Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Dream 794

'My Love Rival'
Date: 14 March 2017
Time: 05:00 - 07:30 (I woke up from this dream naturally)
Type of dream: Vivid dream
Dream recall: Strong recall

Scene 1: My Bedroom in my Nan's House, Sheringham - Night
I was in my bedroom in my Nan's house, Sheringham, accompanied by some dream characters. Some were my family members (my Mum and Nan etc) and others were friends, some from my current life and some from my high school days. I cannot specifically recall who all of the dream characters were, but where their identity was apparent to me, I will state. 

There was some kind of party or night out happening - and I was supposed to be getting ready for this, but I was stalling. I was sitting on the floor of the room, eating some coffee-flavoured cake. Dream characters, including my Mum, were trying to encourage me to get dressed and put on my makeup for the night out so that I would not be late, but I was taking an extra long time because I wanted to get 'drunk and high' before I went out. I was aware that it was already 23:00 hours, and therefore very late to be getting ready. I decided to put on my makeup - I poured liquid foundation onto a naan bread. It looked like butter. I was going to use the naan bread to apply my makeup and I wondered if I had poured out too much. 

I eventually got ready and was about to go to the party.

Scene 2: The Party - Night
The party was in a house and attended by a number of real life persons - including some of my colleagues from my job at university (JML) and some girls from my high school (SRFH and KW) amongst other people known to me at various points in my life. Everyone seemed to know each other. 'No.1' was there (someone whose identity I am not even willing to hint at, although he may have been mentioned elsewhere on this Blog, using identifying initials; I do not disclose the identity of people I have actually had sexual contact with unless we were in a confirmed relationship - i.e. an ex-boyfriend). I wanted to be with 'No.1', but was also aware that BSG was present - this is a female who I had randomly seen on Facebook that day, not someone I actually know. I was not happy to see BSG, because I thought she and No.1 were together and I was jealous and annoyed. I could not get to No.1 to talk to him, despite the fact that in real life, this would be no problem and I would be able to approach him easily. 

I was anxious and fretting about the presence of my love rival. I thought I was more attractive than her (she was fatter than me, but less curvy and dressed in 'emo'-style clothing and I wondered if No.1 liked this look rather than the style of clothing I was wearing (I was wearing a white top and skirt, although I used to dress very alternatively, like BSG in the dream - and I dress very casually in real life now). BSG was wearing a black T-shirt, baggy jeans and a studded belt, with a key chain. I began questioning why BSG was at the party and was told by a dream character that she was the ex-girlfriend of No.1 - they had dated in 2014. I did some mental calculations and said: 'Well he was asking me to send him nude photographs at that time, so he was cheating on her with me'. I felt slightly vindicated - that No.1 had still wanted sexual contact with me, even when in a relationship with someone else, but also angry at the fact No.1 had not informed me that he had been in a relationship with BSG at the time, and in fact told me he 'didn't want a girlfriend'. I wondered how they had even mt each other. I kept thinking: 'He must have found me sexier than her to be asking me for nudes during their secret relationship'. I was planning to confront him about this and try to convince him that I was the person who could make him happy, but decided not to because I did not want to be rejected and I also did not want to stress him out. I continued to be annoyed at BSG's presence and the fact she seemed to know all of my friends as well as being close to No.1. 

MCL, a friend from Norwich who is at my university, sat next to me - I was sitting on a sofa, watching No.1 and BSG and a number of other dream characters who were standing a short distance away. The room had low lighting and everyone was drinking and having fun. I noticed that MCL had a lot of tattoos and wondered why I had never noticed this before. MCL was aware that I was feeling jealous about the situation and leapt forward, kissing me open-mouthed, forcing his tongue down my throat in a way which made me wretch. I am not a fan of kissing. To my knowledge I have never kissed No.1 and I did not wish for him to see me kissing another man. I said: 'This isn't what I want!' but at that moment I would do anything for No.1 to kiss me.

Scene 3: Unthank Road, Norwich - Day
I then found that myself and the party guests were on a bus on Unthank Road, Norwich - at the bus stop beside the shops on the route which heads from the city towards the University. It was a sunny day. I am not sure where we were going, but the party was continuing on the bus. I saw BSG and another male - who was apparently her new boyfriend (who I had not noticed until this moment) get off the bus. I was relieved that she was going - I thought maybe I could speak to No.1 on my own now. A moment later, BSG and her boyfriend boarded the bus again, and sat down on the seat in front of me. This really angered me! I noticed that BGS had changed in appearance and wondered how she had done this in a matter of minutes. She seemed fatter, had shorter, lighter hair and more freckles on her face. I thought she seemed even less attractive than she had before she got off the bus, and was pleased at this. I thought: 'No.1 won't fancy her looking like that'. She was still dressed in the emo-style clothing (as was her boyfriend) but she now had a backpack covered in patches, badges and keyring toys. 

I cannot recall what else happened in this dream.

Extra Information: 
None of note

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • My Mum and other family members as dream characters
  • Eating cake
  • A female rival
  • Unthank Road, Norwich as a dream scene location

  • The situation in the dream was a dreamscene - that these persons from my real life - and online life - were all known to each other and the general narrative of the dream were clear dreamsigns
  • I was going to apply makeup with a naan bread!
  • BSG changed in a matter of moments, which I actually noticed in the dream

Day Residue: 
  • I had seen a naan bread in the fridge in my house a couple of days before this dream
  • On the day of this dream I had seen an online article about food-scented makeup, which was illustrated by an image of a woman drinking foundation
  • I had seen online that one of my ex-boyfriends was to be married soon. I mentioned to ML that this ex-boyfriend had contacted me last year - which would have been during the current relationship he is now in. I also referred to how PS had contacted me while being with a new partner - so there is a theme in my life of my ex-boyfriends still wanting contact with me (and sometimes asking for sexual contact or nude photographs) while with other women - I had referred to the situation with PS in my previous dream - Dream 793 - 'Chris Morris & Ex-Boyfriends' (Lucid Dream)
  • On the day of this dream I had seen a photograph of a female (not known to me) online - who appeared in this dream
  • I had been discussing emo fashion with ML shortly before this dream
  • I like to take nude photographs of myself - it is all the better when I have a male recipient!
  • On the day of this dream I saw JML (both in person, having brief conversation with him; and posting online)
  • A few days before this dream I had an online conversation with a Facebook friend about my dislike of kissing

Waking Reactions: 
This dream was so vivid! The feelings of jealousy and annoyance were very strong here! There seems to be a lot of Day Residue influence - woven into the narrative in complex ways. I did enjoy this dream, although I did not enjoy the emotions I was experiencing during it. It confirms a lot of real life feelings I have about being single but unwilling to date random men because I (1) can't be bothered to get to know knew people; (2) am hopelessly attracted to people with whom a relationship would not be possible - I just want a regular sideman/link for sex and friendship over and above a relationship; (3) I have had disasters every time I have tried to meet 'new' men. I don't really feel jealousy towards other women nowadays - there is no need and in any event I try to avoid all pointless negative emotions by acknowledging them, analysing why I feel like that and then mentally fighting the urge to succumb to them. I want to be a robot with no emotions who can think and act rationally at all times; feeling love or negative emotions towards other people makes me feel weakened and vulnerable and I refuse to allow that to distract or unbalance me anymore. I am not pleased that I was so judgmental (and superior) with regards to another woman's physical appearance - I am also trying to work hard to not do this, even mentally, as it is an ugly trait.

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