Lucid Dream Sex

Other than flying, having an erotic encounter is cited as one of the foremost motivations for why people decide to learn how to lucid dream because it is a safe and largely consequence-free way to explore sexuality. In lucid dream sex, the dreamer can experience the pleasure of intimacy without the real life feelings of embarrassment or inadequacy. Indeed, lucid dream sex is often said by oneironauts to be as vivid, arousing and fulfilling as the real thing - or at least a great alternative! Lucid dreaming allows safe exploration of fantasies - whether having sex with a celebrity or other unattainable individual, or partaking in physical acts which are not possible in waking reality. Sex in a lucid dream is so popular because not only is the dreamer consciously aware throughout, but the sensations and feelings are realistic, mimicking those experienced in waking encounters, although I assume that you would need to have actually experienced these feelings and have a waking memory to draw from to compare and contrast. 

Orgasms which occur during sleep - and lucid dreaming - may be real, accompanied by heightened heart rate and breathing, muscular responses and penile ejaculation/vaginal lubrication (depending on whether you are male or female). Not all orgasms within the lucid dream are 'physical' - some may be more mental pleasures, especially if arousal happens instantaneously, but because the lucid dream environment is super-sensory, the pleasure felt often mirrors the most intense versions of real life stimuli. When ejaculation happens during sleep, this is known as a 'wet dream'. In fact, research has shown that penile erections and clitoral engorgement happens throughout the REM stage of sleep, during normal non-lucid dreams. Becoming consciously aware that you are dreaming means that you also become physiologically aware, and can experience sexual arousal. This does not just happen when the dream narrative features an obvious sexual theme - apparently physical arousal occurs during 'flying dreams' also, which may explain why they are so popular amongst lucid dream enthusiasts!

Non-lucid dreams tend to reflect our waking thought patterns and our subconscious emotions, fears and desires are brought to the surface. Many people report having sex dreams with unexpected or unwanted partners which leave them feeling confused or guilty, but there is no shame involved - having a sexual dream about someone doesn't mean that you necessarily want to have sex with them in waking reality. Indeed the sexual act may symbolise something else altogether.

The sensation of becoming lucid in a dream is often so exciting and overwhelming in itself that often the dreamer awakens before the critical moment of achieving their dream goal. This is particularly true for beginner oneironauts, so the best advice is to not become too disheartened, but instead learn anchoring, grounding and stabilisation techniques before attempting complex control or manipulation in order to prolong the lucid dream experience. 

However, lucid dream sex isn't problem free. Sometimes, the desired partner in a lucid dream may be resistant or undergo bizarre character transformations - a frustrating self-limiting construct which frequently occurs in dreams. For some, this is known as the 'Carrot on the string' phenomenon. You can see what you want right before your eyes (like a tempting carrot), but as soon as you reach for it, the string is yanked and you are left grasping thin air. This is because often we do not actually want 'lucid dream sex' but rather a sexual connection - it is not simply about instant gratification or the possessing a sexually  objectified partner, but rather fulfilling a deeper biological need for human relations and intimacy. While it is easy to intellectualise, it is harder to de-programme in a dream. Think about it this way - your dream reflects your inner desires and needs - if your dream sex partner is disinterested or unresponsive, it is because your psyche is interested in something other than the mere act of sexual intercourse. Listen to what your dream is telling you, your dream characters are a meaningful representation of your inner self!

Lucid dreaming is an altered state of consciousness and the sexual energy experience in the dream state, trances and visions have been explored for millennia by mystics, magi and saints as a form of 'journey' towards the divine. Medieval mystics from the Christian tradition (Saint Catherine of Siena and Teresa of Avile) were said to explore sexual themes in their ecstatic trance states, while Buddhism, Taoism and Sufism have developed mental practices for sacred sexuality. Some of the earliest known works of art - the cave paintings in Lascaux, France - depict sexual ecstasy. In fact, many ancient practices focus on the cultivation of sexual energy as a way of purifying the mind and body. It may not be every oneironaut's intention to embrace these transpersonal abilities, but it has been said that delving into sexuality and sensuality within a lucid dream has various unforeseen outcomes due to the power of erotic energies. Some lucid dreamers suggest that their waking relationships have improved as a result of their experimentation with sex within the dream state. 

Consent in a lucid dream has been touched upon in various texts. These texts describe sexual partners in the lucid dream as 'unreal mental models' and autonomous dream characters. I am of the opinion that all dream characters - whether based on actual people or composite/mental constructs - are simply projections of our subconscious mind, and therefore consent is not an issue. Recently one male follower told me that he wanted sexual contact with me in a lucid dream after viewing my Youtube videos. When I replied that I could not stop him having a sexual dream about me, he indicated his pleasure at the fact I was not resistant to the idea and therefore would be more likely to 'consent' within his dream. I am sure that this is true for him - if the waking Tallulah La Ghash says a lucid dream involving her dream character is fine, then there are no feelings of guilt or shame which will  carry through into the lucid dream and the male dreamer is able to imply consent and project that into the dream. If a dreamer is concerned about whether dream characters are consenting to sexual contact, then eye contact with a dream character is one way to ascertain this - by focusing on the eyes of the dream character, the authenticity of the encounter can be accurately gauged. Remember, that dream characters often communicate 'telepathically' with the dreamer, so it is possible to intuitively 'know' that something is OK to proceed with. Even better, if in any doubt, why not ask the dream character if they consent to your sexual advances? 

Often, we may have a particular fantasy in mind, but something else occurs in the dream. Perhaps the dream sex partner transforms into something unattractive, shape shifts or alters in some way. Rejecting the dream character should not be the first thought - unexpected dream characters bring insight to the dreamer and therefore they may be appearing in order to share something else (non-sexual) with you or guide you in some way. Accept what your lucid dream unexpectedly delivers - it is a message from your subconscious!

Lucid dreaming is certainly the safest way to experiment sexually...perhaps you want to engage in an orgy, have a same-sex encounter (this does not mean that you are gay or even bisexual, it simply means you are curious and open to new experiences, even if you don't wish to pursue them in your waking life) or partake in a taboo activity. These are all fine - you are not breaking the law or crossing social boundaries and whatever happens in your dream sex life is completely secret unless you choose to disclose it to others (such as I do on this Blog!). However, be aware that intense emotions are often accessed during lucid dreaming - feelings which are experienced just as pertinently as those in waking reality. Often intimacy can cloak powerful psychological dynamics - this being especially true for anyone who has experienced a history of sexual abuse. Remember, if you feel anxious, afraid or at risk, you can always wake up and leave the scenario behind in the dream. Some lucid dream writers question the ethics of lucid dream sex where the intended dream sex partner is either known to the dreamer in waking life (and likely to refuse sexual contact in waking life) or the dreamer is in a relationship in their real life, Lucid dream sex is not a form of infidelity and can be an unrestricted opportunity to experiment without cheating on a partner. That said, some lucid dreamers feel more comfortable discussing the issue with their actual partner and setting boundaries in advance. While I am not sure this is necessary or indeed helpful (given that in order to have this discussion you are essentially admitting to a sexual fantasy about someone or something other than your partner), lucid dream sex may raise questions about your level of commitment to your current relationship and therefore it is up to the dreamer to determine what their erotic fantasies represent for them on a subjective level.

Links to other articles you may enjoy:

• Lucid Dream Sex
• Wet Dreams: An Orgasmic Experience!
• All Sex & Violence: Freud's Interpretation of Dreams & Evolutionary Theory
• Sex Symbols: An Introduction to Phallic & Yonic Dream Symbolism