Tuesday, 20 December 2016

Dream 745

'Ewan McGregor, The Return of my Favourite Jedi'
Date: 20 December 2016
Time: 06:45 - 11:00 (I woke up from this dream naturally)
Type of dream: Vivid dream
Dream recall: Normal recall

This dream is part of my Dream Incubation Experiment - where I ask my subconscious mind: WHAT DOES MY HEART DESIRE? You can read the introductory post (and watch the accompanying Youtube video by clicking HERE - opens in new window)

Scene 1: A Domestic Interior (Family Home) - Time Unknown
My Mum had invited Ewan McGregor to come and visit/stay. The details of why he was there and for how long were vague and I was desperate for him to stay forever. The house we were in was not one from real life, but in the dream I lived there with my family and it was a normal family home, but larger than any I have actually lived in. Everything was very bright from a yellow glowing light which illuminated the room. I cannot recall what anyone was wearing in this dream, but Ewan's hair looked more ginger than usual.

Ewan was telling me that he had to go home to his family to check in on them, and I was trying to convince him to stay an extra day before he did that, or at least return immediately after. I was giving him lots of options and almost pleading with him. He was really friendly and seemed like he might be interested in me, but I just wanted to keep him there should that I could try and develop the relationship more. This scene seemed to go on for the majority of the dream. 

When it came to dinner time, I offered to cook a dish for Ewan I am very good at making - Persian-style chicken - then, without him telling me - I realised he was vegetarian, so I quickly said: 'I forgot you were vegetarian, I can make as a Persian mazzah (i.e. mezze)'. He said that he would like this, and I thought it would be a good way of getting him to like me more. I wondered if he was annoyed that I had forgotten he was a vegetarian (I am not sure whether Ewan McGregor is vegetarian not in real life). 

I spent more time with Ewan, including a point where we were hugging (I normally hate hugging, but with certain men I love it and I know I would love to hug Ewan forever!). There was nothing sexual in this dream, unlike my last one, because my Mum was present for most of the time. She seemed to know  Ewan better than I did. 

Ewan went upstairs in the house (the stairs were in the living-room/kitchen area where the action had been taking place) and I went into a little alcove area, where there was a small white counter and some high stools. On the desk were 2 items, which were brightly coloured. One of them related to Ewan and the other related to another (maybe famous, but someone definitely familiar to me in the dream) male. I am not sure what these items were - they were brightly coloured and rectangular. I was told - by a male dream character who I cannot recall, but who was in the house with us (I was only aware of his presence at this point) that I had to 'transcribe' the object which related to the second male. I asked if I could transcribe the object which related to Ewan instead, as I thought this was a great way of prolonging my contact with him. The male told me that I had to transcribe both in that case; I was not happy about having to do double the work, but I was aware that by transcribing the Ewan object this would prolong my contact with him further. When Ewan came down the stairs, I was sitting on a stool in this alcove area. I called out to him and he said that he was going to stay longer. This made me really happy. 

Something then made me reach into my mouth - I was aware that my bottom right incisor tooth was loose and this worried me. I pulled at it and it fell out. I was panicked and worried that Ewan would find me unattractive now. I picked up a small mirror to look at my missing tooth, and noticed that the gap between the teeth where the incisor should be was so small and narrow that it was barely noticeable. I was relieved and assumed that the teeth on either side had moved to close the gap. I was no longer worried about this.  

I began transcribing the objects for Ewan and Male2, content that Ewan was in the lounge area and I could go back and spend time with him soon. I cannot explain how happy I felt at this moment in the dream. 

My Nan then came into the alcove, which seemed much larger now. Instead of being mounted against the wall, the counter had space around all sides, like it was a large narrow table in the middle of a bigger room. I had a mass of pages of A4 paper with my handwritten (blue ink) notes on them - the transcriptions from the objects I had been working on. I was pleased to see that everything looked very neat and orderly. My Nan started to touch the papers. She was holding them by the corner. I asked her to leave them alone, but she pulled at them and the pages ripped. I was angry and shouted at her, but she showed no remorse for destroying my work. In fact, the work was not destroyed - only the very corner (where the page was blank, with no writing) was slightly torn. 

I then walked into a different room, still angry. There was a small, white male child with brown hair (aged approximately 8 years old) in the room. He was wearing shorts and I could see that his left leg was very red and raw - like he was a burns victim or had been in a terrible accident. I found out - I think he told me - that Male2 (from the transcription exercise) was his father, but Ewan was his carer. He needed his father or Ewan to come and apply some special medical ointment to his leg as this had to be done every day or something serious would occur. I saw that there was a door to my left (I think this was a large built-in cupboard or wardrobe/closet) and a set of 3 shelves, mounted high on the wall next to it. The shelves were empty but for a white cylindrical container, which was the ointment. The boy asked me to get the ointment from the shelf from him, so I did this. He was really worried that no-one was there to help him and I did not offer to put the ointment on for him. He said that his leg would fall off if he did not do it immediately himself, and he disappeared into the cupboard/wardrobe to apply it to his own leg. 

I was then aware - I am not sure how, the thought just came into me head -  that the ointment needed to be applied with water or else it would cause further harm. I knew there was no access to water in the cupboard, so I was shouting to the boy through the slightly ajar door, telling him to stop, not to apply the ointment and to come out so someone could help him. He was not coming out of the cupboard, and I did not try to go in to get him, despite the door being very partially open. 

My Nan came in the room. She seemed to know what was going on and she was angry with me for letting the young child go into the cupboard with the ointment. She screamed at me: 'He's going to skeletonize his leg!' I was panicked. My Nan said we must get Ewan immediately to come and sort out the problem. 

Extra Information: 
None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • Ewan McGregor
  • My family as dream characters
  • My Nan and I arguing

  • Ewan McGregor was staying at my house
  • My house was different to any family home I have ever lived in, and I no longer live with any of my family
  • The act of transcribing the objects
  • The situation with the child and the ointment

Day Residue: 
  • The day before this dream I had already had a dream about Ewan McGregor - Dream 744 - 'Ob-Wan Kenobi's (i.e. Ewan McGregor's) Glorious Lightsaber'
  • The day before this dream my Mum had told me about a new 55" 'smart' TV she and my Stepdad had got, because their old TV had broken. She said we could watch a Ewan McGregor movie on it when I come home fro Christmas at the end of the week
  • In a Youtube video I had made on my Ewan McGregor lucid wet dream I had mentioned that I eat a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables, but rarely eat meat - I will be looking forward to eating meat over Christmas (beef and duck), but will return to my usual mainly vegetarian diet afterwards (I tend to eat meat once a week or less)
  • I had been looking at my teeth in the mirror on the night of this dream
  • On the day of this dream I had read the Wikipedia page about Go Ask Alice (1971) (for the purposes of recording Day Residue in relation to Dream 744 - 'Ob-Wan Kenobi's (i.e. Ewan McGregor's) Glorious Lightsaber') in which it stated that the author (allegedly using a real, anonymised diary of one of her therapy clients, the 'narrator') transcribed the material and then destroyed part of it
  • On the day of this dream I read an online news story about a woman who was subjected to harassment, abuse and threats after her insensitive and foolish decision to wear a fancy dress outfit based on the Boston Marathon Bombing (2013) - her costume involved fake blood and injuries 
  • I had been considering using some Sudocrem on some spots that have broken out on my jawline. I was also thinking about which skin care products to buy with my wages

Waking Reactions: 
This dream seems to be based on Day Residue rather than my Dream Incubation Experiment, however, I do think that my subconscious/heart desires Ewan McGregor more than any other man alive right now, so this could also be a reflection of the Dream Incubation Experiment, albeit one which I cannot act upon to realise. I did however tweet Ewan McGregor with the previous dream in the hope that he might actually read it!

This dream was awesome - at least the start of it where I was with Ewan McGregor in my home. I woke up feeling really happy and fulfilled by my dream and excited to see if he appears as a regular, recurrent dream character in the near future. 

Here is my Youtube video where I describe my current Dream Incubation Experiment:



'Obi-Wan Kenobi's (i.e. Ewan McGregor's) Glorious Lightsaber'
Date: 19 December 2016
Time: 07:00 - 09:00 (I woke up from this dream naturally)
Type of dream: 3 x WILD (Wake-Initiated Lucid Dream)/Vivid dream
Dream recall: Strong recall

This dream is part of my Dream Incubation Experiment - where I ask my subconscious mind: WHAT DOES MY HEART DESIRE? You can read the introductory post (and watch the accompanying Youtube video by clicking HERE - opens in new window)

This is how I achieved the WILD (Wake-Initiated Lucid Dream). I went to bed physically and mentally exhausted after a long busy day. I was not sleep deprived from the night before. I did not take any dream-boosting supplements or eat a very nutritious diet (French fries & crisps was all I ate). I did some physical exercise before bed. 

My room was completely dark, with no light/sound distractions. I laid in my bed, on my back and relaxed all my muscles, letting them feel loose. My arms were by my side and my legs were slightly apart, so none of my limbs were touching my body. I used deep circular 'yoga' breathing (inhale through the nose/exhale through the mouth), keeping the rhythm regular and slow. To achieve the mind awake/body asleep paradox, I tried not to think about my body or be aware of it, remaining completely still. I began to meditate to keep my mind awake, using Paul Tholey's combined techniques of Intention and Auto-suggestion to focus my mind on the notion of having a successful lucid dream. 

I began to feel sleep paralysis set in - my body was rocking very slightly and falling backwards (it felt like I was on a boat gliding over gentle waves). My body began to 'vibrate' or buzz. Strangely (for me) I did not experiment hypnagogia during the onset of sleep paralysis, which I estimate began after about 10 minutes or so of my relaxation and meditation. As soon as I felt the 'roll over signal' (step 3 of the 'Stop, Drop & Roll Technique', which is used for WILD) become unbearable (the desire to roll over into a comfortable position and sleep), I turned onto my left side and fell asleep, immediately entering the first lucid dream.

I was immediately transitioned into a lucid dream, with no lapse in consciousness - it seemed that as soon as I rolled over and fell asleep that I was outside my house, on the field next to the lake. It was dark and the grass was wet. As there had been no lapse in consciousness, I did not need to perform a reality check - it was obvious that this was a lucid dream.

I could see a number of dream characters in front of me, but they were so far away and it was so dark that I could not make out who they were. I decided to try and summons my friend R3A into my dream, as he is a person who (as a dream character) is quite easy to get along with and can be convinced that he is a dream character, which makes interaction interesting and non-challenging. I called out to him and he shouted back: 'I'm over here!' I walked towards him and saw he was indeed, standing on the field in front of me, dressed in a white T-shirt and grey tracksuit bottoms (which he often wears in real-life). 

I said to him: 'You're in my lucid dream again!' and he accepted this immediately. We started walking and I saw that there was a little gate/fence we had to climb over, which had a gravel path, strewn with white flowers on the other side. R3A climbed over it and then grabbed my hand so that I could get over it too. We walked down the gravel path and I asked him some questions in the course of a private conversation (I do not wish to record the precise conversation here, as it relates to matters which could be private or at least, I have no consent to disclose on my Blog). He answered the questions in a way which made me wonder if these were likely to be his actual real-life answers, as they seemed like what he might say in waking reality. I asked him: 'Are you saying that because you are in my subconscious, or is this what the real you would say?' He said: 'You know me well enough to know the truth'. I am not sure what to make of this answer. 

We walked for a while longer, with some (unknown) dream characters slightly ahead of us. One of them was a female (I only saw her from the back). I asked R3A: 'Is that your girlfriend?' to which he answered: 'You know I don't want a girlfriend'. I accepted this answer, as he has said the same in real life. I just wanted to test him as a dream character to see if the dream version (or at least my subconscious perception) mirrored my real life friend's personality and demeanour. He seemed to be 100% the same as I would expect him to be in real life. 

I then woke up, in my bed. I performed a reality check to make sure I was really awake and that this was not a false awakening. The reality check I performed was trying to push the fingers of my right hand through my left palm. It confirmed I was really awake. I quickly started to perform the WILD technique again, certain I could re-enter the lucid dream state. 

I found myself on the field outside my house again - still dark with wet grass. I shouted out for R3A and he said: 'Yeah, I'm still here!' He approached me and seemed annoyed that I had left him (when I woke up). He said: 'I've been waiting here the whole time'. I told him I had woken up and had to re-enter the lucid dream again. We walked and in front of us was the promenade and beach of my home town, Sheringham. The sky was rapidly lightening, signalling dawn breaking. We approached the 'sea wall' and leant against it, looking out at the sea which was grey and stormy. I said to R3A: 'Do you like being a dream character in my lucid dreams?' to which he replied that he did not care. I asked him how it made him feel. He said: 'You are in control of this' which seemed like he understood the nature of being a character in my lucid dream. I said: 'But I want you to be your true self' to which he responded 'I'm as true as you imagine me to be'. I was pretty pleased that he recognised he was a dream character and that I was in control, but I wanted us to do something exciting. 

I decided that I should continually stabilise the dream, by rubbing my hands together or rubbing my hands on my thighs. The dream did feel very stable and vivid, with good clarity, but I was worried that I might become too excited and wake up prematurely. R3A said: 'Oh, you're stabilising the dream?' and I replied: 'Did you remember me doing that from the last lucid dream?' (he appeared in Dream 689 - 'My Weirdest Dream Experience') and he agreed that he did. We looked out to sea and I said: 'What should we do in this dream?' but woke up.

Again, I performed a reality check to make sure I was really awake and this was not a false awakening - it was not. I immediately started to perform the WILD technique again. 

I was then in a hotel corridor which had red walls and doors. R3A was with me. He asked me: 'Did you wake up again?' I told him I did, and I started to stabilise the dream again. At this point I was aware I was wearing a pair of shorts, as the technique I used was rubbing my thighs with my hands. I did this while standing in front of one of the doors at the end of the corridor, as I wanted to stabilise the dream before I went through the door. I then opened the door and found it led to a dark hotel bedroom, with a chair in the middle of the floor and a big broom in a wicker basket just in front of the window, with the curtains drawn shut.  I decided that since this was a fairly boring dream scene location and I had experienced 2 relatively 'realistic' (i.e. dull) dream scenes with R3A, I would try and change him into a more exciting dream character for some fun - of course I decided on Ewan McGregor, assuming that it would be easy, given both he and R3A have (broadly) similar accents. Also, I love him and have always wanted him to be a lucid dream character in a clear, stable lucid dream. I closed my eyes and visualised Ewan McGregor, dressed as the young 'Obi-Wan Kenobi' in Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999). I imagined him in the room with me and said out loud: 'Ewan?' His answer was in a Scottish accent, but until I opened my eyes, I could not be sure it wasn't still R3A. It was indeed Ewan McGregor, dressed as a Jedi Knight. He was sitting in the chair. I decided this was the perfect (and perhaps only) opportunity for me to seduce him. I closed my eyes again, imagining that I was dressed in the metal bikini worn by Princess Leia in Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983), as this is a fantasy cosplay outfit I have always wanted to own. However, when I opened my eyes, I was dressed in red lacy lingerie instead. I decided that I shouldn't try too hard to change the dream, as this might lead to me accidentally waking myself up, and I was desperate to have sex with Ewan McGregor, while he was sitting captive before me in a hotel room. I could see that he was sexually aroused (I could make a very dirty pun about his lightsaber here - but being blunt: he had an erect penis). I straddled him, pulling my red lacy French knickers to one side and I started to ride him. 

I soon became aware that I was so sexually stimulated - by the fact I was having sex with Ewan McGregor in a lucid dream and also because I got the rhythm just right for clitoral stimulation - that I was going to orgasm if I continued. Ewan was saying to me (breathless): 'I want you to cum, I want you to cum'. The strange this about this dream, is that usually, during (lucid or normal) dream sex, regardless of whether or not it ends up being a wet dream, it feels more like masturbation than actual penetration. This means that instead of feeling the other person's (i.e. the dream character's) body against mine in a physical sense, or the act of penetration, it just feels like clitoral stimulation. With Ewan, I could feel everything in the most realistic way possible. I was staring into his eyes and felt mentally connected to him in a way I have never felt in real life. This was the most intense sexual experience I have ever had. Ewan said (in his Scottish accent): 'Is it good for you?' and I was screaming: 'Yes, yes!' because genuinely, that was all I could say. I really wanted him to bend me over and take me roughly from behind, but I was so worried that if I tried to change any aspect of this dream I might wake up. I just kept riding him until I had the strongest, more awesome orgasm of my life. It was an entire mind/body orgasm which made every single part of me tingle and vibrate and flood with warmth. I felt oxytocin - i.e. the love hormone rush through my brain and I was kissing Ewan McGregor's face all over and he was kissing me back and holding onto my hips. I was aware that he came at the same time as me, but only after I finished coming, as I was so absorbed in my own orgasm that I nearly didn't hear the noises he was making. I will say here - he had the cutest cum face ever. 

I the must have entered a normal non-lucid dream, as after my orgasm was complete I found myself in a different scene.

Scene 1: My Bedroom at my Nan's House. Sheringham
I was in my bedroom in my Nan's house in Sheringham, sitting on my bed, facing the pillow/headboard. R3A was with me. I did not recall the fact I had just had 3 lucid dreams. I was looking at a laptop. A female (unknown who, but in the dream it was someone both R3A and I knew and disliked) had made some videos, victimising us in some way. I was watching these videos, which were Disney animations, featuring a weird, stretchy white rabbit (he had a very long neck and limbs which were bendy). I felt annoyed and threatened by the videos. R3A asked me what I was going to do (he seemed to have no good ideas). I said: 'I'm going to use my legal skills to sue her'. In the dream, I was going to sue her for copyright infringement or something similar and I was confident that I was going to win.

I cannot remember anything else about the non-lucid dream scene, as I woke up soon after that. I knew I was really awake.

Extra Information: 
None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • R3A as a dream character
  • My Nan's house as a dream scene location
  • Law

  • R3A was at my Nan's house 
  • The fact a video was used to victimise R3A and I

Day Residue: 
  • On the day of this dream, I was watching a movie adaption of Go Ask Alice (1971). I had read that the title of the book was inspired by a Jefferson Airplane song, 'White Rabbit' (1967), which was based on Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (1865)
  • On the day of this dream I had watched a short Youtube video of what would happen if you entered a black hole - it showed the phenomenon of 'spaghettification' - which is where the body is stretched and elongated by the gravitational pull of the black hole - this is how the 'white rabbit' character looked like in the dream
  • I am involved in a matter regarding my university Student Union which may have influenced this dream
  • The day before this dream I had been reading a section of a media law/human rights textbook relating to copyright law

Waking Reactions: 
This was the best dream I have ever experienced. It was clearly not really related to my Dream Incubation Experiment, given that it was a series of lucid dreams. However, not only was it exciting because of the dream content, but also because this represented my most successful attempt yet at inducing a lucid dream using the WILD Technique, which is notoriously difficult and often referred to as 'the holy grail of lucid dream induction'. The fact this was also a wet dream was amazing. There is not much more I can say about this dream.

Here is my Youtube video where I describe my current Dream Incubation Experiment:

Monday, 19 December 2016

Dream 743

'Top Knotch'
Date: 15 December 2016
Time: 01:30 - 11:00 (I woke up from this dream naturally)
Type of dream: Normal dream
Dream recall: Weak recall

This dream is part of my Dream Incubation Experiment - where I ask my subconscious mind: WHAT DOES MY HEART DESIRE? You can read the introductory post (and watch the accompanying Youtube video by clicking HERE - opens in new window)

Scene 1: Location Unknown - Time Unknown
I was with PS and we were discussing getting back to together. He promised me that I could see N the dog again and this made me so happy.

Someone was reading hip hop lyrics I had written - they were laughing at the fact I used the phrase 'top notch' and I could see that I had spelled this 'top knotch' (I saw my writing in front of me - maybe on a screen or a piece of paper, I cannot recall).

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Extra Information: 
None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • My ex-boyfriend PS as a dream character
  •  N the dog

  • PS and I were getting back together

Day Residue: 
  • I had been thinking about PS following recent dreams where he has appeared as a dream character
  • I had been writing bars earlier that day - and used the phrase 'top notch' in a multi (multiple rhyme scheme) and also considered using 'top knot' in the same scheme, but ruled it out. It seems that 'top knotch' was a composite of these 2 rhymes int the dream

Waking Reactions: 
I have forgotten most of this dream. I know it was longer and felt more significant at the time. I am not sure if the fact I keep dreaming of PS is a sign that I want to see him again (i.e. related to my Dream Incubation Experiment) or simply a sign of Day Residue, based on the idea that I have a dream and then have conscious waking thoughts about him, which then triggers him to appear in subsequent dreams.

Here is my Youtube video where I describe my current Dream Incubation Experiment:

Dream 742

'Explaining Han Solo to a Baby'
Date: 13 December 2016
Time: 22:30 - 07:30 (I woke up from this dream naturally)
Type of dream: Normal dream
Dream recall: Weak recall

This dream is part of my Dream Incubation Experiment - where I ask my subconscious mind: WHAT DOES MY HEART DESIRE? You can read the introductory post (and watch the accompanying Youtube video by clicking HERE - opens in new window)

Scene 1: An Interior - Time Unknown
My Nan was screaming at me in anger about something - but I cannot recall what it was or why she was so mad at me. I was getting frustrated by this. 

I then went over to a bed, which had a shelving unit on one side. Sitting on the duvet, resting against the pillows was a baby (I think it was female, but I cannot recall). My Nan sat on the other side of the bed, next to the baby. I leaned towards the baby and started trying to teach her to talk. I was trying to get her to say 'Han Solo' and 'Princess Leia', but this was failing. My Nan asked me what I was doing and I replied: 'Explaining Han Solo'.

There was a scene where I saw a large, unopened bottle of vodka, which belonged to me. 

There was another scene where I was with some other dream characters and checked my bank balance on an ATM, finding that I had £695. I felt surprised and relieved.

Extra Information: 
None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • My Nan as a dream character
  • A baby as a dream character

  • I was trying to teach a baby to talk in a very unusual way
  • I had £695 in my bank account

Day Residue: 
  • I had been discussing Star Wars with R3A and we had been talking about a funny Youtube review of the movies
  • On the day of this dream I had seen a news article about Harrison Ford which described his extra-marital affair with Carrie Fisher while filming the first movie
  • On the day of this dream I had mentioned to SC, my housemate, that I had some vodka left in a bottle which was at DL's flat - I intended to ask him to bring the vodka so that I could drink it at a party which would take place at the weekend
  • I was worried about how much money I had left before payday (because I don't get paid until after Christmas this year)

Waking Reactions: 
I have forgotten large amounts of this dream, however, it does not seem to be related to my Dream Incubation Experiment, so much as a reflection of my recent Day Residue.

Here is my Youtube video where I describe my current Dream Incubation Experiment:

Monday, 12 December 2016

Dream 741

'Female Competition'
Date: 11 December 2016
Time: 00:30 - 09:30 (I woke up from this dream due to a fire alarm test)
Type of dream: Normal dream
Dream recall: Normal recall

This dream is part of my Dream Incubation Experiment - where I ask my subconscious mind: WHAT DOES MY HEART DESIRE? You can read the introductory post (and watch the accompanying Youtube video by clicking HERE - opens in new window)

Scene 1: Sheringham - Day 
I think I was in Sheringham, but I am not actually sure as I have forgotten various details of this dream. I recall that there were 2 main 'scenes' or elements of this dream - and both were connected by theme.

In the first scene, I was aware that my colleague CR was attempting to get intimate with EG, someone I briefly dated a while ago and someone who CR does not know in real life. I was angry about this fact, thinking she was 'moving into my territory'. I discussed this with DL - and he referred to the fact EG (who he does not know in real life) is originally from an African country. This conversation may have taken place on a phone.

There was some action around shopping or obtaining some items. I cannot recall specifically. 

Scene 2: An Exterior - Day
I was then aware that PS was going to start dating AWB again and this made me very unhappy. I was trying to place obstacles in the path of their emerging relationship, out of jealousy. A conversation with PS took place outside in this location, where we were surrounded by rolling green hills and trees. I was telling him that he should be with me instead, and he agreed, but said he could not let AWB down, as she needed him. I wanted to talk to AWB and tell her that she could not have PS - she was in a different location (London) from where PS and I were. PS was going back to London to be with her, this making me feel angry and frustrated. I referred to the fact she was now disabled (true in real life) and PS told me that he was going to be her carer.

I then 'remembered' a previous dream in which AWB was a main dream character, albeit transformed into a half human/half baboon-type being. When recalling this dream, it felt like these were 'real life events', not a memory of a past dream. This dream was Dream 506 - 'Two Boyfriends and Lots of Bad Behaviour!' (quite coincidentally, as I only noticed this, while writing up this particular dream and searching through my Dream Journal to find the earlier dream. However this current dream also features 2 boyfriends and a little bit of bad behaviour! To add more strangeness, the past dream also took place within a Dream Incubation Experiment too - the 14 Day Dream Incubation Experiment - Kurt Cobain Dream.

This scene was much more detailed than I can recall. 

I cannot recall anything else about this dream, as although it felt vivid when I was dreaming it, because I was awoken suddenly by an unexpected fire alarm test, I forgot many of the details.

Extra Information: 
None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • Sheringham as a dream scene location
  • My ex-boyfriends
  • Jealousy

  • I recalled events in a past dream, as if they were memories of a real life incident

Day Residue: 
  • I have recently become aware that AWB is now disabled. I was reading her Blog. She hates me because I didn't want her to date PS after me and I made those feelings clear, but there were many reasons behind this which I won't detail here, but it wasn't as straightforward as me just being jealous or hostile; since she has been disabled, I have wanted to reach out to her and let her know that events in the past were motivated by scenarios she might relate to now we have both moved on; and to show her that I understand some of what she is currently going through (as indicated in her Blog posts)

Waking Reactions: 
This dream seemed to suggest I wanted to be back with my ex-boyfriend (PS) and also had the strong theme of not wanting my exes to move on to new people. I am not sure how much the content relates to my current Dream Incubation Experiment. However, it was very interesting to experience a memory of a dream within this dream - and then discover the strange coincidences which I was not consciously aware of until I went back through my Dream Journal to find the past dream from last year.

Here is my Youtube video where I describe my current Dream Incubation Experiment:

Sunday, 11 December 2016

Dream 740

'Bad Mother'
Date: 9 December 2016
Time: 22:30 - 11:30 (I woke up from this dream naturally)
Type of dream: Normal dream
Dream recall: Normal recall

This dream is part of my Dream Incubation Experiment - where I ask my subconscious mind: WHAT DOES MY HEART DESIRE? You can read the introductory post (and watch the accompanying Youtube video by clicking HERE - opens in new window)

Scene 1: My Nan's House, Sheringham
Again, this dream did not start at my Nan's house, Sheringham, but this is the only location I recall from the start of this dream.

I had a new baby - but the baby looked older than newborn - at least one year old. It was a girl, with black hair in small bunches, with a fringe/bangs. She wore a blue frilly dress. I am not sure what her name was in the dream. She strongly resembled the child, 'Boo' from Monsters Inc. (2001).

I was not happy to be a mother and felt like everyone had abandoned me, leaving me to cope with a new baby. I had no clue what I had to do and did not like my daughter at all. I felt trapped and frustrated. I did not even know how to feed the baby. I was feeding her raw carrots, but aware that she should be drinking milk, not eating solid food. Although she looked older, she was definitely a newborn baby. I wondered if I should ask someone for advice, so I tried to contact my various female relatives to ask them how I should feed the baby. None of them seemed to care, and when I told them I had been feeding her solid food, they told me I was doing everything wrong and putting her at risk of harm, but would not tell me the correct way to do anything.

I assumed that I should sterilise the equipment I was using to feed her - but did not have a  sterilisation machine. I boiled a big pan of water on the stove and dumped all the baby bottles and spoons I had found into it. I then sat down on the sofa. My daughter climbed onto me for a hug and I moved her off me, onto the sofa because I didn't want to have physical contact with her. 

This scene with my daughter and me rejecting her seemed to dominate most of the dream.

Scene 2: A Record Store, My 'Dream Town' - Day
I was then in a record store, which I realised was in my 'Dream Town' (see Dream 738 - 'Makeup Brushes & Oily Skin' which links the relevant posts which explain what my 'Dream Town' is). I felt like I had visited this record store before (I may have done, although I cannot find a relevant entry in my Dream Journal at the time of writing this dream up). It was a normal record store, with nothing out of the ordinary. I was involved in some kind of 'swap' (I cannot recall the details).

I have forgotten the rest of this dream, as I was distracted upon waking by my phone. I recalled more of this dream when I first work up than I do now, when recording it.

Extra Information: 
None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • My Nan's house, Sheringham as a dream scene location
  • Rejecting motherhood
  • Feeling alone and abandoned
  • Swaps

  • My newborn daughter looked like a toddler
  • I was  feeding a newborn baby raw carrots
  • I was in my Dream Town

Day Residue: 
  • Recently, there has been some fraught and frustrating discussion at work about rota swaps

Waking Reactions: 
It was interesting that during the course of my Dream Incubation Experiment, I have had yet another dream about rejecting motherhood. This - and marriage - have been the predominant recurring dream themes, which fascinates me. This dream was frustrating as I really did not want to be a mother and knew I was doing a really bad job!

I have forgotten a lot of detail about this dream, which seemed much more vivid when I first woke up from it, although being distracted soon thereafter meant my dream memories faded. If I recall anything else about this dream, I will record it below.

Here is my Youtube video where I describe my current Dream Incubation Experiment:

Dream 739

'Gifts & Chemotherapy Wigs'
Date: 8 December 2016
Time: 23:00 - 07:30 (I woke up from this dream naturally)
Type of dream: Normal dream
Dream recall: Normal recall

This dream is part of my Dream Incubation Experiment - where I ask my subconscious mind: WHAT DOES MY HEART DESIRE? You can read the introductory post (and watch the accompanying Youtube video by clicking HERE - opens in new window)

Scene 1: My Nan's House, Sheringham - Time Unknown
The dream did not actually start at my Nan's house, but I cannot recall the first location. I was trying to get some gifts together for someone (unrecalled). I was aware that my gift was not adequate and that someone else (unrecalled) had purchased a much more expensive, luxurious gift for the same recipient. I felt our gifts were in competition. 

I then found myself standing at the dining table in the living-room of my Nan's house. On the table were the 2 gifts - the one I had bought and the one bought by the other (unrecalled) dream character which I had managed to secretly intercept. Both gifts were wrapped up in fancy pink boxes, with bows. I opened the one I had bought and found that it contained makeup items. I decided I would swap the gifts, and pretend the more expensive, luxurious one I had intercepted was actually from me. I opened it to see what was inside and found that this gift was also cosmetics - but was surprised to find that they were not actually as 'luxurious' as I had anticipated - they actually looked pretty cheap, meaning my own intended gift was indeed the better one.

My housemate SC was talking to another colleague with the same first name - SU - in a doorway. I saw SU's ginger hair very vividly. I am not sure where this short dream scene took place.

The scene changed again, but I am not sure of the location, as I could only see my Mum, with whom I was interacting. My Mum was bald, and I was aware that she was suffering from cancer and was undergoing chemotherapy. Although this sounds like a nightmarish scenario - and one which would be deeply traumatic if it happened in real life - it did not feel that negative in the dream. I gave my Mum my hair, for her to wear as a wig. I handed her my hair - in one piece, as if it were a ready-made wig. It was styled in a side braid, with a fringe/bangs - as my own hair was in real life. As my Mum adjusted my hair on her own head, I thought: 'If she still had her own blonde hair underneath, you would see it at the edges of the hairline, and it would be obvious she was wearing a black wig'. The fact she didn't have her own blonde hair, meaning my dark hair looked like it was her's was perceived as a positive thing.

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Extra Information: 
None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • My Nan's House, Sheringham as a dream scene location
  • Makeup/cosmetics
  • My Mum as a dream character

  • I was able to remove my hair for my Mum to wear as a wig

Day Residue: 
  • On the day of this dream I had been discussing buying Christmas presents for my family, and mentioned how I often buy cosmetics for my Mum and Nan
  • A few days before this dream, DL and I had been talking about UK hip hop producers and he mentioned 'Chemo'
  • On the same day as the conversation about 'Chemo', I heard that the father of my friend was undergoing surgery to remove a tumour
  • On the night of this dream I went to bed with my hair in a side braid

Waking Reactions: 
This dream didn't really reference my Dream Incubation Experiment. As noted above, this seems like it would be a nightmarish or negative dream, but it was not perceived that way within the dream itself. 

Here is my Youtube video where I describe my current Dream Incubation Experiment:

Wednesday, 7 December 2016

Dream 738

'Makeup Brushes & Oily Skin'
Date: 6 December 2016
Time: 23:00 - 04:00 (I woke up from this dream naturally)
Type of dream: Vivid dream
Dream recall: Normal recall

This dream is part of my Dream Incubation Experiment - where I ask my subconscious mind: WHAT DOES MY HEART DESIRE? You can read the introductory post (and watch the accompanying Youtube video by clicking HERE - opens in new window)

Scene 1: A Shop - Time Unknown
I was in a shop - standing beside the counter. I am not sure what the shop sold, other than makeup and cosmetics, which were in a glass case beside the counter. 

I was with an older female dream character - a middle-aged white woman - who was a makeup artist. She was trying to convince me to buy some of her own-brand makeup brushes, which were on a 3-for-2 deal. She handed me a number of brushes, which she took from the glass cabinet. I thought the brushes were a strange shape - the hairs were cut in a wonky way. I asked the makeup artist about this, and she said that the brushes were designed this way so that they could fit into the grooves of the face. She demonstrated by showing me how one of the brushes fit into the shape of my eyelid, but I was not convinced. I was able to pick 2 of the brushes which I thought I could work with - one of them being a brush designed for contouring the face. However, I was struggling to pick a third brush, which was necessary as part of the deal. This scene continued with me looking at the brushes and being indecisive.

I then discovered I had a lot of other items in my hands - all of them cosmetics. I was holding a black liquid eyeliner, and I decided that I did not need this product, so put it back on a shelf. I wanted to buy some Boots No.7 Protect & Perfect Serum (which is an anti-ageing serum which I have used for many years and love - I currently do not have any). I wondered if I could afford to buy the serum, or whether I should wait until I was paid by university at the end of the month, when my budget would be much larger.

I discussed the makeup brushes with the makeup artist again and mentioned to her that I had oily skin. She didn't seem to believe me (despite this being something very obvious to most people just looking at me). I touched my face with my fingers to show her the oil which would transfer - and saw that my hand was dripping wet.

Scene 2: A Car, Sheringham - Day
I was the passenger in a car which was driving through Sheringham - but the town was very different. The road was winding and uphill, and as I looked out of the rearview, I could see that this was a residential area with a huge number of houses which were arranged in a somewhat haphazard manner (i.e. not straight lines), from the seafront, all the way up the hill in the direction that we were driving. It did not seem like Sheringham - or any place I have ever been before - but I noticed that at the bottom of the hill, set between the houses, was a pub which I recognised as one I had visited in a previous dream - Dream 701 - 'Special Cannabis Bar'. It wasn't a feeling that I had 'dreamed' of this pub before - it was a feeling that I had visited it many times before when in Sheringham (which was how I knew that this dream scene was set in Sheringham). This time, the pub was a low one-storey building which was rectangular-shaped and painted with a beautiful fresco/mural on the outside - vines and flowers in green, yellow and pink colours, which made it stand out from all of the other houses surrounding it. The whole area looked like a model 'toy town' - I cannot describe what I mean, other that everything looked so provincial and picturesque and charming. There were a lot of trees and plants in the front gardens of the residential houses. 

I felt an intense sense of familiarity and belonging in this area, and vowed to return as soon as I had completed the car journey. 

As we drove along the road, we went past a family home - a red brick house, which had a very pointed roof, as if it was a church with a steeple. A white bridal veil, with a white ribbon tied in a bow, was on top of the steeple and this was flapping in the wind. I could see that the front of the house was a large window - so you could see directly into the house. Inside the window, the residents - a male and female - were posed like mannequins in a shop window. The residents were older people, dressed as a bride and groom. I was told by the driver of the car - a male dream character, who was my friend in the dream (not sure who he was meant to represent, if anyone), that this husband and wife couple dressed in their wedding outfits and posed this way everyday, as a way of honouring their marriage. I was fascinated by this, and kept staring out of the rearview to see, until we drove too far past. 

I then started wondering if I was in my 'Dream Town' (see below) instead of Sheringham - and maybe I had been confused earlier about my precise location. I wanted to get out of the car to explore and make sure. I wondered how I had assumed I was in Sheringham at all, and supposed that it was because the pub was one which I had thought was in Sheringham, but I was now doubting myself so much that I felt confused and bewildered.

Extra Information: 
I have a Dream Town location, which I often end up in, within my dreams. This Dream Town fascinates me, as I have never been able to ascertain if it is a place which actually exists (highly unlikely) or a composite of many different places I have been/seen before, which have been fused in my subconscious to form an 'ideal' location within my dreams. I did once attempt a Dream Incubation Experiment where I attempted to visit my Dream Town to find out more information about it. Clicking on the link HERE will take you to that experiment, where all the dreams based on my Dream Town, which occurred prior to the experiment are linked. Dream 430 - 'The Grand Continental Hotel, Dream Town' was a successful conclusion to that particular Dream Incubation Experiment. There may be more 'Dream Town' dreams in my Dream Journal, but I cannot find them without performing a rigorous search of my previous posts. I think this would be an interesting exercise/topic for a future post on this Blog.

Recurrent Dream Themes: 
  • Marriage

  • Sheringham looked completely different
  • I dreamed of a dream scene location which had been part of an earlier dream
  • I wondered if I was in my 'Dream Town'

Day Residue: 
  • On the day of this dream I had a conversation about DL about the Pixiwoo sisters (Sam Chapman and Nic Haste), local makeup artists and Youtube stars, who I admire a lot, having followed their careers for the past 5 years. I referred to the makeup brushes (Real Techniques) which they design and the fact that they use foundations suited to their skin type (dry) while my own skin type is incredibly oily
  • I showed DL my 'fake' Beauty Blender-style makeup application sponges, which are shaped like butt-plugs
  • I am receiving my payment for marking undergraduate law assignments at the end of this month

Waking Reactions: 
Again, I had another dream which referenced marriage! I am not sure what to make of this; is it my subconscious trying to answer my Dream Incubation Experiment, or is it simply the result of Day Residue, as I am obviously writing about marriage/relationships and my dreams on an almost daily basis at present. Nevertheless, this dream was incredibly interesting to me, as not only was it heavy with clearly identifiable Day Residue in much of the content, but I was thinking about my 'Dream Town' within this dream (my favourite dream theme) and also a previous dream scene location which I had enjoyed visiting in a previous dream (the 'special cannabis bar').

Here is my Youtube video where I describe my current Dream Incubation Experiment:

Tuesday, 6 December 2016


'Louis Tomlinson's Lover'
Date: 5 December 2016
Time: 21:00 - 08:45 (I woke up from this dream naturally)
Type of dream: False Awakening/Fully-lucid dream/Vivid dream
Spontaneous Lucid Dream following FA - approximately 3 minutes
Dream recall: Strong recall

This dream is part of my Dream Incubation Experiment - where I ask my subconscious mind: WHAT DOES MY HEART DESIRE? You can read the introductory post (and watch the accompanying Youtube video by clicking HERE - opens in new window)

Scene 1: My Bedroom, Norwich - Night
I woke up in my own bed - it was dark, as would be expected. I was immediately aware that this was a False Awakening with Sleep Paralysis, as I was unable to move and I could hear a strange electronic buzzing noise in the room with me. There was no need for a Reality Check to make sure. I was fully lucid.

I then noticed that sitting on top of the duvet, which was covering my body, was a small pointed witch-like being - about the size of a kitten. I felt the weight of this on my left wrist, but I could only see the outline of this because it was so dark. 

The being did not move or make a noise, and I was fearful, but calm, as I understood the experience and knew it was part of my dream. The being then tried to bite my wrist, which made me desperate to change the dream situation and progress to a different dream scene.

I tried to break through the sleep paralysis by shaking my body until it moved freely. Eventually I was able to get out of bed and walk towards the door of my bedroom. Instead of leading to the hallway, the door to my bedroom led to a small, white tiled room. In the doorway of that room was R3A, with a white towel wrapped around his waist and a dark towel thrown over his shoulder. As I was pretty pleased to see someone who I enjoy spending time with in real life, I did not try to control this aspect of the dream or change it in any way. The lucidity felt quite stable at this point too, with good clarity. I wanted to check that this was really R3A, so I greeted him using his name and he replied, me being able to detect it was actually his voice I was hearing. 

I joined him in the small room, which seemed to be some kind of laundry room, and had a discussion with him - referencing events in waking life. I will not include the nature of our interaction herein, as it was something personal and private which I wanted to talk to him about within a lucid dream to see what would happen. The response I got from him was - to a large extent - what I might expect him to say in real life if we were having this conversation. I may well try and have this conversation with him in person so I can compare the 'real life' responses to the subconscious ones I experienced in my lucid dream. R3A then proceeded to try and have sex with me from behind, in a standing position, but I am not sure how far this progressed as I must have fallen back into a normal non-lucid dream.

Scene 2: My Nan's House, Sheringham - Time Unknown
I was at my Nan's house, panicking because I had just got a positive pregnancy test. I could not recall having sex recently (the sex from Scene 1 was not on my mind within the non-lucid part of this dream). I was panicked and wanted to end the pregnancy, but was reluctant to take this step. I was pacing around my Nan's living-room in a panic. My family were present, but none of them seemed to care about my predicament. I wondered if I had been so drunk that I had forgotten I had sex with someone. There was a vague recollection of me having attended a party 2 weeks previously (in the dream). I decided that I needed to text a friend - TT - to find out if he knew what had happened. I contacted TT, asking him if I had been so drunk at the party that I may have done something that I had forgotten about. He said that he did not think that I had had sex with anyone at the party. This left me feeling confused as to how I got into this situation. I wondered if I could buy some drugs over the internet to sort it out quickly.

Scene 3: An Outside Restaurant - Day
I was then in an outside environment - sitting at a round table with my Mum, Nan and cousin HM. We were having a Christmas meal. We were brought food and I realised it was turkey and was annoyed, because I dislike this meat. I was also served a red/pink coloured dessert in a glass. I was aware that the portion sizes were inadequate and the food was of a low quality, but no-one else seemed to have a problem with it.

After the meal - some time after - I was with my family, discussing the meal. I became aware that I could not remember a single thing about the meal - I could barely even recall being present. My cousin HM told me that I had been very intoxicated. I asked if I had eaten anything and I was told that I had eaten the turkey, which annoyed me. I was also very concerned, not only by my memory loss, but the fact I also could not recall drinking any alcohol in the first place. 

Scene 4: Law Firm - Time Unknown
I had gone back to working for the law firm where I had previously worked in real life - and in the dream the events surrounding me quitting the job were the same as the real life situation. The law firm was different - much bigger, but also in a real mess. There were desks everywhere, piled up with paperwork and files and no-one was taking decisions on what needed to be done or showing me what I should be doing. I was dismayed to find that I had forgotten all of my skills and didn't know how to start again. There were many dream characters and some ex-colleagues from real life - including MJF, HF and JA. JA was the boss. I was given a file - it was made of white plastic. I assumed that this was a client file and that I needed to fill it in with client details. which I began to do with a black permanent marker pen. I was also drawing something on the file. I then became aware - looking at the files of other colleagues - that this was supposed to be my personal file. I was worried as I had included someone else's name on the front of it. 

I then went to ask JA what I needed to do. At first she seemed to be in a bad mood with me. I was directed to 2 booklets which were mounted on a shelf over a desk. One of them I cannot recall - the other one was for a modelling agency. I was instructed by JA - and another colleague (dream character male) that every time a client called the office, we had to pretend that we were either the modelling agency or the other business to which the second booklet related. I wondered why we had to lie to the clients, and risk losing legitimate business from them (i.e. legal representation). I was told that the aim was to keep them on the phone for as long as possible, because we had a special phone line where we got income from long calls. I thought this was unethical.

I then walked over to a desk where JA was putting together a collage of photographs of the people who worked in the office. I noticed that she was including a photograph of me from 2003, when I was very skinny and had short, bleached blonde hair. In the photograph I was holding a tray of champagne glasses on the palm of one raised hand and smiling. The photograph had been cut out around the outline. I took this as a sign that we were now on good terms.

I was then aware that Louis Tomlinson from One Direction was present and that he was my love interest. I could not recall that his name was Louis when I woke up, so I am not sure if it was indeed in my mind when I was dreaming, although I knew who he was (I am not a One Direction fan). There was some action involved with Louis which I cannot quite recall - but I was keen to be his lover.

Scene 5: An Exterior - Dusk
I was then outside with Louis. He was sitting on a grassy hillock/sloped bank, which was a short height from ground level, with a chain link fence behind it. I was standing on some gravel in front of him. We were having a conversation where Louis told me he had to leave to catch a ferry to an island called 'Henry' (North West of the UK) which was where his family lived. He said he had to leave from 'Enfield', which in real life is a London Borough, but in the dream was a Northern town. I was trying to persuade him not to go, as I wanted to spend more time with him. He was telling me - while drinking a red cocktail from a plastic cup, using a straw - that he would come back for me. 

We became aware that someone was filming us using a phone or a video camera. Louis jumped down from the hillock/grassy bank and started to run, with me following. We were joined by the other members of One Direction. I decided that I should make sure that I got into the camera shot so that when the video was put on the internet/released to the media, I would be seen to be involved with a celebrity. I wondered if my ass looked too big in the black trousers I was wearing.

I cannot recall anything else about this dream, but I am aware that the scene with Louis Tomlinson was more detailed and significant than I am able to remember for the purposes of recording this dream.

Extra Information: 
None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • R3A as a dream character
  • My Nan's house as a dream scene location
  • Not wanting to become a mother
  • My family as dream characters
  • My former law firm 

  • I was pregnant, but could not recall having sex
  • I texte TT to find out if I had been so drunk at a party that I had sex without being aware
  • I was returning to work in my old law firm - which was operating as some kind of fraudulent business (the phone situation)
  • I was dating/in a relationship with Louis Tomlinson of One Direction

Day Residue: 
  • I have a phone screensaver of Ewan McGregor - my favourite Scottish (or any nationality) man ever - wearing a towel around his waist and one thrown over his shoulder
  • I had been having a long, humorous conversation with R3A earlier on the day of this dream
  • On the day before this dream I had read an online article about a girl who was sexually assaulted at a party
  • I had seen TT post a Facebook status which referred to rape/sexual assault
  • On the day of this dream I had been talking to SC (my housemate) about how much I hate turkey and why it is stupid to eat it at Christmas for the sake of tradition when British people don't seem to like it enough to eat at other times of the year. I also recalled my Mum telling me about having to complain to an expensive restaurant about a Christmas meal she and my Nan had once been served
  • A couple of days before this dream I had told SC about the working conditions in my former place of employment - the law firm
  • Just before I went to sleep I watched an episode of Peep Show (S09E03 - 'Threeism') in which Jeremy writes 'I love you' on Mark's eyelids in permanent marker, as a message to April, Mark's love interest who is coming over for a dinner party - he panics when he realises that April will be bringing her husband. Angus because he is unable to wash off the permanent marker
  • One Direction bandmate Liam Payne is having a baby with Cheryl Tweedy/Cole/Fernandez-Versini - which has created a lot of media publicity as they have not publicly confirmed this

Waking Reactions: 
This dream was very fascinating for me. Firstly, it was the first False Awakening/spontaneous lucid dream I have had in ages, and that always feels significant. However, even in the non-lucid parts of this dream felt so vivid and intense that it was interesting despite the lucidity. Some of the dream content was disturbing, but did not feel like a nightmare to me. It was more confusing - especially since there were many instances in this dream where I was supposed to have acted in a certain way without remembering - the indication being that alcohol was to blame in some way, despite me also not being able to recall getting intoxicated.

Recurrent dream themes which may relate to my Dream Incubation Experiment are being in a relationship of some sort and the rejection of motherhood.

I am not sure how much this dream relates to my current Dream Incubation Experiment, but it is particularly notable that again, I am dreaming of a return to legal practice.

I must note that I do not find Louis Tomlinson physically attractive in any way, so this was an odd choice of dream lover for me!

Here is my Youtube video where I describe my current Dream Incubation Experiment: