Friday, 20 March 2015

Dream 386

'Terrible Abuse by Grandfather' - Warning: Explicit, Sexual & Sensitive Content
Dream date: 17 March 2015
I was in my room at my nan's house in Sheringham. The room was pretty much as it would be in real-life, but instead of having a single bed against the wall, opposite the door, there was a huge bed which took up all the available floor space, with a couple/few chairs (dining chairs) at the foot of the bed, between this and my dressing table. DL and I were laying in the massive bed (I think it was dark, but I am unsure). We could hear some girls entering the house, seemingly coming in from a night out or a party, as they had loud voices and seemed to be drunk. I had a vague idea that one of the girls was a lodger in my nan's house - and knew she was a slim white female dream character with long straight blonde hair. I think I knew her name as well (but have since forgotten it). The girls headed towards the bedroom next to mine (which used to be my aunt VF and cousin HM's room - during my childhood, HM and I shared our bedrooms with our mums, and we all lived in the council house with my grandparents). I heard the blonde girl tell her friends that I was studying for my 'holiday holiday'. In the dream 'holiday holiday' meant 'PhD'. It then appeared to be morning. The blonde girl and two of her friends entered my bedroom and sat on the chairs at the bottom of the bed. In the sunlight which lit the room, I could see that DL and I were sharing the bed with a third person - a girl wearing pink, but whom had her back turned to us (she was against the wall, DL was in the middle of us both). I asked DL if he had slept well and he said: 'No, because she's invaded my space', The blonde girl and her friends were trying to engage us in conversation, but I was annoyed that she was disturbing us with her presence.

The scene changed and I was then having a make-over. I was aiming to bleach my hair like Kim Kardashian - who has recently gone platinum blonde. When I was younger I used to bleach my naturally black hair to blonde and seeing Kim have it done made me think that I could copy it and get a better result this time (Kim has similar hair to my own, being half-Armenian and myself being of Persian heritage). In the dream, I was asking for my hair to be 'like Kim Kardashian's'. While I was waiting for the results of the hair bleaching to be revealed to me, I was selecting nail polishes to go with my new look - I wanted a dove grey one, and was holding the sample nails up to my face to check it suited my olive skin tone, but my skin looked far too yellow - almost jaundiced in colour. I saw I had the bleach on my hair, which was lathered and piled on top of my head, like an ice-cream cone. I then had my hair rinsed. I found myself in the porch which is between my nan's kitchen and her brick shed, looking in a full mirror which was propped against the wall of the shed. I was annoyed to see my hair was still black, with blonde streaks running through it - I had wanted a full-head of blonde hair. As I looked again, the blonde streaks in my hair were now tinged with a green dye. My hair looked frizzy and tangled and I was not pleased at all.

The scene changed again, and I was in a large brightly-lit room, which appeared to be a bedroom. There was a huge bed with white sheets and a massive screen mounted on the wall in front of it, slightly  to one side. I was lying on the bed, on top of the sheets and my cousin HM was also there. We were our adult selves. A male dream character entered - he was our grandfather - but only in the dream, as he did not look much like our real (now deceased grandfather) other than both had olive skin; black hair; a moustache and a tall, thin build. The dream character grandfather was in his 50s and wore a bandanna tied around his head. He looked scruffy. He laid on the bed, but then moved, to sit on the end of the bed, with his head in his hands. I got up from the bed, and decided that I needed to find the Wikipedia entry for George Michael, however, it was only searchable under his Greek- Cypriot name (which in real-life is 'Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou' but in the dream was something else which I cannot recall). I could not find the Wikipedia article for George Michael at all because of not knowing how to spell his Greek-Cypriot name. I was standing in front of the huge screen - I am not sure how I was using the internet, as I cannot remember having a keyboard or touch-screen to type on - it seemed to be operating by my mere thoughts alone. My grandfather got up from the bed and stood behind me, close - with his crotch against my butt. I felt very uncomfortable and deemed this to be inappropriate. My grandfather loaded a Youtube video on the screen. It was an advert for a (dream-created) company called 'Mattressland' which sold beds. The advert showed a poorly-drawn cartoon couple lying on a bed - not moving. An orange-brown cartoon cockerel, wearing navy trousers sprung to the forefront of the scene. It got an erect penis (cock!), which was very visible through the trousers (see the last image for an indication of what the cock-shaped end of the penis/cock looked like). The end/tip of the erect penis (cock) was shaped like a chicken/cock - so the cock (bird) had a cock (penis) shaped like a cock (bird). My grandfather started to hug me tightly from behind and I could feel his penis harden against my butt as he became aroused. I knew he was wearing blue jeans, this thought was clear in my mind as I could feel the denim rubbing my butt as well as his erect penis, which seemed to get bigger and bigger without stopping. I was aware he wanted to have sex with me, and I felt scared and violated. I also hoped that he would not try to do the same to my cousin HM if I rejected him - she was still laying on the bed I think. I tried to remove myself from his embrace, but he wouldn't let me go. I felt sickened. I woke up.

* Note that I was never subjected to incestuous sexual abuse by my grandfather or any other family member. This dream was not based on memories - conscious or repressed - of childhood abuse, it was just an unexplainable and complex figment of my subconscious mind and imagination. It is thought to be a common phenomenon for repressed memories to surface in dreams, but in some cases, a dream can project a scenario which is unsettling and disturbing, but not based on any real-life experience. I have, however, been subjected to sexual assault from males outside my family (see below) and involved in consensual sexual relationships with former partners. This dream may have borrowed memories, thoughts and physical sensations from those experiences and projected them onto the dream character of my 'grandfather' in this dream. Further, as noted above, the dream character of the 'grandfather' was not our actual grandfather in terms of his appearance - the dream attributed the status and relationship of 'grandfather' to him and it appears that this dream character was a symbolic representation. I feel it is necessary to clarify and add this caveat due to the sensitive sexual nature of this dream which involves notions of sexual abuse and incest.

Potential Day/Dream Residue:
  • There has been a lot of publicity about Kim Kardashian's new blonde hairstyle in the media.
  • I saw an online article about how internet images of nail polish colours can appear to be different colours depending on the light/dark balance of the photograph.
  • The day of this dream I had read an online (Daily Mail) article about the legendary late footballer George Best (1946 - 2005) who died of alcoholism and liver failure. The accompanying photograph of him dying in a hospital bed showed him with vivid yellow skin.
  • I was singing George Michael's song 'Faith' (1987) a couple of days before this dream and had been previously talking about how much I admired him as an artist and public figure with a friend.
  • The day before this dream, my mum had mentioned my cousin HM would be visiting Sheringham to attend a family function and I had asked if she would be staying in my bedroom at my nan's, which would mean me having to sleep elsewhere.
  • I had a recent dream (Dream 384) about an abusive grandfather figure.
  • The grandfather in the dream looked like the subject (Cecilio 'Junior' Rios) of an HBO documentary Junkie Junior (1986) which I had watched on Youtube the night this dream took place. Prior to watching this documentary I had engaged in a very frustrating online debate (on a Lucid Dreaming Group on Facebook) with a very ignorant woman about the definition of a 'junkie' (she said a 'junkie' is anyone who takes recreational or prescription drugs on a regular basis, whether addictive or not; I argued 'junkie' is usually reserved for those addicted to heroin, but has been broadened to include habitual users of other Class A substances which have a physical and mental dependency).
  • I had eaten a roast chicken dinner the day this dream took place.

Waking Thoughts & Emotions:
When I awoke from this dream I felt disturbed and confused. I also was surprised at the clever/funny visual puns (cocks with cock-shaped cocks) which had appeared in the final scene.

* Another point of interest: while I was looking back at previous entries on my Dream Diary, I noticed that I have previously had a dream which featured the idea of sexual assault/rape by a grandfather character (on 10 October 2014). You can view Dream 278 by clicking on the link - please scroll down the page as there are a number of dreams recorded in a single post. The dream is numbered and titled as 'Granddad Rape'.

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