to escape before the addicts returned. The house was in woodlands - I could see the road from the forest, and the two men were standing by a pale blue car, waving at us. They joined us, as we walked up a hilly path in the woods towards the shooting gallery. We then noticed that just to the side of the woods (and the path we were walking along) a car was pulling up. It was the 'neighbours' - a middle-aged woman named 'Janet' and her husband (joined by some friends). They were interfering, and we were worried that Janet might inform the addicts that we had taken the children. Janet and her husband called out to us and started approaching from the right. The two men helping us were ahead of me, with my female friend behind me. I started to hurry, walking faster to catch up with the men, while my female friend hung back to distract Janet and her husband from seeing the mission. I heard my friend tell Janet that we were going to collect some glass from the shooting gallery which had belonged to us and we needed for a project. Janet was happy with this explanation and left us to it. Our group of four, then walked through a brick shed/outhouse, which had no roof and two of the walls collapsed into rubble. In the middle of the room was a workbench, with big sheets of glass, with graphic lines dissecting them, as if part of an architectural project which had been abandoned. We were about to reach the house/shooting gallery when I woke up.

Monday 24 November 2014

Dream 315

'Dirty Mathematician'
This dream occurred while I was VERY drunk, following my uncle's surprise birthday party. I drank far too much vodka and fizzy wine, was sick and passed out...but still managed to recall this dream clearly! I spent the night in my nan's house (where I live when not at university), and my uncle had also recently been staying there, but has now moved out.

I was in the pub my mum used to run, with one of her former barmen - WW. I confused WW with another of the barmen who used to work there - BF. WW/BF told me that his brother, SMF (SF is actually BF's sister, his brother is called MAF!) had recently become the youngest 'dirty mathematician' at the age of 37. I associated 'dirty maths' as being the opposite of pure maths.

I was then in my nan's house in the evening. The lights were very bright in the room. I was sitting in the armchair in the corner. My nan was there, as was my uncle, GC, who was seated at the table. GC said he had to get an extension cable/plug, and left the room, but when he returned, he had the wrong extension cable, and the attached electrical plug was plugged into it's own socket, and could not be removed. He left the room again, and returned with another extension cable/plug - this time a black one, which was in working order. 

I was eating ice cream and watching something on either a TV or a laptop. I thought I was watching a video of a lion walking down a driveway outside a house, but my uncle looked over my shoulder and said: 'That dog has become a hyena!' When I looked at the screen again, I saw that it was a hyena on a driveway. 

Dream 314

'Pink Sex Machine'
Dream date: 22 November 2014
I saw myself (in the third-person) board a double-decker bus. As I got onto the bus, the destination screen on the front said: 'Mother'.

I then found myself in a bedroom, which looked like the shared rooms in the Norfolk Terrace residences at my university. By the door, against the wall, was a large bubblegum pink unit, made up of different sections/box-like shelves or pigeon-holes. Inside these spaces were TV screens. I was trying to get to sleep, but suddenly, the TVs turned on - very loudly - and started playing porn, but it was also like 'body horror' - deformed body parts copulating with gruesome, screeching sex noises. I became anxious that the sound would wake my stepdad who was in the bedroom next door and had to wake up early for work, but there was no way for me to turn the porn off, other than using a remote control, which I knew was in a bag in the lounge. I went through to the lounge - which did not resemble any real life lounge that I know of, but looked normal. The quality of light told me that it was the early hours of the morning. I was relieved to see my stepdad was awake, and sat drinking beer on the sofa, meaning the noise of the porn hadn't disturbed him. I found the bag (a normal-looking black backpack) behind an armchair on the floor and got the remote control, which looked like a cross between a pink computer keyboard and an electric guitar - the size of the former. I took this through to my bedroom and turned off the horror porn.

I then found myself in Sheringham, in Otterndorf Green, which is between the steam railway and the regular train station (the town is twinned with the German town of Otterndorf). There was some kind of 'anti-Russian parade' going on. People were marching and shouting racial slurs against Russian people, and asking bystanders to tell of any Russians they knew, so these people could be driven out of the area. I thought to myself: 'The only Russian I know of is EB's ex-girlfriend' (this isn't true, I recently met two Russian students at a games night I organised at university). The sun was shining brightly and I was just standing, watching the anti-Russian parade, wondering why it was happening, when I was approached by LR - a male who lived in my hometown when I was growing up and was a couple of years older than me. He was flanked by two women, with his arms around their shoulders, and the three of them were swaying around as if drunk. LR said to me: 'You should inform on Dan the Snitch' (I am not sure who 'Dan the Snitch is, but in the dream I knew of him). 

I was then in my house in Norwich, standing at the front door, which was open. I was annoyed to find that there was someone (an unknown male adult) standing in the doorway, addressing a young blonde child, who was standing on the raised pavement just opposite my house. The child was trying to learn French. I began teaching him French. I told him that 'le petite regard' meant 'small circle'. He accepted this as true and I think that in the dream I also believed that I was correct. It in fact means 'the little light', although I was not actually aware of this! The boy then said that 'beaucoup' meant 'very good' and I agreed with him, even though in the dream I was aware that it actually meant 'so much' or 'very much'. He said: 'I speak Francais beaucoup - that means I'm very good'. I thought that I would let him assume he was right even if he sounded like an idiot speaking French wrongly.

I then was in a room, using a computer to surf the internet and realised that I had invented Kickstarter, the global crowd-funding organisation. I was the site administrator and was in charge. 


* Weirdly, when I was using Google to find these photographs of Otterndorf Green ('Otterndorf Green, Sheringham' was my search term), I scrolled down the Google Image search results and found a photograph of my stepdad, my mum and my nan which had been taken without them noticing (at a local annual 1940s theme event) and posted on a random website!

Saturday 22 November 2014

7 Day Dream Incubation Experiment - Marilyn Monroe Dream (2)

If you haven't read my first post on this Dream Incubation Experiment, which sets out my aims and basic methodology, please click here where you can access both the article and accompanying Youtube video I made.

This post analyses the first two days of experimental results. I have already recorded the two dreams on this Blog, in the normal Dream Diary format, but I will include the same text on this post, so if you have not already read the dreams, there is no need to look at the earlier post. 

My methodology for both days was:
  • Dream incubation - I set the intention to meet Marilyn Monroe in a dream narrative in which I am a starlet in Hollywood during the height of her career/fame. I want to ask Marilyn Monroe something about myself - something subconscious which I might not acknowledge in my waking life. I meditate on the subject of my intended dream during breaks in my waking day (usually after performing a reality check) and for around 15 minutes while laying in bed before sleep. I focus on a mental visual image of Marilyn (see previous post, linked above).
  • MILD Technique - because I want to become lucid in my dream I use the standard MILD technique (mnemonic induction of lucid dreaming), which combines meditations, affirmations, visualisations and reality checks. I also set an intention to vividly recall my dreams, even if not lucid.
  • Reality checks - I perform reality checks throughout the day - usually when I am either using the bathroom, about to leave the house or boiling a kettle - things I do repeatedly and regularly throughout the day. I use the hand method, whereby I try to push the fingers of my right hand through my left palm, consciously focusing on the impossibility of the task and the fact I know I am awake and not dreaming. After a reality check, I remind myself of my dream incubation goals and tell myself that when I have successfully incubated my chosen dream, I will perform a reality check in my dream and become lucid. 
  • Wake-Back-To-Bed Method - I wake up after a period of 7 - 8 hours, which ensures I get my deep sleep. I then stay awake for approximately 30 minutes and then use a reality check, dream incubation and MILD technique (as above) before falling back to sleep until I am ready to wake naturally, without an alarm clock (because my schedule permits me to do this).

Day 1 - Wednesday 19 November 2014

I went to sleep in the very early hours of the morning, so theoretically, this dream took place on Thursday 20 November 2014, but since I went to bed at a normal time (around 11 pm) on Thursday night, I have recorded this dream as 'Wednesday' due to the fact it was the first sleep I had since waking up on that day, but took place after midnight.

'Birthday Cakes'
I had to help PS get a birthday cake for his mum - the question was whether it should be black or white. We in an outside environment, looking up at train tracks which crossed above us in the sky. It was a dimly lit day - maybe dusk. PS said: 'You know which one to take to get to the cake shop'. Two cakes were on a chair in an (unfamiliar) domestic environment, but in fact they were both dresses - one black and one white. PS couldn't decide which cake/dress his mum would prefer, so he said that we would decide later. 

I went to visit some people who had some form of learning disability, although the precise nature of their problems were not made clear to me. There were two females, both using paper and pencils to draw pictures of a man in glasses sitting at an angle on a bus seat. Both pictures were quite childlike, and in the corners, the girls had written 'I love scientists'. I decided that the girl who used the symbol of a love heart rather than the word 'love' had done best.

I was then in my bedroom at my nan's house. PS was with another male who was tall, thin, white and geeky looking, with brown hair and glasses. It was this male's birthday - I am not sure if PS's mum had become this boy or whether he was a separate dream character. PS told me that I had to leave because for his birthday, the boy liked to wank off to pictures of women on his mobile phone and PS was the only person able to supervise him doing so. I felt annoyed that I had to leave my own bedroom for this. I noticed clusters of party balloons strung up in the corners of the ceiling.

PS and I then went to look at the black and white cakes/dresses again, and still could not make a decision as to which one was best.

I was in a very dark bedsit - I think this was the unfamiliar domestic environment in which we had first looked at the black and white cakes/dresses. There was a bed and a sink. PS was with me and also a tall, slim, white female, with very short black hair. She looked very masculine. She was a professional makeup artist and she was going to do my hair and makeup. She had a blue towelling bath robe and a black coat, which she soaked in water in the sink. I was sat on the bed watching her. She told me that I would have to choose between the blue bath robe and the black coat - which I would wear while she did my hair and makeup. She referred to the two items as a 'black or a white dress' and suddenly I noticed that the robe and coat were in fact a black dress and a white dress. I chose to wear the white dress. The dream ended.
  • Timing: After WBTB, during the last stage of this 3 hour sleep
  • Lucidity: NO
This dream did not feel to be a successful dream incubation result. There was no reference to Marilyn Monroe in the manifest content. However, I thought I should interpret and analyse the dream to see what the underlying latent content might tell me.

This dream has recurring symbols of black and white. While incubating the dream, I was focusing on a visual image of Monroe which was from a black and white movie (Some Like it Hot (1959) - her most well-known role). White commonly represents a clearness of mind, purity and virginity as well as enlightenment and inner realisation. It is the colour of new beginnings. Black represents the unconscious and the unknown, inviting the dreamer to delve further into the depths of their subconscious. It may also symbolise death, mourning or loss. Black and white are contrasts symbolising coexistence and balance. The symbol of the white dress (where the cakes are perceived as 'dresses' and in the final dream scene, where the wet garments become an option between wearing a black dress and I opted for white) may link to Monroe, as one of her most iconic images involves the white dress she wore in the subway scene in The Seven Year Itch (1955), where her skirt is blown up, exposing her legs and underwear. 

The symbol of 'mother' is a dream archetype - a nurturing, maternal force of protection and guidance. It was not my own mother in the dream - but that of my ex-boyfriend, thus a former 'mother-in-law' which implies a need to resolve inner turmoil or conflict. However, in this dream, the only conflict appeared to be about the colour of the birthday cake. Monroe represents to me the epitome of femininity and female sexuality - which was part of her charm and allure during her film career. She juxtaposed both explicit and easily available sexuality and desire with a childlike innocence and purity. She was the living embodiment of the 'Madonna-Whore' depiction of contrasting female identities. Unable to become a mother herself (suffering from a number of miscarriages, phantom pregnancies and reproductive ailments as well as undergoing several abortions), Monroe experienced a distant, emotionally-troubled relationship with her own mentally ill mother, who was unable to care for her daughter (meaning that Monroe spent the majority of her younger years in an orphanage and a series of unsuitable foster placements. She was to initially claim in her early Hollywood years that she was an orphan - her father was absent and unknown). I think the mother symbol in this dream refers to inadequacy and distance, as no mother enters the dream (and she later seemingly becomes a young male) - decisions about how to celebrate her are left open and uncertain, and instead the idea of choosing on her behalf, becomes me making a choice for my own benefit (selecting a birthday cake eventually becomes me choosing which dress to wear). 

A birthday cake represents that wishes and desires are being fulfilled in some way, as well as a willingness to share and let other people into your life. It is generally viewed as a positive dream symbol. In my dream, the birthday cakes were elaborately iced and decorated - the white one resembled a wedding cake, and the white dress into which is transformed appeared to resemble a wedding dress. Monroe famously sang 'Happy Birthday' on stage, for President Kennedy (JFK) at Madison Square Gardens on 19 May 1962, disobeying the Hollywood movie executives who demanded that she stay in Los Angeles to shoot her final (unfinished) movie, Something's Got to Give and leading to her being fired. Therefore, the birthday cake may relate to Monroe on this level. The birthday cakes and birthday theme raised feelings of choice, confusion and decision-making - consequently, no decisions were reached in the dream, until the point at which I selected to wear a white dress in the final scene, the dresses having been interchangeable with cakes in earlier scenes. 

The symbol of the birthday also enters the dream at the point I find myself in my childhood bedroom with PS and the male dream character, who wishes to masturbate to images of girls on his phone as a birthday celebration. I am being removed from this scene, because only PS can be present. Seeing others masturbate in a dream (although I did not actually see him doing so) can symbolise the dreamer's anxiety about inhibitions and unexpressed sexual needs/desires. Balloons - which were linked to the birthday of the male dream character - are signals of disappointments and declining hopes in love, as well as an inflated ego. I felt annoyed that I was being asked to leave my own bedroom for the male dream character (whose only perceived characteristics were 'awkwardness' and 'geeky') to masturbate, and specifically at PS, for endorsing the male dream character's behaviour. 

The train tracks in the dream are thought to represent the notion that the dreamer has set out a clear goal and method of obtaining desired results, although the process may be slow and steady. This seems to relate to my dream incubation experiment in some way. However, it may be an indication that the dreamer's thought process is too rigid and linear in some way. The fact that the railway tracks were above me, might indicate that my successful methods are just out of reach and that there are different options available for achieving my goal. I am at the intersection, and undecided how to proceed. My dream character of PS is unable to advise me on how to achieve my outcome, and there seems to be some uncertainty as to this aspect of the dream. 

I am not sure what the scene with the two learning disabled girls meant - I think the reference to 'I love scientists' is daily residue - I had been watching and discussing science documentaries about the universe. Here, I was being asked to choose between the pictures and I was able to make a choice, unlike elsewhere in my dream. However, I did not make the choice on who produced the best picture, but rather on the basis that one of the girls drew the symbol of a love heart as opposed to just using plain text. This may be an indication that I need to look deeper into the symbolism of my dream to discover the meaning, rather than focusing on the manifest content of words and visual depictions. The fact that these dream characters had learning disabilities may also be a sign of my feelings of intellectual superiority and vanity. 

The final scene of this dream involved me being prepared for an event which was unknown - my hair and makeup were to be done by a professional. This is the closest I think my dream came to depicting me in the role of a Hollywood starlet. However, the location was far from glamorous - being a dark bedsit. My costumes were either a blue robe or a black coat - both unglamorous and soaked in water by the makeup artist, who herself was not beautiful or glamorous. I think this dream scene was indicating how far I was from the lifestyle of a Hollywood starlet, although I was making an attempt to adopt elements of this lifestyle, by being 'madeup' and 'coiffed' by someone employed to alter my appearance. The fact that the unflattering wet garments transformed into a black dress and a white dress was optimistic for me and in choosing the white dress, I think this was a step closer to the glamour and lifestyle associated with Monroe. 

I feel that the fact I opt out of choosing a birthday cake, and focus on choosing a dress - as well as seeing the balloons in my childhood bedroom and being annoyed that male characters want to force me out of my environment so they can indulge in their own entertainment points at vanity and ego. These are two qualities associated with Hollywood celebrities. The fact that I felt superior and more beautiful than the professional makeup artist, despite the fact she was offering me an initial choice between two ugly, wet garments and I was being made up/styled in a dingy, dark bedsit, also refers to my vanity, even in adverse situations where I might not be in an ideal situation. Maybe I was annoyed at the masturbating male dream character because subconsciously I wasn't a sexual object, unlike the photos of the girls he intended to look at on his mobile phone - I was being removed from his birthday celebration because I wasn't sexy or beautiful enough to warrant his sexual desire - even in my own bedroom where I was not welcome. I was being usurped in some sense, leading to a later attempt to beautiful myself with the help of a professional makeup artist. 

Day 2 - Thursday 20 November 2014

'Public Transport & Pizzas'
I was at my nan's house, sitting on the sofa next to my cousin, HM, She was holding a book which I had when I was a child - it was a Garden Gang book by Jayne Fisher - Penelope Strawberry, about a vain, narcissistic strawberry. I was trying to wrestle the book from HM, but she was pleading with me, saying she only wanted to read the cover. I thought that 'Penelope' was the perfect name for a female strawberry and this thought was very clear in my mind.

I was then in a supermarket, very briefly. The supermarket was dark and I could not see what was on the shelves clearly. I bought a quail for £5. I took it back to a house where I was with my mum, standing at a counter. I ate the quail and found it delicious, however it was pale (raw-looking). In real life I have never eaten quail before. I told my mum that I thought it was delicious, and she agreed, but said that quails were too expensive to eat often. She gave me a smallish box, which she said came inside the quail. I opened it and inside were slices of dark meat (looking like beef), something called 'corned quail' (which was the quail version of corned beef) and some other quail-based meat products. My mum told me that these were the internal organs of the quail and said we should eat them, because they were the best bit. We started to eat them, and they were also delicious. My dog, Kelli (now dead) came into the room and I started playing with her. She looked as I remember her (large German Shepherd), but her hair was longer and fluffier. My mum gave her some chocolate. I knew chocolate wasn't good for dogs, and also had a knowledge that Kelli would die when she reached the age of 13 years. This made me sad. I ran out into a lush, green garden. where my stepdad was doing some gardening, and told him that he should stop my mum giving the dog chocolate for a treat and we might be able to prolong her life beyond 13 years. I had some kind of dispute with my mum over what looked like mashed swede or some kind of pureed orange vegetable which was smeared on a plate. I think my mum was saying that it was not fit to eat and I was trying to convince her that it would taste nice.

I was then in some kind of seaside town, where there was a London Underground Station, positioned next to a bus stop. I was waiting to catch the tube, but first wanted to go into a shop and buy a snack. I was aware that I was taking ages in the shop, not able to make my mind up. It was just a small shop/cafe, like those you find in a train station, just selling coffees and basic snacks. There was a middle-aged woman there, with a young, slightly obese daughter, who  was named 'Boo Boo' (a little bit like 'Honey Boo Boo'), except she was British and much quieter. I held Boo Boo's hand and sat down with her and her mother, who I instantly befriended, although this was the first time I had ever met them. We had some conversation in this cafe and I found them to be very nice people. Suddenly, Boo Boo's mother announced that the tube (which was late) had arrived and it was time for us to board. I thought I would sit with them for the lengthy journey to our (unknown) shared destination. Boo Boo was telling me to hurry, and we all ran outside into the daylight to board the tube. However, there was a bus which was parked in front of the doors to the tube, so we had to squeeze past these to get into the carriage. Boo Boo and her mother boarded the tube, but I was a fraction of a second too late, and the door shut, nearly on my hand. The tube train started to move away slowly. The train conductor/guard (a young black man wearing a deep red uniform) noticed me and said: 'I could have let you get on if you'd have asked!' but I just said: 'I didn't see you to ask'. I felt annoyed as now I had lost my friends and had to wait for another tube. I noticed that in my hand I had a clear, transparent bag. Inside were sweets, drugs and small plastic toys. I realised this belonged to Boo Boo and I felt sad because I had no way of returning it to her. I wondered if I should take the drugs, but decided not to, because they might be dangerous, or they might be medication which she needed. I decided to try and find a way of getting the bag back to her.

I then went on a walk to kill time before the next tube, which I saw on a sign was scheduled to be late. The front of the station looked quite a lot like Stratford Station in London (where there are buses at the front of the station forecourt). I walked around to the side, and found that it was a dusty, desolate waste ground area. There was a bench positioned next to an old lock-up/warehouse area, and I took a seat. I was joined by a man - middle-aged and brown-skinned with black hair. He was dressed in a pale yellow T-shirt (which matched the colour of the dust on the ground), grey baggy tracksuit bottoms and black work boots. He took a seat opposite me. He seemed to be friendly and I felt safe. The man asked me where I was from. He said: 'You have a 'Shirazzy look' about you'. Shiraz is an city/area in the Fars Province in South-West Iran and apparently, this is where my Persian family name originates from. I said to him: 'How did you know?' and he just smiled at me and said he 'could tell. I asked: 'What about you, where are you from?' aware that he had a foreign accent. I noticed that there were some people wandering around nearby and some of them had reacted negatively to me asking  where this man was from, but I ignored them, as this was a private conversation. The man told me that he was 'Iranian' and I said: 'It's weird how Iranians can always recognise that I have Iranian blood, but non-Iranians think I'm from Spain' (which is an actual real life experience that I have noticed). The man just smiled at me and he had a charming smile with very white teeth. He reached under the table and pulled out an old coffee machine, then preceded to tell me about a trick he and his workmates had played on a colleague - apparently, the coffee machine would only spit out stones and pebbles instead of coffee. The man opened the padlock to the lock up next to us, and put the coffee machine in there, before re-locking it. He asked me to come walk with him, and he put his arm around me, but it felt more fatherly than romantic or sexual. I knew he did not feel that way about me, because there was at least a 20 year age gap between us and he was polite and caring.

It turned out that he walked me to his brother's house, which looked like a traditional family home, with beige and cream furnishings, and a kitchen which looked like the mirror image of my own kitchen in Norwich (my neighbours have a kitchen which is on the opposite side of the lounge, but identical to my own, so I have actually seen the 'mirror image' of my kitchen in real life). It turned out that the man's brother was not Iranian, but he was the father of Boo Boo, so I was pleased that I could return her bag of sweets, drugs and toys. I was sat at the kitchen counter. I was joined by my cousin, HM, who said that Boo Boo and her mother were not yet home, but the father was making us some pizza while we waited. HM and I went into the lounge, and found that the oven was where an electric fire, or heater, would usually be found - underneath the TV, in front of the sofa. The father put some items in the oven, then said he had to go out, so we should help ourselves when the food was ready. He left with two other men, with whom we had made no conversation. Since I had found myself in the house, the Iranian man had disappeared. I looked into the oven. The father had already cut the pizza into slices and placed them on top of each other and in a very disorganised way on the oven shelves, draping them over some red items of food, which I knew was food for Boo Boo. The pizza looked cooked, so I reached in to get two slices out for HM and I. The slices were not equally sized and the piece that I got for myself had no cheese on it, only tomato sauce, so I asked HM to give me some of the cheese from her pizza, as she had plenty to spare. She gave me some of her excess cheese with no argument.

I was then walking down Cromer Road in Sheringham with my mum and some other 'parents' of people I was supposedly at school with. It was night. I felt like an adult, but I was actually in the penultimate year (Year 10) of high school. My mum and the other parents had just been told that our high school was closing down and the only option for us to complete our secondary education was to enrol at a local private school, paying very expensive tuition fees. My mum was saying that she could not afford the private school tuition fees and I was worried, as I needed to sit my exams in order to continue into higher/further education. My mum and the other parents were putting together a mental list of all the parents/children in a similar situation - unable to pay the private school fees. They were listing names and saying things like: 'ZT's mum won't be able to pay, she's unemployed', 'NN's parents can't afford it'. I advised my mum to register me at the private school and once I was a student there, we would explain that we couldn't pay, and if the school tried to remove me or not let me attend classes, then we would complain to the government, and point out that every child is entitled - and legally required - to receive an education. My mum was considering this idea. We reached a small, square building in which a local meeting was being held to discuss the problem of the school closing down.
  • Timing: After WBTB, during the last stage of a 5 hour sleep
  • Lucidity: NO
This dream had a lot of food symbolism in it. Food represents nurture and care (especially baby food - and the orange puree in the dream did resemble baby food). Eating with others - with my mum and my cousin HM - signals intimacy and harmony. Tomorrow I am going to a family function, so no doubt this is why I found myself eating with two of my family members. Eating alone represents loneliness, loss, rejection and cut ties, but since I ate with relatives, the opposite (intimacy and close familial relationships) can be implied. The fact that my mum enjoyed eating the expensive quail dish, but rejected the baby food, may be a sign that I need to act more mature and lose my childish ways. These two food symbols may be the result of daily residue, as I had recently watched a cookery contest on TV where the chefs were asked to prepare quail, and it is common for a vegetable-based puree to appear in the dishes created for the contest. I think being told that the best bits of the quail were contained in the box which had been inside the bird is symbolic of the subconscious and the need to 'go inside', delve deeply and open up an internal box to reveal what is inside. Boxes in dreams symbolise instinctual nature and impulses. Opening a box is seen as the revealing of secrets and a hidden aspect of yourself being shown. This action in the dream was experienced as very positive - as the box contained the most delicious parts of the quail, which I had initially ignored in favour of the exterior meat. In this dream, I could literally taste the quail, especially the corned quail from inside the box. It was moist, with a rich buttery taste and soft texture. Recently, one of my acquaintances on a lucid dreaming Facebook page stated that he has most success in becoming lucid in a dream when he eats corned beef before bed. Apparently, dreaming of a quail represents sexuality and eroticism and a sense of overcoming one's hardships, even if you are experiencing current negativity in your life.

The fact that I dreamed that my dead dog was alive and my mum was feeding her chocolate is another sign of nurturing -  but one which is potentially harmful and indulgent. I could see this in the dream, and asked my stepdad to step in and stop the dog being fed chocolate, even if the intentions were to make the dog happy. The fact that I felt some resistance to this by my stepdad signifies my mum's strong will and the fact that she is likely to resist being controlled by another. I think the symbol of the garden in this dream - although very brief - represents the state of my parent's marriage, which is strong and tranquil. My mum is doing the nurturing (she works in the care profession) whereas my stepdad was doing gardening (a manual job, he is a manual worker in his real life job), which is nurturing in its own way (promoting growth and life) but also symbolises hard work to maintain stability and an environment suitable for cultivation. 

The archetype of the mother in a dream represents nurture, maternal guidance and protection. A dog represents loyalty, intuition, protection and fidelity. To dream of a dog being fed represents the nurturing of a talent or skill and implies a need to foster relationships in your waking life. A German Shepherd is a common breed of dog seen in a dream - it is thought to represent protective instincts and attention to detail, as well as a sign that there is no time to be nervous or lose control in a given situation. Chocolate represents indulgence, love, satisfaction and reward - but also a need to stop indulging in too many excesses (which quite literally ties in with how chocolate was presented in my dream - as being fed to a dog who could be harmed by the excesses of motherly love).

There seems to be a return to childhood in this dream - my cousin and I were fighting over a children's storybook in my nan's house, where we both grew up. Penelope Strawberry was described by the author as being vain and snooty - and my actions in trying to get the book away from my cousin could be seen as selfish. My cousin has a successful cake-making business which she documents online, with photographs of her stunning creations. I had recently set up my own Facebook page for this Blog and my dream research, although it is difficult to reach out to a wide audience, so maybe I was feeling envy, because her successes are more tangible and recognised, whereas I have always been immersed in academia and cerebral pursuits. The day before this dream, I had used my Facebook page to thank my readers for helping me achieve my childhood dream of becoming a writer - by writing and Blog and getting feedback from my readers, I am partially achieving this goal, and honing my talents. The fact that the Garden Gang books, of which Penelope Strawberry was my favourite in the series, were written and illustrated by Jayne Fisher when she was only 9 years old (a piece of information that I was aware of as a child reading the books, and undoubtedly shaped my own ambition to become a published writer) is quite significant, I think. I am yearning to achieve my childhood aspiration of being a successful writer. The day that dream happened, I had seen a photograph of Kourtney (my other cousin's name, but spelled slightly differently!) Kardashian's daughter, Penelope, posted on Facebook by Kim Kardashian. Penelope was seated between her older brother, Mason, and her cousin, North West. I had also gone into my local shop and seen some strawberry milkshake on special offer, which might be forms of daily residue affecting my dream content. 

The dream character of Boo Boo seems to be very similar to Honey Boo Boo, the redneck reality star who had her own spin-off series following her appearance on  Toddler and Tiaras, starring mothers and daughters on the American beauty pageant circuit. Honey Boo Boo's mother was criticised for her child-rearing techniques (involving her daughter in the superficial and slightly misogynistic pageants: dressing her up inappropriately with fake tan, makeup and wigs, as well as revealing costumes; and feeding her  with 'pageant crack' - an energy drink laced with sugar to make her more hyperactive). She has recently been subject of even more damaging publicity due to the revelation that she is now dating a sex offender who abused one of her elder daughters. The mother in my dream was not like Honey Boo Boo's mother - she was more kind and nurturing - although the child, Boo Boo, did have a bag of sweets and drugs which I had somehow taken from her during our meeting. Honey Boo Boo represents to me, aspirations of stardom and fame, but having little in the way of raw talent or beauty. She is the representation of a silk purse being stitched from a sow's ear and her media career had been forced on her by her mother and the television network. The dream character, Boo Boo, wasn't quite the same as Honey Boo Boo, and so I am struggling to reconcile how she appeared in the dream with her real life counterpart. I felt quite close to Boo Boo and enjoyed being in the company of her and her mother. My mum sometimes calls me 'Boo Boo' as well as 'Tallulah' - both pet names.

The fact that the public transport (underground train, perhaps representing a journey into the depths of my subconscious mind) I intended to use left without me on board, displays the fact that I could not take a straightforward route to my destination (my incubated dream) and my dream wanted to show me something else, so created an obstacle (the bus) which prevented me from taking the easy route. 

I then met with an elder Iranian male in a wasteland area. I think this represents my father, who was absent during my childhood and only reappeared in my adult life when he was on his deathbed and sought my forgiveness for being estranged and seemingly uncaring. I should also note that my dog died around the same time as my dad did and  felt more pain at the loss of my dog than my father. The dream character was not my father, but I got the feeling that he was symbolic of the lost father. This is the dream symbol which comes closest to my incubated dream - of Monroe - because she famously grew up without a father, not even sure of his own identity, due to conflicting accounts given by her mother. Perhaps this dream scene was intended as a form of conflict resolution or closure on the issues I have surrounding my own (lack of) relationship with a father and my identity as being the only mixed-race member of my immediate family. The fact that the Iranian man opened up the lock-up/warehouse seemed to symbolise my subconscious - much like the box my mum found inside the quail, which I had not noticed until she opened it and gave it to me. It seems that the quail box and the lock-up represent opening up and looking inside to find something. Warehouses represent hidden energy and stored resources.

The father figure then took me to my intended destination - to Boo Boo's house, where I rejoined my cousin. In this house, which was a composite location of both my own home in Norwich and a traditionally decorated family home, we met another father figure - that of Boo Boo - who was kin with the Iranian father figure who delivered me into this house. Boo Boo's father was a provider and gave my cousin and I food to eat, although it was prepared in a strange, non-conventional way.

The pizza we were supposed to eat represents abundance and variety - although I felt short-changed, as my pizza slice had no cheese and therefore I had to beg my cousin to give me a 'piece of her pie'. Cheese represents gains and profits. The pizza was already sliced when it was placed into the oven to cook, so I interpreted that to mean that roles had already been assigned - plans had been made which could not be changed. There was a sense of inevitability and destiny of some sort. When I saw the sliced pizza, which was stacked messily and in a disorganised way in the oven, I thought it was weird that Boo Boo's father had decided to portion it up this way and to just throw a bunch of food into the oven together so it all mixed up. There was a clear division between the food (sliced) pizza intended for HM and I and the food intended for Boo Boo. Ovens represent warmth (and the oven was in the place you would expect to see a fireplace in this dream), togetherness and unselfishness. My cousin was unselfish in giving me some of the cheese off her pizza slice. In some interpretations, the oven symbolises the womb and fear/anxiety over having children - my cousin has one son, I have no children of my own yet. The day before this dream, I saw a Facebook post from HM's dad to her half-sister, SF1, in which he referred to himself as her 'uncle' (he is still close to our family, despite having divorced from HM's mum many many years ago, and both having their own families with subsequent partners). As a child I was always envious of HM's relationship with her father, as I did not have one with my own. At weekends, she would go to visit her dad, leaving me alone with my family, and then return with sweets and toys (although she was always very generous and would share everything). I wonder if childhood resentments are key to understanding this dream? Perhaps Monroe's famous fatherless-ness is also at the root, showing me that I am consciously aware of that particular similarity in our very different lives? My stepdad - my real life father figure - was tending a garden in this dream and thus working hard to cultivate and maintain a healthy domestic environment.

The final dream scene about the closure of my school and the expensive, unaffordable tuition fees of the private school seems to symbolise my anxiety that I might not complete my education. I sometimes go through periods of doing little academic work (such as now, while I await a meeting with my supervisor and an upgrade to the full PhD programme). My academic progress is the only aspect of my life which I am proud of, because I have achieved everything I have wanted to do with little or no resources - in my mind it is also a source of pride for my family. While I was worried about the situation, my mum and I were trying to think of possible solutions, so it wasn't necessarily a negative part of the dream, even though it was dark outside, with little light guiding us on our walk. The fact that we were joined by other people and able to name others in the same predicament was a sign that I was not alone in my anxieties. 

These dreams were interesting, as although they are not strictly a successful attempt at my chosen dream incubation, they did reveal some of my subconscious to me, and have recurrent themes of parental love and nurturing (as absence) and childhood aspirations. There is the sense of something hidden being accessed through the dreams. Also, there are clear themes of indulgence, excess, vanity and ego, which may be traits I associate with Monroe.

Here is the accompanying videos I recorded for my dream incubation experiment to date (you now have a direct comparison between my made-up and no-makeup face!):