'AJR Ruins my Life with HMP Drama & an Affair with Instagram Model, Rose West'
Date: 4 August 2019
Scene 1: An Unknown Interior - Day
I was in an interior, I am not sure what kind of interior it was, because throughout this dream, my focus was on action and dream characters, not dream locations, although I know that this part of the dream was an interior for sure - possibly a domestic interior. I was with AJR, his mum and a number of other dream characters, many of who I know are known to me in real life. The feeling was I was surrounded by people who know me and know the circumstances of my relationship with AJR. Something was happening in my relationship with AJR to make me feel anxious and insecure, and the dream started off with me feeling really tense and stressed. My emotions were very clear in the dream throughout.
I then became aware - by directly witnessing it as if it was a scene in a movie that I was passively watching - that AJR had got together with a gang of men, who were all criminals. These men all wore blue - for some reason I was looking 'up' at this scene, rather than from eyeline level. This was their uniform or gang dress-code. All the men were white and in their 20s - 40s approximately - there was about 5 - 7 of them. AJR was wearing white 1960s-style 'Jackie O' sunglasses, although I did not become aware/realise that this was a successful dream incubation as per my Quickshot Dream Incubation Experiment #7 (see below). This symbolised him as being the leader of the gang, and I thought he looked very handsome in the glasses - they made him look cool. The gang, led by AJR, were planning a series of armed robberies and murders, which made me feel fearful, because in the dream AJR was out of prison on licence, and would not only be recalled to prison immediately if suspected of any criminal activity, but also on the basis of 'poor conduct' alone, even if not found guilty in legal proceedings. I wanted to tell him not to get involved with the gang (even though he was the leader, I felt like he was being influenced and taken advantage of by the other male dream characters). However, I felt hopeless and helpless and did not try to intervene - it was as if I knew that I couldn't, or that it wouldn't make a difference if I tried. I was very passive during this scene. It was very frustrating. All the men - AJR included - were excited about the prospect of the crimes they were going to commit. The were crouched down slightly - as if symbolising 'stealth' or 'creeping' (this is how I perceived it in the dream), and shouting for joy, loudly.
I then realised that AJR had been arrested for the armed robberies and murders that had been committed (I did not see the crimes get committed, or the aftermath - just the scene described above). He was going to be sentenced to life in prison and would never ever come out. I was highly emotional and distressed and was crying and feeling like my world was ending. I was really angry at AJR for throwing away our future together, wasting his opportunity of freedom and ruining his and my life. AJR didn't seem to care at all. I could see him in the room I (and the other dream characters present) was in, although I knew he was also 'in prison' at this time, having already been convicted and sentenced. He was laughing and not taking anything seriously at all. I could not communicate with him in a reasonable manner, and I was becoming very frustrated because I wanted a proper conversation with him about what was happening, yet he was joking and ignoring me.
I then realised that AJR was cheating on me with another woman, and had been for some time. I cannot recall who this woman represents in real waking life (because I had the distinct impression she was someone known to me and maybe also AJR, or someone representative of someone we are both aware exists). In the dream, she was a 20 or 30-something white woman, with shoulder length blonde hair and slim build, who was an 'Instagram model' and a police woman. Her name was Rose West and she had an 'Instagram filter' installed on her face, which could make her eyes look like 1990s smiley faces - at some points her eyes looked normal, and at other times, they looked like smiley faces, which in the dream was a desirable thing - it was a trend and symbolised her being superior to me. I was so jealous and resentful of her - not only because AJR had been having an affair with her, but because I felt inferior to her. She kept running in front of me, as if taunting and mocking me. I knew it was hopeless to try and convince AJR not to be with Rose West. I was in a state of inconsolable distress and upset. I was begging with AJR's mum to come into a bathroom with me so that I could show her something on a mobile phone. AJR's mum came with me into the next room, which was a bathroom. We did not put the light on, so the room was quite dark, but we were standing beside the open door, so it was possible to see.
I had a white mobile phone in the dream. I showed AJR's mum a direct message which I had received on Instagram (I cannot recall who sent me the message). It informed me that the 'Instagram filter' installed on people's faces (i.e. the one seen on Rose West) caused death from eye cancer. AJR's mum and I thought this was the solution to our problems - as it would 'get rid' of Rose West from AJR's life, and he could go back to being with me. AJR's mum was trying to calm me down and reassure me. We came out of the bathroom, back into the main room, where the other dream characters and AJR/Rose West were. AJR was saying something about his Probation Officer being very annoyed that he had been recalled - he was still treating all of this like a joke. I noticed that he had shackles and chains around his ankles (he was still wearing the blue gang outfit from before, but not the sunglasses anymore).
I was enraged by Rose West and decided that I did not wan to wait until she died of eye cancer from the Instagram filter smiley eyes. I was screaming at AJR that I 'wanted to fuck him up' (since he was the one who was getting life sentences and cheating on me), but since he was serving life in prison, there was not much I could do against him and I was aware of this. I then decided spontaneously that my only option was to murder Rose West in front of AJR to pay him back. I did the murder by punching her twice, once in each eye. She immediately fell down dead on the floor, with her eyes pushed into her skull and blood pouring out of her eye sockets. I felt pleased with myself but also really angry that I had been pushed to commit a murder like this. My anger was directed a AJR.
AJR then told me that he was really happy to be in prison for life, because the prison was really a theatre company, which were constantly and continuously putting on stage productions and musical dramas. I knew these productions were very low quality and no-one wanted to watch them because no-one could act, sing or dance in the prison. AJR seemed to think that the prison theatre company would make everyone famous so he was looking forward to becoming a prison actor, using the name 'HMP Drama' which was going to be put on all his official paperwork, meaning a lot of hassle for the prison system and authorities. He said everyone had to wear white to perform on stage and was going to be ordering a number of white T-shirts for his new acting roles.
I cannot recall anything else about this dream - I think I woke up at this point.
Additional Notes:
Scene 1: An Unknown Interior - Day
I was in an interior, I am not sure what kind of interior it was, because throughout this dream, my focus was on action and dream characters, not dream locations, although I know that this part of the dream was an interior for sure - possibly a domestic interior. I was with AJR, his mum and a number of other dream characters, many of who I know are known to me in real life. The feeling was I was surrounded by people who know me and know the circumstances of my relationship with AJR. Something was happening in my relationship with AJR to make me feel anxious and insecure, and the dream started off with me feeling really tense and stressed. My emotions were very clear in the dream throughout.
I then became aware - by directly witnessing it as if it was a scene in a movie that I was passively watching - that AJR had got together with a gang of men, who were all criminals. These men all wore blue - for some reason I was looking 'up' at this scene, rather than from eyeline level. This was their uniform or gang dress-code. All the men were white and in their 20s - 40s approximately - there was about 5 - 7 of them. AJR was wearing white 1960s-style 'Jackie O' sunglasses, although I did not become aware/realise that this was a successful dream incubation as per my Quickshot Dream Incubation Experiment #7 (see below). This symbolised him as being the leader of the gang, and I thought he looked very handsome in the glasses - they made him look cool. The gang, led by AJR, were planning a series of armed robberies and murders, which made me feel fearful, because in the dream AJR was out of prison on licence, and would not only be recalled to prison immediately if suspected of any criminal activity, but also on the basis of 'poor conduct' alone, even if not found guilty in legal proceedings. I wanted to tell him not to get involved with the gang (even though he was the leader, I felt like he was being influenced and taken advantage of by the other male dream characters). However, I felt hopeless and helpless and did not try to intervene - it was as if I knew that I couldn't, or that it wouldn't make a difference if I tried. I was very passive during this scene. It was very frustrating. All the men - AJR included - were excited about the prospect of the crimes they were going to commit. The were crouched down slightly - as if symbolising 'stealth' or 'creeping' (this is how I perceived it in the dream), and shouting for joy, loudly.
I then realised that AJR had been arrested for the armed robberies and murders that had been committed (I did not see the crimes get committed, or the aftermath - just the scene described above). He was going to be sentenced to life in prison and would never ever come out. I was highly emotional and distressed and was crying and feeling like my world was ending. I was really angry at AJR for throwing away our future together, wasting his opportunity of freedom and ruining his and my life. AJR didn't seem to care at all. I could see him in the room I (and the other dream characters present) was in, although I knew he was also 'in prison' at this time, having already been convicted and sentenced. He was laughing and not taking anything seriously at all. I could not communicate with him in a reasonable manner, and I was becoming very frustrated because I wanted a proper conversation with him about what was happening, yet he was joking and ignoring me.
I then realised that AJR was cheating on me with another woman, and had been for some time. I cannot recall who this woman represents in real waking life (because I had the distinct impression she was someone known to me and maybe also AJR, or someone representative of someone we are both aware exists). In the dream, she was a 20 or 30-something white woman, with shoulder length blonde hair and slim build, who was an 'Instagram model' and a police woman. Her name was Rose West and she had an 'Instagram filter' installed on her face, which could make her eyes look like 1990s smiley faces - at some points her eyes looked normal, and at other times, they looked like smiley faces, which in the dream was a desirable thing - it was a trend and symbolised her being superior to me. I was so jealous and resentful of her - not only because AJR had been having an affair with her, but because I felt inferior to her. She kept running in front of me, as if taunting and mocking me. I knew it was hopeless to try and convince AJR not to be with Rose West. I was in a state of inconsolable distress and upset. I was begging with AJR's mum to come into a bathroom with me so that I could show her something on a mobile phone. AJR's mum came with me into the next room, which was a bathroom. We did not put the light on, so the room was quite dark, but we were standing beside the open door, so it was possible to see.
I had a white mobile phone in the dream. I showed AJR's mum a direct message which I had received on Instagram (I cannot recall who sent me the message). It informed me that the 'Instagram filter' installed on people's faces (i.e. the one seen on Rose West) caused death from eye cancer. AJR's mum and I thought this was the solution to our problems - as it would 'get rid' of Rose West from AJR's life, and he could go back to being with me. AJR's mum was trying to calm me down and reassure me. We came out of the bathroom, back into the main room, where the other dream characters and AJR/Rose West were. AJR was saying something about his Probation Officer being very annoyed that he had been recalled - he was still treating all of this like a joke. I noticed that he had shackles and chains around his ankles (he was still wearing the blue gang outfit from before, but not the sunglasses anymore).
I was enraged by Rose West and decided that I did not wan to wait until she died of eye cancer from the Instagram filter smiley eyes. I was screaming at AJR that I 'wanted to fuck him up' (since he was the one who was getting life sentences and cheating on me), but since he was serving life in prison, there was not much I could do against him and I was aware of this. I then decided spontaneously that my only option was to murder Rose West in front of AJR to pay him back. I did the murder by punching her twice, once in each eye. She immediately fell down dead on the floor, with her eyes pushed into her skull and blood pouring out of her eye sockets. I felt pleased with myself but also really angry that I had been pushed to commit a murder like this. My anger was directed a AJR.
AJR then told me that he was really happy to be in prison for life, because the prison was really a theatre company, which were constantly and continuously putting on stage productions and musical dramas. I knew these productions were very low quality and no-one wanted to watch them because no-one could act, sing or dance in the prison. AJR seemed to think that the prison theatre company would make everyone famous so he was looking forward to becoming a prison actor, using the name 'HMP Drama' which was going to be put on all his official paperwork, meaning a lot of hassle for the prison system and authorities. He said everyone had to wear white to perform on stage and was going to be ordering a number of white T-shirts for his new acting roles.
I cannot recall anything else about this dream - I think I woke up at this point.
Additional Notes:
- This dream took place after my launch of the Quickshot Dream Incubation Experiments (see video below for QDI#7, and my introductory article - Quickshot Dream Incubations | QDI#1) - this was a highly successful Quickshot Dream Incubation! I was very surprised to see just how successful this dream incubation really was - my dream trigger ('white 1960s-style 'Jackie O' sunglasses') was so very clear in the dream!
- This dream took place during the period in which I am testing the Awoken Lucid Dreaming App - please click HERE to read my introductory post which provides all relevant information about this app which is designed to help you train your mind for lucid dream induction!
- This was a very vivid dream, and one which caused me a great deal of anxiety - so it might be correct to refer to this as an anxiety dream. It had a lot of dream residue - the events of the dream have been in my conscious waking mind all day, and the emotions I experienced in the dream are also being experienced in my waking reality, which seems odd, because I should be able to dissociate my dream self from my waking self, and realise that this dream is not necessarily a reflection of my life, but rather a distorted version, which might not be as simple as it appears on the surface. I genuinely want to address the dream with AJR via telephone call, but I know this is totally inappropriate, because it's my subconscious which has caused me to feel anxious and insecure, not him!
- On the night of this dream I had recorded a Love on Lockdown video, detailing recent events with AJR's parole
- I had mentioned my all-time favourite movie A Clockwork Orange (1971) in a conversation with AJR a few days before this dream - he had said he hates the themes of rape in the movie, so disapproves of it, although I am not sure if he has actually watched it, because I think he would genuinely love the plot if he did - he could relate to the prison system and idea of rehabilitation from violent crime and how the media, government and society view such issues etc. I had also mentioned to DL (last week) that the only 2 vinyl records I own are a Nirvana picture record and an original edition of the A Clockwork Orange soundtrack - this would have linked the ideas of A Clockwork Orange and the white Jackie-O sunglasses I was using in my Quickshot Dream Incubation Experiments - as these glasses are associated with Kurt Cobain, who was my inspiration for buying my first pair back in the 1990s. I also saw a still image of Alex (Malcolm McDowell) on the internet the night before this dream. You may also note that I have been using the 'Synthemesc Regular' font on my social media branding - this is the font used in A Clockwork Orange - in the Korova Milkbar (where synthemesc is an available drug, hence the name of the font)
- On the day before this dream, AJR had mentioned that I should wear the fake square-framed glasses I used to sometimes wear on visits to see him (this is a turn-on for him, and he requested this) - not only because they make me look 'sexy', but because they also make me look 'more professional' in his view. I have previously got him to the glasses on and thought they made him look really sexy - like a 1950s/60s man - I specifically referred to his likeness to Kurt Cobain in the video for 'In Bloom' (1992) from Nevermind (1991)
- On the day of this dream I had a conversation with a friend GB about armed robbery and during the same conversation I mentioned that I am more submissive in relationships than in other areas of my life
- On the day of this dream I had been discussing notorious serial killers Fred and Rose West with DL after he had asked about a book on my table - Gordon Burn, Happy Like Murderers (1998) which has a front cover design by Damien Hirst which is a smiley face (associated with 1990s rave culture) laying on some dirt. Note that Nirvana used a variation of the smiley face on a lot of their merchandise and branding
- On the day of this dream AJR and I had been joking about a very immoral former 'friend' of his who had become dangerously obsessed with him (we have since removed her from his life) - we had been laughing about her selfies, which always have a Snapchat filter on them (she is a large, overweight 37 year old with blonde hair, who we refer to as 'Parsnips' or 'the naughty nurse')
- A few days before I had this dream, I had been to prison for a legal case (independent adjudication) and my client had left the segregation unit (block) so that he could attend a social club instead of having his case heard. This meant that my travel to the prison and the waiting around was pointless. I was allowed to go with an officer to the social club to speak to my client briefly, and get my legal aid papers signed. In the social club, all of the prisoners wanted to come and talk to me. There was a prisoner playing an Oasis song on guitar and singing (both done really badly). When I told AJR about the social club, he referred to it as 'Fraggle Club' and said it was for socially outcast people to get together - obviously he was mocking it
- While in the middle of writing up this dream report, AJR phoned me. I mentioned the dream to him and how it made me feel - he thought it was really funny and was laughing at the dream. He also referred back to my previous dream - Dream 989 - 'AJR Rockstar' (31 May 2019) - which I was going to be noting in this section, due to the fact it featured AJR playing guitar and singing in a prison environment - and had been something which made me laugh when I experienced the prisoner playing Oasis songs in Fraggle Club
- On the day of this dream AJR had told me about a 'Lifer Day' held at the prison, where close family (and Probation Officers) could attend for an all-day event. He had applied for me to attend (I've never spent more than 2 hours at a time with AJR), but I had been wrongly listed as a 'friend' not his girlfriend. This is odd, because on every other list I have been correctly listed as his girlfriend. I felt like this might have been intentional, as I am aware the prison dislike the fact I work there as a prison lawyer and represent clients who are prisoners serving alongside my boyfriend and have to challenge staff in hearings etc. By the time AJR had managed to get the prison staff to amend the list to confirm I am his partner. it was too late to book us onto the event
- AJR ended his phone call by saying: 'I was going to say 'sweet dreams' but I want you to have more bad dreams about me' (as a joke!)
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