Sunday, 7 December 2014

7 Day Dream Incubation Experiment - Marilyn Monroe Dream (4)

Dream 8 - Friday 28 November 2014

I was laying in my bed in my home in Norwich and I was aware that I was a foetus. It worried me. I could only see my arm on top of the duvet, which was bright pink and transparent, with blue veins running through it. My mum entered the room and I slowly began to grow and solidify into an adult.

I was then at my nan's house in Sheringham - she was there, as was PS and DL. PS had to leave. As he got into his car, I went outside the house to see him off. It was daylight, but cloudy. PS said: 'I'm so tired' and indicated that he wanted to stay, but I told him that he had a long drive ahead of him and he should go.

I went back into the house and started performing squat exercises. DL presented me with a late birthday present, which was a new digital video camera. I was excited with this gift.
  • Timing: After WBTB, during the last stage of a  hour sleep
  • Lucidity: NO

Dream 9 - Saturday 29 November 2014

'Bad Holiday in France'
I was on holiday in France, with DL. We were staying in a posh hotel. One of the other guests - a woman, who I did not see in the dream - had made a complaint about me. She had written it down in a letter which was handed to me, but I cannot recall who by. The letter said that I 'screeched all night'. I denied this, saying I had been asleep all night and the bed had been uncomfortable. When I looked at the woman's handwritten letter again, it was written entirely in emojis, which I found odd in the dream, but I did not become lucid, as I should have.

DL and I were then eating breakfast or brunch in the hotel restaurant. A large, oblong pyrex dish was delivered to the table and placed on my right side. In it was a partially eaten dessert - a thick chocolate mousse with cream on top. It looked delicious, but I sent it back to the waiter because I was aware that the woman who had made the complaint about me had ordered it for me, then eaten some, making sure it would be me who paid for it on my bill. I told the waiter that the dessert was not for me and I would not pay. 

I was then dancing down one of the hotel corridors. 
  • Timing: After WBTB, during the last stage of a 7.5 hour sleep
  • Lucidity: NO
Again, France or 'French' is a dream theme which has been recurrent throughout this experiment. I perceived the 'screeching all night' to be a reference to sounds of sexual pleasure, and the denial that I made relating to the fact I had not have sexual intercourse, but was being implicitly blamed for it by the female hotel guest. Hotels tend to relate to a shift in identity or a new state of being/mind - the self is in transition and the dreamer needs to move away from the past. It may also be a sign of a 'loss of identity' and indeed, before this dream I had had a waking conversation where I told DL and BG (separately) that I feared I had no firm identity any more and did not know who I was under the surface. Desserts relate to temptation, celebration and pleasure, yet in the dream I did not accept the half-eaten dessert which was delivered to my table as a form of strategic harassment or with a hateful motive (by the female guest) - I perceived the half-eaten chocolate dessert to relate to the word 'desert' and the concept of abandonment. The letter which was given to me by the female guest may be a message from my subconscious, but in the dream, although I was able to read the letter, I could see that it was not written in my language, but instead in a form of visual symbolism (emojis). Imagery is the language of the subconscious mind in the dream state, so I wonder if this is how I should interpret this aspect of the dream.

Dream 10 - Sunday 30 November 2014

'French Homework'
I was feeding special biscuits (chocolate, but in the dream they were 'special') to a female who was a composite of my cousin, HM, and JG. While I was feeding HM/JG, I was hugging her and talking to her like she was a baby, although I cannot recall what I was saying.

I was then with some other persons - I think they were pupils from my old high school. We were in a dark room, sitting at a long, high desk. We had a forthcoming  French exam and had to revise. I was aware that I was very unprepared and needed to revise the entire year's worth of work. I opened a ringbinder file and saw that there were hundreds of pages of notes - many of which were written in green biro. When I tried to turn the pages to get to the front of the bundle, I found that the ring binder was stuck and the pages wouldn't turn. I could not access the majority of my notes. I felt frustrated and sure that I would fail the exam because I could not revise.
  • Timing: After WBTB, during the last stage of a 7 hour sleep
  • Lucidity: NO
Here is another example of France/French as a recurrent dream theme, as well as chocolate biscuits, which appeared in an earlier dream as well. The composite dream character of HM/JG may be a linking of my family (HM) with PS (JG) - both girls are younger than me - HM fractionally, and JG by many years. In the dream, I was treating this dream character as a baby, perhaps asserting my own maturity (as the older, caring person, feeding the younger girl) or maintaining my own youthfulness, by making them appear even younger. Homework relates to lessons you have learnt or are learning. However, I was unable to study/revise, so this may be an indication that I cannot or will not learn from past lessons. I certainly experienced anxiety about my abilities and performance and the fact that I was learning a foreign language may indicate that I am unable to comprehend how to use the lessons I have learnt because I don't understand how to apply them to my life. 

Dream 11 - Monday 1 November 2014

'Ethiopian Vodka'
I was in a strange house with PS. The house was very long and narrow and dimly lit, with an open-plan kitchen/dining area. There were high tables with stools to sit on against the walls. PS was telling me that I better leave because his new girlfriend would be coming round soon. I was refusing to go, but PS wasn't forcing me and seemed to be enjoying my company regardless. I kept walking up and down the long strip of linoleum in the kitchen, and dancing, clapping my hands.

PS and I sat at one of the high tables. A young black female with short hair (a dream character) came into the room and said she was going to get us all some vodka. She returned with a bottle of vodka which was called: 'Ethiopian Vodka'. I said I didn't know Ethiopia was a producer of vodka, and the girl told me that it was a speciality. This is all that I can recall about the dream, although my overriding feeling was that I was staying somewhere and asserting my will when I really should have left.
  • Timing: After WBTB, during the last stage of a 6.5 hour sleep
  • Lucidity: NO
I know exactly what this dream was telling me. It is because my subconscious knows more than my waking brain will let me see sometimes. Basically, I knew PS was seeing someone in real life. I am not sure how I knew, but there was an indication somewhere and my subconscious held onto that information and presented it to me in this dream. I had a conversation with PS a few days after this dream and he confirmed that it was true. My first fear was that I will never see N the dog again, and this made me sad. I also felt abandoned, although I do not have a legitimate reason for feeling so in the circumstances. This dream was telling me that I am clinging on to my past and refusing to let go and live in the present or look to the future, and this is having an impact on me. In the dream, I knew PS would let me get away with what I wanted, if only so as not to have to confront the situation and enter a conflict. I was asserting myself and testing my personal strength by refusing to bow down to the needs or desires of others and maintaining my precarious position to the detriment of others. Alcohol can relate to either celebration and satisfaction or escapism and anxiety. I think this dream was both a reflection of my futile tenacity and worries about moving on in life. The alcohol may have been brought to 'numb' my pain and offer escape, or it may have another meaning.

Dream 12 - Tuesday 2 November 2014

'Used Condoms'
I was in my nan's house in Sheringham, sitting on the floor in front of the sofa. I turned to see that my dog, Kelli (now dead) was sitting on the floor in the gap between the edge of the sofa and the armchair. She had a used condom in her mouth, which I was repulsed by. I called for someone to come and remove it (instead of doing it myself) and found we had a cleaner, who was a gay older man (I have a real life cleaner at my university home in Norwich, who is a lovely gay older man with whom I often sit and have long chats with). The dream character was about my height (so fairly short), with black hair (like my actual cleaner), but wore huge gold doorknocker earrings. He took the used condom from the dog's mouth and took it through to the kitchen, with me following. He went to drop it into the sink, but my mum was in the way, washing up. 

I then found myself in my former home in Sheringham (Pine Grove) where I was on the landing, outside my mum and stepdad's bedroom, where Kelli's bed used to be (so she could sleep there, or go into my parent's room during the night). I sat in her dog bed, hugging her (like I used to when I was young) and found we had both her and a male dog, who was also a German Shepherd breed, but pure white with piercing blue eyes.

There was some interaction with my mum - we were watching a very complex video about something (which I cannot recall). There were people moving in a strange way and the video was mainly blue in colour. These are the only details I recall about it. 

I then had a false awakening, and found myself in my own bed in Norwich. Everything looked and felt completely normal, so I performed a reality check to make sure, and found that my hand went through the palm of my other one. I got out of bed and left my room - everything still looked completely as it should in real life. I began walking down the stairs in the dark, thinking to myself that Marilyn Monroe would be at the bottom and I could finally meet her and have a successful Dream Incubation Experiment. I tried to stabilise my dream by shaking my hands. I called out: 'Marilyn?' and heard her answer in a soft voice: 'I'm down here'. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, my lounge/kitchen was now a huge grey hallway with many doors coming off it. I didn't know where Marilyn was, and the disappointment made me wake up.
  • Timing: After WBTB, during the last stage of a 7 hour sleep
  • Lucidity: YES
Dogs have been a recurrent theme during my experiment, and have been analysed elsewhere. I think the gay male dream character in this dream is a result of daily residue - as mentioned above, my actual cleaner is a gay man and therefore, this may explain why this element of the dream occurred. A condom is assumed to symbolise sexuality - either anxieties or frustrations. In this dream, the condom was used, but not by myself. The fact the condom was in the dog's mouth made me feel sick and I wanted it cleared away as quickly as possible, but did not want to be the one to have to do it. 

Sinks are a symbol of emotional control and instability. In this dream, my mum had her hands in the sink (perhaps an indicator that I burden her with my unresolved and uncontrolled emotions). I wanted some form of cleansing to take place - the removal of the used condom, but due to the washing up in the sink, this could not be done, as there was nowhere to put the 'filth'. I wonder if the washing up in the sink was a sign that my emotional capacity is 'full' and therefore I am unable to cleanse myself of my feelings and past regrets because there is no room for further guilt and shame to be added?

This dream also came the closest to my dream incubation goal - I really thought I would be able to achieve my incubated dream of meeting Marilyn Monroe as soon as I experienced lucidity in this dream, but unfortunately, the experience was too exciting or overwhelming and I was unable to stabilise it or control it in any way.

Dream 13 - Wednesday 3 November 2014

'Meeting Marilyn Monroe in a Lucid Dream!'
This dream took place during a 1.5 hour afternoon nap, before which I clearly set an intention that this time was to be used as an attempt at lucid dreaming and dream incubation. It felt as if the moment I fell asleep I 'awoke' in a false awakening. I performed a reality check and found that my fingers would not go easily through the palm of my other hand. I had to push really hard, and as soon as I thought: 'I must actually be awake then!' found that one finger (my index finger) slowly pushed through my palm. I turned to the wall and saw that there was a huge snow storm swirling on the white paint. My duvet was huge and not only covered me, but also all the furniture at the bottom of my bed. I saw a massive spider walking across the wall, which I squashed with my hand, but it scuttled off. I then saw severed limbs in front of my face and piled at the foot of my bed. I felt extremely annoyed that my subconscious brain was trying to scare me so much during what was supposed to be an exciting and enjoyable experience, and tried not to be afraid. I found that if I kicked the limbs at the bottom of the bed, my foot connected with nothing other than air and the visions went away. I tried to get out of bed, but I could not, because of sleep paralysis. This was frustrating, and I could not make the sleep paralysis disappear. I decided the best thing to do would be to 'go back to sleep' and try and wake up lucid again.

I did this, and found myself in a new false awakening. Again I performed a reality check and found I was asleep, leading to me becoming lucid. I could see the massive spider was now the size of a dog and crawling around my room in circles, about midway up the walls. I tried to blank it out and found that if I didn't look at it, it went away. I managed to get out of bed, but my duvet was stuck to me, like it was a dress I was wearing. Because it was thick and bulky, I was annoyed that I could not remove it. I noticed that there was no furniture in my room. On the floor, parallel to my bed was a dead person, covered with a blanket. A knife was pointing up out of what I assumed to be the chest area (it was stabbed through the blanket). I stepped on the dead body and my foot went through it. I opened my wardrobe door to have a look at myself in the mirror, but I had no reflection. The mirror was just misty. I noticed that I was wearing leggings and a jumper now. I left my room and walked to the bathroom, which is straight ahead. The light was off. I used my foot to kick open the door, saying: 'Is anyone in there?' Fearing the worst (knowing that my mind was trying to play tricks on me and scare me during this dream) I looked in, but could see nothing out of the ordinary. It just looked like my bathroom without any light. Between my bedroom and bathroom is a full-length cupboard. This was now a door to another room. I opened it and found that inside was a brightly lit gay bar, with loud music. There were several topless gay men, climbing on a climbing frame which was mounted on the walls, and dancing, generally having fun. I shut the door and left them to their party.

I then had another false awakening, indicating that I must have temporarily lost lucidity again. I woke in my bed, and did the reality check, which again, was a slow process and seemed like my fingers could not possibly go through my palm at first. I saw a big flesh coloured hole in the wall next to my bed - it looked like an entry/exit wound. I put my finger on/in it and rubbed it away. I got out of bed, this time easily. I left my room and saw that someone was using the bathroom. The light was (seen from the strip under the door where the floor does not meet the door frame) and I could hear water splashing. I knocked on the door. At this time, I was strangely worried that it might be my housemate in the bathroom (even though I knew she was not at home) and that I might be disturbing her. I heard a voice say: 'Yes?' I said: 'Is it Marilyn Monroe?' and the voice from inside the bathroom answered (in a strange English accent): 'Yes honey, it's Marilyn'. I said: 'Why is your accent so strange then?' to which she replied (in her normal voice and American accent): 'I'm practicing my lines for a film role'. I said: 'Can I come in?' I then added: 'I'm your long-lost sister'. I didn't mean to deceive her, but I was so keen to meet her, I wanted to give her a reason to let me in. She said: 'You already know you can come in!' so I opened the door. The unfortunate thing was, as soon as I entered the bathroom, my eyelids would not open properly. They felt glued together, and I could only force them open a tiny bit, so all that was visible was a tiny strip right in my line of vision. I could see Marilyn's pale skin and her platinum blonde hair just above the edge of the bath. I also found I was so nervous and excited that I could not speak. All I could say was: 'Marilyn, Marilyn, Marilyn' repeatedly, and the rest of my words stuck in the back of my throat. Marilyn was splashing the water with her feet and giggling at me because I could not see or speak to her properly. I woke up.
  • Timing: During 1.5 hour afternoon nap
  • Lucidity: YES!!!
There is not much I can say in interpreting this dream, as it was largely the result of my incubated dream and also my stabilisation and control of a successful period of lucidity following a false awakening. It was an amazing and inspiring experience to achieve this level of success in a Dream Incubation Experiment and have such a positive and accomplished lucid dream, given the problems I have previously experienced with trigger, stabilisation and control. I think it was easier to bring Marilyn Monroe into my own environment (my house) because I was already there, in a lucid state, after my false awakening, so it would have been too challenging to try and change my environment to Hollywood (where I had initially wanted to meet Marilyn) or make myself a Hollywood starlet. I know from my research that Marilyn used to spend hours in the bath because it was a luxury she had been denied as a child. This may be why it was relatively straightforward to find Marilyn in my bathroom and meant I did not have far to travel - only a couple of steps outside of my bedroom. At first, Marilyn spoke with an English accent - perhaps because I heard my 'own' voice coming from her, but because I was able to consciously question this, an explanation was provided which enabled me to 'believe' in the dream experience. In this dream, I wasn't presented with Marilyn Monroe per se, but rather the impression of her - her voice and just the slightest glance at her outline - it may be that my mind was unable to 'repackage' the complete Marilyn Monroe for me in this dream, so gave me hints and glimpses of her instead. 

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