Friday, 16 February 2018

Dream 913

'Forced & Choked'
Date: 11 February 2018
Time: 02:15 - 07:30
Type of dream: Vivid dream
Dream recall: Strong recall 

This dream was part of my current Dream Incubation Experiment - Anakin Skywalker Dream. Please click HERE for my post on the Dream Incubation Experiment, the Methodology I am using (with instructions for those who also want to attempt to incubate their own dream) and links to my previous Dream Incubation Experiments and previous Star Wars-themed dreams. On that post you will also find an Index for all recorded dreams which take place during this experiment.

Firstly, I will introduce a dream character, rather than include all relevant details in the Day Residue section. It is essential to know some information about the real life person in order to understand the possible subconscious associations/connections my mind made in this dream.

ROL is a very tall, black male who makes hip hop music. His artist name involves the word 'light' and his former crew have 'darkness' in their name. I met ROL and TD a long time ago when I lived in London and my ex-boyfriend was performing at an open mic night in Camden alongside them. At the time, I cannot specifically recall ROL, but found his crew to be pleasant and friendly. 

Last year, ROL contacted me via Facebook and Instagram (which I do not use - but which is under the same name I use for this Blog). I found it weird he would contact me on both, because although my Facebook is under my real name and my Instagram is under my nickname (the one I use on here), I had the same profile picture at the time, and I post material from this Blog on my Facebook, hence linking the accounts (plus my real last name begins with 'Ghash').

ROL started off by being OK, but then annoyed me by being to pushy to meet him, despite me saying I was not interested. He apologised for his behaviour and we went on to talk more. He then continued to harass me to meet him and each time I politely informed him I was not interested in any meeting at all. I did not remind him that I had met him several years ago in London, as clearly he did not recognise me or care about me as a person enough for that to be important. On one occasion ROL asked me to come and see him at a show he was performing at - some distance away. I refused, saying I would not travel, spending cash and time to go and see a man I am not interested in and staying with him in a hotel, as that was clearly going to be sending signals I had no desire for him to misinterpret. He kept being forceful, I kept reminding him to respect my wishes. He then told me that his 'cousin' had told him that I was 'bukie' (i.e. not trustworthy/suspicious - it's a negative slang word regardless of its precise meaning). I knew this was a sorry attempt at trying to anger me, as he had no clue who I was and furthermore, was contacting me via Instagram which is under a 'fake' name - without even realising I was the same person as the Facebook friend using my real name. In addition, when I was living in London, I rarely socialised and was always with my boyfriend. No-one ROL is friends with would even know me, let alone know anything about me to justify him making this comment. He was being a 'fuckboi' as I pointed out - unable to accept I was not sexually attracted to him and did not want to meet him or anything. He was very easily angered by me being truthful about this. I have re-read the message thread and see that I restrained myself and was quite nice throughout the conversation, despite his hostile, bitter attitude. He kept referring to me as 'Shadowcat' and 'an enigma', 'a mystery' and 'a myth', despite me being extremely clear that I was just not interested in him. He became abusive, so I blocked him on Instagram, but left him on my Facebook friends list. 

A number of months later, ROL messaged me on Facebook. I reminded him that I had blocked him on Instagram over his previous behaviour. He denied this (clearly not realising I was the same person) and demanded screenshots. I told him to just check Instagram messages for himself, as I did not need to provide proof, when he could either remember his own bad behaviour or just leave me alone anyway. I had no investment in 'proving' he had acted like a fuckboi, I was just explaining why I was not wanting further contact. ROL then must have checked the Instagram messages and seen I was telling the truth as me messaged me again, apologising for his behaviour and saying it was out of character. I said I did not care, it was fine, but I was still not in any way interested in him. He was literally begging me at this point, referring to the fact that he was going to draw my portrait and send it to me so that I could hang it on my wall and wonder about what might have happened between us. I thought this was hilarious and just stayed neutral, but firm. He also said that he wanted to show me the luxury of being around a rapper. I think he is grossly over-exaggerating his status in the UK hip hop scene, and I pointed out that I already know plenty of artists who are more popular and well-established than him - some of whom are my close friends offline. I also said that as a grown woman I was not influenced by the idea of being a 'groupie' for some low rate mixtape rapper, as this does not impress me. I spent years of my life around musicians - it's just normal to me. He was still being weird, but given we had already discussed his previous bad behaviour and he had acknowledged it and apologised (it really was really awful and harassing), he didn't resort to being overtly nasty again, just passive-aggressive and persistent. I left the conversation.

I then found out that during the period when ROL had been chatting to/harassing me he had been in some form of relationship with someone who is a friend of DL. He had acted badly and at the time of this new, second attempt at trying to chat with me, was in the process of harassing that person too. I also found out that he had acted badly to other people in his social circle and was not considered very positively - I think money was involved somewhere along the line. DL and I had been talking about the events regarding ROL and DL showed me some of ROL's artwork, which was so amateur and terrible that I wondered if he had some form of learning disability, which might also account for his other very poor behaviour towards me and inability to read clear signs of discomfort and rejection of sexual advances. The 'art' was mainly centred around his anger at the other woman he had cheated on and disrespected. If I had to describe the age I would attribute to the 'artist' had I not known it was his artwork (which he is now attempting to sell for considerable sums of money), I would say 'a talented 8 year old'. Universally, anyone who has seen the artwork finds it shockingly bad. Note that when DL and I were laughing at ROL's artwork, I mentioned that even the purposefully awful artwork I make while roleplaying as 'Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker' is more skillful than ROL's best efforts. DL agreed and said that even when I am trying to make intentionally bad art, I display better draftsmanship. 

Scene 1: A Domestic Interior (Sheringham?) - Day
So, in the first scene of the dream DL and I were looking at a large computer screen - possibly watching something. A chat window popped up at the bottom of the screen - on the left side, but very similar to when using Facebook on a desktop. The message was from ROL, saying he was coming to visit me. I said to DL that this was weird and creepy. I messaged ROL back and said he should not visit me. He said that it was too late as he was already there. I felt panicked and harassed.

There was a knock on the door and I went to answer it. I saw at this point (although it did not register in the dream itself) that the interior of the house was completely different to any interior I know in real life, but the front door and hallway area were very similar to that of my Nan's house. When I opened the door, ROL was there, wearing a Hawaiian  shirt. I said that I did not want him in my house (as in the dream, his real life interactions had actually taken place and were the basis for me disliking him). ROL pushed his way into the house. 

The dream scene continued with ROL following me around and me not being able to get rid of him. At this point DL was not visible in the dream. I felt quite scared to be around ROL. I left him for a moment, to try and go somewhere to summons help in getting rid of him. He came out of the the room he was in and tried to choke me in the crook of his elbow, really hurting my throat and neck (Anakin force chokes Padme in Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005) and obviously, Darth Vader is known for force choking victims who don't comply with his orders). 

I ran away into another part of the house. I was standing in a doorway of a room when I saw DL again. He was able to see the bruises on my neck and I informed him that ROL had assaulted me. DL seemed concerned. 

I went into another room - my bedroom in the dream. It looked a lot like my childhood bedroom in my former family home in Pine Grove, Sheringham, although the furniture was very different. There was a bed with white bed covers on it in the corner of the room and a coffee table. ROL was sitting on the bed. I saw my mobile phone was on the coffee table. It was face-down and had a cork drinks coaster placed on top of it. I knew I would not have left my phone in this way, so I told ROL that I knew he had touched my phone. He said he had - he had looked through it to 'find out who I was linking' (i.e. if I was seeing other men). He then taunted me that he had been able to access my bank account details via my phone and that he could use those to steal my money. I felt angry and violated. I retrieved my phone and left the room to call my bank to alert them to the potential theft/fraud. 

At this point, I looked outside the front door of the house, and noted that it was my Nan's house - at least the road the house was on and the front garden were like slightly larger versions (there are images of this house on other dreams on this Blog, and notably dreams I have had during the currency of this Dream Incubation Experiment, linked on the main page). I could see an vehicle parked outside which in the dream was an ambulance, but which did not look like a real life one - it was bright orange and had ladders on a roof rack, making it seem more like a maintenance truck. There was a very tall black male dream character standing on my Nan's front garden. He was about 7 foot tall and very athletic/strong looking. I felt relieved to see him as I knew he was a 'vigilante' who had arrived to help me escape the abusive, assaulting presence of ROL, who would not have left my house without a larger male threatening him to do so. As ROL is extremely tall, this new vigliante dream character was the only person who was more physically dominating than him. The vigilante was very sympathetic to me and showed concern when he saw the bruises on my neck where ROL had attempted to choke me. At this point ROL came up behind me at the doorway. The vigilante grabbed ROL and they brawled on the grass - wrestling and throwing punches. The vigilante got ROL in a headlock and choked him out. ROL became comatose. The vigilante was part of the ambulance crew, so he helped another male dream character (paramedic?) load ROL onto a stretcher and place him in the back of the ambulance, ready to take him to hospital. The vigilante told me that ROL was completely quadriplegic and brain damaged now - virtually dead. I was in shock. The vigilante left in the ambulance with ROL. 

Scene 2: A Pub, Location Unknown - Day
I then found myself in a pub, which I do not recognise from real life. Present in the pub were a group of Irish travellers - all men. The head of the travelling family, a mature man, asked me to join them. He showed me a large mural on the wall of the pub, which was a series of different images which formed a circle. This mural depicted the link between my family and the travellers - via my cousin HM's paternal side of the family. The main man told me that because of this link between our families, they would protect me and help me out whenever they could. He seemed to be suggesting that it was them who had sent the vigilante to my house to sort out ROL. I was so grateful and felt very safe. I was enjoying being in the company of these men. 

I cannot recall anything else about this dream.

Extra Information: 
No Vitamin B6 taken (forgot)

Recurrent Dream Themes: 

  • My Nan's house as a dream scene location


  • The entire dream was a dreamsign - other than the fact that DL was my best friend in the dream, the front entrance to my Nan's house looked familiar and the history of my negative interaction with ROL (described above) had taken place in the dreamworld also, all other events were dreamsigns, so I do not plan to list them all individually here

Day Residue: 
  • Clearly the conversation about ROL's bad behaviour and artworks influenced this dream heavily
  • On the day of this dream I had been watching a deep web browsing video from SomeOrdinaryGamers on Youtube - which featured a website purporting to sell cloned credit cards
  • I had been playing my modded version of Sims 3. I noticed that one of the modded 'violence' interactions involves a 'force push' (inspired loosely by Star Wars, I guess). I also have social groups as a mod - including vigilantes. During my gameplay there was a story progression pop-up which referred to one of the vigilante NPCs sorting out crime in the neighbourhood. My sim also got into a brawl in the front entrance of his property with an NPC sim, who had arrived to burgle his home
  • A couple of days before this dream, my cousin HM had messaged me on Instagram. She is the only person to have messaged me on there other than ROL, which may explain why there was some link to HM in Scene 2 of this dream

Waking Reactions: 
This dream was so bizarre - I am sure I could analyse this much further in terms of Day Residue and potential links to the theme of my Dream Incubation Experiment. I was surprised by how cohererent the narrative of this dream was and how much it relied on my actual waking memories of events, which were then woven into the dream narrative in meaningful and coherent ways. I do think there there are many associations between this dream and my Dream Incubation Experiment. I have obviously covered some of them above, but for completeness, include them as a list below:

  • ROL and TD refer to 'light' and 'dark' - like the sides of the Force, which Anakin switches between, transforming himself from Jedi to Sith
  • Choking occured on 2 occasions - first me, as the helpless female victim, and then ROL as 'revenge' by the vigliante there to help me. Force choke is Darth Vader's signature attack of course!
  • The link between the real life ROL as an unintentionally terrible artist and myself creating terrible art while roleplaying as Anakin's Force Ghost online
  • Anakin is essentially quadriplegic after his lightsaber fight with Obi-Wan Kenobi on Mustafar at the end of Revenge of the Sith as he no longer possesses any of his organic limbs. He had already lost his right arm in combat against Count Dooku in Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002), and then had his left arm and both legs because he 'tried it' (i.e. a futile advance) after Obi-Wan reminded him that he had the 'high ground'

No comments:

Post a Comment