Tuesday, 18 August 2015

Dream 478 (My Favourite Dream Ever!)

'My Kurt Cobain Dream'
Dream date: 17 August 2015 (Dream #3 of this date)

This is a very difficult dream to record due to the context. I will do my best to convey exactly what happened. I have also made a Youtube video discussing this dream, as it was so significant to me and the most enjoyable dream I have ever had. 

Scene 1: A Hairdressing Salon, Sheringham - Afternoon
I was a teenager - approximately 14 - 15 years old. I was working part-time in a hairdressing salon, with my mum, after school. This hairdressing salon was a figment of the dream - and it was located near the library in Sheringham. It may have been in the exact location of the library, so therefore on New Road, Sheringham (see Google Street View images, below).

The owner of the salon - a female dream character - looked in a drawer and pulled out a purple box, which was peroxide/hair bleach. She told me (because I was locking up after the salon closed) that a customer would be coming in to pick up the hair dye as he was going to use it to bleach his hair at home. I was sweeping the floor with a broom and agreed that I would make sure that the customer would receive the dye when he called. I was unaware of the identity of the customer at this point. 

Then, the 'customer' entered the store. It was a teenage Kurt Cobain. He was wearing a plaid shirt, a white T-shirt, ripped jeans and Converse sneakers. He was approximately the same age as me (i.e. 14 - 15 years old), but unmistakably him. I was overwhelmed. 

Then I remembered why Kurt Cobain was here with me in Sheringham - this thought dawned on me suddenly. Below is the realisation I came to in the dream at this point:

I basically had knowledge of Kurt Cobain's entire biography -from birth to death as in the dream, I was me (the real-life me) and had lived my life up to the age I am in real-life, being a Nirvana fan. In the dream I knew I had collected all of my real-life memorabilia relating to Kurt/Nirvana and Kurt had lived his actual life with the same biographical facts/details as in real-life. 

I was a teenager in the dream because I had time travelled. However, instead of travelling back to the year in which I would have been 14 - 15 years old, I had travelled back to the year in which Kurt would have been this age. In reality, I would be much younger than him (literally a baby!), but the faulty dream logic meant that we were now the same age. It did not seem like 1982, but rather present day - although faulty dream logic was again responsible for this discrepancy.

I had time travelled to Kurt's teenage years to save him from his fate (i.e. an unhappy childhood, being bullied at school, feeling unwanted, health complaints, drug addiction, fame, marriage to Courtney Love and suicide). By going back to his teenage years, I decided to bring him to Sheringham where my family would adopt him and give him a happy life so that he would not commit suicide at the age of 27. However, because I had 'played God' and interfered with his life history, he would now never be the frontman of Nirvana or become a famous icon - he would just be an ordinary person. I realised in the dream that without the pain, negativity and real-life events which shaped him, he would not make the music he would have done if he had continued to live his own real life. Therefore this dream represented Kurt's life in a 'parallel universe' - an alternative reality in which I determined how Kurt's life would continue from the age of 14/15 years onwards.

My 'aunt' (I am not sure which one) had apparently been sent in the dream, back to Aberdeen, Wshington, USA to collect Kurt who was at the time staying with different friends as his father could not deal with him. He was to be known as my 'second cousin' to explain why he was now living with my family in Sheringham.

As I had knowingly time-travelled in the narrative of the dream, I was aware of how Kurt's life would have unfolded if it was left uninterrupted. I had also brought all of my Nirvana memorabilia back in time with me, and placed them in a locked safe, just in case I needed to show them to Kurt, although initially, I was adamant that he should never see this alternative version of his life or know how his true biography would been mapped out had I left him alone. I knew that in the alternative reality I had created for Kurt, he would never meet Courtney Love and be a father to Frances Bean, so these real-life biographical facts would also have to be hidden from him so that he did not blame me for interfering with the course of his life. 

However, because in the dream (prior to me time travelling and creating the alternative reality/parallel universe in which Kurt was my adoptive brother/second cousin) I had been a fan of the adult Kurt and Nirvana - and had read biographies/interviews/his published journals; and watched many documentaries about him as well as listening to practically everything he ever recorded - I knew just about everything about him which was available in the public domain. In the new alternative reality/parallel universe I was going to be sneaky and use my knowledge of Kurt (i.e. his likes/dislikes, tastes, hobbies, expressed inner thoughts/feelings/opinions/views) to get close to the teenage him and become his soul mate - possibly make him fall in love with me (because I could adopt some of the characteristics/traits/qualities/style of Courtney Love, assuming these were what attracted Kurt to her and made her the love of his life). I knew this was manipulative, but my intentions were genuinely to help Kurt.

I introduced myself to Kurt and told him he would be living with me. We left the salon and started walking down the side of the building, as indicated in the image below (this being the location which in real-life is at the side of the library in Sheringham). I touched Kurt's hair (which was bleached blonde) and noticed it was fine and silky - shaggy and jaw-length with slightly darkened roots. Kurt was around my height, very skinny, but extremely cute and handsome (see the images of a teenage Kurt Cobain, below). I fell instantly in love with him, he was so adorable and smiley. I told him that when we got home, I would help him bleach his hair more.

Kurt did have the stomach condition that plagued him for his entire life, but with my family's help, we were getting him treatment (holistic) so that he would never need to take opiate-based medication which would have led to his drug use. I was going to protect Kurt from all negativity and make sure he was never depressed and never experienced heroin - or even cannabis/alcohol. 

There was a scene where Kurt and I were messing around with an acoustic guitar, but he was not as musical as he would have been in his 'real' life as he did not have the pain and hurt to fuel his musical ambitions or provide him with the inspiration to make the kind of music Nirvana were famous for - he was just too happy and content in his new life and had a lot of other interests and hobbies - and friends. Music was just something to enjoy, not a driving force or ambition or means to escape his existence. 

Scene 2: Sheringham High School - Day
I was sitting opposite Kurt in a lesson, joined by other dream characters - various real-life students who were in my year at school. Kurt was drawing something in a schoolbook with a pencil, which he was twirling in his hand. Kurt was a good student and seemed to enjoy school now he had a stable home life. I was telling my classmates what a nice person he was and encouraging them to be friendly to him, which they were. Everyone seemed happy. 

One boy. JT was acting like the class clown and teasing Kurt and I. I said to him: 'Would you rather behave normally or be married to someone from the BNP (British National Party)?' - I am not sure what this question actually means, but JT started laughing, got up from his seat and started dancing around me in an annoying way. I turned my attention back to Kurt and he and I started laughing at how stupid JT was acting. 

Scene 3: Sheringham Seafront - Day
I am not sure how it came about (given this was an alternative reality/parallel universe and Kurt was still a teenager), but someone had posted up huge billboards advertising a Nirvana tour on the outside of the pubs along the seafront (in particular, the building which used to be called 'The Shannocks' when it was managed by my mum during my actual teenage years - see Google Maps image, below). The billboards were in black and white and had photographs of the band - obviously Kurt was his adult self in these photos, but I was aware that if he saw them he would recognise himself and my secret would be revealed to him. I was trying to distract him from seeing the images and was successful.

Scene 4:  Fish & Chip Shop, Sheringham - Day
Kurt and I were then in a fish & chip shop (probably in Sheringham, but not one which exists in real-life). I was dressed in clothing reminiscent of something Courtney Love would have worn during her relationship with Kurt (i.e. the grunge/kinderwhore fashion) and was doing my best to act like her and make him fall in love with me. I felt my deception was working, as Kurt felt like my soulmate and reciprocated my affections towards him, by holding my hand and telling me how happy I made him.

Scene 5:  School Bus, Common Lane, Sheringham - Day
Kurt and I were then on a school bus, coming home from school (Sheringham is so small we could have easily walked home). The bus was driving up Common Lane (see Google Maps image, below), towards my nan's house. There was a bus stop halfway up the road, although this is not there in real-life. I was aware of a dream character (not someone who actually exists) - a small, thin white female with short black hair, named Kathy. Kathy got off the bus at this stop and Kurt quickly ran after her, dismounting at the same stop. I was not quick enough to chase after them, and the bus pulled off. I started shouting at the driver: 'Stop! Stop! I was supposed to get off at that stop' (or words to that effect). I was panicked the fact Kurt had got off the bus without me, but the driver stopped a few meters up the road from the bus stop and I got off. I ran down the road, shouting: 'Kurt! Kurt!' When I caught up with Kurt and Kathy, the two were in pleasant conversation. I told Kurt that we had to leave as we would be late home for dinner - I wanted to prevent him from speaking to Kathy.

Kurt and I bid her farewell and walked off. I said to Kurt: 'I thought you fancied her then!' to which he replied: 'I do, I want to be her boyfriend'. This really upset me and I was jealous. I then decided to hurt Kurt since he was replacing me with Kathy when I was supposed to be his soulmate and saviour. I said: 'I have something to show you' and planned to now reveal the Nirvana memorabilia and make him listen to the Nirvana records (to demonstrate who he would have become and what his life would have been like if I hadn't time travelled and changed the course of his future. 

The first track I played for him was 'Something in the Way' from Nevermind (1991). I had chosen this track as the lyrics refer to a time when Kurt was homeless and starving, living under a bridge in Aberdeen - I wanted to fully show him the situation I had saved him from (see the images below which show the bridge under which Kurt Cobain sought shelter while homeless - as referenced in 'Something in the Way' - which has since become a shrine to his memory).

Kurt could not relate to the song or the lyrics, or reconcile the realisation that in an alternative reality/parallel universe he was the celebrated icon of a generation ('Generation X'); the voice of 1990's youth/slacker culture; a multi-platinum musician with sell-out tours and millions of fans around the world; and undoubtedly one of the greatest rock stars ever. 

He was also upset to learn (from me showing him my Nirvana memorabilia) that in his life - as he was supposed to have lived it had I not changed the course of history - he was a heroin addict who was married to Courtney Love with whom he had a daughter. It was like he could not accept the 'real' life he would have led, and wished he had been allowed to live it at the same time. The revelation I had altered the course of his life blew Kurt's mind and made him so upset - I think he was crying at this stage. He begged me not to show/tell him anything else about what his life would have been like if it had run it's course, but I kept on telling him what an important band they had been and how he would have been the spokesperson of a generation.

In the dream I had another realisation at this point - sparked by my recognition that (a) 'playing God' with Kurt's life; and (b) then revealing the fact to him out of pure spite and anger, when I felt jealous of his feelings for Kathy was a selfish, cruel and immoral act. I knew I should not have tried to change someone's journey through life, manipulate their free will/fate (whichever!) and shape their destiny according to my own views about what was best for them. Who was I to determine someone's unique path? Why would I have erased the amazing legacy of Kurt Cobain and Nirvana?

I was also aware that in changing Kurt's life, I not only took his music away from him, but also the world at large - Kurt was such a hero/icon to so many, summing up the apathetic existence of modern youth and its discontents, that I had stolen his opportunity to speak out to his millions of fans who related to him and found solace/comfort in his art which he gifted to everyone and sacrificed his health and happiness for. I had literally deprived him of his life. I had also denied Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl their own careers and place in history. I knew I had done the wrong thing and felt terrible.

TIME: 11:15 - 15:00 hours (I woke up from this dream)
SPECIAL NOTES: None of note

Dream Information:

  • The entire context and narrative of the dream was a dreamsign!

Recurrent Dream Themes:
  • Sheringham High School as a dream scene location

Potential Day/Dream Residue:
  • On 15 August 2015, I saw a male with hair similar to Kurt Cobain - and told DL that I liked the colour/style of it
  • On 16 August 2015 I was chatting with a Facebook friend about Nirvana/Kurt Cobain, as we are both massive fans of his - I posted a link to the leaked 'Fecal Matter' demo by Cobain

Waking Thoughts & Emotions:
I woke up thinking this was the most significant dream I have ever experienced - and I felt the same way as I did at the end of the dream - extreme remorse at my actions. However, I was also pleased to note that my subconscious self/dream ego had recognised the immorality/error of my ways while still in the dream state. My dream thoughts were a reflection of my actual waking thoughts. 

This dream was also powerful to me as an aspiring writer/novelist as I thought that it would make an incredible novel - I am always hoping to get inspiration and ideas for my creative writing from the material or my dreams. But, upon reflection, I think it would be extremely difficult to address the paradox at the heart of the narrative - I am not sure I could do justice to this story and deal adequately with the concept of alternative realities/parallel universes. I am also unsure that I could write the character of a teenage Kurt Cobain, despite my vast biographical knowledge about him. 

I have made an accompanying Youtube  video about this dream, because it felt so significant and is easily my favourite dream to date.

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