Thursday, 16 October 2014

Freud - The Case of Little Hans

'A neurosis never says foolish things, any more than a dream'
- Sigmund Freud (1909)

Background
Interpreting the thoughts, feelings and dreams of a child is much more difficult than in adults - essentially, the mental processes of a child are all part of that child's internal life and therefore, intrinsically linked to their subconscious attempts to make sense of the world around them. Freud's analysis of the dream of Little Hans, reported in 1909, is a fascinating insight into how the subconscious mind of the subject was interpreted using the Psychoanalytic Theory. The case study beautifully illustrates the zeitgeist and pedagogic interests of the period in which it was published and in particular, provides an excellent example of Freud's theory of the Oedipus Complex in action. The case study was published in Freud's Analysis of a Phobia in a Five Year Old Boy (1909).

Freud was acquainted with the parents of Little Hans - his father Max Graf, belonged to Freud's Wednesday Circle and his mother was an erstwhile patient of Freud and both were supporters of Psychoanalysis as a useful therapeutic tool. Little Hans' real name was Herbert Graf (1903 - 1973) and he was an Austrian-American opera producer, born in Vienna. In the years prior to the publication of the Little Hans case study, Freud had requested that his associates assist him in collecting material relating to the sexuality of children and therefore, before Little Hans had even displayed signs of neurosis and phobia, his father had been sending Freud notes on his son's development. At the age of 5 years, Little Hans became a patient of Freud and the subject of Freud's extensive study of the Oedipus Complex and castration anxiety. 

At the age of 4 years, Hans was in a local park with the family maid when he witnesses the collapse of a horse carrying a heavy load. Hans became fearful of venturing outside the house and focused his anxiety on horses and heavily-loaded vehicles which he was afraid would fall over, causing a noise with their hooves. This fear was explained an 'equinophobia' - fear of horses and his father initially attributed the phobia to 'sexual over-excitement caused by his mother's caresses' combined with a fear of the large penises of horses. Freud did not reject this explanation, but encouraged Graf to explore further, specifically Hans' response to the birth of his younger sister and unsatisfied curiosity as to where babies come from. Freud felt that the image of the horse falling down - and Hans' fears that the fallen horse he had witnessed was actually dead, could be interpreted as a desire for the death of his father. A number of sexual and excremental fantasies were analysed during the case study, and Freud criticised the Grafs for not explaining reproduction to Hans. 

Freud's case study features Graf's notes on Hans' dreams, behaviours and answers to questions. Freud believed that the information gleaned about Hans confirmed his recent theories on child sexuality and also demonstrated the boy's anxieties over the birth of his sister, his desire to replace his father as his mother's sexual partner and emotional conflict over masturbation. The anxiety stemmed from incomplete repression and other defence mechanisms employed to combat impulses involved in his sexual development. Indeed, Hans' mental and emotional state improved after his father explained sex to him and the relationship between them strengthened. 

There are two phases to Hans' dream: (1) fear of horses and (2) fear of the boxes and containers the horses transported around Vienna. Hans was afraid that a horse would enter his room, bite him or fall over. Freud interpreted this dream as a fear of fear of his father and punishment for sexual impulses towards his mother. Because Graf was 'treating' his son and therefore acting as analyst, Freud believed that this was inhibiting and impeding Hans' treatment and thus, invited the child to meet him personally. Following his interaction with Hans, Freud was able to help Hans, who communicated his phobia and received an explanation from Freud. Following this, Hans developed a preoccupation with excrement, which Freud interpreted as being associated with child birth. Further, the omnibuses and boxes which had been part of his phobia were associated in Hans' mind with the arrival of babies, as he had originally been told that these were used by storks to deliver them to their new homes. Hans feared the arrival of yet another sibling, as this would further reduce the level of attention he received from his mother and he expressed a wish that his younger sister would die. He spoke of desires to have children of his own with his mother and his father being elevated to the status of grandfather. Freud believed the treatment of Hans to be successful when the child expressed two new fantasies: one in which he demonstrates that he has overcome his castration anxiety and another in which he acknowledges his desire to marry his mother, both of which coincided with the disappearance of his phobia. In 1922 Freud amended his case study to note that he had met with an adult Hans who was healthy and suffering no troubles or inhibitions. In Joseph Wolpe & Stanley Rachman, 'A Child Shall Lead Them' (or 'Psychoanalytic Evidence: A Critique Based on Freud's Case of Little Hans') in Rachman, Critical Essays on Psychoanalysis (1963), the authors suggest that the majority of material provided by Hans was planted in his head by the suggestions of his father and Freud.

The Dreams & Fantasies of Little Hans
In spring 1906, when Hans was less than 3 years old he became fascinated with his 'widdler' (penis) and those of other people. However, whereas 'widdler' was used to describe the body part responsible for the urination functions of both males and females, there appears to be little discussion as to the difference in form between the male and the female 'widdler'. Hans wondered if his mother had a penis and whether it was as big as a horse's, because a horse was large and so was his mother. When his mother confirmed that she did have a widdler (meaning place to urinate from) and asked Hans why he questioned this, he stated that he was 'only just thinking'. On one occasion around this age he had gone into a cow-shed and watched cows being milked, exclaiming: 'Oh look! There's milk coming out of it's widdler!'

Hans' mother was 3 months pregnant at that time (Hanna was born in October 1906), but his parents assumed Hans was unaware of the fact. Hans appeared to react calmly to the birth of his sister, stating on that day the stork would be delivering a baby because his 'mummy is coughing'. The explanation of the stork had been told to Hans by his parents in preparation for the arrival of his sister. When his mother went into labour, Hans had been moved out of the room, but could still hear the noises she was making - which he had mistaken for coughing. After witnessing basins of water and blood, Hans had remarked: 'but blood doesn't come out of my widdler'.

Shortly after Hanna's birth, Hans began to exhibit severe jealousy, which gradually began to lessen, with Hans feeling himself to be superior to her because her 'widdler is still quite small'. He also remarked that: 'when she grows up it'll get bigger alright'. On one occasion he responded to his father's question as to why he was laughing at Hanna by saying 'because her widdler's so lovely'. If someone remarked on how beautiful baby Hanna was, Hans would state scornfully 'but she's not got any teeth yet!' and whilst suffering from a fever, stated that he did not want a baby sister.

During this time, his mother had caught him with his hand on his penis and had told him 'if you do that I shall send for Dr A to cut off your widdler. And then what'll you widdle with?' Hans replied: 'with my bottom'. Hans seemed to classify all animate and inanimate objects according to whether or not they had a widdler (or penis). He associated horse penises and adult penises. Further, his parents noted that Hans appeared to be gaining some form of sexual satisfaction with urination and defecation. He expressed fantasies of having children on his own whom he would take to the toilet to make them widdle before wiping their bottoms. Freud suggested that Hans had constructed this fantasy because he had experienced a form of pleasure when himself had been taken to use the toilet by his own parents. He began to experience anxiety and shame about urinating in front of others and showed disgust at his bodily functions. Freud considered that Hans' fantasy about caring for his own children was a defence mechanism to help him cope with his repression.

Before the birth of Hanna, Hans and his parents had spent time in Gmunden (in the countryside) where Hans had formed an attachment to a girl named Mariedl. The Grafs feared that Hans would miss his happy life and many friends in Gmunden when they moved to Vienna, but he did not seem to be affected. Six months after his move (and around 3 - 4 months after the birth of Hanna), Hans recounted a dream to his parents, which they interpreted to be about him missing Gmunden:

Today, when I was asleep, I thought I was at Gmunded, quite alone with Mariedl.

Around this time, Hans was exhibiting strong attractions to all females around him, stating 'I want Mariedl to sleep with me'. Hans seemed lonely after the birth of his sister, fearing that he had lost his mother to his father as well as being unable to continue sleeping in their marital bed with them. Hans was eager to help bathing Hanna and was obsessed with the gender differences between him and her and possession of a penis. 

In the summer of 1907 (in Gmunden), Hans and Hanna were getting along fine. Max Graf informed Freud of a conversation which occurred between Hans and his mother whilst she was powdering his body and taking care not to touch his penis:

Hans: Why don't you put your finger there?
Mother: Because that'd be piggish
Hans: What's that? Piggish? Why?
Mother: Because it's not proper
Hans (laughing): But it's great fun!

Freud interpreted this incident as being an attempt by Hans at seducing his mother.

Hans was now 4 years and 3 months old. He recounted another dream to his parents:

Someone said 'who wants to come with me?' Then someone said: 'I do'. Then he had to make him widdle.

Graf interpreted the dream to Freud, saying: 'I was playing forfeits with the little girls. I asked 'who wants to come with me?' Berta or Olga replied 'I do' then she had to make me widdle.'

In January 1908 Graf informed Freud that Hans (now aged 4 years and 9 months) was suffering from a serious neurosis which Graf attributed to sexual over-excitement stemming from his mother's caresses. Shortly after the family had moved home, Hans had been given a bedroom of his own. Whilst Hans' father was away on business trips Hans would share his mother's bed. Hans had the following dream:

When I was asleep I thought you were gone and I had no mummy to coax (caress) with.

On 8 January 1908, Graf reported than Hans was unable to go out with his mother for fear that a horse would bite him - specifically a white horse. That day his mother had asked if Hans had been touching his penis, which Hans admitted and the following evening she had warned him not to do so again. Despite the threats of his mother, Hans continued to masturbate every day.

Freud believed these actions coincided with the establishment of Hans' anxieties and phobias. His affection and repressed erotic desires for his mother turned into anxiety - a pure anxiety, without fear and no object to focus on it on. 

Freud theorised extensively on the significance of the penis. At approximately 3 - 4 years old, the male infant becomes aware that the penis can be stimulated and is the source of pleasurable sensations. The developmental reasons are both psychological and neurological in nature and the boy is able to comprehend that the penis is central to sexual difference and his identification as a man. Sexual impulses and sensations are both enjoyable, but also subject to shaming and suggestion that it is a social taboo to find pleasure in touching or exposing the penis. During the phallic-narcissistic phase of the boy's development, he will often manifest great pride in his ability to urinate while standing, which increases his self-confidence, located in the penis and this is complimented by a corresponding fear that the penis will be lost or injured in some way ('castration anxiety') - perhaps by the father as punishment for desiring his mother. Freud interpreted Hans' fears of being bitten by a horse as a fear that he would be castrated by his father.

The penis holds significance for reasons other than mere sexuality and gender. The boy associates the penis with masculinity, the father and strength, and it's loss with submission, passivity and femininity - the boy will become aware that men and women are different because they have different genitals. The absence of a penis in the mother/females is associated with castration or a missing part - and therefore, inferiority. 

Oedipal anxiety - part of Freud's Oedipus Complex - is characterised by loneliness. The boy has left his infancy and cannot regain the 'dyad' relationship with his mother and father without submitting himself to some form of regressive passivity/submissiveness which contrasts with his identification as a 'man' by possession of the penis. The dyad relationship with his male and female parent bring pleasure, but cannot satisfy his aroused sexual impulses and instinctual drives. The sexual relationship between his mother and father is forbidden, hidden and secret to the boy - and when he learns that his own sexual behaviour is shameful, taboo and forbidden he associates sexuality with secrecy. The boy understands that his thoughts and feelings are hidden and internal - therefore secret - and the development of the inner mental world creates desires and fears. The boy idealises his father and strongly identifies with him as a 'man' - possessor of a penis. However, he also feels intense jealousy and hatred for his father. The mother is the provider of love and tenderness. The Oedipal male will therefore perceive the father as a rival for the affection, admiration and love of the mother. He wants to triumph over his father and 'win' his mother as his own love-object. This desire is accompanied by a fear of punishment by - and loss of - his father. Hans' fears about being bitten by a white horse were interpreted by Freud as representing retribution by his father for the attempt at usurping him. To not act on these contradictory impulses and drives renders the boy passive and actionless, caught in an impossible conflict. This Oedipal conflict dissipates over time as the boy learns to accept the special relationship between his mother and father and the fact that he is left outside of this.

Hans' had a deep fascination with the large penises of animals and this was coupled with a fear that a white horse might bite him in a special way. These horses had something black around their mouths. Hans said: 'There is a white horse at Gmunden that bites, if you hold your finger to it, it bites'. Around the time that Hans made this statement he underwent minor surgery to remove his tonsils. Freud thought that the 'white things' related to sheets and therefore, the hospital environment. Allegedly, Hans had overheard a father warning a child not to put their finger towards the 'white horse' because it would bite. Freud interpreted the finger being held to the white horse and the white horse biting as associated with the act of masturbation, but later dismissed this notion. 

Hans had a growing obsession with penises and the difference between boys and girls. On 14 March 1908 Hans' communicated to his father a 'masturbation fantasy' which was dream-like in quality:

I put my finger to my widdler, just very little. I saw Mummy, quite naked in her chemise and she let me see her widdler. I showed Grete (a playmate in Gmunden), my Grete, what Mummy was doing, and showed her my widdler. I took my hand away from my widdler quick.

One day Hans stated 'my widdler will get bigger, it's fixed in, of course'. Freud believed that Hans felt anxiety about his small, insufficient Oedipal penis. After noticing that females do not have penises, he has developed a strong castration anxiety.

On 27 - 28 March 1908, Hans recounted a dream, although he told his father: 'I didn't dream. I thought it. I thought it all. I'd woken up earlier':

In the night there was a big giraffe in the room and a crumpled one; and the big one called out, because I took the crumpled one away from it. Then it stopped calling out; and I sat down on top of the crumpled one.

Freud thought that Hans was talking about his Oedipal fantasy, where he steals the mother giraffe from the father giraffe and possesses her. A few days later, Hans tells his father of two more thoughts he has, but it is unclear whether he is describing waking fantasies or dreams:

I was with you at Schonbrunn where the sheep are; and then we crawled through, under the ropes, and then we told the policeman at the end of the garden, and he grabbed hold of us.

I went with you in the train, and we smashed a window and the policeman took us off with him.

Freud thought that boys utilise Oedipal defences. If the Oedipal situation becomes too overwhelming and shameful for the boy, then he may react with too much bravado, bombast and phallicism. Sexual and generational difference become symbols of superiority and supremacy and in the boy's subconscious, the strength of the father is associated with aggression, power and violence. The mental images of reciprocal and sexual love are replaced with force, violence and desire for superiority. In excessive circumstances, phallic pleasure becomes more important than reciprocal love and the violation of limits and use of violence seem to represent freedom and power. 

When Freud met Hans, he asked if the frightening horses had black moustaches and glasses, like Hans' father. It appeared to Freud that Hans feared his father because he desired his mother. The horse clearly represented Hans' father - the black bits (harnesses) around the mouths of white horses were associated with Graf's moustache, while the blinkers worn by horses were associated with Graf's glasses. On one occasion, following a conversation, Hans had said to his father: 'Daddy, don't trot away from me!' and also told his father 'Daddy you are so lovely. You are so white'. Graf and his son had often played horses together, with Hans riding his father, the 'horse'. Graf discussed the children's playtime which had place in Gmunden, and had involved horse games as well as a keen interest in each others' widdlers.

The fact that fear of, and love for, the same object (the father) created a conflict within Hans, and after Freud offered his interpretation, the boy's fears and anxieties seemed to resolve somewhat. However, Hans' more general fear of horses appeared to be changing. He seemed to focus his fear on horses that fall down because their load is too heavy; or horses than turn around/kick with their legs. Freud found that references to sexual thoughts and primal scene associations were clear and obvious, meanwhile Hans' parents thought that there was some association to faeces (which were known to Hans as 'lumpf'), because Hans was experiencing difficulties in defecating, a problem which was being treated using enemas and aperients.

When Hans saw his mother's yellow knickers he reacted with disgust. When asked by his father, Hans denied that he associated the colour yellow with faeces/lumpf. The colour of his mother's knickers continued to preoccupy Hans, and he told his father of a thought he had:

She took off the black drawers when she went out, when she came back she put them on again.

Freud wondered about Hans' desire to go to the toilet with his mother to see her widdler/lumpf. His disgust at his mother's knickers was accompanied by a form of spitting behaviour. Hans explained: 'I spit because the black drawers are black like a lumpf and the yellow ones like a widdle, and then I think I've got to widdle'. Graf persisted with questioning Hans further, but was only able to uncover the fact that Hans associated the noise of a horses hooves or his own stamping feet with the flushing of a toilet after defecation has taken place, and the trickling of water with his widdler.

On 11 April, Hans told his father of another dream-fantasy:

I was in the bath and the plumber came and unscrewed it. Then he took a big borer and stuck it into my stomach.

Graf interpreted the dream to Freud as 'I was in bed with Mummy. Then Daddy came and drove me away. With his big penis he pushed me out of my place with Mummy.' Freud interpreted the dream in an even more primitive sexual way: 'with your big penis you bored me, and put me in my mother's womb'.

The bath dream filled Hans with a fear of falling into the bathtub and Graf perceived this to be a desire that Hanna might have an accident whilst in the bath and die. He asked Hans: 'when you were watching Mummy giving Hanna a bath perhaps you wished she would let go of her so that Hanna should fall in?' to which Hans replied: 'yes'. Freud interpreted this as meaning Hans had a death-wish towards both his father and his sister - if they were permanently gone then he would be the sole object of his mother's affections and he could have her to himself. Hans' difficulty in accepting Hanna's birth had been compensated for over-affection and actively helping to bathe her. Hans had verbalised his wish that she might die so that he could have his mother all to himself. Hanna's birth had preoccupied Hans and he had fantasised about her being in a box even before she was born. Freud thought that Hans had understood that his mother was pregnant and that the story about storks bringing babies in boxes was nothing more than a fairytale - indeed, Hans had told his father that he doubted the story of the stork. Hans' fears of a horse falling down were associated with anxiety about childbirth and fear of his father's death. According to Freud's theories on early sexual intuition in children, childbirth, babies and faeces are often linked in the child's subconscious, and thus, Hans' anxieties were centred around the birth of Hanna. 

Freud interpreted Hans' fear of the bath as being anxiety that he would be punished for his thoughts. Hans associated Hanna with faeces and birth with defecation. All furniture, buses and carts were associated with pregnancy and the cart falling over, symbolised childbirth. Hans' fears of falling horses were linked to thoughts of his father's death and his mother in childbirth. While Graf was discussing the idea of the death of the father with Hans, the boy knocked over a toy horse, further cementing the interpretation which Graf had constructed and discussed with Freud. Freud later reinterpreted  Hans' phobia as being a fear of castration which was seen by the ego as dangerous, therefore releasing 'signal anxiety' which activates ego defences and repression of the desire to kill his father. Instead, the subconscious makes a series of associations, through which his thoughts re-emerge in the form of a wholly irrational, but more acceptable, fear of being bitten by a horse. A horse can be avoided more easily than his father can. Hans is also able to master his anxiety by inhibition: his refusal to leave the house means that his ego no longer needs to produce signal anxiety and he is able to free himself from the love/hate conflict he experiences towards his father.

Hans experienced another dream about the plumber:

The plumber came and first he took away my behind with a pair of pincers, and then he gave me another, and then the same with my widdler. He said: 'let me see your behind!' and I had to turn around and he took it away; and then he said 'let me see your widdler'.

Graff interpreted this as Hans longing to be like his father and questioned whether Hans wanted a bigger widdler and a bigger 'behind'. Hans answered that he did and added: 'I would like to have a moustache like yours and hair like yours'.

I did ask the coachman at Gmunden if I could take the horse and whip it and shout at it.

Hans told Graf that this story was not what he truly wanted - he wanted to whip his mother instead. Hans was conflicted as to whom was angry or jealous towards whom - his mother or his father. He said: 'the horses are so proud that I am afraid they'll fall down'. Graf was able to draw from Hans the fact that 'father' was proud and angry at Hans and so the beating/whipping of the mother was directed at the father as well. Hans still had hostile thoughts that he associated with sexuality:

A street-boy was riding on a truck and the guard came and undressed the boy quite naked and made him stand there till next morning, and in the morning the boy gave the guard 50000 florins so that he could go on riding on the truck.

The same day, Hans was playing in his room...

...with an India-rubber doll which he called Grete. He had pushed a small penknife in through the opening  to which the little tin squeaker had originally been attached, and then he had torn the doll's legs apart, so as to let the knife drop out. He said to the nursemaid, pointing between the doll's legs: 'Look, there's it's widdler'.

Hans' game was interpreted as being due to his curiosity about childbirth and told Hans about chickens laying eggs and how chicks emerge from them. Hans told his father that in Gmunden, he had witnessed his father laying an egg, which his father expressed doubts about. Hans then expressed that it was he who had laid the egg, out of which had come a tiny Hans. Freud suggested that Hans had some understanding of sexual intercourse and birth, but his parents' use of lies so as to avoid explaining the truth of sex and reproduction had confused the boy. Soon thereafter, Graf explained reproduction to Hans and noted that Hans appeared to want to have babies of his own and was disappointed that he was biologically unable to give birth. He seemed to become obsessed by loading and unloading boxes (acting out the process of childbirth) and also hypothesised that childbirth must be like defecation, thereby constructing an idea of fecal birth. 

Graf had the following conversation with Hans:

Father: You are a little vexed with Daddy because Mummy is fond of him and you'd like to be Daddy yourself. When you got into bed with Mummy at Gmunden did you think to yourself that you were Daddy and then you felt afraid of Daddy? You thought then that if only Daddy were to die, you'd be Daddy.
Hans: You know everything.
Father: You'd like to be Daddy and married to Mummy, you'd like to be as big as me and have a moustache and you'd like Mummy to have a baby.

When Graf asked Hans about his imaginary children and whether they were still alive, he reminded him 'You know quite well that a boy can't have any children' to which Hans responded: 'I know. I was their Mummy before, now I am their Daddy'. He stated that his mother was now their mummy and 'You're their Grand-daddy...then my Lainz Grand-mummy (Graf's mother) will be their Granny!'

Hans appears to cope with his conflict over his father by making Graf a grandfather character and marrying him to his own mother. 

Under Freudian theory, the child's transference from the dyadic to triadic relationship creates problems as the child becomes aware that his parents share a different kind of relationship from that which he experiences. The birth of a sibling creates a further conflict within the child's ego because he is forced to confront the issue that he was not enough for his parents and their attention has been divided. The child has an implicit memory of the pleasurable intimacy he once shared with his mother when he was an infant, and this creates a sensual impulse as well as a fear of loss. The child wonders who is responsible (guilty) for the birth of a younger sibling - whether it was an accident or the joint will and desire of both parents - solving the mystery of childbirth would solve the mystery of guilt. At first, the child blames the father for the birth of the baby, and implicitly the sexual power the father possesses. When the child discovers that his mother has sexual desires of his own, the Oedipal conflict reaches a climax. Sexuality will remain a mystery to the child until puberty and usually, the child will transfer into a latency period. Hans' complex fantasy about his imaginary children had demonstrated his mastering of the Oedipus Complex - instead of needing to kill his father, he had simply married his father to his grandmother.

Melanie Klein reconsidered the case of Little Hans in The Psychoanalysis of Children (1932), supporting Freud's view that childhood conflicts might indeed have their roots in the phallic stage of psycho-sexual development, although she also theorised that children may experience subconscious desires and anxiety long before they commence the phallic stage, although she was unable to offer any concrete evidence. Klein reads the case of Little Hans as an example of how the ego reacts to confrontation with danger and the fear of violent objects, both external and introjected. Her focus is on aggression which must be projected and introjected in the correct amounts. At the root of an animal-based phobia such as that experienced by Hans, is an internal danger - a fear of the individual's own destructive forces and his introjected parents. Anxieties are an attempt to resolve the terrifying conflict between the anally retentive super-ego and the sadistic id - first by ejecting them into the external environment and then displacing them onto an animal - usually in a modified form. Hans' anxieties were primitive and stemmed from the early mother-child relationship - hence her re-reading of Little Hans is consistent with her 'Maternal-Oedipus' theory.

In John Bowlby, Attachment and Loss (1973), the author turns his attention to Freud's case of Little Hans, suggesting that Freud's interpretation of childhood phobia was wrong: the child does not fear the presence of a situation so much as the absence of a secure base and therefore, the phobia can be interpreted as a reaction to separation anxiety. Psychoanalytic theory stated that separation anxiety is likely to vary in individuals as a result of them possessing different constitutions (greater libidinal need or stronger death instincts), but Bowlby disagreed, stating that children with separation anxiety tend to deal with greater parental hostility and threats or actual experience of rejection/loss of love. There was evidence that Hans was experiencing a form of anxious attachment and feared that he would be relegated to a subordinate position or overlooked when his baby sister arrived. 

Jacques Lacan (1957) also revised the Little Hans case, interpreting the early mother-child relationship (a 'mirror-relationship') as 'pre-Oedipal' and dual in nature. However, the mother and child never really have a dual, pre-Oedipal relationship because the relationship has always been triangular in structure - although the third point is not the father, but instead the 'imaginary phallus' which the mother desires - a role the infant fulfils. Lacan suggests that two crises befell Hans - he discovered that the penis was real and the birth of his sister. When his mother scolds him for masturbating, Hans perceives this as her rejection of his penis and of him. In On Narcissism (1914) Freud had already theorised that the mother's lost narcissism finds completion in the baby-as-penis. The female is deprived because she lacks a penis. 

The disruption of the mirror-relationship the infant shares with his mother is caused by the child realising that his mother does not have a penis and that he cannot satisfy her desire. His fear therefore, is not directed at his father, but instead his mother - Hans is striving to break out of the symbiotic relationship he shares with her and requires a symbolic father figure to intervene. Her lack of penis - symbolised by a 'gaping hole' causes anxiety as he is 'dislocated' on the cusp of his entry to the complete Oedipus Complex. The intervention by the father - who holds a true claim to possession of the phallus desired by the mother - is interpreted as a symbolic castration of the child. The conflict of the child being the phallus for the mother and identifying with the father on a symbolic level, while becoming a desiring subject means that the transition does not always occur smoothly. Discussing the 'paternal metaphor', Lacan suggests that the intervention by the father may be unsettling, but the child may be equally unbalanced  by the absence of a real father and therefore a substitution of something else is required, creating a neuroses. 

In failing to step in between Hans and his mother and unsatisfactorily explaining the role of the father in making babies, Graf unsuccessfully performed the role of mediator of the mother's desire, leaving Hans anxious and conflicted. It is not the threat of the father which causes Hans such anxiety, but rather his desire for his mother, which is unsatisfied and not limited by laws laid down by his father. Thus, Hans' anxiety forms terrifying imaginary figurations which appear to be dominated by oral cannibalism - the devouring mother, which is associated with his fear of being bitten by a horse. The horse is therefore not a symbol of the father, but actually a substitute for the father. Phobias are a way of binding anxiety - a defensive mechanism which enables the individual to transfer uncontained anxiety by focusing it upon a specific object. Hans' anxieties are a form of existential angst - a nameless dread which occurs because he is poised precariously between the imaginary Oedipal triangle of mother-child-phallus relations and the symbolic Oedipal quadrangle of mother-child-phallus-symbolic father. In his intervention with Hans (largely because he felt that Graf's 'analysis' of his son was hindering his treatment and therefore failing), Freud enables the full installation of paternal law which enables him to overcome his phobia.

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Dream 282

'A New Home in Sheringham'
Dream date: 14 October 2014
I was in Sheringham and I was aware that I had a new home, which made me very excited. I saw the new house, which had large sloping red walls and looked quite Bohemian in style, although I cannot recall much about this place. EB - or a composite dream character of EB and another male known to me in real-life, but unidentified in the dream - was also living in this new home. I had some kind of interaction with him, but I cannot recall exactly what. 

I was then on the road in Sheringham on which my nan lives. I was aware that a fish and chip shop (Dave's) - which was located in the town centre, had now opened at the top of the road, near an area of town called 'Sunway Park'. There are actually two 'Dave's' in Sheringham, both of which sell fish and chips, amongst other things and are run by the same family - the original one which is down a side street and also 'Dave's Cafe' which was also known as 'Dave's 2' which was located in the centre of town, by the Town Clock and the main shops. It is actually Dave's 2/Dave's Cafe which appeared in my thoughts during the dream. This is the cafe where my family usually meet for morning coffee, although I think it has recently been sold on and renovated. I accepted this state of affairs - Dave's 2 being at the top of my nan's road and open late at night - as being normal. I was walking up to this shop and it was dark, with few street lights. I went into the shop and there were other (unfamiliar) people (customers) inside. I knelt down at the side of the counter(beside the window) and placed a sheet of A4 lined paper on the floor. Inside the paper (which had been folded in my pocket) was some cannabis wrapped in some clingfilm. I was aware that I had to take the cannabis to my nan who wanted it for herself. 

I was then back in my new home and EB was lounging on an orange sofa.

Behind my new house was a pub, which was run by my mum. It appeared to be a dream version of 'The Two Lifeboats' pub which my mum had been manager of during a large period of my real-life childhood. There was a clear glass bar in the corner of a room and I was supposed to be working. Some of the staff who had previously worked with my mum were present, as well as some (unfamiliar) customers. I noticed that there was a short, blonde (unfamiliar) woman behind the bar, but she was a customer and therefore not supposed to be there. I went round to behind the bar and saw that this woman was using one/two of the beer taps to pour bright red and yellow liquids into big clear glass cocktail pitchers. I told her she was not supposed to be doing this, as I was meant to be serving her. I wrested the cocktail pitchers away from her and sent her back to the area of the bar where customers were allowed to be. I started serving customers, pouring their drinks and using the till. My mum came through and told me that I was doing a bad job. She walked with me through the restaurant area and I saw one of her ex-employees who is a daughter of a friend of her's - who also worked in the pub. The daughter, KC, was working as a waitress. She walked past us, carrying plates of food. She seemed to be 7 foot tall in height, which I noticed as being odd.

I went back to my new home. There was some interaction with EB and other persons who were inside the house - I think these persons were people known to me in real-life and male. I cannot recall exactly who they were or what kind of interaction we had, but it was friendly and I felt happy


*Since this dream took place on my birthday and left me with a very positive feeling, I decided to do a stream of consciousness exercise. I concentrated on the imagery and emotions of the dream and used an automatic writing technique to write down all the thoughts that entered my mind, without editing them in any way. The following image is a photograph of the automatic writing/stream of consciousness exercise which I undertook:



*Later (same day), I made the following free associations while I was thinking about this dream:
Birthday - birth - life - ageing - death - terminated - ended - hell - red - warm - walls - womb - child - children - childish - immature - stupid - wrong - illegal - legalise - cannabis - marijuana - Mary Jane - Mary Jane's Fish & Chip Shop, Cromer - chips - chips and mayonnaise - Amsterdam - Holland - Dutch - Dutch lager - Oranjeboom - orange - Orangina - EB - fire - open fire - open bar - free alcohol - happy hour - time - time to change.


Tuesday, 14 October 2014

New Dream Technology

Recent reports of new technology, designed specifically to enable us to maximise our dreaming experience, suggest a new wave of gadgets will soon be available to the mass market. Cutting- edge scientific developments have increasingly been utilised by the health and fitness industries in modern times, but innovations in sleep/dream technology are especially exciting as this is an area of human experience which is rarely focused on by manufacturers. Apple have announced the launch of the iWatch, a device which measures heart rate and allegedly tracks sleep patterns, having been designed with the assistance of sleep researcher and former Philips scientist, Roy J E M Raymann. Rumours as to the precise functions of the iWatch are as yet unconfirmed, although some reports have suggested that the Healthbook app (thought to be released with iOS 8) will have a similar ability to monitor sleep patterns. Initial information about Apple's innovations into sleep technology will no doubt please their legion of advocates, as well as potentially tempting new fans who may have already experimented with sleep/dream technology available on the market, such as Fitbit Force or Nike FuelBand SE, although these latter products have been criticised for either producing inaccurate results in the case of the former, or only having  manual functionality in the case of the latter.

There has been growing interest in sleep monitoring, as evidenced by reviews of the Jawbone Up, a device which supposedly uses proprietary algorithms which enable it to communicate how well the user slept, based on movements differentiating between deep and REM sleep patterns and the stage of sleep during which the user awoke. Data collected by the Jawbone Up is synched with your smartphone via an ingenious app, and is presented in both daily charts and more complex graphs.By monitoring the quality and patterns of sleep, the user will be able to better understand and embrace their sleeping routine and discover when dreaming tends to occur, enabling more successful dream experimentation or exploration. 

It is unsurprisingly that devices and products aimed at improving the quality of our sleep are making their technological debut, and certainly the public interest in dreams has piqued with many more of us taking a more active interest in our dreaming. During the past few years, growing numbers of consumers have utilised digital innovations - particularly in smartphone form - to access and make sense of what happens to us during sleep. Thanks to the considerable advancements in technology we are now able to closely monitor the universal phenomenon of dreaming within our own homes at the mere touch of a button. The beauty of such products is the simplicity and ease at which they can be used - making sure the device is switched on is all that is required of the user - other than enjoying a sleep! New mobile tools for dream tracking, analysis and self-reflection are gaining evermore traction in mainstream society, allowing users to determine exactly how dreams influence our waking life.

Lucid dreaming is often a difficult, somewhat abstract concept for many to grasp, but this is changing, especially with new technologies which make lucid dreaming a reality for many more persons who might otherwise be uninterested in learning the time-consuming mental and psychical techniques traditionally used to harness this dreaming phenomenon. One particular example of new technology which enhances the lucid dreaming experience is the iWinks Aurora headband which supposedly allows users to access and control lucid dreaming in an unprecedented way, by prompting lucidity during sleep. The device is marketed as the 'dream-enhancing headband' and advertises digital features such as lights and sounds which are triggered during REM sleep to invoke lucidity in the user, as well as a smart alarm which enables better, healthier sleep. The Aurora headband measures brainwave and eye movement activity in the user, while tracking bodily movements to figure out when the user is in a dream state. Bluetooth technology is then used to transfer personal dream data to an accompanying mobile app, allowing the user to analyse sleep patterns over time. More excitingly, the online advertising blurb states that the user can set the Aurora headband to either produce 'daring dream-signs' for an immediate lucidity trigger, or softer alerts for a more subtle modulation of the dreamscape. The Aurora headband, although subject to extensive research, has not yet been made available to the mass market.

It is very possible that greater technological input into healthy sleep patterns will broaden the scope of research and develop into more niche areas, for example, making it possible for us to accurately monitor and interact with our dreams, discover and share their meanings and take greater advantage of them in our waking lives. The conversation of dreams will only continue and technological innovation will offer additional opportunities for us to explore dream trends and patterns on both a global and individual scale.


Dreaming Tips


Monday, 13 October 2014

Dream 281

'Dangerous Chemicals'
Dream date: 12 October 2014
I am not sure where this dream was set, although most of the scenes took place in a house and then a large public area which appeared to be either a train station or an airport. This was a really scary dream, bordering on a nightmare. Somehow I had become aware that a woman had been advocating the use of a product. The product looked like a cardboard box of incense/joss sticks, and when it was opened, inside was a long, thin, plastic (or similar) tube (like a neon glow stick) which contained some form of chemical or liquid. My friend LS (a trainee doctor in real-life) had been using this product, apparently rubbing it on his skin (in the tube, rather than taking the product out) to heal some wounds or ease pain. This was the intended use of the product. I saw LS rubbing the tube against an open wound on his upper arm. He did this everyday.

News broke (I am not sure how, I just became aware that it was now public knowledge) that the product caused an aggressive and 100% fatal form of cancer which attacked all of the organs of the body. The woman who had advocated the use of the product had died of brain and skin cancer. I then found out that LS had developed the cancer as a result of using the product. I saw LS in a hospital bed, and noticed that he did not look as ill as I expected, despite his diagnosis. LS then joined me in the large public space, which was either a train station or an airport. I was worried for him, as he was no longer receiving treatment for the cancer. I asked him if he was OK and he told me that he was still using the cancerous product instead of getting medical treatment and that he felt fine. He seemed to be in satisfactory health as he was able to walk around the train station/airport with me. This was a brightly lit area with many people gathered and some shops/retail areas. 

The scene changed and I was in a house, which was dimly lit and very cluttered. I was panicked because I remembered that someone had given me one of the cancerous tubes of chemicals and I had placed it somewhere. I was frantic to find it, given the risk to health. There was a closet in a bedroom, the bottom of which was stacked with old books. Another female was with me, but I could not see her, I was just aware of her presence behind me whilst I was rummaging around in the bottom of the closet. I found an old book which had the cardboard packaging of the tube still intact and placed in the centre of the pages. I didn't want to touch the tube, but had to do so to remove it from my closet. I felt very scared and apprehensive, but managed to take the box and put it in the rubbish. 

In the same room, I was then sat around a small coffee table on some sofas, joined by a group of unfamiliar people and one young woman with brown shoulder-length hair (unknown to me in real-life and the dream) in particular who was talking to the group. She said that the chemical in the tubes tasted like vodka and split one open, drinking the contents. I felt intensely afraid that the chemical was being released from the tube in my presence and even being drank by someone who was aware that it could cause cancers in all organs. I wanted to get away from the group of people, especially the woman drinking the chemical. 

I saw LS, again in a hospital bed, covered in lesions all over his skin. He had a thermometer in his mouth. 

An introduction to dream characters

Dream characters (often abbreviated as 'DC') are the characters - human or animal - which appear in a dream. Some theories of dream interpretation suggest that dream characters always represent an aspect of the dreamer's self. Dream characters often take on the persona of someone known to the dreamer, such as family members, friends, pets or celebrities, although their characteristics, mannerisms, behaviour and actions may mirror those of the dreamer rather than the actual person on whom the dream character is based. Dream characters therefore, are visual manifestations of the dreamer's personality, although the characteristics of the dream character is likely to be influenced strongly by the dreamer's waking experiences of their real-life counterparts, although it is common for dream characters to exhibit odd behaviours or thwart the dreamer's attempts to engage meaningfully with them. Dream characters may therefore be seen as a form of 'dream sign'. One of the most interesting phenomenons I have experienced - and read about from the dream records of others - is the response of dream characters when confronted by lucid dreamers who question the existence of the dream character outside of the dream. When a dream character is informed that they are a fabrication, created in the dream and therefore under the control of the dreamer's mind, there is a tendency for the dream character to become hostile and defensive at the prospect. Dream characters may demonstrate extreme traits - high intelligence or immense ignorance - depending on the purpose they serve within the dream. Often, when in dialogue with dream characters, the dreamer finds the conversation to be nonsensical, incoherent or frustrating. 

Dream characters often represent a quest for identity or self-acceptance. When a familiar person appears in a dream, it can be interpreted as compensating for qualities the dreamer lacks, or as a reflection upon past experiences. The dream character may also reflect disparate parts of the dreamer's identity which are yet to be integrated as a whole.


Often in dreams, the dreamer experiences a dream character whose presence can be detected, but whom is invisible - usually positioned beside or close by the dreamer, but just outside their range of vision. Some interpretations suggest that these illusive, unseen dream characters represent the dreamer's intuition or a secret aspect of their personality or identity which is not usually revealed to the waking world. It is common that these types of dream characters act as a 'guide' for the dreamer and thus perform the role of 'spiritual guide'.


Family members are important dream characters as they are typically the persons with whom the dreamer is closest to in their waking lives. In many dreams, the dreamer is able to witness interactions with their family member dream characters which reflects attitudes, conflicts or feelings. Family member dream characters also reveal the values and emotions which influence the dreamer's notions of self-worth. Dreams involving family member dream characters are likely to reveal how patterns created by familial relationships still influence the feelings and choices of the dreamer. Dream character fathers tend to represent patriarchy, masculinity and the self within the wider world, whilst dream character mothers represent femininity, emotions and nurturing qualities. Siblings - with whom the dreamer shares common experiences typically represent how the dreamer has coped with domestic dysfunction, or childhood wounds which still have some foothold in the dreamer's psyche. A study by Paul & Schredl, 'Male-female Ratio in Waking Life Contacts and Dream Characters' (2012) International Journal of Dream Research 5(2) tested the hypothesis that there is discrepancy between gender ratios in the dreams of males and females, with males more likely to dream of other males and females showing no such difference. The authors found that other variables, such as relationship status, were likely to affect results.


Dream character enemies (or 'hostile dream characters') represent the fears of the dreamer. In Dream Theory,they are referred to as 'Shadows' - a repressed or denied aspect of the self which exists in the subconscious mind, threatening the dreamer's psychic well-being or balance. The dreamer is being forced to confront their 'Shadow' within the dream in order to achieve fulfilment or resolve some form of repressed internal conflict. Some dream characters appear as a 'Lover Archetype', which Dream Theory suggests is a composite of traits and qualities of a 'complement' - i.e. a reflection of the dreamer's other side - masculinity or femininity - and represents a unity of person. 


Minor dream characters may also be important in terms of the messages they convey to the dreamer, which may be through some form of action or enactment, accompanying object or dress. Many minor dream characters are actually archetypes which symbolise an inherent psychological trait or imprinted characteristic of the dreamer. 


Dream theorists often refer to integration - the process by which the dreamer (consciously within a lucid dream, or subconsciously in a normal dream state) 'integrates' or merges with another dream character (or object). Below is an example of integration during a lucid dream, recorded by Ralph Penderak of Badendorf, Germany:


I'm in the fields on the back of my house. I'm jumping backwards, and the jumps are getting longer and longer. How is that? I must be dreaming! Everything fades to grey, like so often in the moment that I become lucid. This time I won't give in to physical awaking so easily, but I start singing and dancing, with slowly rotating turns around my axis. After a few seconds I see my son and my dog (a Dalmatian) standing by a small tree. At first I don't want to go there, but then I realize that this is a good chance for interaction. I remember that mostly everybody just disappears from dream scene once I become lucid. So, I go there and start playing with my dog, at first orbiting each other slowly, then faster and faster, until we are one whirl with no more borders between us. We melt into each other in ecstasy. When we calm down, I see my skin is now white fur with black dots. I awake physically. Ecstasy lingers and makes my day.


Although dream characters typically represent an element of the dreamer's personality, some may be more ready and willing to integrate themselves or merge with the dreamer than others. This may be a sign to the dreamer that they are (or should be) incorporating the traits of the dream character into their waking lives. For example, integrating with an athlete may be a sign that the dreamer should be, or is, integrating physical fitness into their lives, while integrating with an artist may refer to the need to embrace creativity or imagination. Dreams may therefore be perceived as an opportunity to unite fragmented personality traits into a whole, or take on characteristics and qualities which are not presently incorporated. Paul Tholey (1937 - 1998), the German Gestalt psychologist, argued that his Conciliatory Method could be used to unify himself with his dream characters, thereby transforming them from 'lower order' to 'higher order' creatures and enabling him to make greater sense of the dream experience. Tholey described the experience as in the following way:


I became lucid, while being chased by a tiger, and wanted to flee. I then pulled myself back together, stood my ground, and asked, 'Who are you?' The tiger was taken aback but transformed into my father and answered, "I am your father and will now tell you what you are to do!"In contrast to my earlier dreams, I did not attempt to beat him but tried to get involved in a dialogue with him. I told him that he could not order me around. I rejected his threats and insults. On the other hand, I had to admit that some of my father's criticism was justified, and I decided to change my behavior accordingly. At that moment my father became friendly, and we shook hands. I asked him if he could help me, and he encouraged me to go my own way alone. My father then seemed to slip into my own body, and I remained alone in the dream.


The counterpoint to integration of dream characters is 'disintegration' which has negative, detrimental connotations, associated with fragmentation and weakening of the person. This may not be the case - maybe the trait linked with the dream character is less than positive or healthy, and therefore disintegration represents the shedding of adverse characteristics or behaviours, for the benefit of the dreamer. The splitting off of the negative trait might present itself to the dreamer as a separate dream character who emerges from nowhere - as if they divorced themselves from the dreamer's body, becoming an entity in their own right. 


Dream researchers concentrating on the topic of dream characters question whether dream characters have their own consciousness. In one study conducted by P Tholey, Consciousness and Abilities of Dream Characters Observed During Lucid Dreaming' (1989) Perceptual & Motor Skills 68(2), 567 - 578, nine male lucid dreamers were asked to set specific tasks (write/draw, identify unknown words, make rhymes or do arithmetic) for dream characters 'met' during a lucid dream. Performance of the tasks by lucid dream characters was successful, although their skill at solving arithmetic problems was found to be poor. Tholey's study did not contradict the assumption that dream characters have their own form of consciousness in a specific sense and the author was able to conclude that dreamers should attempt to communicate with their dream characters as if they were rational beings. The mathematical ability of dream characters was further explored in a study by Stumbrys, Erlacher & Schmidt, 'Lucid Dream Mathematics: An Explorative Online Study of Arithmetic Abilities of Dream Characters (2011) International Journal of Dream Research 4(1) in which it was found that dream characters tend to be extremely poor at mathematics with only a third of answers being correct and more chance of the dream character correctly performing multiplication and division sums as opposed to addition or subtraction. Male dream characters in male dreamers' experiences were found to possess better arithmetic skills, showing a significant gender difference. The consciousness of dream characters has been the subject of discrete areas of dream research, and forms a distinct and complex topic of study in itself. I will write a separate article exploring this concept at a later stage, in addition to further pieces on dream characters and lucid dreaming.

Dream 280

'Ketamine'
Dream date: 12 October 2014
I was in a living-room which looked like the former house of my ex-boyfriend MT. The room was brightly lit and there were people sitting on the chairs and sofas. I did not recognise them and could not see their faces clearly. I was aware that someone had spiked me with the drug ketamine. All the lights in the room were swirly and I was hallucinating. I could see big purple spirals or crosses superimposed over the eyes of the people seated around the room, who were also under the influence of ketamine. They were all pulling strange facial expressions. I felt out of control and scared of the experience and tried to fight it. I thought: 'This isn't what I imagined a dissociative drug to feel like, it's more like an acid trip!' I woke up.

Dreams 274 - 279

Dream 274
'Hannibal Lecter Day Trip'
Dream date: 2 September 2014
I was in a strange city - it was very dark and eery, with old-fashioned buildings which were dark brown and made of wood and falling into disrepair. I was with Hannibal Lecter (click on link for Wikipedia page giving information on this fictional serial killer) and a brother and sister (unknown to me in real-life, but I was familiar with them in the dream - the male was reminiscent of two males I know. He was of medium to tall height with black hair. His 'sister' looked like a female version of him). Lecter was depicted as the NBC TV show version of him, played by Mads Mikkelsen. During one scene we were all sitting in my nan's living-room, on the sofa. I knew Lecter was a serial killer, but was not afraid of him. He seemed to be a benign individual, not intent on harming either myself or the brother and sister dream characters. We were then walking around the dead city. Many of the tall wooden buildings were boarded up and covered in layers of peeling posters and flyers. It was night time and Lecter kept telling us to look up into the windows of certain buildings, where there were people inside, apparently doing strange things which were intriguing him. He wanted to educate us about these people and I realised that Lecter was our teacher. I did not want to look into the windows of the buildings as I felt that I might see something gruesome which I did not want to look at. Lecter pointed out that some of the posters on the dilapidated buildings were revealing (in words or images, I cannot recall actually looking at them closely) the fact that the brother had performed a sexual act on his own sister. I did not get the reaction of the brother and sister to the posters which were disclosing their secret to the public. Lecter was laughing. He kept trying to get us to all look up into the windows of the decrepit buildings. I could see that one of them was a second-hand music shop with several persons (male, unknown) seated in the window. Suddenly I decided I wanted to cross the road and walk away from Lecter. I approached a green hedge which was lining the pavement on the other side of the road, opposite the music shop. In the hedge, the brother and sister were engaged in sexual intercourse. I felt shocked, but realised that Lecter had been playing some kind of trick on them - making them look up into the windows had been a way of encouraging them to have incestuous sex with one another, and he had completed his goal. He was laughing at the fact he had managed to control the minds of the brother and sister - the posters had pre-empted their sexual relationship and somehow managed to subliminally implant the idea/desire in their minds. I felt relieved that Lecter had not tried to control me or mess with my head.


Dream 275
'Three Thefts'
Dream date: 22 September 2014
I was in a strange urban area at night. The houses were all very tall and residential. I was with an unknown male, who resembled PS and may have been him, but wasn't quite the same. In the dream we were friends. We were outside one house in particular, this being on the corner of a busy junction. I could see shops across the road, which was wide and busy with traffic. It seemed to me that we were in an unfamiliar, yet familiar-feeling area of London. The house that we were standing outside had been broken up into several apartments/flats. It was a big brick building, with steps up to the front door, but also a flat which had basement access and a window on pavement level, with a sash window which was partially open. In front of the pavement-level flat was a small concrete square, with a short wall (about half a metre tall) on one side, separating it from the pavement. The male and I were standing on this concrete square. I noticed that there was a music stereo on the windowsill of the basement flat. I took it and brought it outside and was fiddling with the cables at the back, trying to tidy them, so it was easier to carry the stereo. The male was telling me to hurry. Another male and female arrived. Both of these persons were unknown to me, but I knew they were the inhabitants of the flat from which I had taken the stereo. The male accused me of theft. I said that I had not stolen anything as I had not left the property with the item yet. I was still on their premises. The male told me that the police were on their way. Suddenly, a police car with loud sirens and flashing blue lights drove down the street. I was turning on the spot, looking at the city around me and realised that the police car wasn't there for me - it had stopped several houses down the street to deal with an incident there. I told the girl: 'The police aren't here for me!' and started to run off, round the corner of the house, down a different residential street. The boy told his girlfriend to catch and stop me so that he could get the police to arrest me. She was trying to run in front of me to block my escape. I had left the stereo on the concrete front of the house so could not understand why she was so keen to stop me getting away as I no longer had possession of her stereo. I managed to get away from the girl.

The scene changed and I was in Sheringham, in a very small shop with an unfamiliar male - middle-aged, fat and white, with a balding head - known to me vaguely in the dream. The shop was practically empty - I am not sure what it was selling or what service it was providing, but I got the impression it was something to do with computers or technology although there were no customers or stock present. The door of the shop was open and I could see Sheringham high street, which appeared to be sunny and bright. I asked the male shopkeeper if he had any new items for me. He said that he did and handed me a small metal lock-up safe box, which I opened, leaning on a metal filing cabinet. Inside were lots of weird metal keys, keyrings or items of a similar size, all different and seemingly second-hand or old. They looked scuffed up and pre-used in some way. I started to sort through these items, when the police entered the shop, telling me that I was under arrest for theft. It transpired that these items were stolen by the shopkeeper. I told the police (two or three male officers in full uniform) that I could not be arrested for theft because I had not stolen anything within the definition of the offence (ss. 1 - 6 Theft Act 1968). I told them that I had not dishonestly appropriate property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving them of it, because I had not yet appropriated or deprived anyone of anything. I cited (correctly!) the case of R v Ghosh [1982] EWCA Crim 2, which is the English common law test for dishonesty and deception. I then told them that the closest charge they could pin on me was handling stolen goods. Somehow I managed to get away with this, and was able to leave the shop.

I then returned to my nan's house, where I discovered that my laptop and mobile phone had been stolen. I remembered that I had a friend who was a heroin addict (a dream character, male and slightly older than me, with shaggy grey-brown hair and a beard, tall and skinny) who I had allowed to stay in my house while I had gone out. I thought that it was odd that he had stolen from me, and decided to find him and speak to him about this. In the 'back room' (the second living-room in my nan's house, which looks out onto the back garden) there was a group of drug addicts sitting around, taking drugs. I noticed that my purse was on the table, but hadn't been stolen. I was then walking down a very strange path which was between some buildings. It looked like a bomb site, with rubble everywhere and furniture set out on the path, which was more like a dirt track. There were little fires blazing in rubbish bins and people sat around them on deck chairs. The sky was grey, but the buildings were so tall on either side, they may have been blocking out the light as I thought it was still daytime. The heroin addict 'friend' was there, in the centre of the path, standing beside a bin on fire. I asked him if he had stolen my laptop and phone and he apologised and told me that it was his girlfriend, another heroin addict, who had visited him at my nan's house. He assured me that he would find her and return my stolen items. I was annoyed, but accepted his promise. I went back to my nan's house. Various family members were all gathered there and we were looking out of the back room window into the garden, which was sunny. I started arguing with my mum over something and the situation grew very hostile, with both of us screaming. I am not sure what we were arguing over, but I told her that I was converting to Islam and had to find a hijab. I noticed that there were two gift-wrapped items under a table which was situated in front of the window - these 'gifts' were a laptop and a mobile phone. I went into the living-room and started watching the TV. A programme was showing, which featured home-movies sent in by viewers - the theme was mutilating drug users - the videos were of different techniques of torturing and murdering addicts which had been filmed on mobile phones. The tortured addicts looked like grey zombies. The voice-over of the presenter of the show informed us that there would be a new kind of torture shown on the  next episode. He had a joky, satirical tone and it seemed like this show was a form of light entertainment rather than horror, even though it was very gory and sinister. I then saw that my heroin addict friend was a victim of the show - someone had killed him and filmed it. I felt annoyed and wondered how he would not return my stolen items, but then realised that there was no need because someone had bought me new ones, gift-wrapped in the other room. I was holding my purse.


Dream 276
'Two Dream Sequences about N the Dog'
Dream date: 27 September 2014
I had two separate dream sequences about N the dog.

In the first one, N was in a garden (unfamiliar, but supposedly my home, where I lived with my mum and stepdad). We were trying to call N back into the house, from the doorway of the kitchen, but he was not coming and we could not see him. My stepdad went outside to find N. It appeared that N was a composite of himself and my (dead) family dog, Kelli. We were all panicked about why we could not find N or get him back into the house. My stepdad came back into the kitchen, crying. He said N was dead or missing. We were all distraught. A long passage of time passed and N returned - he had been missing for years.

I was standing in a similar location - a kitchen with a back door leading into the garden. N was in the garden and I saw that there was also a wild bear. I was frantically calling to N to get him back into the kitchen to safety so I could lock the bear out of the house. I managed to get N to come to the door, but he was attacked by the bear.

Dream 277
'Sex in Toilet Cubicle'
Dream date: 30 September 2014
I was supposed to be spending time with my friend, SC. I entered a public washroom, where there were many people gathered, all of whom were university students or friends of mine. The lights in the washroom were really bright and there were white tiled walls and floor. I could see that two people were in one of the toilet cubicles, as I could see two sets of feet under the door of the stall. These people were SC and SK - with their trousers pulled down and round their ankles. They were having sex in the toilet - standing up facing each other from the position of their feet. I felt embarrassed to be looking, so left the washroom. This is all I recall about the dream. 

Dream 278
'Granddad Rape'
Dream date: 10 October 2014
I was at my nan's house and my granddad was there, although I am not sure if it was my actual (dead) grandfather (who had been divorced from my nan many years before his death) or just a dream character whom I knew to be my granddad. Other members of my family, including my mum, were present and we were in the living-room of the house, during the day. I had a sense of threat and fear. My granddad picked me up and put me over his shoulder, in a fireman's lift position. He ran up the stairs, with the rest of my family members behind him, shouting at him to stop. I was screaming and kicking, trying to get him to put me down. He ran up the stairs very quickly, and took me into my bedroom. I saw his penis and then he raped me. I felt completely violated, a normal reaction to the horrific ordeal which I had just undergone. My granddad was laughing. I saw that he had a tattoo on his penis in black ink - a basic tribal symbol. The same tattoo was on my left wrist (underneath) and on the picture of a tiger, hanging on my bedroom wall. I felt scarred by the tattoo and the rape. I cannot recall what else happened, although there was a backpack/bag which held some significance. 

Dream 279
'Emoji Teeth'
Dream date: 11 October 2014
One of my teeth fell out - it was larger than a normal tooth and completely cuboid in shape - about three times bigger than a normal tooth. It was one of my molars. I examined the tooth in my hand, looking for signs of decay which might have led to it falling out. I could not see any rot or decay, but the tooth was covered with a  variety of colourful emojis - all very Japanese-looking. I was then shown a piece of paper, which was supposed to show me the calculations for a sum which added up to '64' - I could not see the numbers or the calculation, only the word 'Shashouska'. I wondered how the person (unknown, unseen) who had worked out the arithmetic had done so with this strange word, rather than numbers. I then realised that 'Shashouska' meant '64', but had been spelled wrongly - with lots of letter 'B's in it. I thought the author of the document was slightly stupid. I was given a clear plastic bag of vegetables, which I was expecting to be carrots and onions. I could see the carrots through the plastic wrapper, and feel the round shape of onions, but as I felt the bag, and moved the vegetables around in my hand, I noticed that the bag was actually filled with Brussels' sprouts.

* I have never consciously heard the word 'Shashouska' before. However I have now researched it. It appears that Shashouska, 'shaksouka' or 'Shashuska' (various spellings online) is a Middle Eastern or North African dish of poached eggs in a spiced tomato sauce. I have seen a similar dish, but did not know what this was called and would not have thought it might be called Shashouska, as the word was totally unfamiliar to me. The second entry on Google is from a website named the 'Jakarta Post' - two days before this dream, I had been playing a board game with international students and when questioning the answer to what the capital of the Philippines is (Manila) I has asked whether it was 'Jakarta' (the capital of Indonesia). This seems to be a very strange coincidence. The week before, I had watched Masterchef Australia (an old series, streamed online) in which one of the contestants made a baked egg in a spicy tomato sauce as a breakfast dish in a challenge - however, the dish was not referred to as 'Shashouska' or given any kind of name, it was simply described as 'baked eggs'. I dislike eggs very much and can only eat them when they are disguised in food or used as an ingredient without a distinct flavour or smell of their own.