Saturday, 22 June 2019

Love on Lockdown Series | A Very Candid Insight into Tallulah La Ghash

I'm writing this post to let you know about a new series I am running on my Youtube channel, Tallulah La Ghash. I have provisionally entitled it Love on Lockdown. It documents my relationship with AJR - mainly in the form of retrospective Storytimes, in chronological or thematic order. Obviously, my relationship and various changes in my life influence my dreams and self astronomically, so it makes sense to share more, and offer more candid insight into myself as a person, and my private life. I try to balance being genuine and open with guarding certain 'sensitive' or confidential information, but due to me simultaneously uploading quite explicit videos on my Youtube channel, I felt it was only appropriate to take the same approach to my Blog, as both platforms are of equal importance to me. In fact, if I was given the ultimatum of only being able to continue with one of them, I would choose this Blog, as I feel this has been my most cherished pastime, regardless of how successful it is. 

Given the extraordinary, phenomenal circumstances of my relationship with AJR, which changed my life in a plethora of ways, I felt it might be a story my audience (on whatever platform), might be interested to engage with. In any event, I wanted to create a memento to my relationship, regardless of whether anyone else enjoys the narrative and the ongoing adventure-slash-journey. I suppose I could have written a private journal, or kept the videos I record private, but I really do think some people may be interested in hearing our story and joining it as new chapters unfold. And since I already had my subconscious (and often conscious) thoughts, feelings, emotions, moods etcs documented here, on the internet, it seemed logical to use this Blog as another way of sharing. I really hope you approach our story with an open heart and mind and try not to be critical or judgemental until you have heard all facts. Remember, you can always ask me anything at all, if you have any questions whatsoever - I am more than happy to answer them, perhaps in a dedicated Youtube video on my channel, posted here as well, for my readers. 

I am linking all relevant posts and videos down here, so you can catch up on the story so far!

STORYTIME: I DREAMED OF THE FUTURE LOVE OF MY LIFE, MANY YEARS AGO (EVIDENCE PROVIDED!) - a Blog post explaining a potentially precognitive dream I had about AJR during a period of 11 years where we had no contact. Also explains how I tried to use 'The Force' to communicate with AJR during a mini 'breakup'.

Dream 70 - the 'precognitive dream' from 2012, in which AJR randomly appeared.

Lucid Dream Phenomena: Telepathic Boyfriend? - a Blog post detailing a weird (paranormal?) incident in which I was asking AJR some questions based on one of my Youtube subscriber's comments, revealing an inexplicable (psychic?) incident occurring!

Dream 998 - 'My Dream Town Becomes Victorian' (20 June 2019) - a Blog post recording a recent dream, which featured my 'Dream Town' - I link it here, because I refer to 'Sudsbury' or Sudbury, the supposed name of my 'Dream Town', which just so happens to be  nearest town (Sudbury) to where AJR will live with his family - this recurrent 'Sudsbury/Sudbury' reference was always a mystery which perplexed me, so it is interesting to find out AJR will be living in an area with the same name. This Dream Record links all posts relevant to the phenomena of my Dream Town and every time it has appeared in my dreams since I've been writing this Blog, so it is worth checking out, as I will do a full analysis of all of those dreams in due course. 

The following Youtube videos are as follows:
  1. Storytime (No#1) | I Dreamed of the Future Love of My Life, Many Years Ago
  2. Lucid Dream Phenomena | Telepathic Boyfriend?
  3. Love on Lockdown | How I Met my Incarcerated Boyfriend (Storytime #1)

Dream 998

'My Dream Town Becomes Victorian'
Date: 20 June 2019
Scene 1: My 'Dream Town' - Day
I was in my Dream Town (see below), which is a location which appears recurrently in my dreams and had an eerie feeling of déjà vu - as if it is so familiar to me I must have been there in real life, although I cannot say where it is - most likely it is a composite of familiar locations condensed into one place which makes me feel happy to be in when dreaming. 

I was standing at the corner of a road, near some tall redbrick buildings, which looked like offices or industrial buildings. I could see a concrete overpass stretching over the road. On the other side of the street there were some Tudor/Mock Tudor-style buildings/houses, and in front of them a grassy area where there was a pub and a laundrette. It was a sunny day and I felt very happy and content. I feel that I have seen this precise area of my Dream Town in a previous dream. 

I knew I had to go to a secondhand record shop which was in a residential area. I am not sure how I travelled there. 

Scene 2: A Residential Area in my Dream Town - Dusk
I was then in the residential area of my Dream Town, where I had intended to travel to. I knew I had been here before, and my aim was to 'relive' my previous visit. 

* Note that this part of the dream was experienced as if I was reliving a past dream - I have a distinct memory (not only within this dream, but also a waking memory) of having this exact same dream experience in the exact same location, although after searching my Blog using as many relevant key words/search terms as possible, I am unable to find any dream where this scene (or a similar one) takes place and therefore, I am not sure if this is a false memory. However, the fact my waking mind is certain I had this dream before is really baffling and odd. I am also not sure if any previous dream where this scene occurred actually took place within my Dream Town at that point. I will point out, at no point was I consciously aware I was dreaming or that my memory of visiting this particular location was that of a dream while I was actually dreaming.

It was dusk and the residential area was very quiet. There were a lot of lights on in the windows of the houses, which were all, very similar/identical bungalow-type houses. There were a lot of pine trees. On the corner of the residential road was the secondhand record store I had been intending to visit - the one I recall clearly as having been in a previous dream. The shop was really small and seemed to open out onto the residential street, where it was quite misplaced, being the only shop/commercial building in this area, which was a quiet suburban road. The shop either had large floor to ceiling windows, or no windows at all, just an open front. I knew the male dream character who ran the shop - in this dream, and my memory of having been there before - he was a young male who was friends with my stepbrother JM. He was scruffy, but trendy - although I cannot give a good description of him, other than he was tall, think and white and his brown hair was messy and he was wearing hipster-style clothing. This male dream character recognised me, as if we had met before. He greeted me as if he was pleased I had come to see him. He told me that he needed to talk to me, because he was living at home with his parents and was experiencing some kinds of problems. I was aware that I was unable to stay at this secondhand record store for very long, as I wasn't supposed to be there, or 'someone' (unrecalled) wanted me to leave. The male and I sat cross-legged on the floor of the shop. The entire shop floor was empty - the minimal stock (vinyl records) were all mounted on the walls. I was anxious as I knew I had to leave, and thought it might be my own family who wanted me to go home. 

Scene 3: A Different Street, my Dream Town - Day
I was then somewhere else in my Dream Town - I am not sure how I got there, but it was now daytime. The area of the town I was in was a street with shops and houses on it - nothing odd. However, I was aware that there was a 'Victorian Carnival' taking place later that day and everyone was preparing for it. I did not see any of these preparations, and the only thing that seemed to reference the Victorian period was the fact that the shops would be turning grey and pointy - I am not sure how this was supposed to happen. I was walking slowly down the road by myself, and stopped outside a shop, which sold knitting and sewing supplies. I could see balls of coloured wool in the shop window (this reminded me of a shop which used to exist in Sheringham when I was a child). My Stepdad then hurried past me. He turned round to face me and I could see he was holding something wrapped in newspaper. He told me that it was 'crustaceans' for the 'Victorian Carnival'. 

I cannot recall anything else about this dream. 

Additional Notes:
  • This dream took place in my Dream Town - which is a town which appears recurrently in a number of my dreams. I am not sure when this Dream Town first began appearing in my dreams (i.e. whether it was a location I was aware of before I began recording my dreams on this Blog). Instead of giving lengthy descriptions and information in this post, I will link all dreams/posts which refer to my Dream Town below, so you can read for yourself. The weird thing is - in previous dreams, my Dream Town has been referred to as 'Sudsbury' - in one dream I purposefully ascertained the name of my Dream Town. At the time, I did not know where the real life Sud(s)bury was -  it turns out that it is in Suffolk, the adjoining county. What is odd is that Sudbury is the closest town to where AJR will live with his family upon his release from prison. A couple of days before this dream, we had been discussing places we could visit while he is on curfew (and therefore cannot travel far from his home) - I had been Googling places near Sudbury
  • A few days before this dream I had been talking about Carnival with my friends

*Edit(1): In the spirit of editing in, rather than editing out - when compiling the list of Dream Town dreams at the bottom of this post, I noticed that in Dream 740 - 'Bad Mother' (9 December 2016), I had a dream in which I had the following scene: 

Scene 2: A Record Store, My 'Dream Town' - Day
I was then in a record store, which I realised was in my 'Dream Town'...I felt like I had visited this record store before (I may have done, although I cannot find a relevant entry in my Dream Journal at the time of writing this dream up). It was a normal record store, with nothing out of the ordinary. I was involved in some kind of 'swap' (I cannot recall the details).

This makes me wonder if this was the initial dream of the record shop (as clearly I did not include the specific details I remembered about this shop, which I recalled within the current dream), or whether this was an occurrence of me remembering a completely separate and as yet unfound dream which did actually take place.

Dreams taking place in my Dream Town
Note that these may not be all dreams which feature my Dream Town, as I have only managed to find those which were correctly labelled as such, as there may be others which took place prior to me using this labelling system consistently.

Dream 997

'Au Naturel Facials'
Date: 19 June 2019
Scene 1: My Bedroom, Norwich - Time Unknown
I was in my bedroom in my flat in Norwich, on my landline phone to AJR - I assume (because it wasn't clear in the dream), that he was in still in prison. AJR was telling me how he was going to give me what I will refer to here as an 'au naturel facial' (bukake) and I had a visual image of him doing so, with myself in third-person perspective as if I was watching a sextape of us. The 'facial' element (ejaculation) was like a firework or explosion of white, which covered the entire image I was seeing. It seemed much more like sparks of light rather than fluids. I cannot recall anything else about this dream scene. 

Scene 2: A Seaside Location - Day
I was then by the seaside - although I am not sure of the precise location, as it looked both familiar in a very general way, and not specific enough to say whether it was definitely somewhere I recall from real life. I think it may be a composite of a number of familiar places. It was a very grey day and the sky was overcast. At some point in the dream I was disappointed to find that it was raining - the raindrops seemed to cling onto me in a weird way - they looked like pearls stuck on my clothing. All I can recall is that I was wearing a blue jacket. I was aware that I was late for something, and I could not be bothered to do whatever it was (I cannot recall what it was) that I had been asked/ordered to do - it seemed like a chore, and I would have to leave the seaside to do whatever it was. I am not sure who I was with in this dream scene, as I cannot recall the details, but I think there were other people present and I think they were known to me, at least in the dream. 

Scene 3: A Secondhand Vintage Clothing Store, Anglia Square, Norwich - Evening
I was then in Anglia Square, Norwich. It wasn't exactly as it is now - although it hasn't changed too much from the period I am recalling in the dream, which was the 1990s, when I was a young teenager and used to visit the city to go shopping with friends, or hang out at the local skatepark. I was outside a shop which no longer exists, but which we used to visit regularly in the 1990s. It was a vintage clothing store which had a great selection of leather and faux fur jackets which my friend and I used to browse and sometimes buy (as I recall, this shop was quite expensive - I remember buying a long sheepskin coat and a purple leather jacket). In the dream I was very certain that this was the shop I remember from my youth, although my waking self would be unable to remember exactly where in Anglia Square it was, other than which side of the road it was on. It was evening - late afternoon - as the sky was darkening. There were pedestrians on the street. There was a dream character with me - it may have been my friend SVF, who used to come shopping with me during my teenage years, but I cannot remember. I looked at the outside of the shop, knowing that it was soon closing for the day. There was a very splintered and battered looking noticeboard on the shopfront and this had very old, peeling posters/flyers on it. I was looking at these, but I cannot recall exactly what I saw on the posters. I got the impression that I did not live in Norwich - which makes me think this was definitely a throwback to a teenage memory, or at least influenced by this period of my life. 

Scene 3: An Unknown Interior - Time Unknown
I was with AJR and we were trying to choose puppies from a home shopping channel on TV (they were all brown and white, breed unknown, but they looked like fluffy teddy bears). The TV show advertising the puppies was shot from above a circular pen within which the puppies were running round in circles, all in the same direction - counter clockwise. They appeared to be running slowly. AJR said that we should buy 'the sinister one' and I knew which one he meant (although all the puppies looked the same). I agreed with him. I then saw an image of a large cartoon bat hanging from the ceiling - it was as if I saw this as a picture, it wasn't in the room where AJR and I were. The bat was about 3 foot long and instead of hanging upside down, like a regular bat, it was suspended by it's head (I am not sure how) so it was the 'correct' way up. I knew this was 'the puppy', but it did not seem odd to me at all.

Additional Notes:
  • AJR and I always discuss sexual acts while talking on the phone
  • I feel that the secondhand vintage clothing shop may have been on Magdalen Street, Norwich - which I would normally refer to as 'Anglia Square' (see Google Maps image, below)
  • I have a vague memory of talking about dogs/puppies with AJR quite recently
  • A few weeks ago I joked to AJR that my Facebook friends give my photos hundreds of likes, but as soon as I posted a photoshopped image of me and him together, it only go 11 likes, because people did not like seeing us together as a couple. I then joked that an image of a giant bat I had posted on my Facebook, just prior to the photo with AJR, had got more likes than his

tallulah talks 10 | confessionals

I've started a new series of videos on my Youtube channel - tallulah talks 10. The premise of this series is that I film for exactly 10 minutes, and talk stream of consciousness-style about whatever is on my mind at that specific moment, revealing my current state of mind and contemporary thoughts, feelings, emotions and moods. The video is ended at the 10 minute mark, regardless of whether I am in mid-stream or have finished all I have to say. The concept is a sort of 'talking therapy' as well as a chance to share insights into my personal and private life. I film these videos on my mobile phone, meaning I can record in a plethora of outdoor environments. 

Here are the first 3 videos in the tallulah talks 10 series!

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The Proust Questionnaire - Version 2.0

Recently, I made a Youtube video where I took the Proust Questionnaire on camera. At the time of recording the video, I couldn't remember if I had ever recorded/published myself taking the Proust Questionnaire before, so obviously was unable to consciously recall any answers I might have had for any of the questions. 

In my video, I take the version of the Proust Questionnaire which appears on Wikipedia - click here.

Looking back across this blog, I discovered that I had answered the Proust Questionnaire on 21 January 2016 - my original answers to the Proust Questionnaire, can be found, by clicking here, which will take you to my previous blog post. On that occasion, it appears that despite linking the Wikipedia entry in that post, I decided to take the basic version which appears in Vanity Fair. I have no explanation for why I chose to answer that particular version of the questionnaire. Below, I have linked my new Youtube video with the 2019 answers to the Proust Questionnaire. 

Comparing answers
Obviously, I have to take into account the fact that I have two different sets of questions here, which means my answers will vary in that context. 

In general, I think that my answers are pretty similar - in many cases, they are identical, or, when giving longer spontaneous answers in my video, I touch upon my previous answers as possibilities. 

What I am able to see is the impact my relationship with JR has had on my outlook on life - this is the factor which seems to have changed my answers from 2016 to 2019. 

Check out my previous written answers to the Proust Questionnaire in 2016 and my recorded answers from 2019 and let me know what you think! 

Sunday, 16 June 2019

Dream 996

'Solving the Jonbenet Ramsey Murder Case'
Date: 15 June 2019
Scene 1: A Domestic Interior - Day
I was sitting in an armchair in a domestic interior, which was my home in the dream, but unfamiliar in real life. My Stepdad was at home, somewhere in the background. I was playing with a very basic Nokia 'burner' phone. I had to do something - a favour for AJR - using this mobile phone and the internet (I cannot recall what I was trying to do), and in my mind, this involved using a landline phone, which had a flip screen which showed the dialled/calling number digitally on the top of the phone. This phone and a TV was in front of me on a cabinet. The room was light, so I assume it was daytime. However, there was a stale or sort of airless quality about the room. I knelt down on the floor and tried to use the landline phone to connect to the internet. I was talking to the landline as if it was 'Siri' - and something flashed on the digital display. The phone then said in a sarcastic (male) voice: 'No internet accessible!' This annoyed me. I realised I would not be able to perform this task. 

Scene 2: The Ramsey House, Boulder, Colorado - Time Unknown
I was then in the Ramsey house - the family of murdered child, Jonbenet Ramsey 1990 - 1996. Jonbenet Ramsey was still alive, but I did not see her in the dream - instead I saw her parents and brother Burke Ramsey. Jonbenet Ramsey was asleep in her bedroom. The house had a weird blue-tinged light to it, which I often see in my dreams when in interior locations. 

I was aware - although not lucid - that Jonbenet Ramsey would die - it wasn't as if I was predicting the future in the dream narrative, or able to differentiate the dream reality from real life (and therefore likely attain lucidity or semi-lucidity), but rather that I illogically accepted that Jonbenet Ramsey was currently alive, but I knew she would die and that her murder would remain unsolved. I even knew that there were documentaries made about her, which I had watched. Within the dream, this knowledge seemed completely normal and I did not question anything! I did however recognise the necessity of identifying Jonbenet Ramsey's murderer - it just seemed normal that I would try and do this, it didn't seem like a big deal within the dream. No-one else seemed to know that Jonbenet Ramsey would be murdered - or if they did, they did not seem to care. Everyone was walking around and chatting in a very casual way. I was aware that it was just before Christmas (so very close to the time - 26/12/1996 - when Jonbenet Ramsey would be murdered). Mrs Ramsey was wearing a navy blue top and heavy makeup. Mr Ramsey was wearing a light pink shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a white apron on. Burke Ramsey was running around and being loud and 'hyperactive'. There were other dream characters in the kitchen and I was aware that this was a cocktail party and I personally knew the Ramseys as friends. At no point in this dream scene did I think that the Ramsey family members were responsible for the murder of Jonbenet Ramsey.

* I normally leave additional notes until the end of the dream, but in the interests of writing an accurate dream report, for ease, I include this bit here, as it is relevant to the dream sequence I describe next. I have been fascinated by the Jonbenet Ramsey murder, as I am a criminal lawyer and I like true crime. I do therefore have a decent knowledge of events, in general - but due to not having watched a variety of documentaries about the Jonbenet Ramsey case, I have to rely on the angle those I have seen adopt in describing events. I have watched 2 documentaries on Jonbenet Ramsey: The Case of Jonbenet Ramsey (2016); and Jonbenet Ramsey: An American Murder Mystery (2016). I fell asleep during 'part 1' of Jonbenet Ramsey: An American Murder Mystery, quite early into the 40-something minute video. Th last thing I remember being conscious enough to take in discussion of the ransom note. Having watched 'part 2' after waking up from this dream, I can confirm that the male character I refer to in the dream as 'Uncle Giant' is based on a suspect (Bill McReynolds) who is only mentioned in 'part 2' which I had not watched prior to sleep. Before watching 'Part 2', I had the notion that 'Uncle Giant' related to Fleet White, a best friend of the Ramseys. However, given 'Uncle Giant' was known to dress up as Santa Claus - this must mean he is more likely based on Bill McReynolds, a neighbour of the Ramseys, who did dress up as Santa Claus. I have never consciously recalled this suspect before - the The Case of Jonbenet Ramsey documentary focussed on reconstructing events and using new forensic and scientific analysis to reevaluate the crime and argue for Burke Ramsey being the murderer, which I thought was a pretty compelling argument. At the point I fell asleep watching 'part 1', there had been no mention of any suspects, and the first to be mentioned (as I subsequently found out) would be Jonbenet Ramsey's parents. I therefore have no idea where my suspicion that Bill McReynolds 'a family friend of the Ramseys who played at being Santa Claus' was the murderer actually came from! If you asked me now, in real life who I think murdered Jonbenet Ramsey, I would say that Burke Ramsey has the strongest case made out against him in the limited amount of documentaries I have watched, but ultimately I have no firm or solid opinion.

Scene 2: A Caravan - Day
I was in a caravan or motorhome with the Ramseys and some of their friends. We were going off on holiday to a festival somewhere - the weather seemed to be sunny from what I recall seeing through the windows. I remember there was a lot of countryside and at times it felt like we were travelling along on a train track.There was quite a large living space - much bigger on the inside than you would think possible of a real life caravan, which was square. There were rooms leading off from this area - which again would be impossible for a real life caravan. Jonbenet Ramsey was sleeping in one of the bedrooms which led off from the living area. Mr and Mrs Ramsey were in the front, driver and passenger seat, respectively. Some dream characters - the Ramseys friends - were in the living area with me. I am not sure where Burke Ramsey was. There was a table, around which a number of dream characters were sat. I was just randomly talking about how I wanted to start belly-dancing again and thought I would be able to pick it up again easily as I have practiced it for a number of years.

There was an older white man with a big white beard. I knew that he was the local 'Santa Claus' for Christmas and his name was 'Uncle Giant'. This was how other dream characters referred to him. He did look a little like Santa Claus, although his white beard was shorter and more stubbly in parts. He was wearing an apron with blood on it, and I thought: 'he is a butcher' - this was his usual line of work. Under the apron, he had normal clothes, which I cannot remember. He wore glasses. He was playing a game with 2 dice, which involved him juggling them around in his hands and then performing a twisting/throwing action which made the dice lose their cube shape and become jagged and star-shaped. There were some small children (at least 1 boy and 1 girl, both of whom were between the ages of 4 - 7 years and had light coloured hair) watching Uncle Giant and everyone seemed to like him. On the floor there was a small TV which was turned on. I was watching this TV and the programme being shown was about crabs. I was interested in this. I then became suddenly aware Uncle Giant was the murderer of Jonbenet Ramsey and that he was a paedophile. I started saying to everyone: 'Uncle Giant is a paedophile!' but no-one would believe me. I said to the group: 'He shouldn't be allowed to play dice with his grandchildren'. Again, no-one seemed to care. I shouted towards the driver's seat to Mr Ramsey, telling him Uncle Giant was the murderer of Jonbenet Ramsey, and warned him that the Ramsey family would be blamed if they didn't take action now (it seemed like I wasn't attempting to stop the murder of Jonbenet Ramsey - this was inevitable in the dream; my motivation was to solve the murder case). Mr Ramsey turned to me and his face had clown makeup on it, but very badly applied. It looked like it was melting off which made me think he was sweaty. He was not wearing a clown costume or a wig however. He had a very smug look on his face, almost a smirk. He told me there was nothing to worry about. I was frustrated and angry. Mr Ramsey then drove over a fox on the road, which caused the caravan to jump forward suddenly causing everyone to be jolted. Mr Ramsey stopped the caravan and he must have got out, because there were double doors at the back which he opened up and looked in to the living area where the dream characters and I were - Uncle Giant still playing cards with the children. I saw it was now nighttime as the sky was dark and starry - there seemed to be more stars than possible. Mr Ramsey did not have the clown makeup on now. He told us all that the fox was actually a wolf. This made me feel - vindicated? proven correct? I am not sure how to describe the feeling I had when he said this.

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Additional Notes:
  • I was watching a true crime documentary on the murder of Jonbenet Ramsey as I was falling asleep
  • The day before this dream I received a phone call from a prison friend of AJR, asking me to help him get in touch with AJR
  • On the night of this dream I had been listening to recordings of Blue Jam, the radio show by Chris Morris. Chris Morris is responsible for one of my other favourite shows - Brass Eye. The special episode no.7 is called Paedogeddon (2001) and is themed around the moral panic surrounding child sex offenders in the media/public. In one scene, DJ and celebrity, Doctor Neil Fox is tricked into making a promotional campaign piece for an ani-paedophilia organisation during which he states that paedophiles have more genetically in common with crabs than human-beings
  • A couple of days before this dream I had seen a clip of Youtube Mukbanger Veronica Wang eating large crab claws

Dream 995

'Smashing Skyscrapers'
Date: 14 June 2019
Scene 1: Location Unknown - Time Unknown
There was some action at the start of the dream which I have forgotten. I do recall that this dream appeared to have a logical and continuing narrative running through it and I remember that the dream characters which appeared later (My Mum and Nan) appeared in the earlier part of the dream I have forgotten. 

I was playing a videogame - it appeared that I was playing it in some kind of interior, because the light was a very bright artificial orange colour. I think other dream characters were present, but I was concentrating on playing the game. It was a platform game, where I was a male character, wearing a white and blue armoured suit and helmet. The game simply involved progressing through the level and killing or avoiding enemies. It was a very typical kind of game - and the graphics and gameplay indicated that it could even be a 1990s game, as it did not appear very modern. The controller was like a Playstation controller.

On the screen, I could see some skyscrapers. I did a combination of moves on the controller, but I was just really button-bashing as I did not know the special moves. I managed to accidentally make my character transform into a huge white and blue machine/robot - the mechanical version of my character, and about 10 times bigger. Performing this special move meant that I could smash through the skyscrapers and every enemy in the vicinity with ease. I then spent time trying to figure out what combination of moves I had made on the controller to perform this trick. 

Scene 2: An Unknown Interior - Time Unknown
This scene seemed to continue for ages and have a feeling of uncertainty and frustration attached to it, but I cannot really recall much of the detail. I was with my Mum and Nan and we were discussing my employment. I was employed by my current law firm, but I wanted to return to another law firm I had previously worked in as well and do both jobs. I was discussing this with my Mum and Nan, who appeared to have some inside knowledge of the firm. It appeared that the law firm I wanted to return to was (in the dream) connected somehow to the former hotel and pub my Mum used to manage - The Two Lifeboats Hotel. In the dream I was saying that I had done a recent shift there - washing dishes - and everything had gone well, which should go in my favour for being re-employed. My Mum and Nan were doubtful as to whether I should - or would be able to - return, which confused me as I felt over-qualified. I then became aware I was able to return to my former law firm, and my job would be 'printer' - basically someone responsible for printing documents. I knew I was far too qualified for this job and my current job was far better, but I was adamant that I wanted to go back and work as a 'printer'.

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Additional Notes:
  • A couple of days before this dream I had been getting frustrated trying to print/scan and copy legal documents in the library 

Dream 994

'Chasing Foo Fighters'
Date: 12 June 2019
Scene 1: A City Street - Day
I was in a city street - a side street or alleyway, with brick walls either side and some rubbish bins in front of me. It seemed like I was at the back entrance of some buildings. There was a diagonal wall which jutted out into the street - like some kind of partition screen. I was standing beside it playing with something which resembled a weird kind of rubix cube or puzzlebox, which was brightly coloured and could twist and change shape. It was able to change shape in ways which appeared to be unnatural or impossible. My Nan then approached me and we had a conversation which I cannot recall. I then saw a man running towards me. He was white, with dark hair and was wearing casual clothing. I knew he was a member of the band the Foo Fighters (he was just a dream character, not one of the actual real life members). In the dream I thought that he must be a new member of the band and I began chasing him, although the reason why was unclear.

Scene 2: A Bookshop/Library - Day
I then found myself in a bookshop or library - I was looking at the section selling/lending audiobooks and videogames and felt happy. 

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Dream 993

Date: 9 June 2019
Scene 1: A Hospital - Time Unknown
I was visibly pregnant - and fairly near to giving birth, although I am not sure exactly how many weeks/months along I was. I knew that something was wrong, although I am not sure how I knew - maybe it was instinct. I cannot recall where I was at first, my first memory of a location was a hospital. I was with AJR. The doctor at the hospital was SP - a boy I went to primary and high school with in Sheringham. I knew SP did not like me (or I assumed he did not) and was worried whether he would give me the proper level of medical treatment I needed. I was panicked and anxious. I cannot recall what AJR's reaction was. I lay down on a hospital bed for an examination and I was given an ultrasound by SP. He told me that our baby was dead. I burst into tears, feeling what I perceive to be the natural emotional reaction you would have in this situation. I cannot recall anything else about this dream. 

Dream 992

'Day at the Seaside'
Date: 5 June 2019
Scene 1: A 'Casino' - Day
I was with my Mum and various other members of my family - I remember HM being present amongst others. I had wandered off from my family, who were nearby, but I was alone. I was aware we were on some kind of holiday together and had visited a city - I could remember walking through an airport terminal earlier, but I think this memory (rather than my experience of the actual action) existed in the dream, as I cannot recall doing this, just thinking about it. The city was beside a beach and I am not sure where we were, but it felt like we were still in the UK. Next the airport and the beach was a casino, which is where we were. The casino had either open walls, or large windows which looked out onto the ocean. Outside it was grey and slightly rainy and the sea looked rough and grey. I walked around the casino, which resembled a pub more than a casino. 

Scene 2: The Seafront - Day
I was then outside, standing under some kind of grey concrete overpass. To my left there was the ocean. I was walking along a quite narrow concrete walkway, which had the overpass above it, and a slope of concrete to my right. The sea still looked grey. The tide was in, as there was no visible beach. I cannot recall what happened while I was outside. 

Scene 3: A Secondhand Bookshop - Day
I then found myself in a secondhand bookshop, browsing books, but I cannot recall anything else about this scene, or this dream generally.

Dream Incubation Experiment - A Star Wars Adventure - 30-Day Update

I am very pleased to let you know that I have experienced some further (limited) success with my current Dream Incubation Experiment - A Star Wars Adventure. On Days 2 and 21, I had partially successful dream incubation experiences - and the same has taken place on Day 27.

I am quite disappointed with this Dream Incubation Experiment, as although I had 3 dreams which related to Star Wars, all of the references/connections were vague and none could properly be described as a Star Wars themed adventure. I would therefore count this Dream Incubation Experiment as a failure.

See below for my dedicated Youtube videos, and links to all relevant Blog posts referenced in my video(s). I hope you enjoy and stay tuned for more updates! All of my social media platforms are linked below!

Dream Incubation Experiment – A Star Wars Adventure 
Dream 974 – ‘Broken Mobile Phone’ (Day 1 of DIE)
*Dream 975 – ‘Adopted Twins’ (Day 2 of DIE) 
Dream 976 – ‘Surprising Exam Results’ (Day 3 of DIE) 
Day 4 of DIE - no dream recalled
Dream 977 - 'Plans to See a Band Play Live' (Day 5 of DIE)
Day 6 of DIE - no dream recalled
Dream 978 - 'Stepdad in a Chair' (Day 7 of DIE)
Day 8 of DIE - dream memory upon waking, but forgotten due to poor recording practice
Dream 979 - 'Drama!' (Day 9 of DIE)
Dream 10 of DIE - no dream recalled
Dream 980 - 'White Bikini Weight Loss' (Day 11 of DIE)
Dream 10 of DIE - no dream recalled
Dream 981 - 'Antiques Shopping' (Day 13 of DIE)
Dream 14 of DIE - dream memory upon waking, but forgotten due to disturbance inhibiting immediate recording
Day 15 of DIE - no dream recalled
Dream 982 - 'Job Interview' (Day 16 of DIE)
Day 17 of DIE - no dream recalled
Dream 983 - 'Party Favours' (Day 18 of DIE)
Day 19 of DIE - no dream recalled
Dream 984 - 'Love Island' (Day 20 of DIE)
*Dream 985 - 'Lightsaber Pen Distraction' (Day 21 of DIE)
Dream 986 - 'Lucky Hand' (Day 22 of DIE)
Dream 987 - 'Baker Woman Infidelity' (Day 23 of DIE)
Day 24 of DIE - no dream recalled
Dream 988 - 'Sinister Female' (Nightmare) (Day 25 of DIE)
Day 26 of DIE - no dream recalled
*Dream 989 - 'AJR, Rockstar' (Day 27 of DIE)
Day 28 of DIE - no dream recalled
Dream 990 - 'Clay House Hair Loss' (Day 29 of DIE)
Dream 991 - 'New York with Madonna' (Day 30 of DIE)

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Saturday, 15 June 2019

Dream 991

'New York with Madonna'
Date: 3 June 2019
Day 30 of Dream Incubation Experiment - A Star Wars Adventure 
Status: Unsuccessful Dream Incubation Dream

Scene 1: 'New York' - Day
I was in the back of a black taxi cab and I wondered if I was Madonna. Throughout the dream, it was unclear whether I was Madonna, or just knew her. At some points, I knew I was me - with my own real life experiences. This dream was like a tour around a city where I was planning to live. In the dream, I thought the city was 'New York'. I saw a number of buildings with graffiti, some skyscrapers, a bridge over some water, some residential streets - and a row of 'Georgian houses' (English-style), which had a lot of graffiti on them. I thought: 'I can't move here, because AJR can't get a visa'. I think I thought this while standing on the bridge over a big expanse of water. The entire dream seemed to be in black and white or greyscale - or at least the locations I looked at were. I felt very happy in this city/New York. The tour around the city seemed to last for a very long time, but there is nothing else I can really describe here, so I cannot do this very enjoyable dream justice in a written record.

Additional Notes:
  • This is Day 30 of my current Dream Incubation Experiment - A Star Wars Adventure (click on this title link to read my introductory post and see my accompanying Youtube video, below)
  • A week or so before this dream I had taken part in a pub quiz with my friend SF and her son - one of the questions asked which American city Madonna was born in, and New York was one of the options

Dream 990

'Clay House Hair Loss'
Date: 2 June 2019
Day 29 of Dream Incubation Experiment - A Star Wars Adventure 
Status: Unsuccessful Dream Incubation Dream

Scene 1: A Clay Interior, Location Unknown - Time Unknown
I can't remember much about this dream, and I think I have forgotten quite a lot of detail. I was in an interior, which was made of brown clay, which looked wet and slimy. The walls extended up, further than I could see, so the ceiling must have been very high. There were other dream characters with me, who I knew in the dream, but I cannot recall now. 

Scene 2: RR's Dad's Home - Night
My Mum's friend, CC then said something to me, which led me to think I needed to go to RR's dad's house (or at least RR's childhood home, which is very close my Nan's/my childhood home, in Woodland Rise, Sheringham - see Google Map image, below). I do not recall why I needed to go there, but I 'remembered' I had been here before. I then 'remembered' that this had just been a dream, but I did not actually become lucid in this current dream. It was if this this current dream was real life and within this normal dream, I remembered a previous dream (I have since checked my Blog and found that the dreams I was remembering were: Dream 484 - 'Attacks in the Village' (27/08/2015) and Dream 588 - 'Weird Party' (17/03/2016) - the latter of which was part of a separate Dream Incubation Experiment - Serial Killer Dream). I have not ever been inside RR's house as far as I remember - in this dream, it was night and I cannot recall how I got to the house. I had a distinct memory of seeing it was only one storey high - like a bungalow. There was a 'fairytale' quality to the house, although I cannot say why, other than the house is opposite a forest. The lights in the house were very bright. The living room/lounge area was very open and there was a burning log fire. I thought that the decor looked to be 'Inuit' in style, whatever I thought that meant. There was a rocking chair with a red embroidered blanket on it, in this presumed 'Inuit' style. here was a lot of wooden furniture, and I think the walls were also made of wood, like a log cabin. I thought I might be there for 'sewing' (I am not sure what this means). I then went into a bathroom - which I think was still in RR's dad's house. The toilets looked like those in a nightclub - the lights were dim and blue and there was a big mirror above a sink, opposite the toilet which was in a cubicle. I saw myself in third-person perspective, from above. I had my hair in a ponytail. There was a donut shaped and sized ring of baldness around my ponytail. I felt anxious about the hair loss.

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Additional Notes:

Hi, Tallulah from the future here. I was researching past dreams for a current (April 2020) dream post I am writing and I wanted to add my 'future' thoughts to old posts, just to add another layer of analysis and recording! Here are some April 2020 observations about this dream:

Reason I was here on 24 April 2020:
I am researching previous dreams involving RR's childhood home as a dream scene location, as it occurred in a recent (future) dream - Dream 1069 - 'Trisha Paytashlash' (28 March 2020) which took place during a Dream Incubation Experiment - A Mermaid Dream

  • This is another dream which features CC as a dream character, in addition to RR's dad's house as a dream scene location - a previous dream I have read today in connection with this current exercise also featured this - see Dream 484 - 'Attacks in The Village' (27 August 2016).
  • A really weird feature of this dream is the idea of being in RR's dad's house and looking in a mirror near a sink and noticing hair loss. In Dream 1069 - 'Trisha Paytashlash' (28 March 2020), I was in RR's dad's house (a beauty salon run by Trisha Paytashlash) for an eyelash treatment, which resulted in the non-consensual removal of all of my eyelashes through the process of 'sequinning' (note the reference to 'sewing' in this dream - my purpose of attending RR's dad's house). 

Monday, 10 June 2019

Dream 989

'AJR, Rockstar'
Date: 31 May 2019
Day 27 of Dream Incubation Experiment - A Star Wars Adventure 
Status: Partially Successful Dream Incubation Dream

Scene 1: 'HMP Bure', Cremer Street, Sheringham - Day
In this dream, HMP Bure (a local prison I visit for work, which tends to detain sex offenders) was in a location which (in my memory, both in the dream and upon waking) was the former site of the old high school in Sheringham, which has since been renovated into sheltered housing for the elderly (see image from Google Maps, below). In the dream, HMP Bure was no longer a prison for sex offenders and I was aware AJR had recently been transferred there. I was walking on a nearby street in Sheringham with my Mum - it was a sunny day. I told my Mum that AJR would be holding an outside concert at the prison, and we should go and watch so that she could meet him. We went to the prison, which was surrounded by a relatively flimsy wire fence - more akin to a high school than a prison! The prison building was red brick and all the prisoners were standing outside the entrance, which was right on the pavement - so you were only inches away from the prisoners while walking past. AJR was in the middle, sitting on some concrete steps at the entrance. He was wearing a grey tracksuit and had some colourful neck tattoos (which he does not have in real life). He was playing an acoustic guitar and singing - all the prisoners were crowding round to watch and everyone was impressed and enjoying his performance. My Mum was also impressed. We did not speak directly to AJR as he was busy performing, although I cannot recall what song it was that he was playing/singing. 

The scene changed. I have no idea what the new scene was, as all I recall is laying on the floor, with AJR about to mount me in missionary position, so that we could have sex. I cannot recall if we were dressed or naked, but something/someone interrupted us and AJR had to leap off me quickly. This left me feeling frustrated. 

Scene 2: A Warehouse - Day
I was then in a warehouse, sitting in a small circle, with Kylo Ren, and 2 businessmen in suits. We were sitting on chairs, but there was no table. At some point in this scene, I got off my chair and began crouching on the floor. I remember thinking that Kylo Ren had a deep suntan and wondered if he was attempting to change his race. Kylo Ren was in the middle of a business deal with the other businessmen dream characters. I am not really sure what his business proposal was, but he unzipped his trousers (which were jeans) and inside, where his penis should be, he removed a full-size, already ignited blue lightsaber, which he showed to us all. I remember feeling disappointed to be here with Kylo Ren instead of AJR and I did not care if Kylo Ren's business deal succeeded or failed. 

Scene 3: A Corner/Spar Shop (Location Unknown) - Afternoon
I was aware it was late afternoon, almost evening. I was standing beside some bicycle racks outside a small spar shop, which was in a very rural area - probably North Norfolk, where the rest of this dream was set. The bicycle racks resembled both a chicken shed and also a bus shelter - I cannot explain how they appeared to be these different things all at once. There was some straw on the ground. I was with AJR and we were talking about something, but I cannot recall what it was. I have forgotten almost all of this scene.

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Additional Notes:
  • This is Day 27 of my current Dream Incubation Experiment - A Star Wars Adventure (click on this title link to read my introductory post and see my accompanying Youtube video, below). I have recorded this dream as partially successful as while it appeared to take place in the Star Wars universe - or at least a world where Kylo Ren existed as a real person, it was hardly an active adventure - again, as before, the reference to Star Wars was peripheral or minor within the dream narrative
  • Shortly before this dream I was asked to do a legal visit at HMP Bure, which happens to be situated beside a school, which I find odd and disturbing, given it is a prison known to detain sex offenders
  • Shortly before this dream I had been discussing AJR's tattoos with his mum
  • Shortly before this dream I had a conversation with friends AK and IZ, during which I mentioned both neck tattoos and also Kylo Ren

Dream 988 (NIGHTMARE)

'Sinister Female'
Date: 29 May 2019
Day 25 of Dream Incubation Experiment - A Star Wars Adventure 
Status: Unsuccessful Dream Incubation 

Scene 1: An Unfamiliar Domestic Interior - Night
I was in a house which was unfamiliar to me in the dream. It was a normal domestic family home, but everything was very dark. In the house was a woman - it was difficult to tell her age, she could have been between 30 - 60 years old and had dark hair and a very pale face. I seem to recall she was shorter than me, because I remember looking down at her. She was dressed in dark clothes, and the only thing I could really make out was her face, which seemed very round. The woman first appeared to me when I was standing in an open doorway. I was scared. The woman was holding cats, and I realised she was a 'cat woman' who lived alone and had serious mental health problems. I did not know what she expected of me, but she told me that we were supposed to join together and she had friendly intentions. I did not believe her, as there was a very sinister vibe. I started walking around the house, unable to find an exit. For some reason, I walked upstairs, while trying to find an exit. The upstairs of the house reminded me of a seafront building I lived in when I was a child - I think because there were 2 flights of stairs in the house, which was actually the larger section of an apartment building. I cannot recall being upstairs for long, or what I saw while I was there. As I was coming back down the stairs, I saw the cat woman was now standing midway up the stairs, blocking my descent. I was again somewhat scared and wanted to leave immediately. I cannot recall what was said. I was aware that the cat woman's mental health was declining and that she was presenting an increasingly danger to me, but I am not sure what gave me this idea. I remember walking around the house and the woman always appearing in front of me, her mental state declining on each encounter. This dream was perceived as being a nightmare, even though nothing too scary actually happened, upon reflection. 

Additional Notes:

Dream 987

'Baker Woman Infidelity'
Date: 27 May 2019
Day 23 of Dream Incubation Experiment - A Star Wars Adventure 
Status: Unsuccessful Dream Incubation 

Scene 1: An Unknown Domestic Interior - Time Unknown
I was in an unknown domestic interior with AJR, and maybe some other dream characters. I remember being inside and knowing it was a home, which felt familiar in the dream. I was extremely angry and upset because I had become aware that AJR was cheating on me with a woman who worked in a bakery as a baker. I found out via social media somehow - details were very unclear. I was standing over AJR while he sat in an armchair. I do not know what I was saying - or shouting at him. He was pretending not to listen to me - or could not hear me. He was wearing a white T-shirt.

I cannot remember anything else about this dream.

Additional Notes:

Dream 986

'Lucky Hand'
Date: 26 May 2019
Day 22 of Dream Incubation Experiment - A Star Wars Adventure 
Status: Unsuccessful Dream Incubation 

Scene 1: A Small Room - Time Unknown
I was in a small room, which was lit with a yellow light. The room appeared to be empty of all furniture and decor - other than a small table in the centre, which I think was made of wood. There were chairs around the table. In the position I was seated at the table, the door to the room was behind me to the left. The room was filled by the table/chairs and people who were seated around - it was a game of poker. There were approximately 5 - 7 other people around the poker table - I think they were all male dream characters, who I knew to be fellow poker players, but did not know in the dream or recognise from real life. Beside me was the only dream character I can remember physically. He was a large man, dominated by the colour red - his skin was red-toned and shiny, giving him the impression of being a 'jolly man' and a comedian. He was wearing bright coloured clothing - a suit, which had some red in it. He was leaning at an odd angle and laughing, which I found to be distracting. 

I was told I had to put the big blind in, and I felt panicked even though I had a stack of poker chips on the table. I said I would only play if someone else put the big blind in. This was arranged somehow. I then looked down at my cards. I had an Ace and a Jack, both spades. I thought to myself: 'that's my lucky hand' (it is my real life lucky hand, although not necessarily spades - any suit/combo). The male dream character, Mr Red said loudly, in a stupid voice: 'that's your lucky hand'. I was really annoyed at him for saying this out loud in case any of the other poker players could predict what my cards were. 

I turned towards the door. There was a ginger and white cat - which I knew to be male - curled up right next to the door of the room, which was ajar. I noticed the door was painted white and the walls were painted pale orange - I then noticed that this represented the colours of the cat's fur and wondered if this was a purposeful design choice.

I cannot remember anything else about this dream.

Additional Notes:
  • This is Day 22 of my current Dream Incubation Experiment - A Star Wars Adventure (click on this title link to read my introductory post and see my accompanying Youtube video, below)
  • I had been asking AJR if he could play poker. He said he could not. He then told me, a short period of time later, that he had been present when some of his friends were playing poker and one friend had shown him his hand, which was an ace and a jack. AJR's friend had to point out this basically AJR's first name. I then told AJR that ace and jack was my lucky hand, but I hadn't even realised it was his name, until he told me this story